"Oooooh Sasuke! That fraggin' Bastard!" Sakura hissed and hooted. Naruto glanced around Ichiraku in discomfort.
"Sakura-chan? Can you talk a little softer?" He asked nervously. Sakura glared ferociously.
"You know what Naruto? I have decided."
"…Decided what?"
"Since Sasuke is going to abandon us, I'm going to abandon him."
"Um. That's good I guess…" Naruto said.
"In fact, I'm going to double-abandon him." She stated sharply. "It'll be almost like an eye for an eye, except I'm going to make him wish I had poked both his eyes out with a rusty nail."
"Sakura-chan, that's gross."
"I'm going to join Akatsuki!"
"What? Sakura-chan, don't you remember? Akatsuki is our enemy too."
"And then I'm going to make out with his better looking, murderous, older brother. Not only will it be incredibly hot but it will also be vengeful and dramatic."
"There are a few problems with this idea. First, you would be betraying Konoha. Second, why would they want you to join? I think you are really, really awesome Sakura-chan but that doesn't mean Akatsuki will have the same opinion."
"Why not? Everyone already knows I've surpassed Tsunade in healing ability and could beat Gai anytime in a taijustu match. Hell, I don't know why they don't make me Hokage! I clearly can kick huge amounts of ass and make coherent decisions."
"When has anyone ever implied that, much less admitted that aloud?" Naruto said resentfully. He loved Sakura but he was not about to let that Hokage comment go. Believe it.
"Wish me luck Naruto! If we are lucky, I won't turn to the dark side. If we are really lucky I'll bring Itachi back and have lots of red-eyed babies with him. I know this will work out perfectly."
"When did Sakura-chan become dumber than me?" Naruto mumbled into his ramen.
"Suck on this, Sasuke-kun!" Sakura ran off into a random direction.
"Don't worry Naruto. Even if she never comes back, we are better off without a brain damaged ninja." Kakashi sat in the stool Sakura had vacated. Naruto shrugged. He was holding a grudge so he did not care.
"I just feel sorry for Itachi." Naruto slurped noisily. Kakashi winced.
"Better than me." He admitted quietly.
"Yeah, that was kind of creepy." Naruto agreed.
"Hey guys." Sasuke sat on Naruto's other side. "Where did Sakura go?"
"She said you abandoned us and left." Naruto said.
"I went to the bathroom. For three minutes." Sasuke said slowly. "So where did she go?"
"Something about joining Akatsuki and procreating with you brother." Naruto started on his fifth bowl.
"Ew. Well, at least she'll leave Kakashi alone now. That was creepy." The three guys shuddered.
"Wait. Should I be offended?" Kakashi realized.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
A/N: No, I have nothing against Kaka/Saku. (The opposite, really.) This is just poking fun at some of the fics out there that make Sakura super powerful and...stupid.
Sorry if this is crap. I just whipped this up out of nowhere.