This idea came to my head at about midnight last night so I decided to write it! It's a bit slow at the start, but I hope you enjoy it. x
I do not own any of the characters.
As soon as I met Jane, I knew I had some kind of special connection with her. I didn't have many friends growing up, so I wasn't sure if this is what friends feel like all the time, and so I just dismissed the feeling. Jane is unlike any other woman that I have ever met- so smart, brave, loyal, beautiful- the list could go on and on. I've always been quite open with my sexuality, and I have dated a couple of women, but I've always been predominantly interested in men. Jane and I eat lunch everyday together, work all day together, and often have sleepovers at each other's houses. We are as close as two people can get in a friendship. But I have grown to learn that for me, this isn't just a friendship. What I feel for Jane is much stronger, and I'm now certain it is love. I love Jane. I am so hopelessly in love with her. I have observed signs of flirtation from her, but she has always been quite reserved. I sometimes caught a little smile or a look that appears to mean more than friendship, but then she resumes talking about Casey, her high school love who recently came back into her life, and that little dash of hope is obliviated.
Casey was Jane's crush in highschool. She hasn't told me much about him- actually she never really mentioned him until he came back into her life last year. From what I know, he was one of the jocks in highschool and she wasn't popular enough for him, but after highschool they got together briefly until he was drafted into the army. She didn't see him for many years, or even hear from him, until last year when she ran into him while working a case. She came sobbing into my office about how he never told her that he was back. Naturally, I was confused because she had mentioned him maybe once and I didn't realise how much he really meant to her, but I tried my best to comfort her. They soon got together for a date, and then another date, and another. I barely even see Jane outside of work anymore, because all she does is spend time with him. Even though he's hurt her. I was left to pick up the pieces. To pick up what he broke. And now, every day I see them grow a little bit closer. Spend a little more time together. It honestly breaks my heart to know that I am losing my best friend to someone as obnoxious as Casey.
I love Jane. I love her with all my heart. She is my world, my everything. I was so sure that Jane felt something that reciprocated my feelings, even if it wasn't anywhere near as intense. All of those times when we spent the night at each other's places, sleeping in the same bed. When we went undercover in a lesbian bar, and when we pretended to be together so that Giovanni would stop trying to get in our pants. Those were times where I truly felt happy; I truly felt that what was happening- even if it was only pretend- was what I wanted.
But even when we were undercover, as soon as Casey popped up, Jane would just dismiss me, as if I was nothing more than a single raindrop in a downpour.
"Maura! Maura! Maura!"
Jane came crashing into my office, interrupting my thoughts. I looked up at her, a smile forming on my lips in admiration of her happiness.
"Casey he- he-"
My smile fell and I narrowed my eyes at the sound of his name as Jane took a breath to calm herself.
"Maur, Casey asked me to marry him!"
My hands went cold. I stared at her in shock, my world crashing down around me. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't move. Jane was sealing her love and her life with Casey, the man who never cared for her until he was away from his popular friends. Shallow, superficial Casey. I forced myself to start breathing again and feigned a smile.
'That's…great, Jane!'
I concentrated on sounding genuinely happy for her, and not letting my emotions spill out.
'I'm gonna have to go get a dress and plan a date and a place and oh my God Ma is going to go crazy this is the greatest news ever!'
And with that Jane ran out of my office as quickly as she had come in, without even really looking at me, lost in her own excitement. Of course that is expected when you tell your friends news like this- she just got proposed to. But I was under the impression that I meant more to her than simply her 'friend'.
I started panting, choking- I had to get out of there. I grabbed my bag and blazer and moved as quickly as I could to the door, clutching the desk to prevent myself from falling over. I made it to the door before I felt the vomit rising up in my throat. I ran to the bathroom opposite my office and threw up in the sink. Gasping, I washed my face with the tap water. I looked at myself in the mirror as tears streaked down my face, my makeup ruined. I took a deep breath and walked out of the room and straight to my car, ignoring the questions of concern coming from my interns.
xxx
Before I knew it, 6 months had passed and the date of the wedding was fast approaching. Angela, Jane's mother had gone berserk when she heard the news, launching into action, planning dates and clothing and themes. I felt like a discarded wrapper as I stood back and watched Jane grow happier with this man. She seemed to fall in love with him more every day. I knew I was being extremely selfish- my best friend (or whatever we were) was in love and the happiest she'd ever been. I swore I would never tell Jane how I felt now, it was too late. As repugnant as Casey was, I wasn't going to ruin Jane's happiness and risk losing what was left of our friendship.
But there was one month until the wedding and the more I thought about it, the more distressed I got. I finally decided that, whatever the consequence, I would tell Jane that I thought it was a bad idea to get married to Casey. Casey had broken Jane's heart before, so what was stopping him from doing it again? And if it did happen again, I was sure that this time, I would not be able to pick up the pieces and help Jane again. I couldn't stand by and wait for that to happen. So I decided that I was going to tell Jane that I was sure this was a bad idea, before she got married. I made a promise with myself that the next day, I was going to do it.
And today is that day. I grab my bag and step into my Prius. I put the key into the ignition with shaking hands, taking a deep breath as I start the car and begin the journey to Jane's apartment.
xxx
I knock on Jane's door, focussing on taking deep breaths so that I don't start hyperventilating. Jane answers with a smile and offers me a glass of wine before we sit down on the couch. I skip the pleasantries and move right into what I came to talk about, before I lose my nerve.
'Hi Jane. I came to talk to you about something that I feel is very important. We've been friends for what I consider a long time, and we have grown quite close, and consequently I know a lot about you and how you act.' I said with a shaky voice.
'Maura, where is this going?' Jane interrupted.
'Okay. This is about Casey-'
As soon as I said that name, the door opened and in stepped the man himself, shopping bags in his arms.
'Hello Jane, baby.' He leaned down to kiss her and turned to me, 'Oh, hello Maura,' he said, as if he was surprised to see me here.
He must have been standing outside, listening, I thought. It is highly unlikely otherwise that he would step inside at the exact moment that I start talking about him. I merely nodded my head in reply, standing up to leave. I thanked Jane for the wine and headed towards the door. I heard Jane calling me to come back, and Casey saying that he would go get me.
I walked faster, hoping I could make it down the driveway and to my car before Casey caught up to me, but of course Casey was faster.
"Maura! Wait!" He called. I knew I couldn't just ignore him so I stopped and turned around, waiting expectantly for him to say something.
Much to my surprise, he grabbed my arm with some force dragging me over to behind the fence. Gasping, I searched his face.
"What do you want, Casey?!" I asked him fervently.
"Now you listen here Maura," he replied, "I don't want you messing with Jane and my marriage. I've seen your little looks towards her, you little dyke. But guess what, she's with me now, she loves me, not you, so move on!" He sneered. And with that he pushed me away and began to walk back to the house, but not before he called out.
"And if you even think about saying anything about this little talk, or what you were going to say to Jane about our marriage, then I will tell her that you're in love with her and the whole time you were just pretending to be her friend so you could fuck her." And with that he walked off, leaving me gasping. I walked shakily yet quickly to my car and shut the door. I just sit in the seat for a while, analysing what just happened. I numbly start the car and drive back to my house, my face staying impassive the entire way.
As soon as I enter my house, I run straight to my bedroom, ripping off my Louboutin heels. I grab at the zipper of my high priced dress feverishly, trying to get it off before it chokes me. I fall onto my bed and the tears start running.
xxx
The next thing I know, I'm lying on my bed and the room is light. Looking over to the clock, I read the time. 7:13am – it's the next morning! Grudgingly, I pick myself up and walk slowly to the bathroom. I peer into the mirror at my reflection, and what looks back at me could be compared to a person who was just hit by a train. I emotionlessly try to clean my face up with some water from the taps, remembering what happened the day before. The memory comes flooding back – Casey grabbing my arm and threatening to tell Jane that I used her to have sex with her. I look down at my arm where a large purple bruise is forming. My expression is indifferent. It is as if nothing in the world matters anymore, like there's nothing worth having feelings about. I shower and change into a dress with longer sleeves to cover the bruise, before taking my bag and driving to work.
xxx
I roll over and turn off my beeping alarm. Checking the time, I realise what day it is. Jane's wedding day. I, along with a couple of other of Jane's friends who I don't really know, are supposed to be helping Jane get ready in a few hours. I lie in bed contemplating whether I should tell Jane that I am sick; so that I don't have to go and help her get ready for a day that I am certain will break me. Making my decision, I reach over and grab the phone. Sighing, I dial the number that is so familiar to me.
"Hello?" Jane answers tentatively.
"Hi Jane, It's Maura" I say with a tight lipped smile.
"Oh, Maura! Hey, how are you? What's up?"
"I'm actually not so well," I answer carefully. "I woke up feeling quite ill and I'm not sure I can make it to help you get ready for the… wedding." I almost choke on the last word. "But I'll definitely still be at the ceremony."
"Oh…" Jane replies, making no effort to hide her disappointment. "That's too bad then… I hope you feel better soon Maur. Wouldn't want to miss the best day of my life!" She said with I am sure was a wink. Cringing, I reply,
"Of course! I would never miss that. See you there Jane."
Hanging up the phone, I sit back down on the bed, already feeling the hives coming out, and do some deep breathing exercises to calm myself in preparation for the ceremony.
Before I know it, a couple of hours have passed and I have to begin to get ready. I pick out a purplish- blue strapless dress with a design around the chest area, and match it with some white pumps. I apply my makeup, making it a little heavier than I usually do, and style my hair into a low side bun. Nodding approvingly at my reflection, I pick out a handbag and drive to the venue, a little chapel in the middle of a field of blooming flowers. I thought she wanted to get married over the home base at Fenway Park, I thought to myself. That's what she told me anyway. The GPS signalled that I had arrived, and I stepped out of my car, taking a deep breath and heading to the seats.
A little while after I sat down, the wedding march sounded and I turned around reluctantly to see Jane walk through the doors while being led by her father. I couldn't help imagining what it would be like if it were me waiting at the altar. Shaking my head at my selfishness, I watch Jane with a rehearsed smile. She catches my eye and grins from ear to ear at me, before turning back to look at Casey. She arrives at the altar next to him and they take each other's hands, smiling adoringly at each other. It is all that I can do to stop myself from vomiting right then and there. The priest makes his speech, and as Jane and Casey say their vows, I can feel myself getting more and more sick. Before I know it, they are about to kiss. They are about to seal their love for eternity. I'm about to throw up. Panicking, I hurriedly excuse myself and quickly walk to the bathroom. I don't make it to the sink before I start vomiting. Sweat drips off my forehead as I struggle to breathe. I can't block it out anymore, I realised. I used to be able to just pretend that Jane harboured some feeling of love towards me. But now she's married to Casey. I can't hide from it anymore. The thought was enough to produce another stream of tears and make my stomach heave, having nothing to throw up any more. I sank to the floor, sobbing. I hear the door open.
"Sorry," I mumble as I pick myself up. "I'm just leaving."
I look up and realise who it is and freeze. It's Jane- standing in the doorway with a look of bewilderment.
"Maura!" She exploded. "What is wrong with you?! I am out there, having the best moment of my life with the man I am so in love with, and you can't even show the decency to sit out there and be there for me. You are my best friend and I can't believe you're acting so selfishly! I needed you when I was getting ready, and you weren't there."
I looked up at her, a rage building up inside me.
"EXCUSE ME?!" I shouted. "I am suddenly your best friend?! As soon as Casey came back into your life you just pushed me away! And now you decide you need me?! You know what I wanted to tell you, when I went to your house and Casey walked in? I came there to tell you that I didn't think marrying Casey was a good idea. But Casey happened to walk in."
"AND YOU DECIDE TO TELL ME THIS NOW?!" Jane raged. "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR YOUAND YOU'RE NOT HERE FOR ME."
And before she could stop it, Maura blurted out,
"I CAN'T SIT HERE AND WATCH YOU MARRY CASEY BECAUSE I AM SO HOPELESSLY IN LOVE WITH YOU."
Jane froze, staring at Maura, dumfounded.
And that was the day Maura's world stopped spinning.
What did you guys think? Please feel free to review, follow and favourite, it would honestly make my day :)
These are the dress and shoes that Maura wore to the wedding if you're interested. Just remove the spaces in the links
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