Name: Trance-Faith
Fanfic Name: My baby's heartbeat
Word count:
The changed moment: I've "deleted" the scene in which Callie tells Mark about the baby in 7x13. This fanfic is the result of that….
Author's Note 1: This name of this fanfic is taken from Eighth Wonder's "My Baby's heartbeat".
Author's Note 2: I have stolen some lines from 7x13, I'll be honest.
Author's Note 3: Due to real life, I was unable to finish this in time for the "butterfly effect" completion for the Calzona Board, but I made promises I'd post anyway!
She had said she was in. When the big brown eyes had bore into hers, pleading her to be part of Callie's plan, she had said she was in. A part of her right now was wishing she hadn't. The part which kept replaying over and over in her mind flashes of that baby's conception. She was meant to be the other parent to Callie's child. That was what she had wanted, what she had agreed to. However here she was sitting in an on-call room, wishing she hadn't given an answer at all. She knew biology was not her friend, and there was no possible way she could be the mother to a child Callie had, not biologically. So she would have to settle for something like this. This she had come to terms with ages ago, the good thing about being in a lesbian couple; you could pick who would carry the children. In her and Callie's case, it was Callie. It wasn't that she didn't want to have a baby, just Callie did more. To actually give birth to a tiny human. Arizona had planned to be there all the way, to pick the sperm donor, to be there at the IVF appointments, to be there when the stick changed colour. She was meant to have been there. Instead she was coming in after… half way through the show and trying so hard to make sense of the plot and storyline, and catch up. Mark…he was the father, though by the sound of things he didn't know yet. Would she tell him? She supposed she would have to eventually, the bump would show, and as far as she was aware, Mark was the only man Callie had slept with while she was away. There go those images again! Pushing the heels of her hands into her eyes, she wished her mind would just stop this torture! She had said she was all in. She would be part of Callie's plan, the adapted version they had created after the shooting. The plan that was so distorted now. She was going to help Callie…with Mark's baby?
"Just stop it!" the PEDs surgeon told her brain angrily. "First sign of madness you know…talking to yourself", sounded a female voice from over by the door. Arizona's head shot up, banging it on the bunk above her. Pain shot through her from the spot of impact. Physical pain. It was a relieve. There stood her best friend. Or the best friend she had adopted when Teddy had moved here. Arizona gave her a small smile, while rubbing the painful part of her scalp. "Then I've been mad for years, then worse so I usually answer myself too", Arizona gave in quick and slightly fake cheery reply. "You're a goner then. Just tell me you haven't been looking for hairs on the palm of your hands…" Teddy said closing the door behind her. "Not for a while, I could never find any"; she bantered back, causing Teddy to chuckle slightly. The bed groaned slightly under Teddy's weight as she sat next to the smaller blonde. "Want to tell me why you're hiding in here then?" Teddy asked out right as she leant forward was if to catch her eye, so she wouldn't be able to lie.
Arizona let out a fake bark of a laugh. Hiding…Arizona Robbins didn't hide. When did she become someone she failed to recognise? "Long story short…I might be having a baby with Mark", Arizona said with deliberate slowness before tailoring off quickly as if the faster she said it, the less the statement would be her reality. Glancing at Teddy she saw her eyes widen, "Good lord, he got to you too?" whispered her friend. She would have laughed. Had it been funny, she would have laughed. "No, Callie. He got to Callie", Teddy made a face which was something between confusion and disgust. The cardio surgeon opened her mouth and closed it again several times before simply sighing, "Are you okay?" Arizona leant back, resting on the cold wall behind her. Was she okay? Would she be okay? This wasn't the plan. Callie wasn't meant to be pregnant, not by Mark Sloan. Arizona chewed her bottom lip, before responding, "Honestly? I don't know. We weren't together. I can't be mad at her, she doesn't owe me anything." The darker blonde nodded slightly, as if in agreement. She knew she didn't have a right to be angry. They hadn't been together when Callie had slept with Mark, and yet the only emotion she could describe above all the ones pumping through her veins was anger. However this anger wasn't just at Callie or even just at Mark, but herself too. If she hadn't left, if she'd stayed where she belonged, she knew that now. She belonged in Seattle, in their home, in Callie's arms, and she should have never have left. Her pager going off broke her concentration, causing her jump with a start. She realised she hadn't said anything for a few minutes and Teddy was looking at her with concern. Grabbing the offending object from her waistband, she saw the person paging her was Callie, giving Teddy a weak smile she said "I got to go" and took off at a run.
Walking into the room in which she'd been paged, where was Callie sitting on the examination bed in what looked like a hospital gown, facing a blonde woman Arizona didn't recognise. "What happened?" Arizona asked to both women hoping to get a response which wouldn't be a bad one. Pushing the door to as she walked into the room without breaking stride, coming to stop at Callie's side. "I might be miscarrying", came Callie's monotone reply. Okay she wasn't sure about rising this baby but she certainly didn't want it die, and the thought of Callie having to go through that broke her heart. "You are not miscarrying", the nameless blonde shot back in a professional but respectful manner. Well that was good right, no losing the baby? Then why was Callie here? "Then it's an ectopic", the brunette surgeon stated. Knowing Callie's brain would be going a million a second; Arizona thought it might be helpful to supply a suggestion, "Could it be a blighted ovum? Or a molar pregnancy?" The blonde doctor looked momentarily surprised but to her credit managed to recover instantly said a simple "Wow, we have a lot of doctors in the room". Arizona almost felt sorry for the woman, even more so when she heard her voice shooting questions at her rather rudely, "Who the hell are you and what are your credentials?" The woman under interrogation wasn't even offended, or if she was, she certainly didn't show it as she span slightly on her chair. "Lucy Fields. Harvard MD. OB/GYN resident now maternal fetal medicine fellow at Seattle Grace Mercy West. Damn good at my job. Who the hell are you?" she replied seemingly in one breathe, but in good humor. Arizona wanted to answer her, but found she didn't even know the answer herself. Who was she? "erm… I'm related to the…ermmm…it's a situation" she nodded slightly. "Lesbian lover" Callie pointed at finger over her shoulder in the PEDs' surgeon direction, but didn't even turn around.
Lesbian…what now? Wait did she just say…To say Arizona was surprised would be an understatement. She said she was, and she meant it. She hoped Callie and she could work things out, but they hadn't. Had they? Had she missed the memo? Lucy gave a small knowing nod, "Ah! And everyone's a little wigged out" she said before turning to move the monitor next to Callie's bed. Arizona hadn't even noticed the small screen, she didn't need to be told what was what, to see she was looking at a small baby. Callie's baby. Mark's baby. Her heart fluttered a little, and not in a good way. Lucy's voice broke through her thoughts as she pointed at the screen, "There's your baby. There's the yolk sack. Look good. You're good". The other blonde touched Callie's leg in what she must have believed to be a comforting manner, however the brunette simply sat further forward on the bed, and moved herself away from Arizona's arm which had been resting on her shoulder. "I'm bleeding. Ar..." Callie looked around at Arizona looking like a scared child, causing Arizona's heart to clench. Nothing could happen to this baby, it would break her. Dr Fields too sat forward closer to Callie to look her square on, "It's not uncommon. Happens in around thirty percent of all pregnancies. It's probably fine." Callie clearly wasn't listening and just interrupted the speaking woman, "I don't see a heartbeat. Where's. Where's the heart beat?" Not seeming too put off Lucy simply replied, "It's properly too early for that. I'll do blood work but I'm pretty everything is okay. Just take it easy for the next few days." Callie had started doing that neck rub thing she did when she was trying to calm herself down. Arizona would have given anything she could to do it for her. Once she could have, without thought, nor question. Then Africa happened. "Drink a lot of water. No tampons. No intercourse", Lucy finished. She had no idea what caused her to say it but yet the words fell out of her mouth before her brain could stop them, "Sing it!" Callie turned her head slightly, and if Arizona was honest with herself looked…upset? Fields bless her heart, must have noticed the tension in the room was choosing to ignore it as she continued in her professional manner, "Call me if the bleeding gets worse, or if there's pain. Otherwise go live your life." She stood, as she walked out of the room to leave Callie and Arizona alone she said, "While you still can".
The door closing behind the younger blonde made a deafening click as it fell back into its frame. Callie simply sat staring in front of her, seeming not to notice the other woman's presence. Arizona had no idea what to say to her. That wasn't a feeling she was used to. Sure she was used to being speechless around the Latina, who wouldn't be? She was breath-taking! But not knowing what to say, that was new, and by the sound that broke the silence that was her pager, she didn't need to make something up. Looking down at the machine at her waist she saw a 911 from the PEDs nurses' station. "Damn it!" she swore, Callie turned seemingly noticing her for the first time. "I've got to go", the blonde headed for the door, "Talk later right?" she asked timidly. Timidly? Never in her life would Arizona have described herself as timid, and yet here she was. Callie gave a small nod, but her expression gave nothing away. Arizona sighed slightly and walked from the room.
Poor Ashley. She'd been in and out of the hospital in the two years for pretty much every illness known to man kind. Thankfully today was a good day. Her beautiful smile as she, Arizona had given her a clean bill of health, made it worth it. Ashley had jumped up, wrapped her little arms around her neck and had thanked her for making her well again. It was days like this, that made being a PEDs surgeon worth it. Her pager went off again. She was getting fed up of this damn thing today. She rolled her eyes at herself for coming a 360 in about five seconds. Looking down she saw the numbers 911 and Callie's name flashing at her, paging her to Lucy's room again. She hadn't seen Callie in the two hours since she'd left her sitting in that gown, and yet her mind kept wandering to her. She ran. Lucy had been wrong, there was something wrong.
Quite literally skidding and over running the entrance to the room, Arizona rushed in to see Callie sitting the same place as before, while Lucy sat on a chair filling out a chart. "Err…Callie? You paged?" Arizona asked, extremely confused about what was going on. Callie only looked at her as if she were a rabbit caught in bed lights. Crap, something was wrong. Stepping towards the younger woman, she took her hand and could feel it shaking in her own. Callie's chocolate brown eyes looked so afraid and sad; it broke her heart to look into them. Something was very wrong. "Callie hasn't left the exam room since you were last here. Two hours ago", Lucy's voice sounded, sounding slightly annoyed. Arizona was confused, the page had said 911. 911s were bad, this didn't seem bad. "911 means your dying Calliope. You had me thinking something was wrong!" Arizona's said, she realised both sounding a little more angry than she meant but also rather emotional too – wasn't it meant to be Callie who was the emotional one? "What if the baby was dying?" Callie's voice cracking more with each word. If she was honest she didn't know what she would do, what they would do if that happened. But it wasn't happening. "There's nothing wrong with the baby, or you", the blonde tried to reason with Callie, but could see she only looked even more upset. "Don't yell at me!" Callie almost sobbed. The blonde was sure her eyebrows had up at that point, she wasn't yelling, or she hoped she wasn't. "I'm a hormone casserole. My body isn't my own and something feels wrong!" the damn had broken and Callie was crying. Arizona wanted so badly to pull the woman to her, and hold her until she could make her believe everything was going to be okay, but she no longer had that right. She also didn't know that everything would be okay. The baby or them. So she settled with holding on tighter to the hand that was clinging to her own.
Arizona saw movement out of the corner of her eye, and realised Lucy was still in the room with them, she had totally forgotten the other women's presence in the room. Lucy passed a box of pink tissues to Callie, gave her a small, but sad smile and left the room.
Callie simply looked up at her, with sadness, pure, raw and untamed sadness in her eyes. So raw and animalistic, it frightened her. As tears fell unceremoniously, and sobs shock her entire body, Callie began to speak. "You said you were still in, but you said that before. Then you left" her speech was broken by further sobs. To say her heart was shattering wouldn't have even come close to what it felt like. Her grip tightened even further on the tanned one grasped in her own, pleading through the power of touch that Callie would realise she was here, for her. "I'm not going anywhere, Calliope. I. love. you." She stated quietly, but firmly. She saw something flicker, maybe belief? It was gone too quick for her to identify before Callie began her rant again, this time even more frantic, "What about Mark and Lexie? She's going to freak the hell out! Everything in my life is always a disaster! I really don't want this to be a disaster! I don't even want to move or breathe! I don't wanna do…nothing. What if I do something and it messes this baby up!" She sobbed, actually shaking. Arizona couldn't stand and watch the woman she loved breaking before her every eyes, and not do something about it. If Callie wanted her to stop she could say, but until then she didn't care. Stepping forward, not even speaking she wrapped her arms around the taller woman, pulling her in tight as she cried.
Her whole body tingled at the contact. She realised this was the first time she had been this close to her. There was no room for even air to pass through them. Callie's arms curled themselves around her middle, pulling her in unbelievably close. The raven's body shook with the force of her eyes, and the blonde found herself crying fast, warm tears. Callie's warmth, her smell, her touch…it was all the same. Arizona could screw her eyes shut and believe it was a few month before and nothing had changed, it was exactly the same. Except it wasn't. She'd left. Callie had slept with Mark, and Callie stomach which was currently being pressed into her would soon show signed of the fact that Callie was pregnant. Nothing was the same. It had all changed. The only thing that remained was their love for each other.
Arizona could feel Callie's tears collecting at the crook of her neck, despite the fact that it seemed Callie's tears were subsiding, and her breathing was becoming more regular. While she wanted Callie to stop crying, she didn't want to move, and knew once she did, Callie would let go. As the left Callie's hold on her slacking, she heard movement from the doorway, and moved herself to see what it was. Lucy was fighting her way through the door which a machine which looked very similar to the one which was positioned next to Callie's bed, only smaller. "Now this, is the hard-core machine", Lucy said dragging it further into the room, Arizona saw a ghost of a smile on Callie's face at the term "hard-core". Arizona was starting to like this Lucy Fields. Arizona moved so she could see Lucy, and still take a hold of Callie's shoulder in support. "Highest resolution there is", she continued on, stopping at Callie's side with a smile. "Now it's almost impossible to find a heartbeat until the eighth week, even with this thing. In fact I don't even have moms come in until the eighth week because they come in, they see a heartbeat and they freak out and they camp out on my exam table all day", Lucy explained, finishing with a smile, which Callie returned honestly. "But, since you're already here camped out all day, can't hurt to have another look," again Lucy touched Callie's leg reassuringly, however this time Callie seemed to take it.
Callie lay back, lifting her gown up showing her stomach. Arizona was still amazed by the idea what a tiny human was growing in there. A tiny Callie. A small smile danced across her face, a tiny Torres. Right now all she could think about was the tiny Torres, and the beautiful features this little boy or girl would inherit from their mom, she couldn't allow the thought of what it might inherit from their father. Callie jumped slightly as Lucy applied the gel to her stomach, and turned to look at Arizona with a small but nervous smile, one Arizona returned taking a hold of Callie's nearest hand. There it was on the monitor, the tiny Torres. Arizona knew right then and there, that was the nickname she was giving this child. Callie was staring at the screen a small smile across her face, one which grew when the thump of the baby's heart beat filled the room. "Oh my god", Callie breathed. Both women on instinct grasped the other's hand tighter than before. Arizona's mouth hung open slightly, as her eyes swam with tears. Tears of happiness. She saw a stray tear fall from Callie's eyes, and was simply amazed by this moment. Their baby. Screw Mark! That noise, that beautiful, life changing noise was her and Callie's baby's heartbeat.
Despite everything that had happened in that exam room, upon leaving it, Callie and returned to her cold shouldering manner, however had said she would be at the apartment later, and they could talk. Arizona was having none of it. When she finished rounds, she went back to their apartment block and saw that Mark's door was opening, calling inside she heard no response. Had it been anyone else's apartment she would have been worried about it, but it wouldn't surprise her if Mark or Callie had simply left it ajar by mistake. She saw the make-shift bed on the couch and assumed this was where Callie had been sleeping. Grabbing Callie's laundry bag, and one of her boxes, which was surprisingly heavy. What was in here? Rocks! She rushed towards the door of the opposite apartment as the laundry bag fell off. She'd be damned if she was going to put this box down before she got inside, she could always come back out for the bag.
Rushing down with her elbow, the door opened to reveal a beautiful sight. Callie was sat with her feet up on the couch, candles in front of her, and a cup in one hand a book in the other. The glow of the candles lit her face, beautifully. A sight she would revel in once she had put this damn heavy box down! "What you doing? Is that one of my boxes?" Callie asked. Worried Callie might try to get up to stop her, or even help, Arizona told her, "Don't get up. You rest." Dropping the box on the floor, she thanked anyone who would hear her, when she didn't hear any noise which indicated anything broken. "You shouldn't be lifting anything heavy", she continued, turning to go and get the discarded laundry bag. She heard Callie moved, and the almost defying tone in her love's voice as she replied, "No I'll get up if I want to. Are you moving my stuff back in?" internally sighing, Arizona couldn't help it, she had to act, "Callie" she said, in a slightly assertive manner. "I haven't said I'm moving back in. Yet. ", Callie replied in an equal if not more so, assertive tone. "We're not together", she said in a nonchalant way, standing up. "You can. You can take those back to Mark's place", Callie reasoned; now face to face with the small blonde. Arizona through the bag down, there was no way on god's great earth; Callie was going back to Mark's place! "Shut up! Just shut up!" the blonde told her, throwing her hands up. Callie actually looked surprised, a state Arizona was going to take run advantage of, "You don't get to tell me that we aren't together. We are together, because I love you, and you love me, and none of the rest matters! We are together! And if you ever sleep with anyone else again, man or woman, I will kick the crap out of you. Now you sit down your ass back down there because that's". She looked down before continuing, "that's my baby in there and I don't want anything to happen to my baby!" Callie smiled. Her smile. The smile which was reserved for no one but Arizona. It confused her for a moment until the Latina said, "Your baby, huh?" Wow. She had actually said "my baby". She had meant it, she was sure of that, but she hadn't even realised she'd said it. "Our baby", Callie smile only seemed to brighten. "There was heartbeat. Our's, my baby's heartbeat." "Ahuh" Callie nodded, her eyes filling up slightly. "And it was…" words to describe, how amazing it was, were lost to her, amazing didn't even cut it. Awesome didn't even describe it! She moved closer to Callie and was relieved to see, she didn't move away, neither did she when Arizona's hand rose to rest on Callie's arm. "We're having baby", the blonde stated with a smile, one which was simple mirrored on her love's face.
She took the risk. Entangling one of her hands into Callie's short curls; she pulled the taller woman towards her and kissed her as life depended on it. And it did. Callie was her life, her always, and now the tiny baby growing inside of Callie's was theirs. Sure Mark had to be told, but as of right now, this baby was hers. Callie's lips melded to her own like fingers in a well worn glove. It was as if time had been turn back, get again nothing had changed. The clocks had been turned back, and this had been nothing but a dream. Callie's taste was something she had missed, and her warmth, her curves, her heart. She'd missed it all. Between kisses Callie said, "Do I still need to sit down, because I'd rather be ripping your clothes off." Both women grinned and slightly chuckled. "I'll do the ripping, you rest", the blonde promised, still peppering the brunette with kisses. What the future held, Arizona didn't know. But tonight it looked brighter and more promising than it had in over three months….