This is my brand new fic. My friends happy molecule and edgy wedgy have been experimenting with writing in the style of the My Life is a Wedgie, My Life is a Toilet and My Life is a Boob tube books by Gretel Kileen. See them on happy molecule's account. This has parts that edgy wedgy wrote in it and they will be in italics. Enjoy.
* I don't own the characters. I own the depressing story I put them in. *
_________________________________
9:03 am
Hello, you are my new diary and I am Ron Weasley. Today we rejoice because that stinkbomb Snape is being suspended from the school for a day to stay in the Forbidden Forest because he failed me in Potions on purpose. Serves him right.
9:04.
Curse Snape. McGonagall just came and told me that I'm to stay with Snape in the Forest today, to 'strengthen our relationship'. NOOOOOOOOOOO!!
9:04 and a bit.
Silence. Everyone's staring at me 'cause I screamed too loud.
9:04 and two bits.
I smiled and waved and continue AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I – DON'T – WANT –
9:04 and three bits.
Argh, argh, ahhh!!!. Argle boogle boo!!!
9:06 and a half.
Sorry, couldn't write properly for a bit there. McGonagall's dragging me out by the ear. She's saying something… can't make it out… if only… Ear… in… pain!!!
9:07.
OOF. McGonagall's just dropped me onto the floor of her office. She's really strong. Hang on – what's that sound?
9:07 and a bit.
Oh Good Lord! It's Snape, huddled in the corner, and he is CRYING!!!
9:08
Ahhhhh!!! I can't take that noise! Snape is so annoying! Why can't he just stop crying for a minute. What a loud voice he has.
9:08 and a half.
Good, McGonagall just hit him over the head with her paperweight. She's checking whether she killed him or not.
9:09
Oh no/yes! She killed him!!
9:09 and a bit.
Tricked you, hahaha!
9:09 and three bits.
No, seriously. Snape's just knocked out. Does this mean that we can't go to the Forest? Does this mean that I don't have to spend the whole day with Snape?
9:10.
No, it just means that I have to carry him there and wait till he wakes up. McGonagall said. No!!
9:10 and a half.
But I simply have no choice. Hey, I'm starting to get a plan. I could leave Snape in the forest, then go away, and after a while, when I get back to him, he'll be so eaten and mangled by the spiders!
9:11 and a bit.
Oh. McGonagall just told me to stop fantasising about leaving 'Professor' Snape alone to get eaten by spiders. Damn. Aragog deserves to eat something as foul as Snape.
9:13.
Dragging Snape to the Forest. He's so bloody heavy!
9:14.
Hey, there's Hagrid coming! Hagrid, come help me get this slimeball into the forest.
9:14 and a bit.
Whew, Hagrid decided to carry Snape all by himself – not that Snape's heavy to him or anything. And – I smell the fresh air without my senses blocked by Snape's foul hair smell.
9:15.
Hagrid wants to know how I can still write while walking.
9:16
I told him I don't know.
9:17
Hagrid wants to know how I can still write while dragging Snape along.
9:18
I told him I don't know.
9:19
Hagrid wants to know why my hair is red.
9:20
I don't know.
9:21
Hagrid wants to know why I don't know anything.
9:21 and a bit.
Argh! Shut up Hagrid!
9:30
Ok, I just finished telling Hagrid everything I know, he's looking at me dumbly and saying, "is that all?" what does he mean, 'is that all', I've told him HEAPS. It took 8 and a half minutes for crying out loud!
9:31.
Now Hagrid's telling me what HE knows. This should be quick.
9:35
Still listening.
9:40.
Still listening
9:55.
Still listening. *yawn*
11:30
I wonder how birds drink, they don't have lips. Oh, gee, will Hagrid ever stop?
11:36.
I just yelled out, "shut up Hagrid" and I got no reply.
11:36 and a bit.
Hang on, my eyes are closed. WERE closed.
11:36 and two bits.
HANG ON, HAGRID'S GONE!
11:37
OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG
11:37 and a bit more.
SNAPE IS AWAKE!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!
11:38
Nope, he's just sleepwalking.
11:38 and a half.
11:40.
Sorry, couldn't write for a while there, I thought I saw Snape stir so I went to give him a good kick. He's stopped moving.
11:44.
I have no idea what to do. Hagrid's gone, I'm in the forest, Snape is unconscious. I'M BORED!
________________________________
liked that? Oh well. There will be more, keep a lookout.