Explore My Ocean, Lover, a percy jackson and the olympians fanfic

i have to tell myself i do not actually miss you when i start to think i miss you because i dont miss YOU i miss the facade i miss the warmth next to me at night i miss throwing my energy and love into something that i thought would return it i am not on the path i envisioned in my head and while my current path is not a bad path it just happens to be different than what i idealized and visualized in my head and my chest feels weighed down by possibilities that may not be possibilites but are just false hopes (hopefully not? keep on hoping i guess im so fucking full of hope) and i am weighed down by the emotional wounds you left both between you and i and between my friends and i and there is so much wrong and i just want things to go right instead of sideways but whatever i am grateful for what is happening and what has happened i just dont know if i want some level of control or something to validate me as the standards i have for myself i want to meet what i have built up in my mind dfor myself i dont want to fall short of who i know i am because if i am not who i have built up then who the fuck even am i

for redundancy's sake

here we go

it will burn down

you will not burn me down

im done youre done

and so it just is a giant fucking hole now but it doesn't matter because the hole has shrunk over the months and weeks we dont' speak

its' just good not to speak to you

and when you do speak to me my insides and marrows and tendons and everything becomes inflamed because you fucking were a plague that i didnt see until you became plaque built up in my heart that ive had to reach down inside and scoop out but thankfully i have the help of friends who are learning emotional triple bypass

i dont need you and i never needed you

you will not be televised

you are not a revolution

you are nothing but plaque

i dont need plaque i need to clean my soul

my soul is dirtied by you

i dont need you and i never needed you

you will not be televised

you are not a revolution

you are nothing but plaque

i dont need plaque i need to clean my soul

my soul is dirtied by you

i dont need you and i never needed you

you will not be televised

you are not a revolution

you are nothing but plaque

i dont need plaque i need to clean my soul

my soul is dirtied by you

i dont need you and i never needed you

you will not be televised

you are not a revolution

you are nothing but plaque

i dont need plaque i need to clean my soul

my soul is dirtied by you

thank god you fucked off because im fucking done

i am good

you are not good

i just want to purge this frustration through something i dont know if that's tears or if that's screaming or what it could be maybe i have nothing to purge considering how much i talk and talk and talk and can talk and talk and talk

i dont know if my brain is inflammed but i feel like my soul sure is

are there anti-inflammatories for the soul

i guess that's what achievement could be

where's my easy achievement-in-a-pill

televise my easy achievement-in-a-pill