Title:Undisclosed Desires
Author: AoiTsukikage
Rating: R for now
Characters/Pairing: Finn/Kurt/Blaine, in all combinations.
Chapter: 1/?
Word Count: 1774
Spoilers: Let's say everything to be safe :)
Summary/Warnings: From a tumblr prompt. Blaine and Kurt are both having secret affairs with Finn while trying to keep their own relationship from falling apart. But not everything is as simple as it seems, and nothing can stay secret for long.
Disclaimer: I, unfortunately, do not own these characters, no matter how sad that makes me. I do, however, promise to return them when I'm done with them. :)
Undisclosed Desires
Prologue
Kurt Hummel should be happy. He's got admission into one of the most prestigious schools in New York City, a fledgling career as a Broadway performer (backup, but that's not important, although Rachel always seems offended when he labels them as 'just backup dancers'), a warm condo to come home to every night, a healthy sex life, and the most gorgeous boyfriend in the world.
So why is he, after a night of mind-blowingly hot sex, facing away from said boyfriend, fingers curled into the pillow, eyes wide open in the darkness of the room as his breath comes harsh and fast?
It's all because of Finn Hudson.
000
Blaine Anderson should be happy. He's got excellent grades in school, a job that might not be glamorous but, for a student, pays well, a warm condo to come home to every night, a healthy sex life, and the most gorgeous boyfriend in the world.
So why is he, after a night of mind-blowingly hot sex, facing away from said boyfriend, staring at the wall, wondering if his lover is asleep so he can slip out of the room and grab a drink (alcohol. Strong alcohol. God, he's not even legal yet and he's already turning to drink, what does that say about him…)?
It's all because of Finn Hudson.
000
For Kurt it had never really 'started', it had just always been there. Ever since freshman year when Finn had taken it upon himself to…not necessarily stop the bullying, but at least make it more tolerable. It was the first real act of kindness anybody in a position of school popularity had shown him and it had stuck with him all these years, and now, even as his 21st birthday approaches, those feelings have never gone away.
Diminished, certainly, once Blaine had entered the picture, but Blaine was wonderful and everything he could have wished for except he wasn't Finn, and when Kurt moved to New York with Rachel and Finn after high school and left Blaine in Lima for a year, things had started to get a little out of control.
Rachel got more roles than he did…understandably, of course, considering his mannerisms and his voice, although it still irked him to no end: too feminine to be a leading man, too masculine to pass as the female lead, and where did that leave him? Bit parts and comedic sidekicks, neither of which were at all appealing, so when Rachel was off every night to practice, he was generally at home.
With Finn.
Who was lamenting the fact that his girlfriend never had time for him anymore.
…Really, was it any wonder?
Their first time was one of those nights, when Rachel was out at a late rehearsal, and it was one of those horrible clichéd moments where they were both watching television and turned to look at each other at the same time and just knew, Finn reaching for him and Kurt climbing into his lap and lips and teeth and tongues and hands and hips, no clothes coming off but the friction was heavenly and Finn's forehead was against his shoulder, whining low in his throat as he came and Kurt was powerless to do anything but follow.
They never spoke of it, but more often than not when Rachel was out late they'd find their way into each other's arms and then, after a time, into Kurt's bed, Finn exceedingly gentle with him even though Kurt assured him he could take it, had taken it (BlaineBlaineBlaine) and he clawed at Finn's shoulders and howled his name into the darkness as if to affirm that this was real, this was happening, Blaine was in Lima, and Finn groaned his in return against his heated skin, lips mapping out his throat and jaw as they both came utterly apart.
And then Blaine moved to New York, and it should have stopped, would have stopped, except Blaine got almost as many roles as Rachel did and the two of them were off all the time, still leaving Finn and Kurt alone.
It didn't stop.
They were careful…so careful…and apart from that first night they'd never kissed, preferring to keep it purely physical even though Finn held him in his arms afterward and stared at him, a dopey grin on his face while Kurt tried to keep his eyes open and memorize every bit of the other man.
And then Rachel moved out. Claimed living with three men, even if two of them were gay, was too much and she was going to move in with some girlfriends, which of course signaled the end of 'Finchel' (not that Kurt hadn't seen it coming for years) and Finn was moping, needing him more than ever, and Kurt still couldn't say no to him.
Which brings them to now. And why he feels dirty and used after sleeping with his own boyfriend. He hears Blaine shift, feels the bed move and pretends to be asleep.
He knows Blaine's going to drink. He's not a fool.
He also knows he should stop him, but he can't find his voice.
The bed is cold now, Kurt still awake as he heard the cupboard slam and liquid sloshing, and he wishes he could own up to everything.
Wishes Finn could hold him, or that Blaine could without him feeling like a cheap whore, but Finn's a bedroom and a world away and he wouldn't go to him with Blaine in the house.
Even though Finn's been…different, the past few times they've had sex. More distant, spacier than normal, and Kurt would almost swear he was the guilty one even though he was unattached and had every right to sleep with whom he chose. Plus it wasn't like Blaine and Finn were close enough that Finn would feel guilty for coming between he and Kurt, so…
He falls asleep still thinking about it, cold and lonely, and wonders when everything got so complicated.
000
For Blaine it had happened much differently, but that wasn't surprising, considering how he and Finn got along. It had started out wonderfully, both of them bonding over football and show choir and yes, even Kurt, but somewhere along the way Finn's attitude had changed and he'd become frosty, and Blaine had a feeling it wasn't all to do with the fact that he might get some of the solos or not be able to duet with Rachel every single time.
They were civil, but there was always this wedge between them, and after Blaine and Kurt had started to become sexually active he'd gotten the feeling that Finn had somehow known even though he couldn't see Kurt telling him, and he'd always gotten the feeling there was more than met the eye between Finn and Kurt even though he'd never gotten actual proof of it.
The year apart had been hard, yes, but Kurt had come down for major holidays and they'd reacquainted themselves with each other, Blaine complaining that Kurt needed to eat more and Kurt countering that he needed to stop eating so he wouldn't grow any more, which Blaine had good-naturedly smacked him for even though secretly he was miffed about how much taller Kurt was.
Still, he had assumed everything was fine, but when he'd gotten to New York there was an odd vibe in the apartment, and when he and Rachel got back from their late practice nights he could always swear he smelt the faint tang of sex in the air under the normal candles and air fresheners Kurt had going all the time.
Still, Kurt was always happy to see him and obliged him easily enough, but more and more often their sex had ended not in cuddling but in facing in opposite directions, and Blaine couldn't for the life of him figure it out.
If Kurt didn't love him anymore, why not just tell him?
…And then Finn had broken up with Rachel.
Kurt, for some reason, was out with her that night and Blaine had had to watch Finn mope around, kicking things and generally acting like a giant five-year-old (and Blaine had said so, which caused Finn to turn to him with blazing eyes and something in his manner, so large and imposing and dangerous that Blaine's pants had tightened almost instantly).
How this led to Finn all but tackling him, growling and nipping at his ear and a litany of 'you'll never know how it feels, you've had everything perfect, perfect voice, perfect marks, perfect boyfriend…' and Blaine was honestly scared for a few moments before he remembered that this was Finn, and Finn was safe, and it had been rough and messy and Blaine had had a bruise on his hip he needed to explain away to Kurt for a few days, but when they were finished Finn's head was on his chest, his gasping breaths giving way to desperate sobs, and Blaine had held him and hushed him through the night, so when Kurt had come back the apartment was once again spotless and pristine.
Blaine should have felt guilt, he supposed, and maybe that's what had caused him to find solace in alcohol, but it hadn't stopped there, and every time he and Finn ended up with each other there was always something furtive and guilty in Finn's gaze, like he wanted to say something but couldn't find the words, and Blaine always wanted to ask but something about it would never let him.
What he and Finn had was physical, and that was it. It was often angry, and sometimes rough, but Blaine almost needed it and when it was done Finn would leave, head down and if he'd have had a tail it would have been hanging between his legs.
It was wrong, and so messed up, and as he swigs vodka straight from the bottle (and God, it burns, but he feels like he deserves it) he wonders if maybe he shouldn't just call things off with Kurt.
But…
Kurt.
His beautiful, brilliant, radiant, Kurt. He can't.
He feels dirty, but he can't do that. Maybe he's just a coward (the little mind-voice screaming 'Courage!' at him just seems horribly ironic now), but he can't lose Kurt.
He'll stop it with Finn. He's strong enough to do that.
But with the haze of alcohol and the emptiness pooling in his gut, burning and acidic and eating him from the inside, Finn's bedroom door is looking more and more tempting.
He slumps over the table, the bottle slipping from his nerveless fingers, and wonders when everything got so complicated.
Notes:
1. So, this is the new Finn/Kurt/Blaine fic. It was originally prompted by on tumblr, and it's kind of growing although I really don't know where this one's going to end up. I hope you've enjoyed regardless, and we'll see where this goes :)
2. The title comes from a Muse song.