A/N: Wow. Hi everyone. I'd thought the Season Finale would be traumatic, but... never for Swaisy fans like me! D: After a weekend of eating ice cream, sitting curled up in the fetal position and listening to sad songs on repeat, I've finally written a reaction to the episode. I know a lot of people are upset about what Daisy did, so I aim with this to convey both of their intentions in this! I hope you enjoy (:
Sweets POV
This is wrong. This is not how it's meant to be.
Those are the words that echo through my head as Daisy leads me through the departures lounge of Dulles International Airport. There's a sickening feeling in my stomach as I stare at her - long hair pulled back under that ridiculous yet adorable hat, cheeks flushed, eyes bright, right hand swinging by her side while her left grips my own tightly - knowing that this is the last time I'll be able to look at her for an entire year.
'I just know that... I don't want to spend any more time away from you than I have to.'
A year that's going to be hell.
For the first time since I've known her, Daisy is totally silent. No babbling, excited chatter, not even a tiny hum. The way she is walking though - very purposefully - as if she'll change her mind if she slows down, the way she's clutching my hand as if she never wants to let go; speaks volumes to me. Or maybe I'm just deluding myself. Again.
In a melancholy way, it's kind of nice – just walking beside her in silence. The two of us against the world. United. Together. One. Or, we used to be. Now we're separate. I mean, we're still the same - there's Dr Lance Sweets, FBI psychologist, who resides in Washington DC, who likes structure and familiarity, who would do anything for those he loves, and who doesn't like milk on his cereal. And then there's Daisy Wick, bubbly forensic-anthropologist-in-training, who likes to live spontaneously, who has impulse control issues, who hero worships Dr Temperance Brennan, and who likes to sing Hall & Oates songs very loudly in the shower. Our personalities are the same as ever, but now we're unmistakeably two different people.
There used to be a 'Lance and Daisy' – a young couple, head-over-heels in love, who strived to be the cutest thing on the planet, who were meant to get married in a big ceremony with a string quartet and a massive cake and lots of people, who had Star Wars marathons and karaoke nights at weekends, who enjoyed spelling out emoticons, who could get through anything as long as they had one another. Two halves of the same whole.
But now, that's over. Or it certainly will be when Daisy gets on that plane and travels thousands of miles away from me.
Unaware of my conflicting thoughts, Daisy lets out a little squeal of excitement, and deposits her rucksack on the floor with a resounding thump. "Dr Brennan!"
The anthropologist looks up, surrounded by the entire team – well, not everyone. Booth's absence is hard to miss. Where is he? He'd never let her leave without saying goodbye. But then again, I believed that he'd never let her leave - to give Daisy a small smile, a wave.
Daisy drags me over to them, talking animatedly about flight plans while I check that she still has her ticket and her passport and her toothbrush and her cellphone and bug spray and sunscreen and pyjamas and fresh socks and spare shoes and binoculars and sunglasses and all of the other amenities she is bound to forget. Then comes the goodbyes, which are both awkward and hilarious.
Daisy thanks Dr Saroyan profusely for all the opportunities she's been given, and very firmly impresses upon her that she will be returning to her internship in the Jeffersonian next year - "While my name will then be cited in research materials, I still need to, like, earn money!" - to which Cam simply nods, nonplussed. Daisy then turns to Angela, and says something about having lots of kids to fill her Siena, which I'm a little concerned about, but decide not to touch. Finally, after some banter about rat poop, she unexpectedly throws her arms around a very startled Dr Hodgins, who eventually pats her on the back and mutters an 'Uh, have a good trip'.
Then the others step away, and I'm faced with those wide brown eyes. And my goodbye is finally here. Oh, God. I feel like puking.
Keep it together, Lance. Don't show her how much this is killing you.
"Lancelot," Don't call me that, Daisy. Please. Just don't. "Do you hate me?"
How can she ask that? I could never hate her, not really, even though her leaving is like driving a knife through my heart. I can see that she believes I despise her, that what she's doing makes me never want to see her again. When, inexplicably, it's the opposite.
I shake my head. "No, Daisy, no." I say softly, sincerely, determined to convince her of that one fact. We kiss briefly, and embrace, which is simultaneously wonderful and awful.
On the one hand, this is Daisy, the woman I love - sweet, and soft, and perfect with her customary scent of soap and flowery perfume. And, on the other, it's like the knife in my heart is being driven in deeper, and twisted over and over.
I grip her tighter, more urgently, and she responds with a comforting squeeze, leaning her head on my shoulder, absently tracing what feels like the shape of a heart on my back. I long to freeze time, to be stuck in this moment, with Daisy, forever. Together.
And then, suddenly, the moment is gone, and she's looking at me with those beautiful, bright, longing, sad brown eyes again. "Do you think you'll wait for me? That would be really romantic." she bites her lip, hopeful.
For you, Daisy? Yes. Forever. An eternity. "No. And... I don't think you should, either." But I wish you would.
...Do I? I mean, I have to give moving on a try... no matter how much Daisy means to me. I need help getting this knife out of my heart, and with Daisy, Booth, Brennan, Hodgins, Angela - my family - all gone, who else can help me?
She nods sadly, as though she expected as much. "I'll write to you. Every day. Even though that's probably irrational and impractical with all the work I'll be doing." she muses, nose wrinkled. "Okay, every second day. That's manageable."
I contemplate telling her not to bother, but I know it's pointless. She's Daisy. It's in her nature to do exactly what she wants to do - write me letters, buy new shoes before she's paid the bills, scream in Church, stay up late when she has work the next morning, jump in puddles, marry me, eat Chinese leftovers for breakfast, take off to Indonesia for a year - when she wants to do it. It's one of the things I love about her. Used to love.
Still love.
We stand together in silence as Brennan makes her goodbyes. Daisy absentmindedly takes my hand - a reflex, nothing more, I tell myself - and I don't pull away. I can't, not when she's so close to leaving. I can feel the cool band of metal that is her engagement ring pressing into my palm. My mother's ring. I didn't ask for it back, though I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I'm not over her yet, or that I never will be, or that I actually want to wait for Daisy to return from Maluku and just pick up where we left off.
I really don't know. And it's that fact that's kind of scaring me.
"Dr Brennan, we really have to get going." Daisy says eventually, shouldering her backpack, and giving me that sad smile once more.
Brennan nods, about to follow suit, before Booth makes his appearance at last. I watch the pair for a moment, as they grasp one another's hands, feeling like I've been cheated out of something. How can she be leaving? And how can he not be stopping her?
The exact same way I'm not stopping Daisy.
"Lancelot?" I turn away from Booth and Brennan to look into those eyes, for the last time in a year. 365 days. 525,600 minutes. 31,556, 926 seconds. An entire revolution of the earth around the sun.
"I still lo -"
I shake my head. Daisy is wise enough to leave it.
"I'll miss you." she squeezes my hand again, before letting go, appearing to be blinking back tears.
"Yeah." I say eloquently. She laughs breathily and waves goodbye - her ring catching the light in the process.
I raise my hand in farewell, force a smile. She smiles back, illuminating the entire room, like always. Then she turns, and begins to make her way toward her gate. Within a matter of seconds, a sea of tourists obscure her from view.
And then she is gone.
A/N: The thing about Daisy wearing her engagement ring is true! Aha, I rewatched that scene – I have screencaps! :L Anyway, I hope you liked my take on Sweets's reaction... I thought it was time Daisy was cut a little slack!
Even if you despised it, please leave me a review! They make my Swaisy fangirl heart just a little less crushed ;)
Peace,
Ellie (: