The Star Wars

Posting this on tumblr, too, although that'll be a few hours from now 'cause I'm lazy. I really need to post more on here. But I still enjoy writing Team Rocket.

Jessie tapped her foot impatiently. They'd been planning and using disguises for several years now, and even though she was always the one blamed for taking so long, she was the one who always finished perfecting herself first. Of course, it wasn't a challenge; after all, it didn't take much to redecorate a natural talent like herself. But she wasn't too thrilled with this outfit. The cinnamon bun buns, the plain white robes – it was all too simple for her.

Do it for the princess, she told herself with gritted teeth.

She waited. And waited. And waited. And soon her stomach growled so much that she was about to say the hell with everything and give up their space in line for a hot dog or three across the street. Finally, though, she saw them running in the distance, probably frazzled as to whether they'd actually made it on time before she went into the movie by herself. Gourgeist was the second-prettiest in the line with her own pink buns, and Inkay floated and chirped happily in his Ewok getup. Then there was Wobbuffet, perfectly mimicking a droid's cry while painted white, blue, and red, and last but not least was Meowth and James as Han Solo and…C3PO?

She gave James a deadpan stare and sweatdropped. She should've known something like this was the cause of their delay. "James, what gives? I thought you were gonna be Han Solo!" she hissed.

James sighed and looked down at Meowth. He knew all that gold paint on him was really unflattering. "We played rock-paper-scissors for him. Besides, I didn't even want to be Han in the first place! I wanted to be Luke. That cinnamon roll could do no wrong."

"James, we've been over this a thousand times! You couldn't be Luke because Princess Leia and Luke are siblings, and it would just be weird for us to play as siblings. Although you could've picked anyone else besides the British garbage can."

"Hey!"

"Anyway, we're almost at the front. Can we get some popcorn or something? I'm starving."

Meowth shook his head. "Eiddah we have nothin' or get one bag of popcorn and go dumpster divin' for da next two days' worth of meals."

"Great. We stole the tickets but couldn't even think to steal some money for some snacks. I can't depend on you guys." Jessie sighed and furrowed her eyebrows. "This was a terrible idea. Why did we have to wear costumes for this again?"

"Because da Boss is rumored to also be seein' da movie tonight!" Meowth answered. "And y'know wit' us screwin' up our attempts at gettin' Pikachu and Squishy and all, he wasn't too happy seeing us da last time we Skyped him!"

James nodded. "I believe the last words he said to us were, 'You fools! I'm in the middle of this very important golf tournament! Stop Skyping me on my private line!' And then he thought he hung up, but we could hear him cursing for the next twenty minutes. I think he wasn't doing so hot in the tournament."

"In any case it's good dat we're in disguises in case we see any pokemon we could steal!"

"Meowth, we're not on the clock for this!" Jessie snapped. "We've had these tickets for too long to just get blasted off again! Now we are gonna watch The Force Awakens in peace, and you are gonna like it!"

"Okay, okay. Geez, Jessie. You act like we haven't seen any movies in ages. Remember when we were watchin' Road House a coupla weeks ago? You liked Road House."

"Yeah, until our VCR went up in flames."

"Well, how about De Incredibles?"

"Was enjoying that until our DVD went crispo, too."

"Big Hero 6?"

"We were enjoying that until we saw the twerps a few rows down and decided to try and steal Pikachu, and then we crashed through the roof twenty minutes in!"

"Wow, we have some bad luck."

"Wooooobuffet!"

James sweatdropped. Bad luck couldn't begin to describe them, although they had better luck in recent years. Perhaps just this once they could stay off the chaotic good path long enough to enjoy the movie like a family. He wouldn't count on it too much, but for now he could try and be happy as he pointed to the ticket booth. "Hey! We're about there! Don't kill each other just yet, you guys."

Sadly they would soon face another problem. They prepared for double trouble like this.

The group shuffled down the narrow aisle in the dim lights, looking for some seats that would hold them all. Since this was opening night, the theater was jam-packed with people. Jessie wished they could've cleared out a whole row for them with some smoke bombs, but with the dorky ushers in full force, they couldn't push it. Luckily Inkay's eyesight found them some seats near the front, but not too front as to kill them all from the THX surround sound.

When they reached the row, though, they all about froze. Sitting next to their seats was that dorky professor dressed as Luke. It wasn't him that concerned them – he wasn't a real threat, even to them – but sitting next to him was a giant bearded guy with equally giant bright red hair…and their boss. So, the rumors were true. But what was the dork professor talking so casually when the greatest person in their region was two seats next to him? And talking about nonsense. "-and you've got to see her other movies while you're still in the Kalos region, Mr. Giovanni!" he was finishing. "Diantha is absolutely a lovely sight for all eyes!"

"I'll take your recommendations into consideration." Giovanni looked the least bit interested in the dork professor's babble. "I don't know how you talked me into seeing this with you, Lysandre. We're in the middle of a feud right now, remember?"

"Yes, but here I call the shots," giant bearded guy said, smirking. "I'm not too much of a fan of Star Wars myself, but the Professor here is a huge fan. All he wants to see is his Luke Skywalker again."

"That cinnamon roll can do no wrong! Ahhh, bonjour! Yes, yes, take a seat! The more, the merrier!"

Dork Professor noticed them now. James gulped and pushed Wobbuffet forward, careful not to look straight ahead as to bring on the Boss's wrath. Jessie smiled and took the seat next to James, reaching over to shake the dork professor's hand. If she was wearing her usual clothes, he might've copped a feel, but she had a feeling he didn't swing that way. Good. He wasn't her type, anyway. "Thank you. Nice Skywalker costume!"

"Ahhh, thanks! I already got it a little stained, though. My assistants tell me to be more careful." Dork Professor also grinned; his bubbly personality already made Jessie want to clock him. "Augustine Sycamore, also known as a pokemon professor. Next to me is my friend, Lysandre, and his friend from Kanto…uhhh…I'm sorry, I'm bad with names."

"Giovanni, Professor."

"Yes, yes! Wait a minute. Haven't I met you before?"

Sycamore squinted at them. They could all feel the hairs stand up on their neck. Meowth felt it triple since he was a cat and all. If this fool managed to recognize them, it would be even worse news since he could call the police on them all. And if the Boss saw them wheeled off to jail, that might be the straw that finally could cause them to hang up their Team Rocket uniforms forever in total embarrassment. It'd be even worse than that time they set off the prank wars with Batch and Cassidy from seven-odd years ago.

But they just had to play it cool, for the princess and Han and everyone else. Jessie kept her smile in place. "No, sorry. Maybe our costumes just got you confused with the real thing?"

"Ah- well- I mean, your costumes are also good and all, but I can't say I could compare you all to the real Star Wars. Princess, you are much too sexy for the film to call you and the real Princess Leia alike!"

"Ohoho, why thank you!"

"Oh…that wasn't a compliment."

"Ohoho, why you little-"

Meowth held her fist midair before she could do any damage. Lysandre shook his head, clicking his tongue. "I apologize, mademoiselle. He didn't mean it that way. …..you're quite beautiful."

"…..yes!"

"Your long pauses sure are reassuring," Jessie grumbled sarcastically.

Thankfully the Boss took little to no notice of their near-altercation. The others sighed in relief, and everyone swung into near-silence as the previews rolled up, the only interruptions being Sycamore's guesses as to what might happen during the movie. Jessie might've been interested, but all she was thinking about now was how to lure the professor in a back alley and deck him. How dare he and the giant only half-heartedly praise her beauty?! She didn't think she could take that giant on in a one-on-one, but she could definitely take on that nerd. Why did Meowth stop her?
Oh, yeah, because the Boss was a mere few seats from them.

Good thing it was dark, or everyone could see the face she made at the thought of not being able to do what she really wanted. As the lights turned off completely and the anti-piracy screens popped up for the movie, she looked one more time at her target. Well, he was good for something. He had a giant bucket of popcorn sitting in his lap! Grinning, she leaned over and whispered in James's ear, "Hey, he's got popcorn. Get some handfuls for us."

"But Jessie, if the Boss notices-"

"The Boss is probably going to fall asleep during the movie. Don't be such a wimp."

"Yeah, Jimmy, it's just popcorn."

"WOOOOBU-"

"Shhh, you pipin' droid punchin' bag."

James grimaced but slowly lifted his hand from the armrest towards the popcorn. Why was he being so weird about this? Because a cute, stringbean dork of a professor dressed as his favorite character from Star Wars was sitting right next to him and his popcorn was right over his lap? Would Jessie even consider a three-way? Nah, he wasn't her type. He just had to play it casual and grab some popcorn and hope his hand wouldn't brush against the Professor's bony one. Just play it cool…just play it cool…oh, crap, he touched the knuckles.

Sycamore looked right at him. This was like every couple-sitting-in-a-movie-theater-before-they-got-curbstomped-by-a-giant-pokemon teenage romance movie he watched, except more awkward. "You're probably the cutest C3PO I've ever seen, but I already have a boyfriend. I'm sorry."

"N-N-No! The popcorn!"

They both flushed a bright red. Sycamore merely nodded and thrusted the bucket into his hands, and Lysandre gave him what was probably a death stare. So Beardo was Professor Luke's boyfriend? They really did have worse than bad luck. At least the Boss didn't notice his outburst. And throughout the movie Sycamore didn't bother them for any more popcorn. They would live to snack another day.

Peace settled in for as long as they watched the movie. Jessie gripped her armrest with her iron strength. This blew the prequels out of the park and to the Orange Islands. Depending on how the movie ended, it might've even knocked out one or two of the originals. Probably not all three, but damn near close. The fights so far were acted so naturally, and sure, Princess Leia was old and not-so-beautiful anymore, but there was that wonderful new girl. And, of course, BB-8. She was the new, true cinnamon roll.

Then twenty minutes before the movie ended, she heard the worst sound in the world. Wobbuffet. He was at a whisper at first but was getting progressively louder and louder. Meowth, only being a casual fan, was asleep by now, and Inkay and Gourgeist were too absorbed in the movie to shut him up. She leaned over to James again. "Get him to be quiet. Now," she snarled.

There was a short silence, then a gulp. Jessie glared at him. "Why did you…gulp?"

"Wobbuffet's moving towards the Boss now."

"Fu-"

"WOOOOOOOBU. FFET!"

"Would one of you please get this blob off of me?!"

Oh, no. The Boss was still awake. Worse, Wobbuffet was face to face with him. All of the options were bad. One, they could let Wobbuffet squirm around for the next twenty minutes and piss off the Boss further until the credits rolled and they could get the hell out of there. Two, James could reach over and retrieve him, possibly brushing up against his rejected love interest and getting murdered by the Jolly Ginger Giant. Three, she could retrieve him her damn self, and, in a rage, get her chance to take down the dork professor. Actually, option number three wasn't so bad.

But worst of all they had to go with option number four, which was that Wobbuffet decided it was bathroom time and tinkle all over the Boss.

Goodbye, promotions. Seeing all of that yellow sprinkle in the air and making the Boss turn a dark shade of purple that illuminated even in the darkened movie theater made them think that maybe it would've been better blasting off after all. They should've just waited for the Internet torrents. Wobbuffet just kept doing his bathroom, and at the end of it all there was a long pause with everyone in close proximity staring at them until Giovanni finally wheezed, "You three."

They stood up immediately. Jessie grabbed Meowth by the scruff by his neck and shook him awake, which he replied with a growl. "Hey, what's da big idea? I was havin' a nice cat na-"

"Ohoho, Boss, we didn't see you there!" she said, smiling. "You must've lost weight! Didn't he, James?"

"About thirty pounds or so, Jessie. He's almost unrecognizable!"

"You….three…."

"We're so sorry about Wobbuffet! Looks like we need to take him to the bathroom. Grab him, James."

James almost tripped trying to get to the confused Wobbuffet. If Lysandre's stare would've killed him once, the Boss's stare would've killed him ten times over. Jessie waved at the dork and his boyfriend, but even with all that commotion they were dedicated to the movie. Lucky them. The Boss kept repeating 'you three' in angrier and angrier tones, but before he could say any more she'd push them all into the aisle. "Well, look at the time. We have to go! Your favorite agents signing off. Bye-bye!"

They ran for the exit but not before the "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" boomed throughout the entire room, signaling four tired ushers to where they just sat. All of them shared a sigh; they would be lucky if the Boss didn't blacklist them from seeing the movie in its entirety anywhere on the interwebs ever again. Typical.

End