Hey! Wow this is my first Alec and Jace fan Fic, I hope it turns out well, I've read other Mortal instrument fan fiction but none about Alec and Jace until the other day and I loved them. So I wanted to try to write one myself. I just think the idea of Alec and Jace together is sooo cute, even though it's like a forbidden love. It's sooo adorable and makes me feel all giggly and smiley…..wow I'm such a fan girl. But anyway I hope you like the fan fic I have written.

This is a oneshot

NOTE: I do not own the characters of Mortal Instruments, nor do I claim to own them I do NOT take credit for others works, this fan fic was written for the simple enjoyment of writing it

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"Longing"

He felt like shit but why anyone would care they would expect him to brush it off, like the tough shadowhunter he was. But damn it what if he couldn't brush it off, what if he was just too damn miserable to care what others thought of him at this moment. He could care less what anyone else thought of him, Isabella would probably think he was being unfair, Clary probably thought that he was a bastard, but she was a bitch anyway, and Alec, oh his best friend Alec he would probably just feel sorry for him because he was really too scared to say how he really felt, even though he hid all his feelings toward him behind Mangus, that idiotic warlock.

But it had been his fault and he knew it he should have never had kissed her in the first place he had been stupid to think she would have any real feelings for him, he knew better then to kiss her, didn't he? Yes he did, then why did he do it, just for the rush of it he supposed. Did he have any real feelings toward her?...no he didn't…..not after he found her with that mundane….. But then why did he feel like a load of turd? Maybe it was because he was he was mad at himself, well he should be, she was his sister for crying out loud you couldn't just go and make out with your sister and then get mad at her when she was throwing herself all over another guy, that was her choice to make not his.

But still it hurt him a little inside, maybe it was because he had grown to like her over the past couple of days that they had spent together, maybe it was because he didn't quite feel like he was missing something when he was with her, maybe it was because she was the only connection he had to ever having a real family and he had to go and screw it up by fucking kissing her. What kind of person was he, he had messed everything up.

He pushed blonde bangs out of his eyes and rested his face in his hands, what was Jace the bad ass shadowhunter going to do this time? How was he going to save the day? The thing is that he wasn't going to go and save the day he didn't want to not when everyone around him expected him to anyway, he was going to let everyone and himself suffer, he was going to beat himself up for the stupid mistake he had made, he deserved to suffer, just to show himself just how much of a pathetic person he was.

He, Jace didn't know what he was anymore…..he just …needed…too…

Cool fingers splayed over his hot face, it felt nice, the touch of someone else was comforting to him, he kept his eyes closed as fingers brushed away bangs, these hands replaced his, holding his face ever so softly. All of the thoughts in his mind washed away as strong arms wrapped around his shaking body. His head lay on soft skin, he took in deep breaths and a soft earthy smell filled his lungs, he still kept his eyes closed the image in his head was something wonderful, because the image was….

"Shhh its okay" a whispering voice said in his ear. There voice was soft and reassuring, it made him want to forget everything and just become the Jace he never got to be. He pushed his nose into the soft skin wanting more comfort, more reassurance. A nose nuzzled into his hair, cool breath ran across the back of his neck, he should have wondered who it was, should have opened his eyes to see who was holding him, but he didn't, he didn't want to ruin this moment, right now, with this new feeling he had inside of him, of longing, longing of someone, someone he couldn't have, someone who was…

Fingers whipped at his cheeks softly and slowly, he let out a puff of breathe, his body was starting to relax and he put more of his weight on the person that was holding him, they shifted slowly but otherwise continued to hold him and stroke his face, their fingers seemed wet? But why would they be wet all of a sudden….unless he was crying? But shadowhunters never showed their weaknesses to anyone else but this moment he didn't care right now he didn't want to be a shadowhunter he didn't want to be what everyone expected he didn't care right now, the institute could be burning and he wouldn't care.

"Don't cry Jace" the voice whispered again, it was soft and taking on a familiar voice of someone he knew. But he couldn't think right now, he didn't care who it was as long as they just kept holding him and telling him it was going to be okay, because right now he felt that in his world nothing was okay, but he didn't know how to fix it, he was lost.

And he was right he had been crying, all of this was so overwhelming, kissing Clary was the worst thing that he could have possibly ever done, he had to be the most stupidest….no he had to keep his head clear he didn't want to let his body slip into a dark hole…

"Shhhhh, Jace" the familiar voice comforted again….. He listened to it well this time, it wasn't Isabella or Clary…..so that meant it was….no they wouldn't come near me when I was upset he though, they knew better every one knew better to come near him when he was upset, but they were going against their better judgment and doing their best to make him feel better…..they were doing what they should do pick him up when he was down, that's what anyone would do. But he wasn't just anyone he was a shadowhunter, and shadowhunters didn't break down he knew better then that didn't he? But really Jace didn't know what to think anymore.

Slowly Jace managed to open his eyes, he was still in the green house of the institute, the last place where he was when he kissed her…Clary….. He didn't want to think about that anymore it was making him feel even more depressed then he already was. He had to think about anything but that…he had to put it in the back of his mind….the sun was setting over the parts of the city that he could see from up here, the bright reds and light yellows making everything glow almost as if it was on fire. It would have been breathtaking to anyone else but to him it mirrored how he felt right now, on fire. But how long had he been up here before anyone cared to come and look for him? How long had he sat by himself and cried before he was found? He didn't know didn't care all that mattered now was that he wasn't alone anymore he was with….

Those blue eyes bore into his, black bangs framed their pale forehead and face, they had a look of worry plastered to their skin, they weren't sure if this, them holding him as he cried was a good thing because they knew that they would never really go near him when he was upset because he always had a cold attitude but somehow this time it was different, different for the both of them. This time they were needed and could sense that, and they were right, Jace did need them. He needed them more than ever now at this moment, he had always had them by his side but never really…..he was grateful that they had been there but now they were needed.

Jace pulled his gaze away from the deepening blue orbs, he could feel heat rise to his cheeks, what did they think about him now that he hadn't pushed them away but let them hold him and whipped his tears, because he knew that somewhere he looked like he was mocking their feelings for him, but he would never do that to them, never, but did they think that now? But their arms never left his body holding him close to them and his head never lifted off their skin, did they find it odd that he wasn't pushing them away not telling them that this wasn't fair to him or them? What did they think of him now?

They sat in silence together for quite some time, watching the sun set over the other high rises of the city, Jace just sat in their arms listening to his heart beating trying to get his mind clear, anything to keep him distracted from what happened earlier before. they didn't say anything either, they were not sure what would set him off but at this point he didn't think anything was going to make him mad or upset he was already upset enough that it drained the life out of him but they didn't know that, so instead they just rested their cheek on his hair, which was fine with him, more fine then it would have been two weeks ago more fine then it was them holding him in their arms, more fine then his feelings towards them…his feelings which seemed to change for them…his feelings….what were his feelings?

His feelings which were different from the ones he had for Clary, she had been a distraction, something to tell his mind that his other feelings towards them didn't mean anything when they did, the person who held him in his arms now the feelings he had for them differed from the ones Clary brought on. While Clary had been a fling, a moment in his life when he thought that a spark, something different, it was hard to explain, these new feelings or the feelings he had been hiding inside him without him knowing it till now were, more deeper and 100 times more unexplainable, while his feelings for Clary had been all heat, this feeling inside him was passion, while Clary's feelings were all mixed up and unsure these new feelings, they felt right to him, they didn't make him think he was unsure of himself, because now he was a lot more sure of how he felt then he ever had felt towards Clary. His new feelings were warm and made his heart beat 300 times a minute, Clary's feelings had made him feel cold and not worth taking the risk, but they, the person who held him in their arms so tight were so worth taking the risk for.

Jace blinked and moved his arm in front of his face to block the sun from getting in his eyes, he had just come across a very strange but wonderful conclusion…..

"You ok now Jace?" they asked reassuringly, a little worry strained their voice, they had never been around to see him cry and now that they had, they had no idea what to do or what not to do, what would set him off in a bad mood and what wouldn't, to tell you the truth, Jace sensed that they were a little scared of him, who wouldn't be, he even had to admit that Clary was or had been a little scared of him. But that had been his own fault for being so aggressive all the time and always letting the simplest of things set him off. Now he didn't want that, so it was only him that could change that right? And yes he would change that….slowly. He wanted to be something different something more then who and what he was and he would be.

He nodded because that's all he could do, he didn't think he would be able to speak for a while, not while his thoughts were becoming clearer in his mind, they were finding reason….

He was Jace Wayland the Shadowhunter,

He was brave and strong,

He was everything everyone wanted him to be,

He was,

He was…

He was in love with….

In love with,

Love with,

Alec Lightwood,

The thought of that hit him hard in the chest like an oncoming train at full speed, it knocked the wind out of him, it now was filling his body completely, drowning him until he had to gasp for air, it was a feeling that he had never had in his life these feelings were filing him with light making him see that he would be nothing without the person he was with now, these new feelings towards his friend his best friend were they were changing him from the inside out, they were feelings he should have felt a long time ago, but hadn't felt until now in this moment with his best friend.

Two weeks ago if he had any though at all that he would have fallen in love with his best friend he would have laughed at the idea, he would have turned it away and thought it to be stupid and unlike him to do a crazy thing like that, but now that it had happened, that he was completely clear of how he felt for Alec, he knew that it was okay to feel this way, he knew deep inside him that it was completely the right thing to do. Nothing now could change how he felt, because really if he thought about it he didn't want to change how he felt.

The sudden sharp intake of breathe startled the other boy,

"Jace are you…?" the boy asked, still unsure how to go about talking to his friend who he had just seen cry, which he had never seen in his life before. The idea of seeing Jace cry was new to him and it worried him somewhat.

"Yea I'm all right" Jace's voice was horse from crying, he really needed something to drink right about now. He laid his head back in the crook of Alec's neck that earthy smell filled his lungs once again, he took a deep breath, he felt tingly all the way from the roots of his hair to the tips of his toes nothing he had ever felt with Clary, so this is what it felt to be in love, he thought as he closed his eyes.

He could feel Alec stiffen beside him, the arms around his body began to fall away, he knew that he was being stared at by those deep blue eyes, and there was probably a puzzled confused expression in them. Alec was probably wondering what the hell was going on with him, he wasn't being the Jace Alec knew.

Alec was probably wondering why Jace hadn't pushed him away, hadn't yelled at him and told him to go away that he wanted to be alone, but Jace didn't have the energy to tell him to go away or to tell him not to hold him, he didn't want Alec to leave him, he needed Alec now, his heart was telling him that he wanted Alec to always to be his, but if only Alec new, then maybe he wouldn't be so cautious around him like he was being now.

"Jace?" Alec's voice was questioning like it should be, if only he knew what was going through Jace's head at the moment then maybe he wouldn't be so…..but he didn't know and Jace had to tell him somehow. But where do you begin when you were going to tell your best friend that you were you were in love with them? Jace didn't know but he had to start somewhere and he only hoped that Alec took it well and didn't think that Jace was doing this to hurt him because that would be the last thing Jace would do.

"Yes" Jace answered looking up into the beep blue pools that bore into his golden ones; they were filled with confusion and worry just like Jace knew they would. A light pink flush was starting to creep up Alec's face; all of this sudden behavior from him was new to him.

"What are you doing?" Alec asked his face becoming a deeper red. It looked like he was really trying to hold his own feeling for him down. Jace should have known that Alec was going to try and hide his feeling for him, and it was probably harder with Jace laying on him. He should have known that.

He pulled away, his own embarrassment flooding through; he scooted away from Alec leaving a good space between them.

"Sorry…..I…..ummm yea…sorry" Jace looked away he couldn't look into those confused eyes any more. He had to tell him how he really felt before it was too late, before he lost his chance and wouldn't have another chance for a while not when Alec was with Mangus Bane.

"No its okay" Alec looked away too, running a hand through his hair something he always did when he was nervous or embarrassed. He smiled shakily. Things must be hard on him, trying to deal with the feelings he had for him and Mangus at the same time.

"Yea"Jace said looking out the window again, now the sky was darker then lighter and the last glimpses of light were starting to fade into the blackness. They were silent again, Jace's heart was beating so that it rang in his ears, his mind was racing a mile a minute, things had taken a big turn in his life, and now he didn't know what to do with these feelings, he should tell Alec, he wanted to tell Alec, he needed to tell Alec, Alec needed to know how he truly felt for him it was only fair, but how…

It was Alec to break the silence that had grown between them,

"Do you want to…" he stopped leaving the sentence hang in the hair, he shook his head and looked away again. This was really hard for him, he not only was worried, he didn't want his own feelings to get in the way and Jace saw that.

"What?" Jace turned to look at him. He could see that Alec was struggling to say something; it was probably hard for him because Jace usually wasn't the one to talk about things, and he just usually kept his feeling to himself.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Alec looked up at the ceiling, trying hard not to look at Jace, Jace could see that Alec was waiting for him to tell him that he didn't want to talk about it, the reason that he had been crying. But really there was nothing to talk about Jace had been an idiot for kissing Clary and he knew that. But Alec didn't.

"Really there is nothing to talk about" Jace said dryly, only he wish he could take it back the moment it came out of his mouth, a hint of hurt filled those blue blue eyes and Jace wish he could take it all away but he couldn't it was too late.

"oh well….I ok….then" Alec said, he looked like he was hurt, and Jace knew he was, all Alec did was try and help him and Jace had to go and push him away, why did he have to be such an idiot.

Alec started to get up to leave and Jace had to act quick to stop him from leaving that was the last thing Jace wanted was for Alec to leave him, he needed Alec to stay with him, it would only make him feel worse if Alec left in this state of mind.

"Wait, please don't go, I …" Jace cut himself off as his hand touched Alec's wrist, a flash of heat burned inside him. Alec looked at his hand on his wrist eyes wide, Jace had never stopped him before when he tried to leave.

Jace pulled his had away quickly, he looked up to see Alec staring at him waiting for him to say something anything to make him stay, there was longing in those blue eyes, the same longing that Jace felt for him.

"What?" Alec turned so that his body was facing Jace's so that they looked deep into each other's eyes. Jace needed to find his words and fast before Alec left him completely.

"I need"

"Yes?"

"Too tell you"

"Tell me what?"

"That I"

"That you what?"

"That I Lo-"

But his words were cut off as Alec's warm lips collided with his he hadn't realized that they had been moving so close to each other, his eyes closed as a strange burning filled his body as different colors played across his vision, the burning didn't hurt but it was warm and pleasant, nothing compared to Clary's kiss.

Alec's lips seemed to linger on his for what felt like a whole eternity but it was probably not even a millisecond, they were warm and damp, and felt wonderful against his, kissing Alec was nothing he ever dreamed of as being so wonderful and sweet.

Quickly Alec pulled away, eyes wide surprised at what just happened between them, his cheeks were pink and he was just looking at Jace like he didn't know what to do.

"Jace…..I ….no ….I didn't mean" Alec stammered, probably awaiting Jace to yell at him and tell him off. But Jace didn't do any of that he couldn't. Alec was moving away from him, in a way to create space between the two of them. But Jace didn't want Alec to move away from him, he wanted Alec to hold him again, just to be with him.

"Alec its okay" Jace said now running a hand through his own hair. He smiled slowly hoping that Alec wouldn't get scared and run off.

Alec just looked at him like he was crazy or something maybe he was, but Jace didn't know any more all that he knew was that he wanted Alec to stay with him just so he could explain himself.

"What?" Alec's eyes widened with surprise, "you're not mad at me, you're not going to kill me, you're not going to tell me that I should keep all my feelings to myself and that what I had done was stupid and wrong" he said catching his breath when he finished that had been a mouthful. He was about to begin again but Jace cut him off.

"No I'm not" Jace said and reached out to touch Alec's cheek, but he moved away, still wide eyed and shocked. Jace dropped his hand, it was probably better if he just didn't do anything to make Alec leave him, that was for the best.

"What? Who are you and what have you done with the Jace I know" Alec stammered, he was trying not to sound too freaked out.

Jace looked away and smirked to himself, he had a feeling that something like this was going to happen, but it was just what Jace knew Alec was going to do, act all confused and scared and push his own feelings towards him away because he didn't want to Jace to be mad at him, but Jace could never be mad at him they were best friends after all.

Jace looked back at Alec with all the seriousness he could muster up with out laughing, because right now Alec looked like he was just waiting for Jace to slap him or something, it was quite funny.

"You're looking at him" Jace said boring his eyes into Alec's, Alec just stared at him as a couple different emotions flittered across his face that Jace couldn't make out because the room was getting darker. But one that he had caught or he had thought he had seen was hurt, but Jace didn't want to hurt Alec, never in his dreams did he ever thing about hurting Alec, that was the last thing he would do, it lingered in his eyes before it disappeared, but Jace was just going to have to show Alec that he didn't want to hurt him.

Quickly before Alec had time to respond to that comment, Jace did the only thing he could think of that would show Alec that he wasn't mad at him or upset or anything. Jace leaned in without even a blink of an eye and place his lips roughly against Alec's. The warm burning feeling filled Jace again and he sighed, Alec gasp and started to pull away but Jace wasn't going to let him get away that easily, and grabbed at Alec's shoulder for support. Jace could tell that Alec was tense and he need to relax more, but it was probably the idea that his best friend who he was crushing on was kissing him that made him so stiff. Jace smirked under Alec's mouth and ran his tongue against Alec's lower lip waiting for entrance to his mouth.

Jace could feel Alec shiver and totally relax, he must have known now that Jace wasn't playing around, and it was probably wonderful for him, having the one he loved return his feelings, but how could Jace not have, he had been blind before, now his eyes were open, and it would have only been a matter of time before he ended up with Alec anyway they had been raised together, always there for each other never to let the other one down, to pick them up when they fell, just like Alec had done today, if only Jace had seen it before.

Alec's mouth opened against Jace's and Jace slowly slid his tongue in and ran it over the roof of Alec's mouth, Jace could feel Alec run his tongue on the underside of his and it sent shivers up his spine, slowly his arm began to run around Alec's neck and Alec placed a hand on the back of Jace's neck pulling him closer, deepening the kiss. Soon their tongues were in a battle for dominance and Jace let Alec win, really he couldn't help it, Alec was good with his tongue.

Before long or what seemed like forever, they were both gasping for air, but none of them wanted to break the heated kiss, and the slow burning that had started in Jace when he had first kissed Alec was now a roaring fire, he needed to pull away soon if he wanted any chance of living. He pulled away, and rested his forehead against Alec's, he opened his eyes, and smiled, Alec's eyes were still closed but he had big smile was plastered on his face as well.

"Mmmmmm" Alec hummed rubbing his nose against Jace's. He had probably waited for a kiss like that from Jace for a long time; Jace was happy that he could give it to him, maybe now he would leave Mangus and be with him. But that was only a hope since Jace had no idea what Alec was going to do now.

"Alec Lightwood" Jace breathed, his grip on Alec's neck never loosened it only pulled him closer.

"Yes" Alec said in a slurry tone, his eyes never opened but Jace could picture that there was probably pure happiness shining in those deep blue pools of his.

"I Love you"