CHAPTER ONE
One Syllable.
"OK." It hurt me so badly, so badly, I wanted to just sit down and cry. Sit down and DIE. I just felt so forsaken. But I don't want to pressure him, I told myself. I don't want him to be forced to do something he doesn't want to. I mean, I don't care much if I am hurt. I could care less if I died. I could care less if some random stranger came up to me and shoved a freaking knife in my throat. I could care less. I look sad, and he says not to do that to him. Do what? Grab his heart and throw it on the ground? Why would I do that to someone I had told I loved? I wouldn't do that. I don't say I love you, and then say, "Can we be friends?" He says that im mad at him. That hurts me. I am crying by now. What can I say, other than, why, why, WHY? Why does this always happen to me? What did I do to deserve it? Did I do something wrong? Is love something to toy around with? I don't understand. Maybe I should retrace my steps?
CHAPTER TWO
Second Time
The blonde handed me the gun. "There is only one shot in that barrel." He warned. "You miss, then that's it." He looked at me softly. "Girl, what are you going to do with that?" "Why," I say. "I have no clue." I flash him a platinum blonde smile, which is pretty hard to do, if i do say so myself. "I'll give this back to you soon, Koyotomi," I wave. "Im not going to do anything stupid, if that is what you mean…"
"Arisa…..dont……kill anyone. Or yourself." "Koyotomi, Koyotomi, Koyotomi…" I tease. "Now why would I do something like that?" He stands with his hands covering his eyes. "Because, Arisa, you did once before." He sighed. "And no guy is worth doing it twice. I don't wanna lose my best friend. Again." "I won't…." I stop. "I really don't know what im going to do." I add.
CHAPTER THREE
Third Grade
As I walk out, Koyotomi's words still haunt me. "You did once before," Hell…I didn't need that reminder. I was planning on doing this with no regrets. With no fear. But now he had scared me. And I can deal with it. I glare at the gun. Its so shiny, so inviting. Pull the trigger, Arisa, I hear it practiacally calling to me. You need me, Arisa, you need to end this. I scoff. I do not need it. I lean over the edge of the bridge. Staring at the still lake, I make my decision. I throw the gun into the lake and watch it sink. Sink to the bottom of the abyss. I can't believe I almost relived third grade. Third grade I was dangerously suicidal. I would get upset in class, and start crying. My friends would start whispering about me, and think I couldnt hear. But I could. Despite what the teacher said, I would get up from my chair and run outside. I didn't care. I would bang my head against the wall, so hard, it gave me headaches. So hard, one time, my head started bleeding. The teachers felt bad for me, they said. So they sat me by myself, in the back of the room. That reaally helped. Helped me start to cut my hair, my arms, and my face. One day, a kid came by and saw the red trickling down my cheeks. "Arisa?" he asked, pale as can be. "ARISA?" Guess you can say he saved me. For a while, anyways.
CHAPTER FOUR
Four reasons not to
There are four main reasons why I decided to throw that gun into the lake. And, no, my family isnt one of them. They could probably care less. Mikimari, Michelle, Lei, and Koyotomi. They are always telling me how great I am. During that time in third grade, they were the only ones who truly cared. Well, I didn't know Mikimari, Michelle and Lei, yet, but I did know Koyotomi. I met Koyotomi in class. He was the boy who noticed I was bleeding. He helped me and alterted the teachers. I called him a tattle-tail, and other reallly bad things…or whatever is bad in the third grade. But, he didn't show any hurt, and he didn't wince when my nails dug into his arm as he hugged me and wiped the blood off. I was so shocked. In 6th grade, we met Mikimari, Michelle and Lei. They were a big support, and they understood everything, seeing as they went through the same thing, though not as bad as my terror. Now we are in 10th grade, and everything was ok, until Vince broke me down.
CHAPTER FIVE
Meeting Vince
I met Vince at the beginning of the 10th grade. He was…quiet. Something inside was telling me to go up and talk to him, and something else was saying that he was trouble. But with me, trouble is something im used to. Kinda. Anyways, I go up to him and he gives me a warm smile. My heart is beating fast, for some reason. "Hi," I say, and surprisingly, it's nearly a whisper. "Hello," he greets me. "Im Vincent, but, you, may call me Vince." He's so pretty. I just wanted to touch him, to talk to him more. Then the stupd bell rings. "Damn," I get up from the chair next to him. How did I get there? "Sorry, Vincen…Vince, But I gotta go! Im gonna be late for Chem…" I start to walk away. He grabs my hand. He is so warm. "Chemistry in Lockshans Room? G2?" "Um, yeah….is that your next class?" then boldy I add, "Because if it is, I could show you the way?" He flashes one of his smiles, "Yeah, it is, and thanks." He seemed perfect. But then, there is an uncanny way of how im always wrong.
CHAPTER SIX
The shattering
A few months after Vince and I met, he asked me out. We had such a great time on our first date, we went to an arcade. While he played some shooting game, I would watch him…and I have to say…it wasn't that interesting. But he sensed my boredom, so he gave the controller and a quarter to a little kid, took my hand, and let me pick a game. "Choose, Arisa, Choose!" so I walked around and found it. A DDR Machine. He had no clue what to do, so I showed him. "Wow, you are hella good." He said. That's basically what we did for a few months. Then, one day, he suddenly grabbed me by the arm. Not gently, like normal. "Arisa, you little slut," he breathed. "You have been cheating on me." I smelled alchahol. "You were cheating on me with him!" he points to Koyotomi. "I see how you two are always together, never separated, always at each others houses." He paused to give Koyotomi the bird. "YOU LITTLE FUCK!" he screamed. Suddenly, he lunged at Koyotomi. Being drunk, he missed. "VINCE!" I yelled. He took out a gun. It all happened so fast. The gun. The alchahol. The blood. Me and Koyotomi kneeling next to Vince, who lay unconcious, no, dead before us. The teachers came and screamed. Mr. Paetol called an ambulance. I was shattered. Before he died I was shattered. I was shattered….
CHAPTER SEVEN
The Rehearsal
I was picked for the lead role of the school play. Not because im a good actress or anything…just because I looked the part. Yeah. LOOKED the part. I can act. But how the hell would they know that? I didn't even go to the god damned auditions. Heh. The Drama teacher saw me and said I looked perfect for the part. The part of a semi-suicidal. How perfect? Not a good idea, Mrs. Wetsener. I said yes. No one will no that im not acting. Lol. I really will be portraying myself. Heh. Great. So that was a week ago. Now, im on stage. Great, I think. Here we go.