HI GUYS! That's a Love Never Dies Parody and it's conceived as a musical; nearly all of the songs have been rewritten. Yeah, that's right, a SINGABLE PARODY!
CHECK OUT OUR TRAILER ON YOUTUBE! watch?v=Bj0hZ8K3PFA
The story has a few minor changes; Christine has a daughter called Erika instead of a son and the "Amusement Park" isn't quite what she had expected…
Meet a Phantom that's obsessed with Christine's butt cheeks, a pitiful mental wreck called Raoul and a Christine who's as dumb… well, as dumb as she actually is!
I'm gonna update weekly so stay tuned…
Please note:
The characters of "Love Never Dies" belong to those whose literary property they are. And I'm sure glad that isn't me. Phew!
There might be some sexual allusions; I hope they're not offensive to anybody.
I'm using abbreviations. Therefore:
B=Bartender
C= Christine
E= Erika
M= Meg
MG= Madam Giry
P= Phantom
R= Raoul
Note to self: Introduction in the next chapter has to be shorter! :)
(A dark corridor; Madam Giry carries a dinner tray with breakfast to a room and stops in front of the closed door)
MG (Knocks on the door): Monsieur? Are you in there? (Sighs; Knocks again) Monsieur? I've got breakfast for you.
(Listens)
MG: You can't lock yourself up all day. That's ludicrous and you know it. (Knocks again) Monsieur?
P (from the inside, Melody of "Oh Christine"):
Oh Christine, I can't shed
No more tears… sixteen years…
(Sobs)
MG: Sixteen years… (Moans, puts down the breakfast) Oh my dear monsieur… It's no use. She won't come. Sixteen years is a long time. Who knows if she would recognize you? Or even remember you? She can't still bear you in mind. That's impossible. She doesn't even know you're still alive. Let past be past. Let bygones be bygones. (a bit louder, so that the Phantom hears her from the outside)
Please, monsieur. I guess it would be the best for all of us if you just let her go. (Quieter) And if you finally got rid of that doll!
P (off stage): I heard that. Madam Giry, please. Leave me alone.
MG: But please, be reasonable. She won't come back. She can't come. Why should she? She's at the back of beyond. And you're IN the back of beyond.
(Phantom sobs)
MG: (Knocks again) Monsieur, I've got your morning mail. There seems to be a letter from…
(Pauses) That can't be.
"To …" What a stupid name. "Pleasure hearing from you. Whoever you may be. I come. Christine…" Mh, the "Daee" is scratched out and "Vicomte de Chagny" is written instead, as well as "Sorry, don't know how to do anything right." Well she sure doesn't…!
(Knocks again on the door)
MG: Monsieur! Can you hear me? Monsieur!
(Inside of the Phantoms room the Phantom dresses a "Christine doll" in a ridiculous white dress whilst singing; He then pushes her aside)
P: (To the melody of "'Til I hear you sing")
Sixteen years
Nothing gained but an old brothel
Sixteen years
Wasting time on girls and entertainment
(Pauses) Well… they didn't all go to waste
In my dreams
I see butt cheeks pure and unearthly
But I find
None to squeeze since the day you left me
Oh Christine, in my dreams
You're not gone, with your thong
The day starts
The girls start
To get undressed
At nights dancers are all just whores
Might be someone's cup
Yet I can't get it up
'Til I see your string
And girls pass
And sluts pass
All away
Still I can't stop to want more
And though I'm stressed
Feelings stay repressed
'Til I see your string once more
And some nights I dream that
We make love in my chair
But wake humping nothing
But my pillow there
And spring comes
And autumn
And winter's cold
Still I lay down on the floor
Since I've been denied
I can't be satisfied
'Til I see your string once more
And beauty, your beautiful
Thighs move in my head
But you're not with me, I stay
Alone in bed
And boners
And urges
Have to die
Without you, what are they for?
I just can't wait
You'll come, it is your fait
(The Phantom reveals a giant tableau of Christine's derrière with a thong on)
So, I'll see your string once more
Once more… (Whilst singing he's squeezing her butt cheeks in dreams)
(Silence)
MG (off stage): Monsieur! Will you stop that singing for a moment and let me in? I've a message for you.
P (Tries to hide the "Christine doll" poorly then shouts): Come in!
(Madam Giry enters the room handing over the letter)
MG: A letter for you.
P: Oh. I hoped it was a note. Well, maybe some other time. Is it a bill? Have some of the girls refused to do something that they should have done… or better not have done?
MG: It's a personal letter.
P: What? Who wrote it?
MG: Christine…
P (Takes a closer look at the opened letter): And you dare to invade my privacy?
MG: I knew you would ask me who wrote it and what was written.
P: So… (Sighs) What does she write?
MG: She'll come.
P (Delighted): What? But that's not possible!
MG: Someone invited her to sing at an "Amusement Park". That's a nice word for it, sir. Someone who designates himself… …
P: What should I've written? "The Phantom without an Opera"?
MG: Why didn't you name yourself, like I suggested, Mr. Y?
P: Why? Why Y? I mean, it seems alright with the one letter, but why Y?
MG: That reminds me, we've had that problem before. Anyway. She'll come and sing. And she's grateful for the fee you sent her. (Stares at him angrily)
P: I had to do something to make it more attractive.
MG: I'm afraid she would have been grateful just for singing! She had to quit singing after her marriage with le Vicomte. This was truly not necessary.
P: I just wanted to make sure that I can have her again. Her…
(Madam Giry catches sight of the giant tableau; she shakes her head and sighs)
MG: Whatever it is that you're planning: I hope that you know what you're doing and I know that you don't.
M (off stage): Mr. XXX?
MG: That's Meg. Why don't you tell her about it right away? She won't be a happy bunny about it at all.
P: Why should she?
MG: Meg?
(Meg enters the room, dressed in the classic playboy bunny costume)
M: Everyone's ready for the big show. (Adjusts her stuffed and padded cups) And everything seems to be in the right place.
P: Fine, Meg, thank you. (Madam Giry pokes him while looking at him furious, the Phantom clears his throat then asks Meg) Miss Giry?
M: Yes, ?
P: Would you find it offensive if I had asked SOMEONE to sing SOMETHING on SOME evening performance?
M: I doubt that, sir. Unless, of course it's someone I truly contemn. But I've got to go now, sir.
P: Certainly, Meg. Thank you.
M: No, thank you sir!
(Meg runs out of the room, Madam Giry clears her throat)
P: She didn't seem that upset.
MG: THAT MAY BE BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T TELL HER WHO WILL SING AND WHAT SHE WILL SING AND WHEN SHE WILL SING IT! I doubt that she can stand the sight of her again. Surely she'll try to take her place.
P: It's an unenviable position.
MG: But it's HER position. Do you remember what she did with the last girl who tried to challenge her position?
P: Why did you have to remind me? I wish I had forgotten about it…
MG: Poor Girl. It sure wasn't nice of Meg to stab her with her high heels. But it was too late, nevertheless. She had already strangled her with a wig.
(Madam Giry pats him on the back)
MG: I sure hope she doesn't blow a fuse. She won't be pleased at all that another singer arrives.
P: What do you mean by that? Christine isn't a singer, not even Meg is a singer. Both of them were ballet dancers in the first musical. Don't you remember it? You took care of them! Therefore, why should they be able to sing now? They have never been capable of singing and I doubt that they have improved.
MG: But you liked Christine's voice.
P: Of course I liked her. I adore her. It's the only thing I've ever created. Except for those traps at the opera house, of course. I wish I could hear her sing again. And I'll wait
(Starts singing)Till I…
MG (sighs): See your string, I know, I know. I heard you.
(Phantom clears his throat)
MG: I guess it would be best if you talked to Meg again before Christine's arrival. Did you hear me, Monsieur? BEFORE her arrival!
P: Yes, of course, of course. Meg wouldn't shoot the messenger of bad news, would she?
(Madam Giry grins knowingly)
MG: You remember what she did with the girl WHO TOLD HER about the girl who challenged her position?
P: NOW, of course! It's only a figure of speech; she didn't have to do it! And why do you let her keep the gun, for god's sake?
MG(proudly): She's my little angel.
P: I'm afraid Christine might not be bulletproof. So, what are you going to do about it, Madam Giry?
MG: Me? You're her boss!
P: You're her mother! She won't hurt you!
MG: But I'm not worried about Christine.
P: You should be. (Sighs) I sure hope she hasn't got a son, by now. Although… I shouldn't wonder. It's been a long time since I've seen her the last time.
MG: And why are you afraid that she has a son by now? Does this mean you'll have to admit defeat?
P (ironically at first): No I'm afraid that he can't swim and will be pushed into the sea by Meg, who is furious because Christine took her place. WHAT A DUMB IDEA! Of course I would be deeply ashamed that Raoul won her over. And her beautiful voice…and her body…
MG: And her butt cheeks.
P: What… what did you say that for?
MG: It's obvious, isn't it?
P: Alright, alright. I'll talk to her. Sometimes. Later.
(Madam Giry leaves the room; the Phantom sighs and reveals the Christine doll again)
P: Oh, Christine….
So, that's the first Chapter. What do you think of it? Anything to criticize? I'll answer to every review, no matter how short it is. Suggestions and complaints are welcome. PLEASE, PLEASE LET ME KNOW!
That's all for now, hope you enjoyed it :)