#1 – Foolishly

I wrote this LONG time ago. I thought it was pretty sweet, so I posted this up. (: Well, enjoy.

Summary: On the night of Christmas, three years after Ikuto's gone, Amu sat on the grass and cried. What'll happen after Ikuto found her? Amuto , two-shot.

Sitting on the grass that he used to lay on, it makes me think of him again.

He had left for three years now. I'm supposed to be happy for him and continue living my life as it is before his appearance. I've tried, but I had failed.

His existence had changed me.

I tried to go out with Tadase. I thought I would be happy that way, but on the very day he left, he took a very big piece of my heart along with him.

My chest is almost empty. I doubt anyone could fill the hole up again.

Tadase tried to act like him to catch my heart, but my heart was dead in my chest.

A lot of other guys had confessed, yet I had just rejected them. I don't think I can remember when the last time I smiled to people.

Rima and Nagi, who is a couple now, had tried to cheer me up. However, they failed to make me smile again.

On this very night, this snowy night, I'm out in the snow, foolishly thinking that he'll return. I've kept contact with him for a while, but the last time I've heard his voice was six months ago.

I want to see that smirk again. I want to feel again. Papa, mama and Ami had started to treat me like an invisible piece of paper. They don't even care what time I went home.

And for the same reason, I haven't spoken for two days.

Tadase knew that my feelings for him had changed. Everyone has a partner now… Rima with Nagi, like I said before, Utau with Kukai, Yaya and Kairi, they're all couples now.

Everyone thought that Tadase and I was going out, however, somehow, Utau and Rima managed to get the truth out of my mouth.

Oh, when is he coming back? Months ago, when I still spoke, I had asked Utau if she knew when her brother would be back, but she always told me that she didn't know.

The sky's so beautiful right now… But does it matter? No, because I feel so imperfect. My heart aches for the emptiness of my chest.

He took my heart, world and soul away from me. All I want is just to see him again. If I do, it doesn't matter if I'm going to get hurt if he's going to leave me again.

I don't understand, is there a need for him to leave and find his father? Maybe he just wants to find out what that extra egg was.

Maybe he's already on the tour with his father, maybe he had not found his father… Maybe he had already moved on to another girl… Maybe we'll never see each other again… Who knows what had happened?

Maybe he was lying when he said that he loved me. Maybe he was just teasing me. Maybe I was foolish enough to think that he actually loves me.

As I think of him in this cold patch of grass, I started crying. I don't care if it's cold. I don't care if it's midnight and my family's running everywhere, looking for me to have a Christmas Eve dinner. All I care about is him. I want him back. I just want to have a glance at him. I don't care if he doesn't remember me – maybe I do care, a little. But, still, I want to see his beautiful midnight blue orbs, at lease just for the one last time.

The moon is big in the air, just like the day that he came to my balcony with a bag of snacks as apology. No, I don't understand why the moon has to be so big.

Tomorrow is going to be Christmas… Then it'll mark the fourth year that I'm waiting here. I can't believe four years had just passed like that.

I felt soft, cold things covering my head, my hand and my shoulders. I looked up to realize that it'd started snowing… Wow, it's ironic how every year, I sit here on Christmas Eve and it starts snowing till the end of Christmas.

I shivered at the thought. I stared into the sky and tried to find some stars, but there were none…

He was never going to return right? That's why he said that he'll never see me again right? That's why he said that, right?

I don't know whether I still can trust his words or not. I know he'd won his bet with me. I had fallen in love with him, hard. And he has probably already won his bet by finding his father. Does that mean that I have to forget him? When he leaves, does it mean that I have to let go? I would want the memory to stay with me forever, but, is that even possible?

What am I suppose to do? I don't feel like I'm alive anymore. Must I continue living to see him? Can't I die and see him in the afterlife?

But what if he still loves me? No, that won't happen. Who'll love me other than Tadase? I bet he's just teasing me that night. This is just ridiculous.

I'm just going to stay here until the end of Christmas. Somehow, it makes me feel safe…

Sorry if it sucks. ):

Please R&R?