Oh god you guys, I did a thing. I've been watching too many romantic dramas. I think I'm officially ready to take the plunge into a whole story, if you want it. This is definitely not Infinity Wars compliant. And if you haven't figured it out yet, I have no definite time line for most of my one, two, or three shots, I just write what the muse throw at me when it throws it. So this is for sure a stand-alone thing, but brings in some familiar elements from previous stories. I did my best to write a kid's dialogue, but kept it short for now until I get the hang of it. Please let me know if this is absolute trash, or you want more.
I own no characters affiliated with Marvel.
It's a balmy February afternoon in Malibu when Steve Rogers pulls up to Tony Stark's mansion. Five years since he'd laid eyes on the man inside. They'd only recently resumed contact with each other. The pardon from the president had come through four years ago but deeper wounds need more time to heal. Iron man was now semi-retired and any missions he did happen to accept never brought him close to Steve, or the others. While the contact between the two of them had been nonexistent, he mended his fences with the others long ago.
He took the stairs leading to the door slowly, wondering how cowardly it would be to turn tail and get on the next flight back to New York. But he knew this was something he had to do. If he was being honest with himself, he had missed the man inside these walls more than he could tell. He slowly brought his knuckles down on the mostly transparent door and after a beat he could see someone female walking toward him. His heart leapt to his throat. Could it be her?
The door opened to reveal the tall, slim, strawberry blonde figure of Pepper Potts-Stark. One look at Steve and her eyes were shining with tears. She wasted no time pulling the blonde man into a hug, which Steve returned with interest. He softly kissed her cheek, his thick dark beard scratching it as he did so.
"Steve. It's...oh my god it's so good to see you." She swipes at a tear that had escape beneath her lashes. Steve smiles, a real smile, at her and lets her hug him once more.
"Good to see you too Pep. You look fantastic." And he means it. She looks like she's hardly aged a day since he'd seen her last. She's dressed down in a pair of capris and loose fitting tank top, but something about her still strikes Steve as professional. She ushers him through the doors and into the cavernous foyer lined in white tile floors and dark blue walls.
"C'mon, he's in the office." He obediently follows behind her as she leads him to the back of the house. They stop in front of heavy looking white paneled door and she knocks twice before a voice calls out for them to enter.
Tony looks the same as always. His hair is still thick and dark and so is his goatee. Steve can't help the amusement he feels at the smattering of silver he's got running through both though.
"Hon, look who's here." Pepper present Steve to Tony proudly. Tony drops the pen he's holding in his hand and stands from his chair. He takes a long moment to appraise his former teammate before slowly walking toward him and extending a hand outward. Steve eyes it momentarily before grasping it in his own. Pepper watches the two men shake hands for a beat too long before Tony pulls the large man into a brisk hug. Steve's a little shocked by the action, but finally pats him on the back a couple times. Tony pulls away and straightens himself before directing Steve to have a seat in front of the desk he had previously occupied.
Pepper excuses herself, promising a quick return with drinks. Tony gives her a smile in thanks as she leaves. Steve takes a moment to look around the room. A small smile stretches over his face at the pictures he's got hanging on the walls. While there's a fair amount of Tony shaking hands with foreign and domestic dignitaries, it's the ones of his friends that catch his attention. Candid and professional pictures taken throughout the years. Steve's heart nearly stops at the first picture of Kitty his eyes scan over. He knows it's more recent. Wherever it was taken had seen a fair amount of snow as its reaching her knees. She's still smiling that brilliant smile of hers.
Steve also notices a fair amount of pictures of a boy. Baby pictures, toddler, young child. He's about to question it when Tony's voice throws him off course.
"It's really good to see you Cap." Steve turns to his friend. He nods and relaxes back in his chair.
"It's good to see you to Tony. Thanks for taking my call." He's referring to the call that Steve had been trying to will himself to make for the better part of a year. Natasha had begged him for
previous three to put the past where it belonged, to reach out.
"I know the things that happened… we can't erase them. But I'm not gettin any younger and I'd rather make my peace with my friends before I can't." Steve can't relate since he's not really getting much older. He's gotten a couple more wrinkles around the eyes, but he looks more or
less the same.
"I'm happy to do that Tony. Things aren't the same without you around." The older man chuckles.
"Careful Cap, you'll inflate my ego." Steve can only smile and shake his head.
"I don't think it can get any bigger Stark." Steve fidgets in his seat a little, trying to figure out how to broach the next subject. "Bucky said you, uh, reached out." Tony nods and drums his fingers on the top of his desk.
"Well there's no you without Barnes. My shrink says I need to work past my grudges and forgive. So I'm taking that for a spin. Wanna see if it works."
"And has it been working?" Tony shrugs and gestures to Steve.
"Well you're here so I must be doin somethin right. Walk with me Rogers." Steve follows Tony from the room, down the long hallway Pepper had lead him down earlier. He takes in more photos hanging on the walls. It's mostly Pepper's family that occupies these, but Steve catches another glimpse of the small boy again.
Tony leads them out onto the concrete balcony and Steve's glad he wore a t-shirt to combat the heat. He takes the seat across from Tony and waits for his friend to speak. He looks uneasy and Steve's not sure if it's his presence or something else. Pepper joins them again with two rocks glasses full of amber liquid. She hands one to each man who thank her while accepting. She's holding a book under her arm that she passes to Tony with his glass.
"I thought maybe something stronger might help. I'll leave you two alone." Tony gives her a tender kiss before she departs, leaving them alone once more.
"Tony? What's going on?" He watches as his friend takes a drink from the glass first before putting the nondescript book on the table. "It's Kitty, isn't it? Something happened." Tony winces at his words and Steve wants to vomit. "Please Tony. Is she hurt? Is she… did she…?" Surely someone would have told her if she was sick, or hurt or if god forbid she had died, right?
"What? Oh god, no Rogers she's fine. She's great actually. But there's something you should know. I don't really have permission to tell you what I'm telling you, but since when has that ever stopped me? If we're mending fences, there's a big gaping hole that has to be fixed first." He slides the book in front of him over to Steve who hesitantly pulls it in front of him. Tony gestures to him to open it and when he does he's greeted by page after page of the little boy in the photos.
Every page he flips seems like a different year. The little guy is pictured with Kitty mostly, but there's a fair amount with Tony and Pepper as well. Even Rhodey's featured in a few. Steve's heart sinks for the hundredth time that day.
"Well it's not like I figured I'd get an invitation to the wedding, but I thought someone would have
told me." Steve's sullen voice pulls Tony's wandering attention back to him.
"What are you talking about?"
"Looks like she got everything she ever wanted. Everything I couldn't give to her. A husband, a kid, a really cute kid." Tony clears his throat and takes another deep drink from his glass that leaves only ice behind. Steve's is still beside him, untouched.
"Rogers, do you… can I… do me a favor and take a closer look at the kid, will ya?" Steve's brow furrows in confusion but he does as Tony bids. He stops at a particular picture of what looks like a birthday party. The candle stuck in the top of the cake is shaped like a 5. The little boy is sitting behind it in Kitty's lap, both wearing big smiles.
So Steve let's his eyes trail over every feature. Light blonde hair, the color of sand almost. His eyes from what Steve can tell are a clear, bright hazel. A perfect union of green and blue. All this Steve takes in with interest but what really draws his attention is the boy's nose. It looks alarmingly similar to his own, he muses.
Tony slides another pictures his way. He looks at it out of the corner of his eye, his face still turned down toward the smiling pair in the picture. He takes it in hand and is surprised to see his enlistment photo, pre-serum. "Maybe that'll help clear it up." Steve exhales sharply as he slides both pictures side by side. He realizes now, that he's looking at the carbon copy of himself. All apart from the eyes that he knows Kitty had an equal contribution to. He feels sweaty and cold at the same time. He takes this opportunity to empty his glass in one go.
"Tony. Are you telling me…is this my son?" He speaks the words lowly as if he says them quietly enough, they won't be true. It won't be true that he has a son that he's never met with the woman he foolishly left behind.
"Congrats Rogers. Welcome to the wonderful world of fatherhood." Tony's tone is nothing but sarcastic but Steve doesn't find it funny at all. He feels sick, and heartbroken. Like there's a hole in his heart.
"How… why did she keep this from me?" He can't fight the tears in his eyes anymore as his large fingers trace over the boy's face. Tony sighs deeply, wishing he had another drink. Thankfully, Pepper could read his mind and stepped through the door with the bottle of bourbon and another glass. She shocked them both by pouring herself a glass before sliding it Tony.
"To be fair, last time you saw each other, you threw her into a car and took off on a jet with Barnes." Anger swells in Steve's chest but it's quickly extinguished by the sympathetic look on both Tony and Pepper's faces. He draws in a shaky breath and nods, knowing Tony's telling only the truth.
"She begged me not to do what I was doing. She told me she had something to tell me, something big. But I was too caught up with you, and Bucky, and the accords. That day, with the car…" he trails off and grounds the heels of his palms into his eyes to try to stop the tears. Pepper reaches over to take his hand in hers, which he accepts. "I was just trying to make her understand, I never meant to…"
"We know, kid. I'm not saying I agree with her decision because I don't. I- we, begged her to call you. She didn't think it was what you would have wanted. She didn't think you could process the choice you'd have to make if you knew." Tony was halfway through his second drink now. It killed him to have to say those words to his friend. Despite what had happened between the two of them, he knew Steve would have dropped everything if he'd known.
"What's his name? How old is he? Where are they now?" The questions fall from his lips rapid fire and Tony gestures to him to breathe. Pepper interjects.
"He's five, Steve. That picture was taken at his birthday party this year. He wanted a dinosaur party so of course Pop Pop pulled out all the stops. He was born on January 16th at 4:41 in the morning. You would have been so proud of Kitty. She was in labor for sixteen hours before he finally decided to make his debut." She's smiling fondly at the memories but Steve takes no happiness in her words. He only feels more guilt, more anguish.
"His name is Grant. Grant Anthony James Rogers." Tony finally gains the nerve to speak again. He continues to stare guiltily into his glass. Steve sniffles but smiles a little at the name Tony gives.
"She gave him my name?" Tony wants to tease and tell him she technically gave him to of his names and his too, but he decides to only nod instead. Now probably wasn't the best time for jokes.
"The reason we asked you here, now, is because they're coming to stay with us for awhile." Pepper explains. She's still holding tightly to Steve's hand, not letting go until he's ready. Alarm bells begin to fire off in Steve's head. He knows, well he knew, Kitty Stark and she wouldn't take kindly to all of this being sprung on her. Fortunately, Tony knows this too, which is why he told her Steve would be here. Pepper speaks for him. "She knows you're here. We all thought with you and Tony making amends, maybe it was time you two did as well."
"I thought you said you didn't have permission to tell me?" Steve questions.
"I didn't have permission to tell you everything. So I'd appreciate it if you left out most of what I
told you. Just act surprised." Steve chuckles, not out of humor but complete disbelief.
"Don't think that's gonna be a problem. Who else knows?" Tony's quick to supply the answer he knows Steve wants to hear.
"Thor, because she couldn't really keep that from him. And Rhodey because he's always around." Steve's a little shocked no one else on the team knows. He wonders how she kept it a secret for so long but he knows she's resourceful. And then there's always the alternative.
"She's had him on Asgard, hasn't she?" Tony knew this question was coming and he was dreading it. It was bad enough to spring it on the man that he had a child but to know said child had been living on an alien planet for five years. Yeesh. Again Pepper comes through to save him.
"On and off. He was born here. They stayed with us for awhile, and then she took him back. They come and stay a couple weeks at a time once a month. She wants him to know where he comes from." Steve nods like he understands, but he still doesn't think he's really processing it all.
Two slamming car doors and a delighted squeal snap them all to attention and Pepper jumps out her seat. "Oh my god they're early. They weren't supposed to be here until tomorrow morning." She's rushing off the patio and into the house. Steve looks at Tony in pure terror.
"Tony. Does he know who I am? That I exist?" Tony looks frantically from the door back to Steve.
"Uh, kinda. He knows who Captain America is, and he sorta understands Captain America is his dad. We've been warming him up to the idea, but I'm not sure how well it stuck. Plus, you're not in uniform-"
"Should I put it on?" Steve whispers frantically. Tony looks shocked.
"You brought it with? No, no. Let him meet you as...you." Steve nods jerkily. He scrubs a hands down his face to make sure all the evidence of tears is gone. He manages to catch a glimpse of a blonde blur that whips through the house at full speed. A laughing Pepper trailing behind him. He wonders how he's gonna do this.
"Kid?" Steve's not sure when Tony started calling him kid instead of gramps, or capsicle, or why he responds to it, but it makes him turn to him regardless. "You ready?" Another nod from Steve tells Tony it's time.
Steve hangs back behind Tony as he opens the glass door and steps in. He's immediately assaulted by a child sized torpedo, nearly knocking him off balance. But Tony's had a lot of practice and catches him easily and settles him on his hip. The child starts rattling off a story at a million words a minute, a trait Steve knows is not from him.
"Steve." A voice from behind him makes spin on his heel and place his hand over his racing heart. Kitty Stark is here, right in front him, still as beautiful as the night is dark. Her dark hair nearly reaches her hips now, but that seems to be the only noticeable change to her appearance. Her body is still lean and strong with curves in all the right places and Steve can't help but think how gorgeous she is even in a pair of leggings and hooded sweatshirt.
He doesn't know that she's feeling the same. His handsome face is unchanged, though the beard is new. He's clad in straight legged denim and black T-shirt. While it brings her joy that he looks so whole and healthy, it pains her to know she can't reach out grab his hand, or kiss his lips. Everything has changed and he has every right to hate her for what she's done.
"Kitty." His reply is not devoid of anger and it makes her slightly recoil. They each take a few hesitant steps toward each other so they're now only a few feet apart.
"Steve, we have a lot of time to talk about us and why I did what I did." Her eyes dart to the boy who seems to have noticed them from his place inside. "But I need you to tell me right now if you're in or you're out. I can't...I won't let you break his heart too." Steve is visibly hurt by her words but she can't let that distract her. "If this isn't something you can handle, tell me now and you can walk away." Steve's hand darts out to grab Kitty's but she wrenches it from his grasp. "Please Steve." She begs him. He stares down at his hand feeling like a broken man, but he nods.
"Kitty, you didn't give me a choice. You made one for me." Kitty's heart begins to race as her son heads for the door.
"I'm letting you make one now. I promise you can tell me how much you hate me later. We'll compare notes, but you need to tell me." Steve's eyes follow hers to the door and he smirks a little. He turns to her, tears shining bright in his eyes. The sight nearly kills Kitty.
"If you'll let me, I'd very much like to prove you wrong on everything you think of me." Kitty sighs. She wants to hug him, soothe him, apologize but it needs to wait just a little longer.
"We'll come back to that statement later. But now, we're out of time." The door swings open with a cry of "Ma!" And Kitty's pained expression is forced away, replaced by a beaming smile. She crouches down to catch the boy in her arms and Steve thinks it might be the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. He catches Pepper and Tong hovering in the doorway on edges of his vision.
"Hey love bug. I want you to meet someone, yeah?" She nods her head to Steve and the boy's eyes look like they're going to pop out of his head.
"Holy shit, you're Captain America!" Steve chokes and all four adults are quick to yell out a cry of "language!". Tony does smirk just a little because the kid's got kind of a lisp which makes his swear sound more like "thit". The boy gives his mother a sheepish smile before turning his attention to the super soldier before him. Steve scratches the back of his neck awkwardly.
"Yeah, but why don't you call me Steve?" The boy boldly steps towards Steve and stretches out his outrageously small hand towards the Captain. The elder Rogers crouches down to his height and carefully takes it his own and meets the boy, his son's eyes.
"I'm Grant Rogers, and I know you're my dad." It's Tony's turn to choke this time. Pepper's frozen and Kitty stands guard close behind her boy.
Grant releases Steve's hand and reaches into the pocket on his jeans. He holds his closed fist out to Steve who opens his palm out to the boy. The deposited object is a picture, or a piece of one. It's a picture of a grinning Steve and Kitty, his arm thrown around her shoulders.
"Ma gave it to me. I sleep with it under my pillow, that's why it's all crumpled and stuff." Steve clears his throat, trying once more to keep the tears from his eyes. "So…you are actually my dad, right?" Steve takes in little Grant's appearance. The longer he stares the more clear it becomes that even if he wanted to deny this kid, no one would believe him.
"Yeah buddy. I'm your dad." His son smiles at him and Steve could die a happy man right then. Grant launches himself into his father's arms and Steve grabs him up quickly. He holds him with a safe pressure against his own body. He realizes he has no idea what he's doing, or how to interact with children. He hasn't had a lot of experience. He decides he'll just do what feels natural. So he runs his hands through the soft sandy hair and lets Grant wind his arms around his neck.
"I've been waiting for you for a long time." Grant mutters against Steve's neck. This time Steve
can't do a thing to stop the tears as they roll down his cheeks.
"Sorry I'm late, Pal. I promise I'll make it up to you. And your ma." He makes sure Kitty can hear the solemn promise and she has to turn away to wipe her own tears away, but when she's collected herself she kneels on the ground to the left of Steve. She rests one slender hand on her son's back and hesitantly lowers the other to Steve's.
When Grant pulls away to look at his parents, he frowns at the tears his father wears on his face. Kitty smiles as his chubby hands reach up to wipe them away with his palm. Steve's heart is lodged firmly in his throat. He wants to laugh because these actions are all his mother's. He clearly gives his affections easily. "Ma says it's okay for boys to cry if they get hurt. Did ya get hurt?" Steve let's a low, watery chuckle slip out as the boy scans him for any injuries.
"No, no pal. I'm just really happy to see you. Sometimes people cry when they're happy too." The little boy looks relieved and gives him a toothy smile. Kitty's smile. Except where Kitty's got all her teeth, Steve can see where a couple of Grant's are missing on the bottom. Steve carefully rests his index finger against Gran't jaw and uses his thumb to pull his lower lip down to get a better look. He whistles lowly. "You get in a fight kiddo?" He teases. The boy giggles in response.
"No silly. Mah baby teeth are fallin out so my big boy teeth can come in. I lost this one a couple weeks ago, see?" He points his index finger at one of the spaces and Steve nods in understanding. "The tooth fairy left me a hundred bucks. She musta really wanted that one." Steve shoots a look to Tony who only shrugs innocently.
"You know when I was your age, we were lucky to get a dime for our teeth. Tooth fairy must like you." Grant shrugs.
"Nah. Pop Pop says she needs teeth to build a addition onto her castle." Kitty chuckles quietly next him and Steve's trying not to laugh as the boy is deadly serious.
"Hey Grant, how about you help me make some dinner? I'm sure everyone could use some." Pepper's waving him toward her. The boy looks hesitant and Steve's already dreading the loss of contact.
"Is it okay if I go with Nona?" Grant looks to his mother first, then to Steve for approval. Kitty nods with a quiet "Of course." It takes Steve a moment to catch on that Grant's waiting for his permission as well. He clears his throat and releases the boy from the loose hold he's got around him.
"Yeah, you go help your...Nona?" Steve assumes it's his word for grandma, as Pop Pop must be grandpa. The distant tone in Steve's voice convinces Grant he needs one more tight squeeze around the neck before he's skipping over to grasp Pepper's waiting hand.
Steve's knees are beginning to ache from the crouch he's been in for so long so he lowers himself completely to the ground. He could have taken a chair, he supposed, but the ground was so much closer. Kitty remains beside him, unspeaking.
"In case you missed it, this is Pepper giving you two the opportunity to...uh...hash things out. Use it." Tony's speaks quietly from where he's halfway inside the door Pepper and Grant just left through. Mother and Father both nod obediently.
"Steve, I-"
"Kitty, I-" They both chuckle nervously. Steve, ever the gentleman, motions for Kitty to speak first.
"Steve. I never meant to keep him from you this long." Steve's irritated by the words almost instantly.
"But why would you keep him from me at all? You gotta help me understand." His words are pleading. Kitty glares.
"The last time we saw each other, you threw me into a car to get to Bucky and you never looked back. But I'm willing to leave that one off the table, for now, as it's really not even the most relevant part of my reasoning." Steve says nothing, just stares at a grouping of trees positioned in front of him. He can't meet her eyes.
"Fine, go on."
"Well, for starters, let's talk about your inability to commit." His head whips to her, a deadly look set upon his face. Kitty could see the anger burning behind his stormy eyes.
"What are you talking about? I loved, I love you. I never stopped."
"It was never a question of you loving me though, was it? It was about what you weren't willing to give up. The fact that saving the world would always come before me. I'm not trying to be selfish, I understand you're Captain America. But all I wanted from you was to tell me that you'd choose me if it all boiled down to it. You told me you couldn't."
Steve throws himself upward into a standing position and stalks away from her, taking up a position at the railing of the balcony. He tries to steady himself by wrapping his hands around the metal there.
"C'mon Steve. We were so hot and cold what did you expect me to do? One minute you're here, you're you, you want to be with me. The next, you're gone for months with only a note left on the nightstand."
"I don't know why you're putting this all one me. That was your life too." He grinds out. He realizes he sounds like a child. Kitty scoffs behind him.
"You're right it was. Missions were a priority over most things. But they were never a priority over you. How long did I wait around for you? I must have looked like the biggest idiot. But I'd convinced myself that if I couldn't have all of you, I'd settle for the parts that you'd let me have. That can't happen with Grant." Steve nods. He doesn't agree with much of what she's saying, but he agrees with her on the last part.
"But why couldn't you tell me? Did you think I wouldn't want him? That I wouldn't be a good dad?" The thought of both of those scenarios makes his heart break all over again. How could she think he wouldn't want him? He'd only met the kid thirty minutes ago and he was already in love with him.
"Do you remember, all the times we ever talked about kids? The way you shut the idea down the moment the topic ever came up? ""The man that had that dream, went into the ice.""? You made it pretty clear that a family wasn't going to be in your future." He turns his body fully to her now. She's crying, and Steve can't stand the sight, but he knows in this moment, he's not welcome at her side. He does remember those conversations. There had been many of them over the years and he couldn't deny the words were his own. They made him sick.
"I didn't even know if I could...if it was possible for me to have kids, Kitty. If you had told me, things would have been different. I promise you." She wants to reach out and smack him.
"I tried to tell you."
"I know you did. And I was an idiot. I should have known it was important, but I was so caught up with the accords and then-" She cuts him off smoothly.
"Remember that whole commitment issue I mentioned earlier?" He doesn't know if she's teasing, but part of him thinks she is. He dips his chin to his chest. She's got him over the barrel. She laughs a little, though it's choked from the heaviness of the grief she's got inside her chest. Like a fifty pound weight. "For the record, I never thought you'd make a bad father. I know you could never picture it yourself, but I thought about it all the time. Before Grant was even a thought. And if you want to be, you still can be a great dad. He's more than willing to show you how it's done." He smiles now and gains the courage to go the mother of his child who's still kneeling against the hard concrete.
He drops in front her and despite every thought in his brain telling him not to, he pulls her to his chest. And Kitty allows it, more grateful than she could ever say to be back in his arms. "Thank you." He murmurs. She doesn't move out of his hold to answer him, too elated by the feeling on his hands running through her hair.
"For what?"
"For giving me the most beautiful kid I've ever seen. For trusting me with him. I know you've put in a lot of work. It shows. He's smart, sweet, bold for sure." She laughs now, a real laugh and it warms Steve's heart.
"That's all you, Rogers. Well, the sweetness and the boldness. I'll take credit for the smarts." Steve brushes a kiss to her forehead in reply.
"Well he certainly doesn't hold any grudges. Where that came from is a mystery to me."
"Well, he's five so he forgets most affronts within an hour. But he's got no reason to hold any grudges against you. He's never been told anything but the best about you. He thinks the only reason you haven't been around is that you've been away on a very long mission, keeping him safe."
"I guess I should thank you for that too." She shakes her head against his neck, her hair tickling his skin.
.
"I'm the bad guy in this story, Rogers, not you." He shifts her so she's sitting in his lap and pulls her head away from his shoulder so he can look her in those bright green eyes of hers.
"I wish you hadn't done what you did. I wish we could go back and change it all. But some part of me understands why you did it. What you said earlier, about me not being able to commit, you were right. I've never been a stable part of your life." She doesn't say anything, but she doesn't have to. "I want...I want to love you too. I want to be apart of your life again, if you'll let me. If you still…care about me." She frowns and Steve's afraid to hear the answer she's going to give him. That he's screwed up too much, that she can't trust him. And he wouldn't blame her for any of it.
"I think, we could work on that. But Grant comes first, always." Steve nods his agreement. "And I do. Still love you, I mean. It's really hard not to. Especially after you gave me him."
"I won't let you down. Not this time. You have my word." Another kiss to her forehead seals the promise against her skin.