You Can't Kill Someone Who's Already Dead
Chapter I

Published on 24/01/11

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or the Sonny series.

'thought' - thinking

"spoken word" - speaking

bold - jutsu or technique being used

'I'm gonna pass this time for sure, believe it!' thought Naruto. It was the fourth month of the academy year tomorrow and Naruto was psyched for it, despite already failing twice. He was passing through the forest on his way back to his apartment when he stopped at a clearing. It was here that he had created his nindo after meeting that man. Never go back on your word. This was why he really wanted to be Hokage someday. "Not because I want their respect," he muttered, "But to make Konoha a safe place for all my precious people."

"Yeah, then I wouldn't have to run around so much."

Naruto spun around to see a man sitting on a stump, resting his elbows on his knees. He wore silver slacks and a grey long sleeve shirt. He also had a large silvery blue trench coat with a hood over his head with a matching bandanna and face mask. To complete the outfit, as well as hide every inch of his skin, he had tinted, dark blue sunglasses, silver gloves, and grey combat boots.

"Sonny!" Naruto screamed as he tackle hugged the man to the ground.

"Told you I'd come visit." chuckled Sonny as he sat up. "How you been?"

"Okay I guess." replied Naruto. "But how have you been doing? Did You do anything really cool? And where's your armor?"

"Not bad," sighed Sonny, "Just travelled around the Elemental Nations. I did blow up a few mountains though. As for my armor, I created ta new summoning jutsu that lets me switch it with my clothing in under five seconds. Anyways, I think I hear the ANBU coming, so I better hide."

"Too late." Sonny and Naruto turned around to see an ANBU with a dog mask land behind them. "I'm afraid the you'll have to come with me. The Hokage wishes to see you."

"Don't worry about is Sonny." said Naruto cheerfully. "The Old Man is really nice. He'll understand."

"Naruto," Sonny deadpanned, "Are you telling me that the Old Man you told me about, who's like a grandfather to you, is the Hokage and that I spent the last four years running from people who want to kill, experiment, dissect, and/or rape me, not necessarily in that order, because you never told me this?"

"Uh, yeah?" replied Naruto as he nervously put his hand behind hiss had while the Anbu sweat dropped.

Sonny looked up and the sky and spoke. "You just love messing with me don't you. You just can't get enough of watching me suffer." He sighed and shook his head as they left for the Hokage's tower.

Eight Minutes Later

"Hey Old Man, how's it going?" shouted Naruto exuberantly. Sarutobi sighed from behind the massive piles of paperwork occupying his desk. He had been working since six this morning and the paperwork just kept coming.

"Fine," lied Sarutobi, " but lets get down to the matter at hand. Y-"

"Can I ask you a quick question?" interrupted Sonny.

"Show some respect to the Hokage!" yelled the dog masked ANBU.

"It's okay Inu-san."replied Sarutobi.

"I was kinda wondering, why don't you have some sort of bunshin help you with all this damn paperwork? I use mine all the time to help me out when I have any." explained Sonny. The ensuing silence lasted ten whole seconds before Sarutobi began to laugh maniacally.

"Nice evil laugh," commented Sonny, " I should add that one to my collection."

"You have a collection of evil laughs?" asked Inu incredulously.

"I believe that would make five now." answered Nauto.

Sautobi finally began to wind down as he stood up. Walking up to Sonny, he shook Sonny's hand vigorously saying "Thank you. You have just defeated the bane of kages everywhere. If you ever need my help, don't hesitate to ask."

"Alright, but shouldn't we get back on topic?" asked Sonny.

"Yes lets." replied Sarutobi joyfully as he crossed his fingers in the tiger hand sign and muttered "Kage Bunshin no Jutsu". Three bunshins phased into existence and began tackling the mountains of paperwork. "Lets start with the obvious questions. Who are you and how do you know Naruto?"

"I've picked up many names over the years. The Ocean Titan, the Frost Reaver, the Thunderwalker, and my personal favorite, the Pink Mist to name a few. Don't ask, you'll understand after you see the jutsu combination. Most of the time I go by the name Sonny and no, I don't have a surname. As for how I know Naruto, I met him about four years ago when I was passing through Konoha. I had been in the Elemental Nations for about a year when I met the little guy. He had run into some drunk villagers spewing something about him being a demon or something. I found him in an alley just as they left so I patched him up and took him to a hotel. We talked and ended up as friends. I left a few days later but I visit once or twice a year to check up on him."

"Why didn't you join the village?" inquired Inu. Sonny smiled sadly as he replied.

"I've been wandering for the past five years and I've made quite a few enemies. Kiri wants kill me because they think I have the Hyoton bloodline, which I don't. I actually inherited a different kind of ice power."

"And what exactly is the nature of your powers?" asked Sarutobi.

"My ice abilities aren't derived from the combination of water and wind chakra like Hyoton users." explained Sonny. "I'm a Hydraulic. I can manipulate water in all of it's forms, including ice. Actually, I can control most liquids as long as they are at least fifty percent water. The more impure the substance, the harder it is for me to control. Also, I can't do much to fluids in living entities unless I have direct contact with the entity."

"Could you show us?" asked Sarutobi.

"Of course." answered Sonny. He took out a flask on his hip and poured the contents of it on the floor. "Sake." explained Sonny. He then extended his right hand over the spilt liquor and held it palm down when the sake came off the floor and settled into an orb under his hand. He then turned his palm upward. The orb followed his hand as it came to a stop a few inches above his hand. Suddenly, the orb froze solid. A few seconds later, it vaporized before condensing back into a liquid which flew back into the flask on Sonny's hip.

"Amazing." whispered Inu.

"That's nothing." scoffed Naruto.

"He's right." elaborated Sonny. "In addition to my ice and water abilities, I have also learned a large number of fire and lightning jutsus from battles, various scrolls I've picked up, and the few friends I made in my travels. Heck, I also learned how to levitate using lightning and adapted the jutsu to use fire so I could fly, although I still need some practice. Not to mention I was well taught in the art of explosives by a very good friend of mine."

'Manipulation over four elements,' thought Sarutobi, 'This man is easily a full jounin.'

"You said you ha many enemies. Who else?" asked Inu.

"Well," continued Sonny, "Oto wanted to recruit me, but I rejected their offer because they wanted to experiment on me. I seriously did not want to be a lab rat. The only other shinobi village that i know is after me is Iwa."

"Really?" exclaimed Sarutobi. "Why?"

"While I was in the Earth Country, several missing nin attacked me." sighed Sonny. "Several Iwa nin witnessed the fight and reported me back to their village. Soon after, I entered Iwagakure and somehow ended up eavesdropping on the Iwa council. I was about to leave when they began to discuss me. Many were amazed by my abilities. Many wanted to kill until they learned that I was a ronin, someone who never joined a village. If I were to join them, none of the other villages could stop them. Eventually, they decided to force me to join the village so as to acquire my bloodline. They assigned nine women to seduce me with orders to capture, recruit, bring me to Iwa, and have sex or rape me on sight, not necessarily in that order. And to top it all off, all Iwa kunoichi were given orders to rape me on sight in addition to the nine sent out with that mission."

"You can't be serious?" exclaimed Inu.

"Iwa bingo book." deadpanned Sonny as he handed a pair of books to Inu and the Sandaime. "Page thirty-two, line twenty-two." Both men flipped to said page and subsequently dropped their jaws. "They were dead serious about it. I spent nearly two years evading those women."

"You have my sympathies." consoled Sarutobi.

"The other reason I never joined was the fact that Naruto never told me the old man he always talked about was the freaking Hokage." grumbled Sonny. "I only found out this morning. When Naruto told me after Inu said you wanted to see me." Sarutobi and Inu just sweat dropped.

"I have but one question left." continued Sarutobi. "Where did you come from?" Sonny and Naruto just sighed.

"What I am about to reveal to you, I ask that you do not breathe a word of to anyone without my explicit permission. If this information were to fall into the wrong hands, the consequences could be apocalyptic. Naruto already knows what I'm going to say, so he'll be listening as well. Sonny began to take off his hood, bandanna, glasses, and mask. to Sarutobi and Inu's surprise, Sonny had deep green skin, short brown hair, and iris-less glowing, silvery-blue white eyes.

"I'll never forget that ship. It's where I died."

Author's Notes: Welcome to my new story! I know I've been dark for a long time, but it was for good reasons! I had exams, family issues, plus a major case of writer's block with Naruto and The Son of The Demon. I actually came up with two other stories before I settled with this one. Anyways, the second chapter is already well into development, so my other stuff will stay on hiatus for now.

Now, about the story itself. Sonny is going to be kickass, though he will not be invincible. Also, he will have many abilities not from the game. I am open to new ideas for powers, so feel free to leave them in a review. And also point out any mistakes I made, I know I make mistakes and would appreciate it if you helped me fix them.

Please review. Oh, and a virtual cookie to the first five people who can tell me which ability can be learned by all seven classes from both Sonny I and II.

P.S. All hail the Holy Log. Looooooooog!

Jutsu List

Bunshin no Jutsu - Clone Jutsu -E Rank Academy genjutsu. Creates illusion clones that move in the same direction as the user. They are not solid and cannot deal damage. They are dispelled if hit. Base for all clone techniques.

Kage Bunshin no Jutsu –Shadow Clone Technique - B Rank forbidden ninjutsu. Creates solid clones which split the chakra of the user evenly. Have the same abilities as the user because they are perfect clones. Are dispelled by one or two blows. Can use jutsus. The Sharingan is said to be able to distinguish the original from the clones. Can kill the user if they are low on chakra or create too many clones. Returns leftover chakra unused by the clone to the user when dispelled. Also transfer memories to the user when dispelled, which can be used for training purposes.