Dance of the Dead
A/N: This was a simple subject that I think Anzu would think of why she is the way she is. Anyway, loves for this and kudos to most.
~Anzu POV~
My dreams are different than what people seem to think and what I seem ot say. What I want really doesn't matter. I can't help that I seem to put other people's feelings before my own, sacrificing my own mind over and over to please others while trying to maintain my individuality.
I am Anzu Masaki, a wannabe dancer, a friendship card, a person without feelings of the opposite and a supposed optomist. But what does it mean to be me? I am rather not the best duelist in the world, and I myself have noticed it. What does it mean to be the best?
It means to be the person of the games, but alas I know that I have never been able to be the best and probably never will. That is up to Yami and Yugi and all the others.
Dancing is the only thing I have ever really understood in my life. Everyday I dance through the hours and the conversations with people. I let my feet linger on the glass that have stains of my horrible goings through it. I become me.
I change my views to please others though I do not agree with them. Sometimes I won't ever agree with them. It is just my heart that won't allow me to do that. But what is it that you see when you look at me?
My eyes are always sad, never happy as I hope to be one day even though deep down I'll always be the one hurt, I'll always be the one to take the pain onto myself. I'll always be the one who will let the sword go through my chest before I let others.
That is how I was raised to be.
In order to survive, I had to stop crying in front of them. Them, my parents, my mother and my father, the killers of my childhood, killers of my supposed happiness. I had to become someone who was numb, but in my heart I hoped always for the better, that one day they would come home and give me kisses and smiles instead of bruises and cuts.
I wanted them to stop, so I decided to please them, then I met a friend. Since I met this friend, I have found something that gives me an escape from the hate and rage towards a certain brunette escape.
I found an outlet for my unhappy bottle. I found someone who cared. It bewildered me only shortly that he acted the way he acted. In fact I was confused, but it was the first escape I had and I took it.
In fact, I identified myself to it with an extremity. It was an ideal I could live with, it was a way to live from the hate and abuse, it was now part of me. It became my hope.
It became part of me. In truth, it was me.
But that isn't all that there is. No not ever one story has only one chapter in their life to tell. From the abuse came an outlet, but what would happen if those others that once I held my happy ideal with left me? What would happen then?
Easy. I would keep going on. I would forever live to everyone's expectations, be their tool for loving themselves so much. Be an ego- booster to those that can get me. Be with no one and at the same time with someone. I hate them all.
Why do I hate them all? Because I know eventually they will all leave me behind, because I cannot change. I am happy with the way I am but I won't be because I know then that they will leave and I will not be able to.
It is because of this, I hate myself and love myself. As a dear person to you and I said, 'I am the darkness,' I am the darkness inside of the light in my sad sad blue eyes. I am the mind that says everyhting is going to be okay even though I know it in my heart that it won't. I am the one that will give myself to self-sacrifice. I know that I will do it overly and each and every time regret it at the last second and then again not.
I am the janus in our group. Not you. You could not defeat your darkness with out encouragement. I cannot beat myself because I am the true traitor to everyone. I am the one who set all against themselve and yet again I try to mend the broken relationships.
I am what they call two-faced. I have always been this way.
I fight my parents. I fight my killers and I fight my friends. I hate them all. I hate every single one of them but then again I forgive and love them.
I hate their faults for mistaking my appearance often with that of a happy happy person. I hate them for beating me over and over never letting up. I hate them because their emotions run their lives when I know not to have mine run my own.
As I told you before, love, I am a janus. A demon and an angel. I am Anzu Masaki and I hope and love you.
Accept me for who I am. Accept my love and my hate for both of you. I hate and love everyone and I hate and love you. Because of this I am the true death for that is what I wish for. I am the dancer of death and I am the dancer of your heart for I know that you go through the same hell that I do.
Dear, now listen to me. I will hurt you, and I will love you, but accept my ways and accept me. That is all I ask. Accept me and never leave me.
For then, you will do what everyone else has not done.
You will do what my parents never did for me. They hated me and they left me when they died.
You will do what my other friends have not done. They will eventually leave my side and squash my petty ideas and my ideal for my hope, for my love.
You will never leave me. I never want to be alone again because for a long time I was.
I guess what I am saying is. Thank you.
And.
I love you.
~~
Tala: Okay. That was just weird. Anywhoo, gotta leave and go practise my lines with my puppets, Robin the Spatula and Fairy the Wooden Spoon from Midsummer Night's Dream. JA!!! AND LOVES TO ALL WHO REVIEW!!! GUESS WHO THE PAIRING IS!!!!!!!!!
A/N: This was a simple subject that I think Anzu would think of why she is the way she is. Anyway, loves for this and kudos to most.
~Anzu POV~
My dreams are different than what people seem to think and what I seem ot say. What I want really doesn't matter. I can't help that I seem to put other people's feelings before my own, sacrificing my own mind over and over to please others while trying to maintain my individuality.
I am Anzu Masaki, a wannabe dancer, a friendship card, a person without feelings of the opposite and a supposed optomist. But what does it mean to be me? I am rather not the best duelist in the world, and I myself have noticed it. What does it mean to be the best?
It means to be the person of the games, but alas I know that I have never been able to be the best and probably never will. That is up to Yami and Yugi and all the others.
Dancing is the only thing I have ever really understood in my life. Everyday I dance through the hours and the conversations with people. I let my feet linger on the glass that have stains of my horrible goings through it. I become me.
I change my views to please others though I do not agree with them. Sometimes I won't ever agree with them. It is just my heart that won't allow me to do that. But what is it that you see when you look at me?
My eyes are always sad, never happy as I hope to be one day even though deep down I'll always be the one hurt, I'll always be the one to take the pain onto myself. I'll always be the one who will let the sword go through my chest before I let others.
That is how I was raised to be.
In order to survive, I had to stop crying in front of them. Them, my parents, my mother and my father, the killers of my childhood, killers of my supposed happiness. I had to become someone who was numb, but in my heart I hoped always for the better, that one day they would come home and give me kisses and smiles instead of bruises and cuts.
I wanted them to stop, so I decided to please them, then I met a friend. Since I met this friend, I have found something that gives me an escape from the hate and rage towards a certain brunette escape.
I found an outlet for my unhappy bottle. I found someone who cared. It bewildered me only shortly that he acted the way he acted. In fact I was confused, but it was the first escape I had and I took it.
In fact, I identified myself to it with an extremity. It was an ideal I could live with, it was a way to live from the hate and abuse, it was now part of me. It became my hope.
It became part of me. In truth, it was me.
But that isn't all that there is. No not ever one story has only one chapter in their life to tell. From the abuse came an outlet, but what would happen if those others that once I held my happy ideal with left me? What would happen then?
Easy. I would keep going on. I would forever live to everyone's expectations, be their tool for loving themselves so much. Be an ego- booster to those that can get me. Be with no one and at the same time with someone. I hate them all.
Why do I hate them all? Because I know eventually they will all leave me behind, because I cannot change. I am happy with the way I am but I won't be because I know then that they will leave and I will not be able to.
It is because of this, I hate myself and love myself. As a dear person to you and I said, 'I am the darkness,' I am the darkness inside of the light in my sad sad blue eyes. I am the mind that says everyhting is going to be okay even though I know it in my heart that it won't. I am the one that will give myself to self-sacrifice. I know that I will do it overly and each and every time regret it at the last second and then again not.
I am the janus in our group. Not you. You could not defeat your darkness with out encouragement. I cannot beat myself because I am the true traitor to everyone. I am the one who set all against themselve and yet again I try to mend the broken relationships.
I am what they call two-faced. I have always been this way.
I fight my parents. I fight my killers and I fight my friends. I hate them all. I hate every single one of them but then again I forgive and love them.
I hate their faults for mistaking my appearance often with that of a happy happy person. I hate them for beating me over and over never letting up. I hate them because their emotions run their lives when I know not to have mine run my own.
As I told you before, love, I am a janus. A demon and an angel. I am Anzu Masaki and I hope and love you.
Accept me for who I am. Accept my love and my hate for both of you. I hate and love everyone and I hate and love you. Because of this I am the true death for that is what I wish for. I am the dancer of death and I am the dancer of your heart for I know that you go through the same hell that I do.
Dear, now listen to me. I will hurt you, and I will love you, but accept my ways and accept me. That is all I ask. Accept me and never leave me.
For then, you will do what everyone else has not done.
You will do what my parents never did for me. They hated me and they left me when they died.
You will do what my other friends have not done. They will eventually leave my side and squash my petty ideas and my ideal for my hope, for my love.
You will never leave me. I never want to be alone again because for a long time I was.
I guess what I am saying is. Thank you.
And.
I love you.
~~
Tala: Okay. That was just weird. Anywhoo, gotta leave and go practise my lines with my puppets, Robin the Spatula and Fairy the Wooden Spoon from Midsummer Night's Dream. JA!!! AND LOVES TO ALL WHO REVIEW!!! GUESS WHO THE PAIRING IS!!!!!!!!!