WARNING: DO NOT READ UNTIL YOU HAVE READ THE SEQUEL TO SHIVER, "LINGER". IF YOU HAVEN'T, THIS IS A SURE-SPOILER!

DISCLAIMER: do not own shiver, linger, or siloam.

SONG: Imitation, by Siloam

POV: Cole St. Clair

One day you say he makes your dreams come true,
Next day you say he's not the one for you.

Why can't I just stay a wolf? Why? Is it because of what happened to Victor?

I don't know, and you want to know something else?

I really don't care anymore.

Is it really worth it?
I've seen your heart keep flying up and down.

After I changed Grace, nothing really mattered to me anymore. After she disappeared, I just went on and was myself for the rest of however long.

And still I'll be here when you come around,
but I can't help but tell you

Sam, yeah, he was depressed. He wanted Grace back, I know he did.

That's the problem when you're human for good. You never get to see your friends anymore.

Don't take imitation, there's a better way,
a deeper love than you know.

And another thing about being human, it's not the real thing. You don't get the whole experience.

As soon as the cold comes again, you're a wolf, and you never get all the good things like other people. Like, Christmas. I never had a good Christmas with my family, especially while I was on tour with NARKOTIKA.

Don't listen to distortion, it never tells the truth.
There's a real love out there waiting,
don't take an imitation.

I know there's a cure out there somewhere. One that doesn't just hold off your death for a few years. A real cure.

You have control of every choice you make.
Don't put your heart out where it's bound to break.

I knew what I had gotten into. Beck had said that it would hurt, and it would be hard.

But he never said that I'd lose my best friend.

'Cause it's never worth it.
You are so beautiful if you could only see
that you were meant for a love story.
So I can't help but tell you.

He said that the cold would change us into wolves, and the heat would bring us back.

So why couldn't I live in Alaska? I'd always be a wolf there, so why not live there?

Don't take imitation, there's a better way,
a deeper love than you know.

"Cole."

The sudden voice made me jump. But it was just Sam.

"What?" I hissed through my sharp teeth.

Don't listen to distortion, it never tells the truth.
There's a real love out there waiting,
don't take an imitation.

"What are you doing?"

"I don't care what I'm doing. I'm trying to be me, not like that matters anymore." I dipped the stick I was holding back into the water.

The ripples morphed the reflection of my face. The motion showed who I really was: a mess.There's no hesitations, there's no limitations
to what love brings, what love brings.

"Cole, you always have to be true to yourself," Sam said. "You'll never be the same if you don't."

"What does it matter anymore? I'll always be a wolf in the winter and a human in the summer. I'll never be able to be truly myself again. Don't you get it? You're lucky, for now at least."

So when it's complicated, when you feel regulated,
it might not be the real thing

"Until the meningitis wears off and I start to die," Sam finished for me.

"I don't like being controlled like this." I threw the long stick out into the lake. It floated on the top and glided away. "I don't like having to be a certain form at certain times."

Don't take imitation, there's a better way,
A deeper love than you know.

"Cole, you have to be proud of who you are. If you don't, you'll really fall apart."

"And how would you know? You've known what you were after ever since the day that you found Grace being attacked by the wolves. You've known that she's your life, and it's just that easy for you."

"No, it's not. Grace is gone, now. She'll be gone until she changes for the summer. And then she'll be-"

"Gone again," I finished. It was routine.

Don't take imitation, there's a better way,
a deeper love than you know.

"You'll be gone, too, Cole. Don't forget that you're a wolf, too."

I heard leaves being crunched behind me and I whirled around to see what was causing it.

A grey wolf with almost human brown eyes was watching us. Beck.

Don't listen to distortion, it never tells the truth.
There's a real love out there waiting,
don't take an imitation.

The wolf trotted towards us and lapped up some water.

"Beck," Sam said quietly.

"No dip, Sherlock," I whispered back.

Sam turned to his adopted father. "Is this your last year?"

Beck moved his head up and down, as if nodding.

Don't take imitation, there's a better way,
a deeper love than you know.

"You're talking to a wolf," I said to Sam. "You're really pathetic."

"I talk to you, don't I?"

"True that." I kicked my feet into the water, not caring if my sneakers got soaked.

Don't listen to distortion, it never tells the truth.
There's a real love out there waiting,
don't take an imitation.

Apparently, the noise scared Beck in his wolf form, and he ran off back into the woods.

"Smooth move," Sam said and stalked off in the direction of the house.

I was alone again, and maybe for the rest of my life.

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