Title: Light a Candle in your Heart
Fandom: Star Trek 2009
Warning: Heartwarming, slight allusions to abuse
Summary: A visiting Joanna's confliction reminds Jim of his own childhood. When his mother traveled among the stars while he stayed behind in Iowa. But when the focus of the animosity is his best friend, he tries to help her understand; while his crew begin to see something more to their Captain that even after five years, is a mystery.
Author Notes: My apologies for any mistakes, characterization or grammar wise. Title refers to Apocrypha, II Esdras "I shall light a candle of understanding in thine heart, which shall not be put out."
oOo
Bones couldn't help but feel jealous, watching the easy way Jim interacted with his daughter, but maybe it was because she got along well with someone her age, and Jim was if nothing, mentally younger than Joanna sometimes.
Right now though, he could be nothing but thankful, as her temper tantrum was efficiently defused by said immature captain. It was their three week break after their first five year mission. Jocelyn had miraculously let Joanna stay with him for a solid two weeks; which made him smile like a goddamn fool for the first week.
It was suppose to be a vacation, but there had been an emergency at the hospital and they had reluctantly called him in the first day Joanna arrived. Bones would be sure he'd be throwing a bigger tantrum than his daughter if he wasn't with company. And even though her goodbyes were stilted he promised to be there for lunch.
Which was why he was decidedly pissed off as it neared lunchtime and he still couldn't leave the hospital. And although the patient would always be first, he felt that he could truly hate himself for breaking a promise to his little girl again. Reminiscent of the time before his divorce.
'Dammit!' he mentally snarled as the patient's heartbeat spiked again.
oOo
The crew, minus Bones, were seated in a table outside; lunch underway and small chatter broken with bursts of giggles from Jim and the adorable creature none could believe was related to their CMO. Jim had been keeping her busy all day, running alll around campus with her on his shoulders. Showing her everything from the botany labs to the Enterprise; gathering the whole crew to meet at lunch. Not even Spock could refuse when twin pairs of round eyes beseeched him to attend.
As they all set about to eating, Joanna grew silent. Jim was about to try to snap her out of it but she tugged on his shirt sleeve before he could. "Uncle Jim?"
"Yeah?"
She leaned forward, unaware that her whisper still carried all the way to where Chekov and Sulu were chatting lightly. "I have a secret to tell you."
Jim obligingly leaned closer, which made her nod in an appreciative way; Jim was an excellent best friend for a girl of her age. So well trained.
Her lip wobbled and she gulped past the lump in her throat as her voice hitched, "Sometimes, when my daddy is gone I..."Her voice wobbled, and Jim picked her up and set her on his lap, her back supported by the table. He was vaguely aware that everyone had stopped to listen to the suddenly distraught girl on their captain. "I hate it! He always leaves to go to other people. And I almost never see him, and-"
Jim sighed as her voice slurred together and she buried her face in his shirt.
As her sobs faded, he nodded his thanks to Scotty for passing a napkin. In a low voice he whispered, "its okay, baby girl, c'mon. Look at me."
When she did, her red face twisted up with guilt and sadness; his eyes softened like warm wax, and a smile that was bittersweet and understanding sliced across his face slowly. It was a smile that immediately became burned into their memories.
Jim Kirk, their Captain; who bent the universe by his sheer unwillingness to call it quits, who took any punches without flinching in the place of his crew, who grinned and spit in the face of danger, repeatedly. Locking eyes with a little blonde girl who didn't know how to deal with her father's frequent absence, and understanding.
He wiped away her tears, and began, " When I was a kid, after I turned four, Winona, my mother , began to receive assignments again." He didn't say that she had specifically requested missions, to get away from her dead husband's stare in the eyes of her four year old son, " She would be away for months at a time. No less than five months, but never more than ten." He ignored the stares of his crew; it hadn't gone unnoticed that his home life before Bones was never talked about.
"Who did you stay with Uncle Jim?" Joanna asked, wide-eyed like Chekov was next to Sulu; her own problem temporarily less important than her recently discovered kinship with her daddy's best friend.
Jim's face twisted slightly so that Uhura found herself gripping tightly her fork and biting back a 'You don't have to tell us if you don't want to'.
"Well..."
"If you lie, then I'll have my daddy make a hypo especially for you." Jim bit back a laugh, the suddenly fierce expression eerily as effective as her father's.
"When you put it that way. Okay. For a couple years I stayed with my grandparents, but when I turned seven Winona remarried someone named Frank." He didn't want to say his name, but Bones would kill him if he found out that Jim taught his little angel to refer to someone as "a stupid, shit-bag asshole" so he refrained, barely. "He became my stepfather." He was unaware of how Spock shifted minutely besides him. The emotions Jim was projecting, were strong enough to not need touch to be felt. They tasted bitter on Spock's tongue and he found himself silently commending this "Frank" for inciting the same emotional response as Nero had from his normally tolerant Captain.
Jim had trailed off a bit after that, and was pulled back when Joanna tugged at his collar for him to continue. He breathed in and wondered how to best censor himself so he wouldn't scar his adorable 'niece' for life.
"He...didn't like me much." Warning bells clanged in Uhura's head at the body language at at the way that was said. Her palms would later hurt from having squeezed her utensils too hard.
But then Jim laughed, and everyone almost jumped in surprise at the genuinely happy sound, seeing as the conversation was looking less than happy. Jim explained, with unmistakable pride in his voice.
"Once, when I was twelve, he threw out the only possessions I had of my father and he had planned to sell my father's Corvette." Joanna nodded, she had learned of how Jim's daddy died when he was born. It made her wonder, watching the way her father and Jim acted, if Jim was secretly her stepbrother now. "I managed to salvage some stuff. But most of the medals awarded to him were broken already, " Hours spent trying to repair the dents in a trophy that he had always hated, but would give anything to make it better. "So, when he went inside to nap, I snagged the keys and took the antique car."
He smiled, the same smile that he had at twelve, behind the wheel with the sun on his face and the wind tugging his hair. Joanna giggled too, the air fairly vibrated with rebellious joy.
"But I'm getting off track." Jim would not give Joanna ideas of how to get her estranged father to come home in record time, only to bail his child out of jail for driving a car strait off a gorge.
"Your father, is the CMO of my ship. Do you know what that means?"
She nodded and stated proudly, "He is your" Never Starfleet's, never the Enterprise's," Chief Medical Officer."
Jim nodded and twined one of her curls around his finger absentmindedly. "Do you know what that really means though?"
Her wide brown eyes peered up at him with dying curiosity.
"It means that when a bad guy decides that he doesn't like me, I get a few bruises, " along with a phaser to the leg and some head trauma for shits and giggles, "or a break a rib," and severely dislocate his spine along with hairline fractures throughout his dominant hand, "Bones is the one who personally takes care of me. He is the one who keeps me alive." He emphasizes this as he grips her hands between his. His serious blue eyes boring into hers.
Joanna seems to battle between wanting her father with her always, and wanting her Uncle to stay alive. It's an unfair decision to present her with, Jim knows, but it is the truth that Bones should have introduced her to.
"It is dangerous in space, baby. " he cuts off her dawning realization that her daddy could actually die. "But." He leans back and snatches a rock from the ground.
Presenting it to Spock, who takes it without question; Jim turns her slightly towards the Vulcan. "Spock is three times stronger than a human." The First Officer decides to humor his Captain and the CMO's daughter by easily clasping the rock and crumbling it in his hand. He dips his head in acknowledgment of the amazed gasping of the little girl, a tiny sense of pride and amusement in his eyes.
Turning the girl around, he motions to Uhura, "Uhura can speak several different languages and can talk herself and us out of any sticky situations." Joanna nods, she knows how that can be important. Like when Uncle Jim stopped daddy from yelling at them for eating ice cream before dinner. Invaluable talent. The dark skinned officer tilts her head and murmurs in three different languages, the last a smooth liquid sound that Joanna silently tries to copy by mouthing the words to herself; making Uhura smile warmly.
"Scotty could probably find a way to travel back in time with things found in a junk yard, Sulu is my very own ninja who can fly circles around anyone on this campus. Chekov is a certified genius and can probably find a needle in a haystack the size of Georgia." with each name Joanna's eyes get wider as the crew members smile at her reassuringly.
"Jojo!" Her eyes brightened and she wriggled out her laughing Uncle Jim's lap to propel herself towards her father. "Daddy!"
McCoy sat down next to Jim who scooted over slightly and gave him an impish grin. Nonchalantly, he stuck a hypo into Jim's neck, luckily for Jim it was a harmless nutrient he needed, and not some random disease.
"Why's my girl been crying?"
Joanna peppered him with kisses, as Jim jerked and moaned pitifully as he rubbed his neck. "We were just talking about how the Captain commandeered his stepfather's car." Spock offered as Jim stole a part of the Doctor's dessert in retaliation.
Bones snorted, "Single handedly one of the most stupidest stunts you've ever pulled Jim."
"Psh. You're just glad you didn't know me then, would've given you a heart attack."
"Yer damned right."
Chekov and Uhura leaned in, "Do tell Doctor!" they exclaimed with wide eyes, half joking half hopeful.
Glancing at his daughter and coming to the same conclusion he nudged Jim and said, "Go get some ice cream with Jim sweetheart."
Both girl and captain fairly perked up at this, and shouted simultaneously, "Ice cream?" Except Jim paused and said,"Wait...you just want to gossip about me behind my back!"
"Don't be worried sir, we usually gossip about you to your face anyway." Sulu said with a smile.
Laughing the blond waved at everyone before taking Joanna's hand in his and fairly running towards the cafeteria. His crew would die of curiosity if they didn't hear the end anyway.
And later, when they came back with their ice cream to the stares of his crew, he would laugh at their bafflement and share high fives with Sulu and pretend to ignore the look on Spock's face as he seemed to finally find the reason that he would jump off the drill without a thought, or step in the way of a punch, kick or phaser selflessly. They would tell him he was crazy, but unlike the fed up shouts of Winona; they said it with pride and fondness. As if to serve under someone saner would be impossible comprehend.
'and truly, it was.' thought Bones. Just knowing Jim had something to do with the recent mature attitude his daughter had adopted when the time came to leave for the second five year mission. 'sneaky bastard.'