It had been a pretty routine day before the bail hearing went haywire.
As it was right before the holidays, tensions were especially high in the gallery, families wanting to believe in their loved ones, sometimes regardless of the crimes they have been accused of.
The case Barba is currently arguing is solid, and though they have damning evidence including DNA, Charles Burnley is sticking to his story and claiming innocence.
Olivia is convinced the wife knows her husband is guilty, but for some reason is his biggest supporter.
After bail is denied, and Burnley remanded to Rikers until his trial, likely in a few months, Anne Burnley had to be removed from the courtroom because of the obscenities and threats she was hurling at the judge, SVU in general (Carisi was in the gallery), and Barba specifically.
He didn't take it seriously- they get threatened once a week- but apparently Carisi had as Olivia started blowing up his phone the minute he turned it on upon leaving the courtroom about 15 minutes later.
He had ignored her first call coming in, choosing to scan his texts and emails for anything urgent, intending to call her back to chat on the short walk to his office.
When she called right back, he knew he'd better answer.
"Hello?"
"Don't do that. You know who it is, and you know I'm already pissed you ignored my call thirty seconds ago."
He laughs. "My apologies, would you rather I answer with a breathy, 'Assistant District Attorney Rafael Barba, at your service,' ?"
"Don't be an ass, Barba. Carisi told me what happened in court. You should have called me."
"Liv, I just turned my phone on. I didn't even get a chance to finish checking my messages."
She huffs out a breath. "Fine. Whatever. Just stay inside the courthouse until I get over there. Carisi was going to escort you back to your office but we got a call."
"Liv, I'm fine. I'll be fine. She's just upset she has to tell her kids their dad won't be home for Christmas."
"Barba, this woman is seriously unstable. And she specifically called you out. I'm already on my way over, just stop being stubborn and wait for me inside."
"Stubborn? Are you the pot or the kettle?"
"Ha, ha, ha. You're hilarious. Now let me do my job and keep you safe."
"Which job is this? As an officer of the law, sworn to protect the citizens of New York; or as my girlfriend, in a 'you better not mess with my man' kind of way?" He finishes with a sassy voice.
He smiles to himself, loving the sound of her laugh coming through the phone.
"The first one," she says, once she gets her laughter under control, but still with a wide smile stretching across her face.
Rafael sighs, faking suffering, "As I suspected. Well, I shall await my escort in the meeting room on the ground floor, it gets the best reception. Until then, m'lady."
"You're such a nerd, Raf," she replies, fondly.
"That's why you love me," he says offhandedly, then realizing what he said, stops walking down the hallway. "See you soon," he rushes off the call, suddenly awkward at his choice of words and shoves his phone into his pocket.
She does; love him, that is. He knows it, but he's not sure she's ready to admit it.
They've been more than simply colleagues for years, but a few months before he had finally mustered up the courage to ask her on a real date.
Since then they had gotten into the habit of spending most of their free time together, and were happier than either could ever remember being in a relationship.
Rafael hadn't spent more than two nights a week at his own place since their first date.
It's been so easy, and he really doesn't want to rock the boat by pushing her. He knows all about the promises a certain other ADA made her, and then broke a short time later.
He doesn't want anything to mess up this relationship- even themselves. Especially not by saying something carelessly.
He's distracted, thinking about what he should have said to Liv instead of just hanging up, and doesn't notice the figure slip into the stairwell behind him.
"Rafael! Fuck, don't do this to me. Rafael! Barba! Can you hear me?"
He hears her voice, penetrating the fog that's come over him, but he can't manage to answer. It's just too much.
'Sorry, Liv. God, please help her she sounds terrified.'
Suddenly he feels a pressure on his side, and it startles him.
'What was that? Oh, it's just Liv. Wait, why is Olivia pressing on me like that?'
He tries to move so she has more room, but he doesn't think it's working, she's still pressing against him, harder than before.
'Why can't I move? What the fuck is going on?'
He tries to speak again but still can't get his mouth to cooperate, so he decides to focus his energy on deciphering the sounds echoing around him.
He hears screaming, thumping and yelling but those sounds are quieter, as if from far away.
The close sounds are more calm but still confuse him. Low voices issue instructions and then it's her voice; the voice of his love, soothing him and he focuses on that sound.
"Rafael, please...please listen to me. Focus on my voice, you're going to be okay. Do you hear me? You're going to be fine, because...because..." she trails off, voice suddenly tight. She clears her throat and continues, "Because I don't want to do this without you. These last few months with you have been amazing and I know you already know this, but I have to say it. I love you, Rafael Barba. I love you and from now on I'm going to tell you every day. You're my other half and the light of my life and all the shit that we make fun of, but it's true! Noah loves you too, so much, and you're so good with- NO! Rafael! Open your eyes! Look at me, please..."
He's trying to listen, but the fog is coming back, and it's so heavy and warm it's hard to resist.
Sudden movement pushes the fog away, and it's replaced by a sharp and white hot pain that's radiating from his side but taking over his whole body.
He can't hear her anymore, and that's more terrifying than the pain, the heat and the feeling of being hurtled on a surfboard through the air.
"NO! Rafael, open your eyes! Look at me, please..." her words trail off into a sob as she feels his body go limp under her hands, where she has them pressed against the stab wound in his side.
The paramedics take over but she only relinquishes her hold on him when she hears Trevor Langan's voice in her ear, "Olivia, let go. It's okay, let the paramedics do their job, they've gotta get him out of here, fast."
He's gently pulling her back, out of the stairwell and into the hallway to make way for the stretcher.
She's crying, covered in blood, and still trying to get back to Rafael's side when the paramedics rush past, pushing him on a gurney.
She's barely able to choke out, "I need to go with him," before Trevor is pulling her after them, knowing the ambulance can't afford to wait. There was just too much blood.
Trevor helps her into the back of the ambulance, announcing to the paramedics, "This is Lieutenant Benson, she works closely with Mr Barba."
The paramedics barely give her a second look, telling her to sit next to his head and talk to him. Then the doors are slammed shut and sirens start blaring, attempting to clear the way to the hospital.
Olivia has always loved living in Manhattan, but right now she'd gladly move anywhere with less traffic if it meant Rafael would be alright.
When he wakes up it's cold, and he really wishes Olivia would stop stealing all the blankets.
He tries to reach over to her side of the bed, but his arms aren't cooperating.
He tries opening his eyes, and has to struggle against heavy lids. 'Why am I so tired?' When he finally manages to crack them open, he realizes he's not in bed with Olivia after all.
The two medics hovering around him look like they're shouting, but he can't hear what they're saying over the rushing sounds in his ears.
'What happened? Where's Liv?' He tries to turn his head, but has to settle for just searching with his eyes.
She must have noticed his return to consciousness, because all of a sudden Olivia's face enters his line of vision. He can see her mouth moving, but he still can't hear anything and he's starting to panic.
"His blood pressure's spiking!"
"Hang another bag of O-neg."
"Ma'am, try and calm him down. The faster his heart beats, the faster he's losing blood. We're still three minutes out."
Olivia tries to push her own panic down, knowing she needs to keep it together for his sake.
"Rafi- can you hear me?"
His eyes are still flicking around, not settling on anything in particular, so she leans over him to get directly in his line of sight.
She can tell the moment he sees her- the beeping of one of the louder machines immediately slows, and for a moment his brow smooths as he relaxes.
"Hey Baby, I'm right here. Try and calm down, we're almost at the hospital. You're going to be fine, but your suit will..." she trails off when he starts to get agitated again.
She reaches out, trying to ignore the drying blood on her hands, and strokes his hair back from his forehead repeatedly, just like she does with Noah when he's fighting sleep.
"It's alright, Rafi. I'm here, I promise you'll be better soon. We're almost at the hospital, then you'll get stitched up and be home before you know it."
Her touch has soothed him, his eyes drifting closed, and the monitors going back to normal.
She leans down next to his ear, murmuring soft words of reassurance, though she's torn as to who she is trying to comfort- Rafael, or herself.
After the longest two and a half minutes of her life, Olivia is startled when the ambulance stops and the doors fly open. She scrambles after the gurney but is held back by hospital staff as Rafael disappears down a hallway.
"Ma'am, you can't go back there," a kind voice explains gently.
"But..."
"The doctors need room to work." The nurse looks her up and down. "You need to get cleaned up, then I'll show you to the waiting room where you'll get updates about your- husband?"
Olivia looks at her blankly. "He's- he's my-" she sighs heavily, fighting back tears now. "He's my best friend. My everything," she finishes in a whisper.
The nurse nods understandingly and guides Olivia by the elbow down a hallway in a completely different direction than they took Rafael, into a locker room.
"I'll grab you some scrubs if you want to change, your clothes are pretty dirty," she avoids saying the word bloody, but it's everywhere. She had been kneeling in it and her once beige pants are now stiff and rust-colored.
Olivia's senses are suddenly flooded by the smell of the drying blood- Rafael's blood- and she realizes looking in the mirror she has streaks of it on her face as well.
Quickly pushing away memories of Lewis, she removes her soiled clothing and turns on the tap, her stomach churning at the sight of the pink water swirling down the drain.
She's replaying their phone conversation in her mind, and can't believe it was less than an hour ago that they were laughing and she was looking forward to a quiet night in with her boys.
She knows when he made the comment about her loving him that he thought he would scare her. The truth is, she's been hesitant to say it, or label their relationship in general. She's been enjoying just letting things happen, and finds that they are so comfortable together sometimes she forgets that they've only been together such a short time.
But just because she hasn't said the words yet, doesn't make them any less true. If he hadn't rushed off the phone so quickly she would have told him so- and now she's praying that she gets the chance to tell him every day for the rest of their hopefully long life together.
When the rest of the squad arrive, they find Olivia sitting in the OR waiting room, blue scrubs on, and staring blanking at the wall.
"Liv, sweetie? Is there any news?" Amanda asks gently, sitting beside her colleague and friend. They might not have made an official announcement, but the squad all knew Barba and Olivia were romantically involved.
She doesn't say anything, just shakes her head. Fin sits down on her other side, and takes her hand offering silent support.
Carisi announces to the group he's going to get coffee, and when he returns fifteen minutes later he is accompanied by an obviously worried Lucia Barba.
"Olivia?"
At the sound of her boyfriend's mother, Liv loses her tenuous grip on her emotions, and tears start sliding down her face.
"I'm so sorry," she cries into the older woman's shoulder as they embrace.
"Shh, Querido (Darling), it's not your fault. We need to think positive thoughts. I'm glad you were there, but I'm sure it was scary to see him like that."
Olivia doesn't answer, just nods and pulls away, returning to her seat, feeling unsteady on her feet.
Fin stands, "I'm gonna go flash my badge, see if I can get someone out here with an update."
Lucia takes his seat, and looks at the woman next to her, someone who is now a part of her family. While she has never had an exceptionally close relationship with her son, since losing her mother they have made the effort to get together regularly.
Recently, Olivia and Noah have been a part of their visits, and Lucia couldn't be happier- it's been written on her son's face how happy he is.
Lucia reaches out and takes Olivia's hand, giving it a gentle squeeze and says, "Rafael's always been a fighter."
Olivia nods slowly. "I hope you're right," she whispers. "I don't...there was just. So much... blood."
She's seen more than her share of serious wounds; hell, she even watched Cassidy take two bullets to the chest. But she's never seen someone bleed that much and survive.
Before Lucia can reply, Fin comes back with a doctor.
"Family of Rafael Barba?" the doctor questions, looking right at Lucia.
She nods, "Yes, I'm his mother. This is his wife," she says, indicating Olivia.
Nobody even blinks at her comment, knowing the strict rules for visitors in restricted areas like ICU.
The doctor addresses them both, explaining that Rafael is still in surgery and while he lost a great deal of blood the surgery is going well and they are cautiously optimistic.
The doctor looks between the two women and waits for the inevitable question.
"When can we see him?"
"It's going to be awhile. The surgery will be another hour or so, then he'll be in recovery, and finally ICU. When he's moved to ICU, visitors are restricted to immediate family only, one at a time."
Olivia's face falls.
Lucia steps in, "Can't she see him in recovery, just for a few minutes?"
The doctor sighs, and takes in the appearance of the woman in front of him, not missing the stray blood streaks on her skin and the scrubs that are definitely hospital-issued.
"You were there?" He questions Olivia.
She nods, "Yes. I found him," she answers quietly.
"It's not usually allowed, but I will come and get you once he's in recovery. You can stay with him for a few minutes as long as the nurses don't kick you out."
"Thank you," she replies, stray tears sliding down her cheeks.
The doctor just nods, and exits the waiting room.
Olivia has spent a considerable amount of time waiting in hospitals, and it's never easy.
Rafael had been out of surgery for less than 30 minutes when the doctor comes back and escorts Olivia to his bedside in the surgical recovery ward.
The first thing she notices is that he is pale. Frighteningly so. When she takes hold of his hand, it is ice cold.
As visitors are generally not allowed here there is no place for her to sit. So she stands by his side, rubbing his hand and trying to keep a rein on her emotions.
A nurse comes in to check Rafael's vitals and makes some notes in his chart.
He suggests that Olivia try talking to Rafael, then moves on to his next patient.
Relieved she hasn't been thrown out, Olivia moves closer to her boyfriend's head, running her hand up his arm.
She leans down and places a soft kiss on his cheek.
"Hey Baby. I love you. I told you earlier I was going to tell you that every day, and I intend on keeping my promise. Your mom's here, and she said to tell you she loves you too, and you have to pull through this. She says you better not make her bury her mother and her son in less than a year."
She trails off, not even wanting to consider an outcome where that will happen. She takes a deep breath and continues.
"Please remember everyone you have to fight for. There's your mom, of course. And Noah. You know how much he adores you. He won't let anyone else read half his books to him 'cause we don't do the right voices. The squad is all out there, pulling for you. Carisi is keeping everyone caffeinated, and Fin keeps flashing his badge for updates. Amanda is trying to keep it together but she's just as worried as the rest of us. And me- please don't leave me, Rafi. For the first time I have an actual life partner. I didn't think we would be like this, so perfect for each other.
"Everyone is saying to be positive and not even consider that you won't make it. But they weren't there. They didn't see how much blood..." she trails off again and clears her throat against the tears gathering.
"I need to tell you something, in case-" she pauses, takes a deep breath and then continues, "I just need you to know. Even before we started dating, you have been such a strong, positive force in my life over the past four years. Your support, and friendship; you were there for me during the worst time of my life, and I will never be able to express how much you helped me want to really live again post-Lewis. Every call, every text, every time we met for coffee; they all helped put me back together. I feel you are with me all the time, it's like your handprint is branded on my heart. I can only hope that I've changed your life like you've changed mine. You've changed me Rafael Barba, for good."
She reaches out and strokes his temple, wishing he would open his eyes and scoff at her for being so mushy.
The doctor returns a couple of minutes later, and asks Olivia to accompany him to the waiting room to give Lucia an update.
"He's going to be moved to ICU, you'll be able to sit with him again once he's settled in the ward."
Olivia doesn't want to leave him even for a few minutes, but understands that they have already bent the rules for her. She gives his hand a squeeze, leans down to whisper another 'I love you' in his ear, and brushes a kiss onto his cheek before she reluctantly follows the doctor out of the room.
She keeps a vigil at his bedside for the next thirty six hours. It's apparently normal that he's still unconscious, considering his injuries and the amount of blood he lost. At least that's the line the medical staff keep feeding her.
Regardless, she refuses to leave him for more than a few minutes at a time, just long enough to go to the bathroom or check in with Lucy.
The staff mostly leave her alone, but she leaves her badge hooked on the pocket of the scrubs she's still wearing to discourage any confrontations.
She's just returned from FaceTime-ing with Noah when Rafael starts stirring. At first she thinks she's just imagining things, but then he squeezes her hand.
"Liv?" His voice is hoarse and low but to her it's the most beautiful sound in the world.
"Hey, Raf. I'm right here," she answers, stroking his arm.
Slowly he opens his eyes and gives her a smile. They spend a long moment just looking at each other.
"You changing careers on me?" He jokes, eyeing the scrubs.
She gives him a small smile back, answering, "Never. How are you feeling?"
He pauses, taking inventory of his body. "Okay, I think. I don't remember much; these drugs must be really good. I'm feeling a little floaty at the moment."
She smiles, but her eyes fill with tears.
"Hey, I'm okay. See?"
She laughs lightly. "You don't even know that, you idiot," she says quietly.
"Well, I'm awake and talking so it can't be that bad, right?"
She nods, a couple tears trickling down her cheeks. "Yeah, now that you're awake you should be fine."
His brow furrows. "How long was I out?"
She takes a deep breath. "You got hurt on Tuesday. It's now Thursday."
"Oh. I'm sorry, Liv," he reaches out to cup her cheek and winces when he pulls the stitches in his side.
"Hey, hey. Easy there, tiger. Try not to move too much." She leans in and gives him a soft, sweet kiss.
She pulls back slightly and looking him straight in the eye says, "I love you."
He gives her a lopsided smile and replies, "I know. I love you, too."
She returns his smile and his answer. "I know," then leans in and kisses him again.