AUTHORS NOTE: This is a little piece of nothing that is pretty much highlighting my mood right now because I've not cried since the moment my father told me about the death of my grandfather and I am angry in myself. I also don't know the situation with Robbie's family so this is completely made up! I'm going to make this my entry for the prompt "death"
DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the characters
[Lack of Grief]
"I can't even cry!" The man shouted angrily at the station psychiatrist, Jenny Scott, as he paced the room that she called her office. He didn't know why he was angry. It wasn't her fault that he was emotionless when it came to situations like this but at the same time he believed that she should provide him with feedback. "I don't even want to accept that he's gone." He finally admitted as he sat down in the chair that she was pointing at.
"Robbie, everyone grieves differently. Some people burst into tears, some people want to embrace their own life and others just want to share memories with others about the one that they've lost. What do you want to do?" He looked at her, his anger overwhelming as he didn't believe in any of the shit that she was spouting. Everyone should cry when they'd lost someone close to them, right?
The reason Robbie was in the office was because he'd lost his father recently and it was starting to drive him crazy that he hadn't cried yet. He'd shed a few years when he'd first learnt about the death from his mother but after that there had been literally nothing and that was what was torturing him. It was true that Robbie wasn't close to his father but he'd thought that he'd shed some tears because that was what family did. They grieved for their lost ones by becoming a state and making everyone else know that they weren't in a happy place thanks to the situation but Robbie had continued as if nothing had happened. He'd been okay with that at first but then eventually he'd come to a standstill and realised that he was acting pretty heartless because it was his father. Surely he should be devastated and praying to every Lord that he could think of for his father back.
Rubbing his hands together, Robbie ignored Jenny's gaze at first before looking up at him. "Do you think I'm sick for not grieving for my father, doctor?"
"Robbie, how do you know you're not grieving? I'm being serious when I say that crying isn't the main form of grieving. The first form is that pit in your stomach when you suddenly remember to associate with the life that you've lost, the love you felt for the man being overwhelming as you think about the things that you didn't do. First a griever needs to feel guilt, Robbie and I know that you've felt that or you wouldn't be here."
Sure Robbie had felt guilt.
He'd felt the guilt over the fact that he'd not seen his father in months or that every time he'd promised to go round and help his father do something there had always been a reason to cancel or even when there wasn't Robbie would make one up. He'd hated seeing the man when he was alive because of the disapproving looks that he sent his way or the constant digs at the fact that he was useless. Everyone always tried to reassure him that his father really did love him and the job that he did but sometimes it was hard to believe that.
"I don't want to feel anything but tears falling down my face, doctor." He admitted.
He didn't want to be heartless. He wanted his father to know, wherever he was, that Robbie was heartbroken over the fact that he'd left him and that he'd tried his best to be the son that the man wanted and desired even if he had left the family business because he wanted to be an officer of the law. He felt a smile forming on his face as he remembered his father telling him that he'd never get very far on his own but Robbie's title sure put an end to that belief, didn't it?
"Robbie, grief hits us differently and I'm feeling that you are feeling it even though you don't know. If you weren't then you wouldn't be here. It wouldn't be distressing you that you weren't. I promise you that." She whispered before smiling up at him. "I can ask Burke to give you a few days off if you..."
He quickly cut her off by saying, "that's okay, doctor. I've already got the funeral and that off so no more days are necessary. Thank you for talking to me."
"No. Thank you for trusting me." She stood up and smiled at him. "Robbie, I'm sorry for your loss. I really am." She said genuinely as she watched him leave the room and he smiled back at her, the tired lines framing his eyes and she stuck by her belief that he was grieving but was totally unaware of it. It would hit him one day and he'd know about it. The tears would flow and the devastation would remind him that he has everything to live for.