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Hogwarts, a History
Xielle
"The only thing left to do is count - and keep on going forward."
She counted the time until she could stand, tall and proud. How would others see her, and would they like her, she wondered. Was it enough to be considered impressive, with her majestic arches, and her spiralling towers with which she hoped to one day touch the skies with. But as of yet, she didn't really know enough - or much, come to think of it - so for now, she was content, in her founders' care, young as she was. But someday...
Someday, the stars. So she began counting the time towards that, too.
Oh, how lovely, this feeling.
She counted the time, down to the last possible second, that maybe he would change his mind - come back. Come back, please - and that they would all be together again. She counted down, just as she continues to this day to count all the centuries past, all the decades empty, and all the years forever lost. On and on, it kept going. And she kept on counting. All the while, her family was breaking.
And throughout it all, the hurt never truly healed.
Oh, how broken, this feeling.
But on and on, she counted the time that she could one day be whole again, by her own power. She will always remember; forgive, but never forget. And she will stand, again. But she will still remember, yes, and count the time until she can make a difference, as her founders always wished for her.
Efforts are never for naught, this she believed.
Oh, how strengthening, this feeling.
Centuries and generations of students later, she counted the time, still, as attending descendants of her founders became less, and lesser each time. Soon, there would maybe be one in decades, and then, none at all. But still, she counted; on and on. No one else quite knows how much it hurts, realizations such as this.
To stand alone isn't what she thought it meant.
Oh, how lonely, this feeling.
And so it became, that now she counted down the time to the now-rare happenstance that the next of her founders' child walk her grounds, and run her halls. Be it the next century, next decade, next year, next day; eventually, they will return to her, as they always promised they would. Back in her halls, and her in their care, as it should be.
Hope is eternal, after all. Or something along those lines.
Oh, how hopeful, this feeling.
But oh, even as she counted the time, again and again, she remembers. Yes, she remembers what it felt like before, and can't help but sigh at how it feels now. To love, and be loved in return, indeed. Maybe not from the students this year, but hopefully in the next - and so she counts. She counts until there would come one who will appreciate her, beyond the castle. She is magical, and unique, and can be so much more. She counts until she finds that one, and will count again, if he leaves.
Forward she forges on, and counts. Alone.
Oh, how hurtful, this feeling.
It's quite tiresome, yes, just to be counting down the time until it's not so lonely anymore - for time feels so very stretched, when one is all alone, and you can only count down, down, and down some more. But soon, summer will be over, and she would rather that she won't have to start counting down until the following summer, but on and on she counts. But she loves every single day, treasures every minute, and not a second is wasted. Something is always accomplished, and the time she counts is well-spent.
Time is always so very precious, though few realize it. It's gone long before anyone realizes what they lost.
Oh, how warm, this feeling.
She counted the time. Always, she counted. And through it all, she tried, even as she resolved to keep counting. But regrets aren't as defined until you know that the time to make a difference has long since passed you by. That lesson that everyone tells you to learn, and she thinks that it should rather be applicable to her, too. But you don't really understand regret, until there's nothing to be done.
But still, she kept on loving. It was a mistake, she knew - one she kept on making. Even if it hurt.
Oh, how heartbreaking, this feeling.
But despite everything, and perhaps, for the sake of everything - she counted the time. She counted, and loved, and hoped. Yes, she hoped. She hoped, with the rest of her students, but she returned. She gave him what she could - just as she gave the other heir. But this time, she knew, he would not be a mistake. He wouldn't make her regret.
He was so very old, yet so very young. And she loved him.
Oh, how proud, this feeling.
She counted the time, and kept on counting. In the end, he came through. Not just for her, she knew. But he was so very brave, like a wise, if rather brash man she knew a long, long time ago. But she knew she had failed. He won, and he lost so very much, and she couldn't do anything as she couldn't have done anything before. except count.
How can anything so happy, be so sad at the same time?
Oh, how odd, this feeling.
Indeed, all these feelings.
She may never truly understand, how she can count, and what this thing called life meant, and what it meant for her.
But all she knows, is she can count. However this life started, it's not yet over.
So she will keep on counting. Forward, always.
END.
01.03.11
AN: A sentence, barely coherent, that transformed into a oneshot. This was meant to be dedicated to New Year. It's a countdown, of sorts, or a summary of highlights of life. From being born, to losing a family member or becoming a broken family, to first love, later love, regrets, and achievements that aren't as happy and fulfilling as we thought when we were young. Because adulthood complicates things like that, and we realize nothing is "only happy" because we realize that we're not the only one affected by things and events that we come across. Basically, this is just one huge metaphor. And I have no idea why I felt like clearing that up so bluntly. Probably because this is too obscure, and vague, even for me. I only understood it because I was the one writing it.
END.
Really.