I never thought that I'd be at my sisters wedding. We were never really that close growing up. She always got on better with our parents and I always felt a little like I didn't belong. Anyway the huge surprise for me isn't only that I'm a guest its that I'm standing here as maid of honour even though I don't feel remotely honourable. You see the thing is that on the outside I am being the dutiful sister. Standing here in a beautiful purple dress that comes to my knees with thick straps to hide the burn on my chest and tears rolling down my face smile firmly in place. The reason I am not the good sister I appear to be is that the tears are not of joy as they should be. I am not crying because I am happy for her I am crying because this could have been me. If I had not let my stupid pride get in the way I could have been standing here surrounded by family and friends, becoming Mrs Eddie Lawson but no not me I had to get scared and run and now this is my punishment watching my beautiful younger sister get the man of my dreams. When it come time for the I do's I can feel my heart break within my chest. The noise is so loud I'm surprised the people around me can't hear it. He wants to spend the rest of his life with her while I get to spend mine as his sister in law and aunt to gorgeous children they will no doubt have. Cheerful thought
S I know but what do you expect.
The blushing bride and her groom are now making their way back down the aisle. Following them out I smile and pose for picture in the gardens of the church. It is a beautiful summers day and somewhere between leaving the church and the first flash of the camera I had managed to fix my makeup so I looked halfway presentable. After the photographer has gotten all his shots my aunt pulled me to one side. The first words out of her mouth once we were alone shocked the life out of me "Are you okay sweetheart this can't be easy for you" I just looked at her. " I know all about it Jess told me I just wanted to make sure your okay" Jess my cousin e=was the only one within our family who knew about my feelings for Eddie. "No, I'm not but I don't really have a choice do I?" "Not really, no just grin and bear it. Have a couple of fdrinks at the reception. Smile, avoid the bouquet, go home finish that half bottle of wine in your fridge and get up tomorrow and face the world." Her speech was exactly what I should have expected from Auntie Sarah and I stooped to hug her. ""Okay then" I said "lets go face the world"