A/N: Okay, this layout is confusing so let me explain. There are two stories going on at the same time here. Italicized stuff happened a long time ago in Kurogane's past in Japan. There, Fai was a servant of Kurogane's of some kind from when they were younger. Normal font is the 'present' story, which takes place some unspecified amount of time after Fai starts referring to Kurogane by his full name (if you're not up to that part yet, this story'll be a spoiler). Oh, and bold text is the lyrics. Everything all explained and set now? Good!
How to Save a Life
"Hnnn..." Fai yawned and stretched as he looked out the window. "Hm, it's got to be at least noon. I wonder why Kuro-sama let me sleep so late..." He stood up and went over to the closet to get dressed. Fai walked out into the hall and down the stairs as he fastened the last few buttons on the shirt. As he reached the bottom of the steps, Fai noticed Kurogane waiting for him. He was sitting backwards in a chair in the center of the living room, staring up the stairs as though he had known the exact second he would come down. "Ohayo, Kuro-sama. What's going on?" He smiled.
"Sit down," Kurogane said gruffly, standing up, never taking his eyes off of Fai. "We need to talk."
"But Kuro-sama must be hungry. Let me go fix you something to eat," Fai brushed past him, heading for the kitchen.
"What are you so afraid of?" Kurogane glared. "It's just a talk."
Fai smiled nervously back at him, turning around to face him again. Kurogane just continued to stare through him as Fai started to move. He remained stationary at the window to the right as Fai passed him by and sat down in a nearby chair.
"So... what do you want to talk about, Kuro-sama?"
Fai was in the kitchen, snagging a late night snack before bed. He made himself a bowl of ice cream and ate it quickly. Putting the emptied bowl and the spoon in the sink, he headed off for his bedroom. When he reached the living room, he saw Kurogane waiting for him on the sofa by the window, glancing up at him with his empty red eyes.
"Hello, Kurogane," Fai forced a smile.
Kurogane stood up, never taking his eyes off the blond. "Sit down; we need to talk."
"I'm tired. Can't we talk tomorrow?" Fai asked, passing him by.
"What's the big deal? It's just a talk," Kurogane insisted.
Fai turned his head, smiling nervously back at him. "I suppose." He stepped back toward Kurogane, taking the seat about five feet in front of Kurogane. "So what did you want to talk about... Kurogane?"
Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came
"Wanna explain this all to me?" Kurogane glared at Fai, sitting back down with him.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Fai smiled falsely.
"Funny, after writing this, I figured you'd know," Kurogane threw Fai's journal at him lightly.
Fai stared wide-eyed at the journal and then at Kurogane. Suddenly, his look grew cold as his lips tightened. "Screw off."
"I'm not letting you go until you talk to me," Kurogane stated.
"You're not feeding as much as you used to. Something up?" Kurogane cocked an eyebrow.
"Well, I've been eating a lot of food--" Fai started.
"We both know that does nothing for you," he glared. "You're trying to starve yourself, aren't you?"
"I don't know what you're--" Fai started.
"I'm prepared to sit here all night if I have to," Kurogane pulled out a bottle of alcohol and popped open the top. "Want some?"
"Screw off," Fai glared at him.
"I thought you'd say something like that," Kurogane took a swig from the bottle.
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
"Look, you left it out. I should know you by now; after all, I've been living with you for fourteen years. If you didn't want me to know, you wouldn't have left that out," Kurogane argued.
Fai just crossed his legs and turned his head away, still upset that Kurogane had gone through his possessions.
"You know I'm right. You know that I know you better than anyone," Kurogane insisted. "You've been acting strange and now that I've seen what you wrote I know what's been going on with you. You need to listen to me. You know I'm the only one who knows you and can help you. Let me in."
Fai refused to turn back and look at him again but his facial expression changed. Kurogane noticed that he appeared to be debating something and he prayed that the message was getting through.
"You're starving yourself. As your food source, I know better than anyone when you're eating less and you're eating a lot less. Look, I know you hate to admit it, but I'm the only one here who really gets you, which means I know you best. I'm the only one who can help you, so let me help already, dammit. Let me in." Kurogane focused his eyes intently on Fai's face, watching for any change in his expression.
"Can I... can I have some?" Fai asked hesitantly, eyeing the bottle in Kurogane's hand.
"Yeah, sure," Kurogane handed him the bottle. He noticed the sudden change in Fai's expression that he had been hoping for and prayed that this change meant what he wanted it to mean - that Fai was listening.
Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you
"Are you even listening to me?" Kurogane raised an eyebrow.
"Yeah, sure, whatever," Fai said bluntly, crossing one leg over the other.
"Look, regardless of how you may feel about me, you have to let me help you," Kurogane insisted.
"Yeah? Why's that?" Fai folded his arms over his chest and closed his eyes.
"Because it's the only chance you have."
"Chance at what?" Fai retorted, his face showing the true depth of his sorrow.
"Are you listening to me mage?" Kurogane leaned forward, locking his eyes on Fai's.
"I'm listening, Kurogane, but I can't say I understand," Fai smiled. "I've just found a way to live on less blood or something. That's all there is to it." He took a large swig from the bottle.
"Have I ever told you that you're the worst liar I've ever seen?" Kurogane took the bottle back and drank from it himself.
"Liar? Why, Kurogane, I assure you I have no idea what you mean," Fai insisted.
"Not the first time I've heard that line…," Kurogane growled.
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
"Get the hell out of my life!" Fai shouted, rising from his chair and heading for the door.
Kurogane caught him by the wrist and pulled Fai toward him. He whispered to him gruffly, "Why can't you just accept my help? Do you hate me so much that you'd rather die than let me help you through your problems?"
"Kuro-sama…" Fai's eyes went wide. "I don't… I don't… hate you, Kuro-sama…"
"Come on," Kurogane headed for the door. "Maybe if we go out for a walk you'll feel better about talking."
Fai nodded slightly and walked with him, noting how Kurogane refused to loosen the grip on his wrist. As they headed out of the palace and off toward the woods, Fai opened his mouth, "K-Kuro-sama…"
"Are you ready to talk about what's bothering you now?" Kurogane asked, glaring back at him through the corner of his crimson eye.
"Kuro-sama… you're right. I'm upset… but it's just because I've been having some problems lately. It's no big deal, Kuro-sama, I'm just having a bit of trouble right now. I'll bounce back soon enough," Fai assured with a smile.
"Why did I even bother? I should have known you'd never be able to bring yourself to tell me the truth…" Kurogane groaned in frustration as he ran a hand through his hair.
Barely audible even in the quiet solitude of the forest, Fai sighed softly, "I'm sorry Kuro-sama…"
"What do you even know about me, Kurogane!? You don't know anything about me!" Fai yelled, getting up from his chair.
Kurogane stood up, grabbed him by the wrist and held him close. "And whose fault is that?" Kurogane whispered harshly. "How much am I supposed to know about you when you don't tell me anything?"
Fai didn't respond. He just stood there, unmoving, eyes locked on the floor to make sure that he didn't make eye contact with Kurogane. He just couldn't… not now.
"Now, come on, let me help you," Kurogane insisted. "I can read you like a book – no matter how much you want to die, you're just not ready to die yet. Let me help you."
"Why do you care so much, Kurogane?" Fai hesitantly looked up from the corner of his eye for just a second.
"I'm not sure myself… but I want to help you through whatever's happening to you," Kurogane insisted.
"I… I want to die, Kurogane. I… don't think I can take it anymore…" Fai admitted softly, his eyes starting to glaze over with the faintest hint of tears.
"It's going to be alright," Kurogane's grip on Fai's wrist tightened as his other hand went up to the back of Fai's neck and pressed the blond's head against his shoulder. "Don't worry about anything right now; just eat. I promise you we'll work things out later."
As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came
"It's getting dark already," Fai noted as they walked along a winding path in the woods. "Should we head back, Kuro-sama?"
"I suppose," Kurogane nodded. The two of them headed back to the palace.
"Kuro-sama," Fai said as they approached the palace again. "Kuro-sama, I'm feeling really tired. I think I'm going to skip dinner and just go to bed."
"Before you go, I want you to swear to me that you're not going to do something stupid," Kurogane glared at him.
"I promise, Kuro-sama," Fai gave a wide smile.
"Alright then. Goodnight."
"Goodnight Kuro-sama," Fai waved back to him as he walked away. As he walked down the hall, his smile turned to a frown. "I'm sorry, Kuro-sama. I can't keep the promise I've just made you," he whispered softly.
"I…" Fai began… but he wasn't even sure where he meant to go with it.
"Just feed. Don't think about anything else for now, okay?" Kurogane said.
Fai hesitated for only a second and then sank his fangs into the nape of Kurogane's neck.
"Feed to your fill," Kurogane insisted as he felt the blood being drained from his body.
After a moment or two, Fai removed his fangs from Kurogane's flesh and licked at the wound gently. "I didn't take too much, did I?"
"I'm feeling a bit weak but it's nothing a good night's sleep won't fix," Kurogane responded, finally releasing Fai's wrist.
"I'm feeling a bit tired myself," Fai admitted, smiling.
"I'm not letting you sleep alone tonight though, got it? You're going to stay with me," Kurogane said. "Come on."
"Why?" Fai blinked.
"I have a feeling you're going to do something stupid again. Now let's go already," Kurogane argued, taking Fai by the hand again.
"I understand," Fai nodded softly. "I'll stay with you tonight."
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
"Kurogane-san! Kurogane-san, where have you been!?" Soma ran up to Kurogane as he walked up to the palace.
"I went out for a walk. Is that a crime or something?" Kurogane glared.
"Kurogane-san! It's awful! Fai-san is--!" Soma's eyes watered over with tears as she clasped her hands around her mouth.
"Something happened to Fai?" Kurogane's eyes widened and he started running for Fai's room. "Fai!" Kurogane burst through the door.
"I'm sorry, Kurogane-san," Tomoyo whispered softly, her eyes swollen from all the crying she'd already done as she looked up at him. "By the time we found him, it was too late."
Kurogane's eyes drifted over to the bed where Fai's lifeless form lay under a white sheet which was stained crimson in places by his spilt blood. "It's not your fault, Tomoyo-hime," Kurogane responded gruffly.
"He… left this for you," Tomoyo held up a letter for Kurogane. "It was on the nightstand."
How to save a life
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life
"The bed should be big enough for the both of us but if you're uncomfortable sharing a bed I'll sleep on the floor," Kurogane stated bluntly as he got ready for bed.
"It's fine, Kurogane," Fai pulled back the covers and laid down in the bed.
"Well, goodnight," Kurogane turned out the light and got into bed with Fai.
"Kurogane…" Fai whispered.
"Yeah?" the ninja glanced over at him.
"I… I want to thank you… for all that you've done for me…" Fai said.
"It's nothing," Kurogane grunted in response.
"No…" Fai sat up and turned to lean over Kurogane. He lowered his head until their noses touched and then he pressed his lips to Kurogane's. "Thank you."
"I'm glad I didn't screw things up this time," Kurogane muttered ambiguously as he pulled the blond to his chest. "Get some sleep now, okay?"
"Okay," Fai agreed, smiling softly.
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
"You're sorry you did this to me, huh?" Kurogane sat on the edge of the bed, alone in the room with Fai's body. "Lot of good an apology does when you're dead… idiot…"
Kurogane got up again. He paced around the bed a few times and read the letter once more. Like all the times before, when he got to the end, his fist clenched tight around the page. "And for future reference it's really cruel to make a love confession in your suicide note," he commented angrily, glaring at the pale form under the sheets.
"I don't know why I'm bothering with all this," Kurogane scratched his head in frustration. "Regardless of what Tomoyo-hime might say, once you're done in this life you're done for good, so it's not like you can hear me or anything. Damn idiot, why'd you have to throw away your one shot at this? Are some bad memories in the back of your brain really worth all this?"
"Excuse me, Kurogane-san. We… were wondering when you would be finished here… We…need to start making arrangements for Fai-san's body," a servant warily popped her head into the room.
"Take him," Kurogane responded coldly, stepping out of the room. "It's not like there's anything left for anyone to do or say here. It's too late for that."
Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend How to save a life
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
"Hn…." Kurogane rolled over in bed as the early morning sunlight from the window started to irritate his eyes. "Hm…?" he raised an eyebrow as his hand touched the body lying beside him. He'd forgotten for a moment that he had taken Fai to bed with him.
"Good morning, Kuro-sama," Fai smiled softly up at him.
"I see you're still alive… and back to the nicknames…" Kurogane muttered.
"You sound unhappy, Kuro-chi," Fai commented.
"Mixed blessings," Kurogane shrugged.
"Kuro-chan, I'm sorry… and…" Fai bit his lip.
"No need to say it," Kurogane insisted, pulling the blond against his body. "I love you too."