A/N: Hey there guys! So, I thought I would share all of my little ficlets and drabbles with you wonderful people. I had written this one for last Christmas as it was a full moon and I wanted to do a little something for Harry Potter. If you follow me on Tumblr, you may or may not have seen it. Anyhoo, don't expect consistent updates with this. This is just for those stubborn little plot monsters that like to lurk under my bed whilst I try to sleep. It's rated M just in case I try my hand as some more adult themes ;) As always I hope you guys enjoy. ~RiLeY~
25 December 2015
Sirius was alone for Christmas.
It was the first time in a long time. He had spent eighteen Christmases surrounded by love and family. They wrapped him up with so much warmth and laughter that, for one day of the year, it was easy to forget all the bad things that had ever taken place in his life.
Sirius was alone for Christmas.
It took him two years before the Veil finally spat him out like he was something bad it ate. The Unspeakables were the ones to find him. He was rushed off to St. Mungos. A phenomenon they called him. There wasn't a scratch on him; he was perfectly healthy and looked just a bit younger. It was Christmas Day.
Sirius was alone for Christmas.
The following years had been hard for him. He spent the last years of the war in a chilling suspended limbo of nothingness. He was always cold there. Warmth was something Sirius learned to treasure. There was a summer day, a couple of years after his return that Sirius drank so much, he was on the brink of death. Harry had been terribly upset. He didn't talk to Sirius for months. When his asked Sirius why he did it, Sirius told him that he was afraid of being cold. The alcohol kept him warm.
Sirius was alone for Christmas.
Sirius loved his godson. It was a fact. Which was why he never wanted him to know that he had nightmares often. Or that he would sit at the table in the kitchen of Grimmauld Place most mornings and feel so alone. He loved little Teddy even more. Which was why he never wanted him to know that sometimes, when he looked at him, he saw his dead friend or his cousin and that it was so painful. Or that when he trips over every little thing, even the flat sidewalk, he wanted to cry.
Sirius was alone for Christmas.
Harry had forgotten him this Christmas. Sirius didn't take it personally. Harry had a family. He reminded him so much of James that he fought hard to try and remember that he wasn't one of his best friends. James would be proud of his son. Remus would be proud of his too. Teddy had just finished Hogwarts and immediately got an internship to join the Auror office in France. He wanted to follow in his mother's footsteps. Teddy would be spending Christmas in France with his girlfriend's grandparents.
Sirius was alone for Christmas.
His gifts lay unopened as he made his way to the gates of Hogwarts. The only sound to be heard were the crunching of his boots against the snow covered ground. The Whomping Willow trembled a welcome and swung a hefty branch in his direction. His pressed the knot on the tree and traversed through the tunnel of his youth. Even now, he could probably reach the Shack with his eyes closed. He entered the Shack and immediately took his place at the foot of the couch in the corner of the room.
Sirius was alone for Christmas.
He took out the aged Ogden that he had hidden in his cloak. He hadn't taken a drink in years. After his near-death experience, the Healers at told him that alcohol was no longer an option for him anymore. One more drop would be like drinking poison. His death would be imminent.
Sirius was alone for Christmas.
He looked all around the old, decrepit Shack with a nostalgic eye. There were claw marks where he and Moony had tussled playfully during full moons. He saw a scrape on a wall. He remembered Prongs misjudging the distance to the wall and running antlers first. When he hit the wall, he fell back on his hind legs and sat there looking confused until Sirius has barked in obvious amusement. Then there was the dent in the wall that Snape had been blasted into Harry's third year. He smiled secretly at the memory as the click of the bottle being opened echoed eerily against the crumbling walls.
Sirius was alone for Christmas.
He was tired. He had tried. He spent eighteen long years trying to be better, trying to be happy. Sometimes he succeeded, but then something would remind him once again to what he had lost. He had been there for Harry, just like he knew James would've wanted. He had been there for Teddy, just like he knew Remus would've wanted.
Sirius was alone for Christmas.
The full moon was high up in the sky now. He stared at it through the tiny hole in the ceiling. He took his first swig of the firewhiskey. He reveled in the warmth as it traveled slowly down his throat. "Remus, old friend. This one's for you."
Sirius was alone for Christmas.
He felt a horrible wrench in his gut as the drink pooled in his stomach. He took another swig even as his stomach cramped painfully. "James, mate. This one's for you."
Sirius was alone for Christmas.
He stared sweating as the alcohol worked fast through his system. He took one last swig and launched the bottle toward the wall opposite him. It shattered with a spray of glass and amber liquid. "Peter, pal. This one's for you. I'm sorry I failed you. Maybe I could've been a better friend. I'm so sorry."
Sirius was alone for Christmas.
He lay his head against the lumpy cushion of the couch and closed his eyes. He had done his job as a godfather and a best friend. He raised his boys well and now they didn't need him anymore. Now, they could go and make their parents proud. He was no longer needed.
Sirius was alone for Christmas.
He died that night in the Shack. Not wrapped in warmth or laughter. Not surrounded by love or family. He died alone. With the memories of his dead friends and fresh salt tracks down his face.
Sirius died alone for Christmas.