Guilt

AU Set just after series six finale, the stand-off ends very differently when Fatani and Thabo don't make it in time.

He shuddered as a chill galloped through him. This was it. He had to deal with this, with his family but worse, with his wife. Regrets sped through his mind in rapid procession as he realised what he'd done. He'd torn them apart. Split them down the middle. He was the cause of the heartbreak.

He stood awaiting their arrival outside in the cold, bitter air. It was as if the clouds knew the terrible events that had unfurled as the heavens unexpectedly opened and huge drops of freezing rain began to drench him. He wished it would drown him. He didn't deserve to live – not now. The air had a stagnant depression hung within it. It lingered in every recess and consumed every corner.

His reverie was broken by the arrival of a taxi in front of him. He knew it was them. He knew without even looking in the window it was them. They were here to say goodbye. The door opened and instantly an irate Alice clambered from the car. Her usual pristine make-up was running down her face as tears, both old and new, washed it away. Her breathing was coming in short bursts and heavy pants. Her strong figure replaced by a vulnerable woman. Behind her, the rest of the family climbed out, coming to stand behind her. Caroline too had the residue of old tears still present as the two young members of the family, Olivia and Charlotte, continued to steadily cry as they clung to each other.

"Where is he?" Alice whispered hoarsely looking him directly in the eye. The look unnerved him. He couldn't determine what it was. For some parts he saw pain and heartbreak yet in others he could identify the love and there was certainly no mistaking the anger and regret in her eyes. One thing was unmistakeable though; the lack of spark within her. The sparkle in her eye was minimalistic; dying – along with her Husband.

"I'll take you..." Dup offered quietly.

"You've done enough!" Alice spat angrily, "Where is he?"

"He's in a small room to himself; ward thirty six, room five." Dup finally admitted, "Alice, I'm so..."

"What?" She snapped, "Sorry?" She shook her head angrily, "I don't want to hear it. If it wasn't for you he wouldn't even be in that position. He'd be on a plane to England with me and everyone else." Her voice broke, "You just had to have your own way and now look at us. Well you know what? I hope you can live with making this baby fatherless because I can't... I can't live without him."

With that, Alice walked into the hospital rushing past reception and straight to the stairs. Liv and Charlotte followed her totally unwilling to speak to Dup. Only Caroline stayed; a look full of sympathy and understanding written across her face. She moved forward to hug her Husband tightly.

"It's my fault Caroline." Dup cried, "All my fault." He whispered.

"You couldn't have known..." Caroline murmured back to him, "Danny wouldn't want you to blame yourself."

"Nor would he want to die, to leave Alice and his kids... but he's going to isn't he? All because I couldn't realise Africa is a place." Dup told her pulling away and moving to sit on a bench. "I'm selfish Caroline."

"No you're..."

"I am!" Dup shouted, "I manipulated him into staying, made it so he couldn't say no. I knew that Alice would let him stay for a bit, I heard her say it to him earlier in the day. Alice is right, if it wasn't for me, he'd still be alive."

"He is alive."

"Caroline, they are turning his life support machine off." Dup whispered, "He's going to die. Tonight."

"Oh Anders..." Caroline cried as she pulled him to her,

"No, I don't want hugs. I want him to live. I should die! Not him! He deserves to live!" Dup spat standing up, "No, please go. Go and say goodbye to him. I'll wait here."

"I'm worried about you Anders, you're too vulnerable."

"Caroline, go. I won't do anything stupid." Dup murmured. "I'll be here."

Caroline nodded, kissing his weathered cheek softly before walking into the hospital sadly and with remorse. Dup looked up at the sky, counting all the stars and pleading with them for a miracle.

It was eight hours later when they all walked back out of the hospital. Liv was propping up an emotional, inconsolable Alice who was still sobbing uncontrollably. Caroline walked behind them with Charlotte. All four women were sobbing but no one could mistake the devastation Alice had suffered. The sparkle in her eye was gone and Dup knew in that instant that his best friend was gone from this world. His guilt overrode him once more as he saw her collapse onto the bench and bend as for over double as she could, gripping her head into her arms as she did so in a vain attempt to halt the tears.

"I need him." She cried as Liv sat beside her, "I need him."

"He's with you Alice... in your heart, in your memories. He'll live on." Liv whispered trying to console her stepmother.

"It's not enough." Alice sniffed as Charlotte too sat beside her, "I need him here. I love him. How do I live without him?"

Liv and Charlotte shook their heads, crying as they gripped onto Alice who despite her own turmoil wrapped her arms around them both. All three shed tears for the man they had lost. Danny had been a wonderful father and husband taken a mile to soon. Dup stood up and walked towards them, his arm opening for Caroline who had been stood watching them.

"I'm sorry..." Dup whispered, "I..."

"Shut up." Liv growled at him.

"Please..." Dup began,

"I hate you." Charlotte spat, "You took him away! You took my Dad away!"

Alice simply looked up to him with her watery blue eyes clouded with devastation and heartbreak. The desolation and loss she'd experienced was evident. She simply stared at him, tears still continuing to roll down her face.

The taxi arrived for all of them but Alice continued to hold her glare. Dup swallowed, totally unnerved and shook his head, pulling himself out of her gaze.

"I'm sorry!" He cried, "I'm sorry!"

And with that he ran off – and no one saw him again.

A/N – I know it's rather sad but was watching series six episode ten and realised just how selfish Dup actually is when it comes to the situation of Danny leaving Africa.

This is a bit random I suppose but ah well.

x