Soul Searching

By Kali

Author's Forward: Warning, this little introspective piece takes place after Batman #600 (I read an advanced copy of the issue.) I wanted to get this little fic out of my head, so that I could concentrate on responsible stuff, like my college homework. Anyhow, this fic contains spoilers about Batman #600.

What the hell is going on!?

Why is he being so damned difficult about this?! Why is throwing his life away?! Why is he...

Why doesn't he want to find Vesper's murderer? That's what worries me the most.

Tim thinks... Maybe I should... No. Bruce gave the damned Joker CPR! I don't believe that he would save that monster, only to kill an innocent woman a few months later. No matter how irrational he was behaving, I don't believe that he's capable of that. I won't.

Because, even if he *was* capable of something like that, he knows moves that could kill instantly. He wouldn't need a gun to do it.

The gun. Why did he buy the gun? He hates them. Perhaps, Babs was right about it being gun therapy'. But then, why wouldn't he explain that? Of course, he doesn't explain much of anything. Ever.

I mean, I didn't even know that he was dating Vesper again. Or, that he had a bodyguard. Or, that Sasha was in on the secret.

And what about Sasha? Does Bruce just intend on leaving her to the wolves? Does he think that she did it?

So many questions. And the only person with any answers, says he doesn't give a damn about Bruce Wayne's' problems. The problem with that is, he *is* Bruce Wayne.

Except... He said that there was no Bruce Wayne'. He told me to stop calling him Bruce'. Why?

I could understand him being fed up with the playboy act. But still... Throwing his life away like that. Throwing *me* away like that, after... I can't help thinking about those strange files of his. I thought he was just feeling conflicted. But maybe, there's more to it than that. Maybe there is truth in some of what Tim said? Not the part about Bruce being capable of murder, but, the part about Bruce...

After Jason died, Bruce removed everything connected to him, from the mansion. It was as if he was trying to erase Jason from existence. He never contacted me about Jays death. And yet, when I confronted him about it, he acted as if I *should've* known. That I should've been at Jason's funeral. I never really thought about how contradictory that whole response was. I *know* that he told Alfred not to contact me. Alfred told me all about it. How Bruce had insisted that he work alone from then on in.

And that's the real kicker. Bruce's almost constant induction of people into the , only to inevitably push them away. Me, Barbara, Jason, Tim, Azrael, Cassandra, Spoiler, Sasha, and even Helena to some extent. Why? Doesn't he know how much that hurts us? Doesn't he care?

And what about us? Why didn't he answer me? Why did he even bother adopting me if...

So many questions.

Bruce's behavior after Jason's death, Jim's shooting. Those files. And now this. It worries me.

Perhaps, he's just grieving over Vesper. That's possible, isn't it? Maybe he'll snap out of it eventually, and everything can go back to what passes for normal. Maybe if I tell myself that enough, I'll even believe it.

Bruce has no intention of clearing his name. That means it's up to us to do that for him.

Then, after that is settled, I can try to find out what the hell is going on with him. Whether he likes it or not.

Disclaimer: The characters in the above piece belong to DC Comics. No profit is being made from this little ficlet. Yaddah, yadda, etc.