A/N: Just another way things could have gone after Miss Ellie pushed Clayton away when he got a little amorous and her fear finally got the best of her in season 7 episode 17.

Ellie tossed, turned, and punched her pillow, but nothing she did made her comfortable enough to sleep. Her heart knew what the problem was, but her mind kept her from giving in.

She felt the tears that had already soaked her pillow start to fall again, and the burn of Clayton's ring on her finger only added to her misery. She should have taken it off, but she couldn't bear to after he'd so tenderly placed it there.

Thinking about earlier tonight, she could still feel his lips against hers, the gentleness of his hands as they cupped her face. She was afraid, but dear heaven above she wanted more of his kisses, more of his touch. It was no wonder she couldn't sleep. Her emotions were all over the place.

Desire to be kissed and touched.

Fear of her marred body being seen.

"But he loves you and you hurt him tonight," the little voice in her heart whispered and took a poke at her.

"I can't," she whispered back.

"And why not? He loves you. He's good and decent, give him a chance."

Closing her eyes, Ellie took a deep breath and reached out with a trembling hand to lift the phone from its cradle. She couldn't turn the lights on, sure that seeing herself in the mirror would make her lose her nerve. Dialing his number by the dim light of the moon, she waited with shaky breath for him to answer.

"Hello?"

"Clayton," she whispered.

"Ellie?"

"I know it's late and that I probably woke you, but please…" her voice broke and she covered her mouth with her hand to stop the sound from echoing in her quiet room.

"Ellie, what is it? What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry. I need you. Come to Southfork. I know I'm not making any sense after what happened earlier tonight, but please? Will you come?"

"You didn't wake me, Ellie. I couldn't sleep," he paused then sighed, "I'll be there."

Ellie heard the soft click of his phone and closed her eyes. What had she just done?

"Come to your senses, I'd say. Get up and wash your face, but don't get dressed. You can't put your armor on for this one. He's seen you vulnerable before, let him see it again."

If only it was as easy as her heart seemed to think it was. Sitting up, she took a few deep breaths and decided that she still didn't want to turn on the light. She knew this room by heart so walking around with just the dim light of the moon would be enough. Pulling on her robe, she tied the sash about her waist then moved to her dresser. She might not be getting dressed, but there was no sense in going down with hair mussed from tossing about. Pulling the brush through the tangled curls, she had to pause a few times to keep from dropping it due to her hand shaking so badly. She wasn't going to wash her face. She wanted him to see her tears so that he knew how much she regretted hurting him.

"Please don't let me have lost him," she whispered as she put the brush back in its place. Moving quietly to the door, she carefully opened it and let herself out, taking small cautious steps to keep from waking anyone. The last thing she needed was one of her sons finding her creeping downstairs in the dark.

CnE

Clayton was surprised to see Ellie standing at the door waiting for him. He could see the tear streaks on her face and felt his heart break all over again, his arms aching to hold her. "I'm sorry, Ellie," he whispered when she slid the door open to let him in.

"Shh," she whispered as she clasped his hand, closed the door then led him through to the sitting room.

"It's dark in here, Ellie. Why don't you let me turn on a light so you don't fall?"

"No. No lights."

"Ellie, why did you want me to come?"

"Because I couldn't sleep for thinking about the hurt I caused you."

"I shouldn't have pushed for us to spend the night together."

"It isn't that. I want you to kiss me, to touch me, but…I have a secret," she whispered.

"A secret? What could it possibly be, that it would make you tell me you can't marry me? I love you. Nothing will change that."

Ellie half sobbed as she collapsed back onto the sofa. "You can't know that."

"I can," he assured her, keeping his voice low as he used the dim light of the moon to see and sat down on the sofa beside her. "Loving you means I love every part of you. All of it, Ellie. There is nothing you could have done, or could do now, that will change my loving you."

"I'm deformed, Clayton," she whimpered.

Clayton frowned. "Ellie, what are you talking about?"

Reaching out, she felt along the sofa cushion until she found his hand. Taking it in hers, she lifted it and cupped it under her left breast. "It isn't real. I had cancer and…" her voice broke and she cleared her throat before continuing so low that he almost didn't hear her. "…they cut it off then reconstructed it."

Closing his eyes against the tears that formed at the anguish in her voice, Clayton swallowed back everything he wished to ask and simply reached out with his free hand and tugged her against him. "My god, Ellie. I'm sorry you had to go through that, but you aren't deformed."

"You can't say that…you haven't seen," she whispered as she settled against him, the feel of his arms wrapped around her, and the cover of darkness, giving her the courage she'd lacked before.

"Oh Ellie," he breathed, his tears finally escaping and rolling down his cheeks, a few dropping into her hair. "I can say because I love you. I can't say that it won't make a difference, because it will. How can it not? Mostly, it will be different because it will make me cherish you just that much more because of the battle you fought against cancer. It isn't a deformity, Ellie, it's a battle scar. I do enjoy a woman's soft, pliant curves, but your body isn't why I love you…it's only just a small part of you. I love your smile, your laugh, the way your eyes spark when you're angry. I love how your mind works, your compassion, the love you have for your family, even those that have hurt you time and again. I love your loyalty, the way you love the land, the way you fight for your beliefs even when it's hurting you." The moon light filtered into the room again as he lifted her face and smiled down at her. "Every little bit from the top of your blonde head to the bottoms of your tiny feet – all of it, Ellie. I love the whole package."

Ellie stared up into the dark eyes of the man she loved and saw nothing but love shining back at her. He was being honest and sincere and opening up to her in a way she wasn't used to from a man, but was slowly realizing was part of what she loved about Clayton Farlow. "You're sure?" she whispered.

"I've never been more sure of anything. We'll go as slow as you want just don't push me away again. I'll wait forever, Ellie." Cupping her cheek, he leaned down and pressed his lips to hers, kissing her with a tenderness that stole her breath and made her shiver.

"Stay here with me?"

"Here?"

She nodded. "Light a fire while I go get a blanket."

"Alright." Clayton helped her stand. "Do you mind if I turn a lamp on so I can see what I'm doing?"

Ellie chuckled a bit. "No, I don't mind. I wouldn't want you to hurt yourself."

Feeling about, Clayton found the lamp switch and turned it on just in time to see Ellie slip out of the room. His heart ached as he thought about the hell the woman had gone through. He wanted to ask if Jock had reacted badly, if that had been what had caused her to think that he would, but that would wait for later. Right now, holding her and knowing that he was no longer being pushed away was enough. Moving to the fireplace, he made sure everything was as it should be before striking a match and lighting the fire, watching as the orange flames licked at the kindling and logs.

Taking off his jacket, he laid it over the back of the chair then sat down and pulled off his boots. Dragging the ottoman with him, he moved back to the sofa and settled himself in the corner in a comfortable position then turned the lamp off just a moment before he heard Ellie's slippers on the wood floor.

Ellie smiled at the picture Clayton made sitting on her sofa with his legs up on the ottoman, his body angled just right to make room for her to snuggle against him. "Comfortable?"

"Yes. Come here," he held out his hand, smiling when she unfolded the blanket and started to put it over his legs. "I won't need that. You just worry about you. Settle in."

Shaking her head with a tender look aimed at him, she did as he said and curled her body against him, her head resting on his chest, his heart beating a steady rhythm in her ear. Taking his hand, she curled her fingers with his, resting their joined hands against her breast. "Thank you," she whispered.

"For what?"

"For coming out here so late, for staying…for waiting."

"No need for thanks. I'd already intended to come out here tomorrow to try and talk to you, I'm just a few hours early."

"More than a few."

"Well, it doesn't matter now. What matters is that I'm here and you're in my arms and still going to marry me. Everything else is secondary."

"I'm still scared. I never could let Jock see me. I nearly fainted when I first saw myself after the surgery. The reconstruction made that sight marginally better, but it's still not the same. I've never felt very womanly since."

"Believe me…" he growled. "…you are most definitely womanly. Some day, I hope you give me the chance to show you just how much of a woman I find you to be."

"I will, but you may have to keep convincing me."

"That won't be a problem." Squeezing her gently, Clayton held her gaze when she looked up at him. "But if the day never comes where you can let me make love to you, that won't change the fact that I still love you and want you to be my wife. I'll happily hold you if that's all you can give me, so long as you don't push me away."

"You're an amazing man, Clayton Farlow, and I love you for it."

"I'm not amazing, Ellie. I just love you, that's all." Caressing her cheek, he tapped the tip of her nose then smiled. "Now settle back down and pull your blanket close so you don't get cold."

"Between the fire and you, I don't think we need to worry," she chuckled.

Clayton patted her hip. "I've always been like this. Mama always said Daddy and I were like walking stoves."

"It's nice cuddling up on a cool night to a warm man instead of an electric blanket."

"It's a good thing I like to cuddle."

Ellie sighed as she watched the fire. "Tell me more about your mama and daddy. You know a lot about my family, but I know very little about yours."

"I'll tell you how they met."

Ellie felt herself drifting off as she listened to Clayton's mellow voice telling the story of his parents meeting each other. She was warm, she was loved. Surrendering to her heart's wishes, even though there had been tears, was sweet in its fulfillment as she fell completely under the sandman's spell and slipped into a more peaceful slumber than she'd had for the last few days.

CnE

Bobby yawned as he came into the house. He'd been out all night and wanted nothing more than to settle down in his bed. Looking into the sitting room as he started up the stairs, he frowned and turned to go back down. Stopping just inside the room, he felt his heart nearly burst at the sight he saw. Looking around, he saw the coals red and hot in the fireplace, the boots, and the jacket on the chair, before settling back on the two people asleep on the sofa. He knew from Ray that his mama had told Clayton she couldn't marry him, so seeing her here now, asleep in the man's arms, was a shock. Not that it wouldn't have been surprising anyway. A son didn't just come home and find his mother asleep in a man's arms without it being a surprise. But here she was, so evidently something had happened between the time Clayton had been at Ray and Donna's and now.

Shrugging, he quietly walked over to the fireplace, carefully stoking the flames and adding a log, hoping to keep the sleepers warm, intent on leaving them be. Hearing noise on the stairs, he frowned and hurried out of the room.

JR frowned at Bobby. "Bob, what are you doing?"

"Shh," he hushed his older brother.

"What for?"

"You'll wake Mama," he whispered, intentionally leaving Clayton's presence out of it for the moment.

"What is she doing asleep in the sitting room?" JR asked as he moved around Bobby. Growling low in his throat when he looked into the sitting room, he opened his mouth to say something, but the vice like grip on his arm stopped him.

"Don't, JR. Let them be. If you have any love for her, you'll leave it. They aren't doing anything, and most definitely aren't hurting you. Give her this. She loves you no matter what you do…don't you think you owe it to her to let her have some happiness?"

"He's not fit to be with her."

"I can think of no other man alive that could be more fit for our mama than Clayton Farlow. When we tore her to bits with our fight over Ewing Oil, it was that man in there that took her away and put her back together. For that alone we owe him the decency to treat him with respect and let him love our mama."

"He will never replace Daddy."

"And Mama isn't trying to, but JR, she's not an old woman past the need to want a man. I know we don't like to think of that, but it's the truth. Just for her, leave them alone."

JR huffed out a breath, shrugged and turned to go into the kitchen. "Fine."

Bobby sighed in relief as he made his way upstairs. Surrender wasn't sweet when it came to JR, but at least he'd given in without much of a fuss. Of course, who knew how long it would last. Bobby was sure his older brother would make some crack about this at some point in the days to come. He was also sure Clayton Farlow was in their lives to stay, no matter what JR did or said. Clayton wasn't the type of man to surrender easily.

Bobby chuckled as he closed his bedroom door behind him. "Well…I suppose it depends on who's asking for the surrender."