Shi-kḁdria

A "Not In A Million Years" Side-Story by Shinsun

If I live a thousand years in this life, I'll never get anywhere close to enough of the prince of come to know as my lover. It's funny because I'd laugh at myself for even thinking such a thing two years ago, but now it rang so true that I could feel it in my blood. Vegeta was an addiction, and I – like any addict – simply couldn't be satisfied by anything less than him anymore. Had I ever wanted anything more than this? Why had I ever pushed him away and risked not having what I have now?

I meant what I said; when I told Vegeta he was meant for Super Saiyan three. I have a hard time explaining it even now, but it was like… like it was his true form; like it had always been there and was only now showing its colors. And gods, he was so beautiful. Even in my own alcohol-induced haze, I couldn't tear my eyes from him if I tried; and I wasn't about to try. Every movement of lithe muscle was accented by the effortless ripple of long golden hair, every blink and saccade of his eyes showing off their icy hue and dagger-like intensity. He was magnificent, and I felt a twinge of what might have been jealousy as I watched him, entranced. At the moment, his ki was even higher than mine had ever been, he was the most powerful being in the universe; and he did so while appearing more regal and stunning than I could ever hope to be. I smothered the notion before it could become selfish though, and just watched him as I would a priceless work of art, letting my addiction swamp back over me as I reveled in the flawless aura of power and confidence emanating from my beautiful mate.

I thought about that momentary jab of envy I'd felt then as I wandered around the island the next morning, trying to walk off the hangover that had greeted me upon waking. I wasn't accustomed to being egotistical, especially not when concerning my own strength. Was this what Vegeta had felt as he'd helplessly watched me surpass him time and time again when we were younger? Was this why he had chased after me almost desperately, just trying to attain the same power? I'd never been outshone before, except maybe by my son during the battle with Cell, and I'd caught up quickly enough; so I wasn't used to this feeling. The feeling of being second-best.

And then I thought about it from Vegeta's perspective; he'd always wanted to be stronger, he'd always wanted to be better than me. I used to resent him for it – at least on the inside; couldn't he just let it go? – but now I thought… all he'd wanted was respect, he wanted someone to look at him and think 'Wow. That's amazing.' … and he'd finally done that, but not because of his strength. No, I revered, cherished, worshipped him because of the amount of love I'd found in the man I'd thought an unfeeling murderer. The fact that he could direct such unconditional love towards me, of all people; his sworn enemy, was just… incredible. And I guess he'd earned the reward of finally having the power he'd always wanted in return.

I returned to where I'd left my mate once my head had stopped trying to destroy itself with its throbbing. Don't get me wrong, I still felt like utter shit, but at least I wasn't on the verge of keeling over anymore. Man, Vegeta had been right; Saiyan hangovers were terrible. But I guess it had been worth it, to see him at the third level. I shook my head with a rueful laugh, I had no right to be jealous of Vegeta in any way; he'd been through more than his fair share of hardship, so he'd earned the spoils and then some.

Gods, he looked worn out. It made me wonder what I looked like. And when he spoke to me, I could smell the alcohol still heavy on his breath. I worried about the baby after the prince had all but deliberately drowned himself in liquor; I remembered ChiChi telling me over and over that the one thing she wasn't allowed to have when she was pregnant was alcohol of any kind. I knew Saiyans were different, but…

Vegeta assured me that the baby was fine, and when I searched for it, I found the tiny ki signal that proved him right. It was a little wobbly from being so exposed to - gods, how much? - a lot of alcohol, but otherwise seemed no worse for wear.

What surprised me, though, was that the prince didn't remember being at Super Saiyan three at all. In fact, he nearly fell over in shock when I told him he had been. I was confused… had I imagined it? But no, the memories were still there in my head. I offered to show Vegeta what I'd seen, just wanting him to experience what I had… to know he was no longer second-best.

I could feel his incredulity as he looked into my memories; he was astounded, and I felt his ki reach out to me as he felt how much I was in awe of him. I let my emotions show plainly; letting him know I was sincere.

X

A month passed slowly. I watched my mate's belly grow almost by the day, and rather than feel nervous like I had the last time, I was proud. It was probably just instinctive, but being the patriarch of my own family, of my own pack was truly an amazing feeling, one I'd never really felt before until these last two years.

Gohan suggested I move Tess's old crib back into his room, for the new baby to sleep in. I thought it was a bit early to be thinking of that, but I did as he said. Around this time during the last pregnancy – not counting the one that ended in miscarriage – I'd started thinking of names, but now I thought it was better just to wait. The perfect name had come to mind upon meeting Tesserot, and I assumed the same thing would happen this time around.

There were nights where we would just lie together, my mate and I. Nothing was said, nothing needed to be said. We understood each other, probably better than any two people understood each other in the whole world.

X

I can't say I was all for the whole baby shower thing. I knew Vegeta didn't like being around so many people, but I also thought it would be a good idea for him to come out of his shell a little. He still seemed so convinced that everyone hated him, and he didn't seem to realize that the only reason people hadn't liked him in the first place was because he was evil. Now that he wasn't, people were more in admiration of him than fear. So I decided it would be better for both of us if he did go to this baby shower, he needed to learn to stand on his own two feet. I gave off an air of enthusiasm, even though I was a little uncertain, to be sure that Vegeta couldn't weasel out of this like he usually did.

I felt his ki spike with alarm when I told him he'd have to face it on his own. I could sense his feeling of abandonment, but I hardened myself against it. He didn't used to be dependant on anyone, but now that he was; it had become a really big part of him. He counted on me being by his side, and he freaked out when I wasn't.

I promised him I wouldn't go far, and distanced myself, watching from the edges to see how the prince would manage when faced with a dreaded social situation. Of course he immediately turned to Piccolo, his fellow introvert. But the Namekian seemed to share my views, because he didn't stay and chat long. And then Vegeta was on his own. He deflected questions rather skillfully at first, avoiding awkward answers and keeping to himself; but eventually he actually opened up and talked to people, and I swore I saw him smile when Yamcha talked to him like an old friend; their old rivalry over Bulma - and the fact that Vegeta had essentially killed the Z fighter in the past – forgotten. I relaxed, letting my tail free of its grip around my waist, and headed outside on the balcony for some fresh air. Vegeta could handle himself just fine, and I reminded myself to tell him how proud I was of him when I got the chance.

He joined me out there after a while, and I could tell he wasn't trying to escape, just getting a breather.

We talked easily, in the companionable atmosphere that we generated together. I was always the most at ease when around Vegeta… maybe that had always been true, since the beginning. I didn't have to pretend when in his presence, and I liked that.

It was getting dark, and I noticed Vegeta shivering subtly from the cold. I suggested we go back inside, not wanting him to catch a cold. He nodded and started to follow me in, but then he halted abruptly.

"Shit." I heard him whisper, barely an exhalation.

"What?" I looked at him and saw comprehension and fear dawning on his face simultaneously.

"I… I've felt this before…" his voice shook a little when he spoke, and I felt his terror make my own blood run cold.

"Felt what?" I asked, dreading the answer.

He looked me in the eye and spat out, "Dammit, Kakarot, the baby's coming!"

X

I felt like I'd been slapped, and I forced myself to answer, if shakily.

"W-what? Are you sure?"

His sarcastic reply was lost on me, I already knew. I could even smell it; the change in his ki and the impending scent of labor. I don't know why I didn't notice it before. If I had, I wouldn't have made him come here tonight.

It was too soon. Way too soon. I remembered Bulma saying that the baby would be alright if it was born a month or so from now. She didn't even mention that it could be born sooner.

I alerted Bulma before taking my mate to the lab as the blue-haired woman ordered. I hated that lab. Too many memories of blood and fear and pain lingered here from before. The raw substance of my nightmares that I thought I'd forgotten long ago. It might be worse this time. It was too early, much too early.

"K-Stop it!" Vegeta forced out, "I'm freaked out as it is without that running through my head!"

"Sorry," I apologized. I just don't want to lose you. If I had to choose between you and the baby, I'd pick you.

I regretted that thought instantly before realizing he hadn't heard. Maybe I was becoming selfish.

Vegeta tensed and his whole body locked as a powerful contraction took him. A ragged sound of pain escaped his throat, and I winced, wishing I could help. Anything to take the weight of it off his shoulders, I'd do it.

"It'll be alright," I murmured, trying to comfort him in any way I could, "It has to be."

And then Bulma came; thank the gods, I was running out of ideas, not that I'd had any to begin with. She asked me a ton of questions as she set up equipment, mostly about what Vegeta had eaten lately, how much he'd slept, if he'd been feeling achy beforehand, things like that. I answered as honestly as I could, just wanting to be useful somehow.

She asked Vegeta if he could sit up, and I wanted to shout at her. You can't feel the pain he's in right now, of course he can't sit up, idiot!

I watched my mate struggle and fail before coming to his aid, shooting a glare at Bulma as I did.

"I've got you," I promised as I helped Vegeta to sit, I could see the discomfort and tension written all over his face, which was streaked with sweat all the way to his hairline.

He started to ask why he had to sit up, and I felt a chill run down my spine. No matter how many times I was forced to look at needles, they still scared me. Why, even now? I have no idea. I sucked a breath through my teeth and looked away, focusing instead on my mate's face, the elegant curve of one eyebrow, even furrowed in pain, the shimmer of a dark eye, the sharpness of his profile. Anything to distract me from the huge needle the woman was stabbing him with.

Once Bulma moved away, I lay my prince down on the medical table; careful not to bump him unnecessarily and cause him more pain. I noticed that the crease between his eyebrows had softened a little, he was relaxing slightly.

I explained to Vegeta what Bulma had told me a while back. That even though this birth would be another C-section, we needed him awake. I remembered how much damage his body had taken last time; how I'd been forced to knock him out… he probably wouldn't survive it a second time, even if such drastic measures weren't taken. The stress from the first time alone would be enough to kill him even if he was drugged unconscious.

When Vegeta was fully numbed, he panicked a little. I knew he would; it's a scary feeling to not have control over your own body.

Bulma put a heavy cloth across his chest and arranged her supplies. I knew what was coming next, and I had to fight hard to keep standing there looking. Bulma sterilized the skin of his convex belly, and I could still make out the dark, unnaturally straight line of the faded scar from the first time. I looked away as she touched a scalpel to my mate's skin, remembering all too well what would happen if I forced myself to look.

Vegeta didn't seem to realize she'd started, and once I told him that she had, much of the discomfort that had dissipated before returned to his face. Ignorance truly is bliss.

I had to keep telling myself to breathe. I knew what the woman was doing, and all the images from the past were leaking through the floodgate I'd put up to protect myself from them. I wanted to curl up in a ball and squeeze my eyes shut and hide until it was all over, but I couldn't very well do that. I used the same tactic as before; watching Vegeta's face instead of what was scaring me. I knew I could find comfort there, if nowhere else.

'What's the matter?' he asked quietly. I realized the panic must have shown on my face.

'Nothing.' I said instinctively. Then I realized I'd lied to him; and I hated doing that, so I told him about the nightmares. I felt his concern; and I almost laughed, though the situation was far from humorous. He was the one getting sliced open here, and he felt sympathy for me. That was more than a little backwards, I think.

He seemed confused that he hadn't sensed the nightmares, and I explained that I'd blocked my mind off from him back then. I'd done it to shield him, much as he'd blocked off the agony he'd gone through the first time he went into labor from me… though I suspect he wasn't aware that he'd done that, it might have been instinct.

Vegeta winced visibly, and I glanced at Bulma in time to see her cut the umbilical cord from the baby and give me a hand signal we'd worked on ahead of time. I handed her a towel and she wrapped the blood-smudged newborn in it before giving the bundle to me. I worked on keeping the little one warm and trying to get him to breathe rather than watch Bulma stitch the wound closed.

Vegeta started to ask me something once the woman had finished and moved away.

I told him that the baby had to be put on life support to help him breathe; there was more to that hand signal than just a command for a towel, or Bulma would have asked with her words.

'Can I at least look at him?' the prince asked as he swallowed the senzu Bulma had given him. There was such a pleading note in that question that I relented, and adjusted the towel so that he could see his son.

I felt that he was startled by the resemblance, and I had to agree with him. The infant was the spitting image of his mother, except he had black hair like me and two bangs that drooped in his face like when Vegeta and I had fused. Some drying blood still marred his face a little, but I could see that his strong cheekbones and elegant nose resembled the prince as well. Unlike Tesserot, who'd been active and curious; he barely moved, eyes closed as if in sleep, not making a sound. Please be okay… I prayed, not wanting to lose this innocent little creature so soon after I'd met him. Even almost directly after birth, the parental bonds tying Vegeta and me to the baby were strong, and were growing stronger by the minute.

Bulma returned and took the tiny child from me. I almost protested, almost growled at her for touching him, before I reminded myself that she was here to help. I couldn't keep the fragile baby alive with protection alone, much as I'd like to. Bulma lay the baby in an incubator bed and put some kind of tube-device on his face, which I assumed was to help him breathe, since he had a hard time doing it on his own right now. I hoped with all my heart that that problem would get better instead of worse.

Vegeta was worried, so was I, but I was also transfixed by the little one's visage, so similar to my mate's.

'He's so beautiful… Just like you.' I murmured. I half-hoped to name him after Vegeta, but I had a feeling that would offend rather than flatter, as I intended. So I translated the name in my head and looked for a synonym.

"Can we name him Veito?" I asked. The name meant "royal blood", just like Vegeta's did.

I felt my mate's approval, and he agreed. I gently took his hand and stood close to him, purring quietly.

X

The next day, while Vegeta tried to get Veito to eat – none-too-successfully – I tried to listen and focus as Bulma talked to me. She talked about Veito's white blood cell count and immune system and such, but not much else, so I didn't worry. At least, not more than I already did.

When night fell and Vegeta fell asleep on my shoulder for the second night in a row – not that I minded, I was glad he could sleep. I sure as hell had a hard time with it right now - Bulma showed up and asked to talk to me again. I almost refused; not wanting to risk waking up my mate, but her voice was urgent, so I gently extricated myself from the prince's loose embrace and followed her back to her office… or whatever it was.

"You haven't been sleeping," she observed.

"I did last night," I protested, not wanting her to worry about me when she had enough to worry about.

"For how long?" she said skeptically.

I fidgeted, "Maybe an hour," I mumbled.

She shook her head in a chastising way, "I know you're worried about those two," of course she meant my mate and son, "But you need to sleep as much as they do, maybe more since it's your job to protect both of them."

Defense for my mate's honor made me turn it into an argument, "Vegeta does just as much to protect me; it's a partnership, I don't own him or Veito."

"He wouldn't be much good at protecting you right now," she countered, "Besides, if you haven't noticed, he's sleeping, unlike you. I know you feel like you need to keep watch, it's an alpha thing, but I've got monitors watching both of them in case something goes wrong."

"I'm not suddenly becoming an insomniac because I'm worried about them," I said after a moment, "At least, that's not the only reason."

"Then why?"

I shifted uncomfortably where I stood, "The same reason I barely slept for three months after Tess was born. If I sleep I get chased by nightmares, and that would do me less good than just staying awake."

She looked concerned, "Nightmares? What about?"

I averted my gaze. Now she was digging in too deep; she was my best and oldest friend, but I didn't have to tell her everything. Hell, I hadn't even told my mate until yesterday.

"None of your business," I muttered, "What's the real reason you called me in here? Surely not just to criticize me."

"No, of course not," she said quickly. I almost smirked with grim humor, that tactic always worked. Turn the heat on your opponent if they back you into a corner.

"I called you in here to talk about Veito." She went on.

Instantly I snapped to attention. Had she found something wrong?

"I was… studying the blood I took, and I told you most of what I found. But there was something else. I didn't study it too closely at first because it didn't seem important, but it was about his DNA structure."

"What about it?" I asked carefully.

"I'm sure you know the difference between a male and a female's chromosomes, right Goku?"

"Yeah," I nodded, "XY and XX right? ChiChi mentioned it. Why? Did Veito get the hermaphrodite gene from Vege-?" I began, worried.

"No. That's not it." She shook her head. I let myself relax, but I did so too soon.

"Goku, his chromosomes are YY. I've never seen anything like it."

I blinked, "What? What does that mean?"

"I'm not sure," she admitted, "It could be nothing, but then again, it could also be everything. A person's genetics make up everything they are; their personality, their physical traits…"

"Is it… is it dangerous to him?"

"I don't know. Nothing unbalanced is ever safe, but this is different. It's… it should be impossible."

I sighed, "Nothing's impossible anymore, Bulma."

"Just… listen," she said slowly, "If… if anyone needs your protection, it's Veito. I've seen you do some really incredible things, Goku; I've seen you perform miracles. Well right now Veito really needs a miracle."

I wasn't sure what to say. There wasn't a lot I could say. I knew Bulma was right though, and I hoped I could help my son in any way I could; I owed him that much for making his first moments of life a living hell. I knew it wasn't my fault that he was born early, nor that his genes were all messed up, but I blamed myself for it because I didn't have the heart to blame anyone else; especially not Vegeta, after he'd worked so hard to bring Veito into the world safe.

X

I returned to the arms of my mate – who'd apparently awoken in my absence - with way too much on my mind to allow me to sleep. I remembered Bulma's advice, and I wished I could take it.

"Why did you leave?" he asked in a whisper, his breath hot on my neck.

"Bulma wanted to talk to me," I said quietly.

"Again?"

I nodded. I wished I didn't have to tell him, because he'd no doubt blame himself. These days Vegeta asked for very little, and it seemed heartless to tarnish one of the few things that truly made him happy by telling him his son might not survive. I loved my mate more than I'd loved anything else in my life, and whatever I could do to unburden him from as much of the crap that life threw at him, I'd do in a heartbeat. But still, he had a right to know.

"What did she say?" he asked after a moment.

I looked into his beautiful black eyes and found that I couldn't say it. Not yet. Not now.

'Tomorrow, shi-kḁdria,' I promised, 'I'll tell you tomorrow.'

-Shinsun