How was my day?
Kind of upsetting for the most part, though I'm going to pretend to see it from a better point of view. Nah, can't do that.
I woke up a few minutes before I had to catch my school bus, and I barely had enough time to get a some clean clothes on and rinse the dried blood from my wrists before I was out the door. It was a frosty morning. (Gog, I hate how we had to move, it's so fucking cold here all the time.) I ran to my bus-stop, and remembered why I had been so upset the night before. I was alone. I fucked up my friendships and hurt people. I pushed people away so I wouldn't have to go through the pain over and over again. How could I spend two hours crying and cutting, just because of that? I am honestly starting to wonder what the hell is wrong with me. School was pretty crappy, as usual. I sat though my classes with jacket sleeves pulled down past my hands. Barely able to keep focus on what the teachers were saying, I contemplated suicide. I think that idea grew back in my brain from a dream I had the other night.
I was in my room, curled up in my too large bed, as usual. I heard glass shattering, and moments later a human barged into my room. With a gun pointed to my head, I froze. Then begged for him to pull the bloody trigger already. His finger tightened around it, then loosened. He set the gun on the corner of my bed, and simply walked away.
I can't stop thinking about that dream, well, mostly that gun. The thought of suicide and death brings me peace. Suffering would end. I suppose I should change the subject, even though fantasizing about suicide is a nice thought, it can get boring.
Once classes had (finally!) ended for the day, I was getting all of my things into my school bag, when a girl walks up to me and tells me to try to stop hurting myself. I told her the same. We wished each other a good evening, then left in our own directions.
I guess right when i got home, I decided to slice into my flesh once again, this time it will leave a few baby scars, on my wrist. I find that more than slightly scary, my scars would be in such and obvious place, I will have to wear bracelets all the time now.
Great, now I'm crying again. Well, I suppose i should stop writing and get some shut-eye.