"So!" the Doctor exclaimed, whirling around and clapping his hands. "I was thinking that we might go to Fragrance. That's a planet, Fragrance. Haven't visited in ages, but it's really quite incredible. It's got a sapphire blue sun and a lovely emerald lake—funny, really, because the water is described as being like wine, but the lake is emerald, so who knows what goes into their wine—and the trees are red! It's also got quite a lot of thorium, and the TARDIS has been acting up a bit lately, so I thought we might just stop there for a bit."
The TARDIS groaned quietly.
"Oh, stop your moaning," the Doctor said sternly. "We need thorium. You don't want to throw me off into the time vortex, do you?"
River smirked. "I thought you liked it when we moaned, sweetie."
"Well, yes, but only the fun kind of moaning," the Doctor said. "The other kind's just annoying. Anyway! Fragrance. Yes. Fragrance, the planet, that is. Not the liquid stuff. Lots of people wear too much of that. Not just people, either—I knew a Slitheen who doused himself in a scent called Purple Atmosphere. He positively reeked. But, thankfully, we're not visiting him. Here we go!" He pulled a lever, and the TARDIS began to grind and whirr as it dematerialized.
"I keep telling you to take the brakes off, sweetie," River said. "She wouldn't make that awful noise if you did."
"I love that noise!" the Doctor said, pouting slightly. "She just doesn't understand, Sexy," he murmured to the TARDIS.
"I don't understand?" exclaimed River. "Which one of us can actually get her to where we actually want to go, sweetie?"
The Doctor frowned slightly. "Well, still—" He whipped around as the TARDIS began to shake. "Oh, no, no, no!" he cried, running around the console. "Come on, old girl, don't do this. You're making me look bad in front of the wife."
The TARDIS tilted sideways abruptly. The Doctor and River slid to the left, River laughing teasingly as the Doctor scrambled for a grip.
"Now, don't get cross!" the Doctor called, grabbing onto the railing and pulling himself up. He stumbled toward the console, pushing his hair back from his face. "You need that thorium. You want us to be safe, don't you?"
The TARDIS rumbled loudly.
"No, neither do I," he said, his mouth quirking up faintly. "You have a point there, Sexy."
"So where are we?" asked River. "I've got this funny feeling that we might not be on Fragrance."
"Let's see!" said the Doctor excitedly. "Perhaps she's taken us to Glasst City. Lovely place. A human colony, center of the Far Renaissance, lots of fantastic artists…" he trailed off, his lips pursing slightly as he stared at the screen.
"What?" said River. "Where are we?" She grabbed the screen and swiveled it toward her. "Earth, 2011…" River let out a laugh. "She's landed us right outside a clothes shop."
"You don't have to make a statement about my clothes just because you're upset!" the Doctor yelled to the TARDIS.
The TARDIS rattled vehemently.
"BOW TIES ARE COOL," the Doctor shouted back. "I'm cool," he sulked.
"Of course you are, sweetie," River said, giving him a kiss on the cheek. "You just have a tendency to look like a professor."
"You are a professor," the Doctor muttered.
"Spoilers!" sang River. "Well, as long as we're here, dear, I think I'll go shopping."
"Oh, alright," the Doctor pouted. "Just don't expect me to get anything."
"But a gentleman always pays on dates," River teased.
The Doctor raised his eyebrows. "I'm not a gentleman, honey."
"Oh, I know, sweetie," said River. "But you'll pay for my things anyway. And I warn you—I tend to be a very expensive date."
"Pfft. Money," he scoffed. "I can handle that."
"I never doubted you could. Now let's go, sweetie. I need some new boots." She walked out of the TARDIS, her heels clicking against the sidewalk outside.
The Doctor sighed. "I need a new bow tie as well!" he called, running to catch up with her at the door of the shop.
"No, you don't," River replied, heading straight for the shoes. "You've got more than enough already."
"It's a new bow tie or a fez," he threatened.
"Best go with the bow tie, then," she said, looking over the boots. "Ooh, these are nice," she said appreciatively, picking up a tall, black pair that laced up all the way.
The Doctor scrunched his nose. "I don't like them," he announced.
"You like fezzes, sweetie," River said. "We obviously have different tastes."
"These are nicer," said the Doctor, snatching a brown pair that had four buckles down the side as well as being laced near the bottom. He smiled to himself, thinking of how River had looked when she appeared at the Pandorica.
River tilted her head. "Well, I'm impressed," she said, taking them from his hands. "These actually look—nice." She quickly took off her boots and began to unlace the new pair.
"Oh, shut up," the Doctor muttered, helping her slip on the new pair.
"Make me," River challenged.
"Maybe I will—oh," the Doctor laughed quietly to himself, feeling a sense of déjà vu.
"What is it?"
"Spoilers," he smiled, tapping her nose.
She arched an eyebrow. "Hmm, I look forward to that." She walked over to the mirror, admiring the boots. "I think I'll get these."
"I thought you might like them."
"You liar," River laughed. "I think you knew I'd like them."
"Really," he said, unable to keep a smile out of his voice. "Are you sure it's not because of my fashion sense?"
River didn't answer, smirking.
"Let's just buy the boots and get out of here," the Doctor said, pouting. "I don't need any more judgments on my taste in clothes today."
"Whatever you say, sweetie." River quickly slipped the boots off and brought them up to the counter, sliding money across the counter as the clerk put them in a bag.
The Doctor offered his arm to River and she slipped hers through it with a smile. "Shall we?" he said.
"Of course," River answered.
They walked into the TARDIS, the Doctor taking the shopping bag from River to put it down.
"Ouch!" he exclaimed, dropping the bag as he shook his hand rapidly. "Ow," he whined, frowning down at where the bag had sliced his hand open when he put it down. "Right between the fingers," he said reproachfully to the bag. "Ah, that hurts," he moaned as he moved his fingers. "River, help," he said, looking at her pleadingly.
"Oh, come here, you ridiculous man," River sighed. She took his hand in hers gently, pressing a tissue against the cut.
He winced slightly at the pressure. "I hate paper cuts," he grumbled.
"I know, sweetie," she said, unable to stop herself from smiling at his petulant tone. "It'll be gone in a day or so." She pulled the tissue away and carefully put a small bandage over the cut. "There, my love," she said softly. "You're ready to face the universe."
They stared at each other silently for a moment.
"And quite right, too," the Doctor whispered. He blinked rapidly, turning around sharply. "Yes! Facing the universe. But first, to Fragrance! No more whining," he said, shaking his finger at the TARDIS. "You'll feel much better with some more thorium." He spun a wheel and laughed exuberantly as the TARDIS began to grind. "The whole wide universe, River!" he yelled over the noise.
"Whatever shall we do with it?" River said, smiling.
"Everything!" the Doctor exclaimed. "We've got all the time in the world."