"Materia Hunter"
Materia…
…It was what I lived for, what I knew I would kill for; what I would someday die for.
It was something that was worshipped, revered, and gathered. Not for Wutai, not for myself; but for its magnificence, no one understands its true magnificence. Because it held the power of life and death, to decide when one persons life ended, and when it didn't. The power to win a war. I didn't admit this secret to anyone, especially not that group of ragtag 'heroes' who stumbled upon me in the woods.
I'm attracted to power. Why? Because I've lacked it at times, important times. I couldn't save things that were important to me; if mother could see me now, would she be proud?
I have different principles than other people, different beliefs. I'm a thief, everyone knows that, but I hide behind the title 'materia hunter'. They changed all that. They changed me.
I had joined because of the materia, because they were powerful, and I'm attracted to power. But I stayed because of them. I could have robbed them blind that first night and then upped and left. I didn't. For the first time in my life, I knew I belonged; I knew they understood my need for power. But that wasn't the reason; there was 'him'. He stank of power; it seeped from every pore on his body. That was what first caught my attention, but there was something more about him that kept me interested; that made me find myself gazing at him when I wasn't losing my lunch. He was just like me.
Heh, I'm ranting on, I'm almost as bad as Tifa is in her diary. Heh, heh, if Aeris were still alive, she'd start innocently working her matchmaking. No they'll never know that I've written this; I'll probably burn this or something. Leviathan strike me down, I need to get a grip!
I've worshipped power for so long I've forgotten how to do anything besides be an arrogant, selfish, bitch. Ah, well, no matter, they all know what I really mean. At least I 'hope' they all know what I really mean; I hope 'he' does. Sometimes I can't read those glowing eyes. Dammit! Why can't I have a care with my heart and fall in love with someone who isn't trying to atone for non-existent sins that are long past?
Well, then, maybe we have more in common than I thought. We both are killing ourselves inside for not being able to protect the important people; we've both lost touch with humanity. Leaving it far behind so we can seek out the 'power' we yearn for! He looking for forgiveness, and I looking for…I don't know what it is, I just I know I'll recognize it when I find it. Leviathan strike me down, I remember the first time I saw him… No, I'm not going to tell you about it. I can't, not without admitting things I can't right now… Heh, maybe tomorrow. I will tell you this, when we first met, we both wore expressions of mirrored surprise. It was unusual for both of us.
Soon, we met out on the deck of the airship when the others were fast asleep. I was out there because I needed fresh air; heh, I think he was out there because he likes the effect of his hair and cape billowing in the wind. We didn't speak, we just sat and looked at the stars, we didn't even sit close to each other. Most people would argue nothing went on during those nights; heh, we didn't even talk, right? Wrong, a lot went on, for one simple fact, we were both loners by nature and one of us didn't leave. We showed trust in each; something neither of us had done in a long time. Most people don't understand the significance of that fact; but, then, most people haven't lived truly apart from humanity. Most people have never been truly alone when they were surrounded by people.
We started talking one night. It was cold that night, so we had sat closer together for warmth; among other things. Leviathan strike me where I stand, I can't remember what we talked about. We both began to live for those nights; those nights when we could forget our shells and laugh, joke, play, be the children we kept hidden from pain and joy alike. The children inside who we had kept from growing up.
We both aren't people for public affection; Leviathan, I'd die if Vincent decided to cuddle in public! No one knew what happened at night; no one knew us at night. We both had each other, and that was enough after being alone for so long. I really will die of embarrassment if someone reads this! But Vincent is good at cuddling… and, well, I really like to cuddle. But the days are different, we go back to living in our shells, afraid we'll let someone else down and not letting them get close enough to let it hurt us. We understand the need, a lot of people don't. Some night, we'll leave each other, to go on our journeys to seek out the power we need; some night, this will all be but a memory we hold tight, afraid to let it go in case it shatters us. Heh, some people are afraid of Vincent, but I know his secret; he is really just a big teddy bear that wants to cuddle close. Leviathan strike me down, I sound like a lovesick puppy, then again, I probably am.
They changed me, changed my beliefs and principles. But, that time we, my teddy bear and I, have under the stars has changed me the most. I don't know if I'll ever be able to let go of him now. Tomorrow we're going after the evil insane guy, a.k.a., Sephiroth; this is possibly the last time I'll see Vincent, I wish I could protect him. I have to go meet him now, if we make it out of this, I'm gonna take him home to meet my dad; heh, maybe someday I'll ask him to marry me.
~ Yuffie Kisaragi, 'Materia Hunter'
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Leviathan strike me down! I was so scared when we fought the evil insane guy; heh, whoever's reading this, IF YOU EVER TELL ANYONE ABOUT WHAT I JUST WROTE I'LL HAVE YOUR HEAD! Vincent got hurt in the middle of the battle, and me being concerned dropped out in the middle of kicking the evil insane guy's ass to help him. It was a stretch beating him with all of us fighting, no matter how much Barret and Cid glorify it. Everyone thinks we're heroes, but we're not heroes; Aeris was the hero, she was the one who stopped the meteor, she was the one who gave her life to do it. People will never know about her, they'll never know what she gave up, but we all put in some money to put a statue in Midgar where the church is. After the world settled down a bit and everyone went their separate ways, I finally dragged Vincent off to meet my father. Heh, my dad seemed somewhat worried because Vincent is so much older than I am, we didn't even tell him Vincent spent around thirty years in status lock. My dad went pale when I told him I'm not going to collect materia anymore, he even took my temperature. I gave all the materia I had, which worried him even more. Eventually we, Vincent and I, left to visit the others and help in towns that were having problems with monsters. We didn't have any materia.
Materia…
… I used to worship it because of its power and promise of power. I used to worship, revere, and gather it. I used to know that I would kill for it and one day die for it. I didn't do it for Wutai, or myself; I did it for its power and magnificence. I did it because it held the power of life and death, and the power to win a war. But it wasn't what I needed to clear away the grief and guilt and feeling of hopelessness for the people and things I couldn't save.
The only thing that was able to save was Vincent. I found out what it was I had been searching for, it was him. We both need each other, and the more we're together. The more night is becoming the day as well. I'm not afraid of anything because there isn't anything left to be afraid of. I'm not a thief anymore, mind you if we need a couple of bucks for dinner I'm willing to 'borrow' it from a rich guys wallet, but that's only because the rich sometimes have to be 'persuaded' to share with the poor. I don't really miss being a thief; I'm kind of happy about it. I can ask myself what I'm doing with my life and actually give myself a straight answer about it. If my mother could see me now, would she be proud of me?
Probably, but not when I drink too much. I get kind of mushy when I drink, or else, I hang all over Vincent; and we're not the kind of people for public affection. A little secret I'll share with womankind everywhere: Vincent is sooooo cute when he blushes!
Okay, no more beer, candy, sugar, or caffeine for Yuffie. Sleep…sleep… must sleep now.
~ Yuffie Kisaragi, retired thief