Summary: He had waited for months for proof that she loved him the way he loved her. Finally, he could see it.
Author's Note: Every time there's an amazing episode (not that they aren't all awesome, but you get the point), I tell myself that I'm not going to write anything about it because so many other people do. But, well, my brain always seems to have other ideas. So I present to you yet another continuation of Cops and Robbers. It's a bit overdue, but real life had to take priority last week. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: If I was talented enough to write something like Cops and Robbers, you probably wouldn't be reading this. And I don't lay claim to any of the dialogue that's quoted from the episode.
Unmistakable
"So...Old Haunt? I'll buy you a drink."
"No." Kate was momentarily taken aback. "But I'll do you one better."
"Oh?"
"Come to the loft for dinner. My mother is cooking up a storm."
Kate did not even hesitate to accept his offer. As she had stood outside the crumbled bank that afternoon, watching him reunite with his family, she had wanted nothing more than to be a part of that hug. Of that family.
"Sure."
He smiled and she offered her own in return before turning back to her paperwork. There was a bit more to finish before she could sneak off for the night.
Castle sat back in his chair, his eyes never wavering from Kate, and for the first time ever, she did not complain about his constant gaze. Honestly, she wanted to do the same, but somehow she doubted that Gates would approve of the two of them sitting at her desk staring at each other. After the events of the day, though, after thinking that she may never see him again, Kate completely understood his desire to stare at her, to convince himself she was still there and that they had both survived.
And while that certainly was on Castle's mind, there was another thought that was much more overbearing, and that was the expression on Kate's face after she had freed him of his restraints. In that moment, she had completely let down her walls and smiled radiantly. Sure, he had seen her smile before, but not like this. This one was completely uninhibited, and she made no effort to hide or disguise her feelings for him.
Since the moment Kate woke in the hospital, Castle had waited for a moment like this; a moment in which she acknowledged that she had in fact heard his confession (he was almost positive she was not being entirely truthful about her lack of recollection) or one in which she returned the sentiment. As the weeks passed, he had begun to lose hope that either of those would ever happen, but now his faith had been renewed. She may not have said the words but at that moment, in her eyes, it was unmistakable. She loved him. Loves him. She still had a wall, and he knew she still had a wall, but her true feelings were starting to shine through, which could mean only one thing; that wall was crumbling, and quickly.
"Castle." Her voice tore him from his thoughts.
"Yeah?"
She stood and grabbed her coat. "You ready?"
"Yeah, yeah, of course," he answered excitedly, standing so quickly that he nearly toppled his chair.
She smiled and pocketed her keys and phone. "Let's go."
They stepped into the elevator side by side and Castle leaned back against the corner, his hands firmly in his pockets to prevent himself from reaching out to her. Kate pushed the correct button and then moved to stand next to him.
"Hey, it's okay," she said softly, placing a hand on his arm. "You're fine. Your mother is fine."
He sighed. "I know, I'm just..." he paused, deciding it best not to continue with what he really wanted to say. "Hell of a day."
She dropped her hand and chuckled softly in agreement. "Yeah."
The ride to the loft was silent, though not at all awkward, at least from Kate's standpoint. She was perfectly content to quietly contemplate the events of the day, to consider what she could have lost, and to revel in the fact that he was here and safe and next to her in the car with the broken spring poking him in the back. It was as though nothing had changed, although she was not naïve enough to believe that that was actually the case. The moment of the explosion had changed everything for her. She honestly thought she had lost Castle. As she stepped out of the van, she had been hit with the shattering realization that she may never solve a case with him again. There was a very good chance she would never again laugh at his jokes or roll her eyes at his ridiculous theories. She would never have a chance to tell him how she felt, to admit that she heard his profession of love, to finish tearing down her walls and allow them a chance at happiness, because he was gone. Forever. And no matter the state of her walls, Kate knew that she would never recover from losing him.
His hand was resting on the console and Kate reached out to cover it with her own. She felt him stiffen and he turned to look at her curiously but she simply offered him a small smile and turned back to the road. Castle took the development in stride, shrugging his shoulders and flipping his hand around to twine his fingers with hers. Now it was her turn to falter, but she relaxed immediately and almost imperceptibly tightened her hold. It did not have to mean anything right now and Kate was glad Castle seemed to be just going with the flow. They had had a stressful and emotionally draining day, Kate rationalized, and there was no reason they could not hold hands. It was for comfort, she told herself, and reassurance, and nothing else.
After making their way through the evening traffic, Kate parked the car outside the loft and moved to pull her hand away from his, but instead he tightened his grip on her.
"Castle."
He looked up, reality seeming to suddenly come back into focus. "Huh?"
"We're here."
He ducked down and looked out the side window. "Ah, so we are."
She pulled her hand again but he still would not allow her to escape. "Castle, I need my hand back."
"Oh, right." He let go of her and they climbed out of the car.
"Are you sure you're okay?" Kate asked as they crossed the sidewalk and entered his building.
"Yeah," he answered distractedly.
Kate stopped in front of the elevator and he nearly walked into her.
"Castle!" she scolded.
"Sorry."
The doors opened and they entered. "You seem a little out of it," she pressed.
Oh, he was out of it alright, but it had nothing to do with the fact that just hours earlier he had been a hostage at gunpoint. No, his thoughts were of a much more...fantasy-oriented nature. Of all the ways he could make her smile like that again.
He shrugged. "No, just...thinking."
Kate opted not to press any further. She loved the way his mind worked, but given the way he had been looking at her in the precinct and the fact that she had caught him unknowingly smiling a couple times, she was not sure she really wanted to hear what was currently on his mind.
The elevator opened. "Okay."
He reached out and touched her shoulder gently as they stepped out into the hallway. "I'm fine, I promise," he assured her. "It's just been a crazy day."
She smiled gently in understanding. "Come on. I can smell Martha's cooking all the way out here and it's delicious!"
"Okay, let's eat," Martha said with a flourish, placing a spoon in one of the dishes and taking her place at the end of the table.
Castle was still thoroughly engrossed in his mission to list all of his and Beckett's life-saving adventures, but when the other three began loading their plates and passing dishes back and forth, ignoring his ramblings, he trailed off.
"Wow, Martha," Kate said again as she sat down with a large array of food on her plate. "This looks amazing."
"Don't compliment it till you taste it," Castle warned. "Mother has been known to go overboard on seasonings and such."
"Oh, that's ridiculous," Martha exclaimed.
"Oh really? What about the time you dumped a quarter of a cup of salt in the pasta sauce?"
She fixed him with a glare. "I did no such thing."
Castle turned to Kate, who was chuckling at the exchange, and mouthed 'yes she did,' to her. She simply smiled and shook her head. She could see where Castle got his tendencies towards the dramatic, but it certainly did keep things interesting. He looked back at Kate for confirmation, or something, she was not sure, so she simply raised her eyebrow. He waggled his in response and she rolled her eyes.
"Gram, this is amazing," Alexis gushed, putting an end to the eye-conversation that had been going on between the partners. The moment was broken and their gaze shifted as they turned their attention to their plates instead. As they ate, Castle was recounting some of the less intense moments inside the bank and Martha stepped in as needed to add her own insights.
I could have this, Kate thought wistfully as her eyes flitted around the table. She was loosely tuned in to the conversation, laughing and smiling and answering questions when appropriate, but mostly she was lost in thought. This could be my reality, all the time.
Kate had not felt a true sense of family since the day her mother was taken from her. Sure, she and her father had fixed their relationship that was damaged by his alcoholism and the precinct was like a second family to her, but it was not the same as this. This family had large dinners and told jokes and funny stories. They talked about high school drama and all sorts of fun topics. And most of all, they included her. She was not even a part of this family, but all three of them were making a valid effort to include her in their conversation. And though she had been perfectly content on her own for so long, Castle had shown her over the last three years that content was very different from happy.
He wrapped his foot around her ankle under the table, drawing her from her thoughts. "Tired?"
Kate nodded slightly. "A bit." She shook her head, retraining her mind to the present and rejoining the conversation.
Plates were emptied and seconds were consumed and after a while longer, Alexis excused herself to her room. Martha and Castle stood and began clearing the table. The moment Kate attempted to help, Castle snagged the plate from her hand and shooed her into the living room with the bottle of wine.
"You're the guest," he offered by way of explanation. "Just go relax."
By the time they finished the dishes, Kate was dozing off on the sofa, the wine bottle and her refilled glass sitting on the coffee table. She opened her eyes as Castle sat down next to her and refilled his own glass.
"You doing alright?"
She picked up her wine and took a nice long drink. "Yeah, just...yeah."
"Want to watch a movie or something?"
Kate shrugged. "I don't know." She certainly did not want to watch anything violent and she was most definitely not going to watch anything even remotely romantic with Castle. "I guess I'm not really in the mood."
"Okay," he agreed easily. He took a drink of wine and leaned back into the couch. "Want to hear a funny story?"
Now that, Kate could handle. Something that would take her mind off of explosions and bank robbers and everything she had almost lost today.
"Sure."
Two hours later, the bottle of wine was empty and the conversation had reached a natural lull. After his story, they had spent the rest of the evening sharing other memories, laughing at quotes from movies and TV shows, even discussing Star Trek. In fact, Kate's inner geek was having a fantastic time, though exhaustion was beginning to prevail over anything else.
She set aside her now-empty glass of water and stood. "I should probably head home."
Castle glanced at his watch, surprised to find that it was already after ten. "Yeah, I suppose. And I need to check on Alexis."
Kate slipped her feet back into her shoes and grabbed her jacket off of the back of the kitchen chair, Castle trailing on her heels as she headed to the door.
"Thanks for dinner, Castle," she said quietly as they reached the foyer.
He shrugged. "It's the least we could do, considering."
She smiled shyly and shifted from foot to foot, unsure of her next move. Castle had rarely seen her so nervous and he found it absolutely adorable, but he also did not want to prolong her uncertainty.
He opened his arms, beckoning her forward. "Come here."
She stepped confidently into his embrace and wrapped her arms around his neck, dropping her jacket to the floor. She needed this, more than she realized. Sure, she had spent the evening with him and she had personally rescued him from the bank, but knowing that and having him in her arms were two very different feelings.
His arms were firm around her waist and his breath was warm on her neck and suddenly it all came back to her; the look on his face when she left with the man on the gurney, the explosion, how close she came to losing him. She took a deep, shaking breath, breathing him in, thankful that she was able to do so.
He tightened his hold. "Are you okay?" he said softly, and she could feel his lips brushing the shell of her ear.
She nodded against his neck. "It just...it comes back to you all of the sudden, you know?
He hummed in agreement.
"Today," she elaborated. "That explosion."
Castle loosened his hold enough to pull back and look her in the eye. "I'm okay. I'm here."
"I know, but...God, Castle, he had a gun to your neck. That explosion shook the van I was in. When I went in there, I had no clue what I would find, but I was pretty sure it wouldn't be a vault full of uninjured hostages." She looked down, to the side, over his shoulder, anywhere but his eyes because hers were an open book right now and she was not ready for him to see everything just yet. "You were so lucky."
"I know."
He was under no delusions about the way the day had turned out. A hundred alternative scenarios had gone through his head in the time he had been trapped in that bank and he knew that, statistically, he should have died today. He also knew that he was probably going to relive a number of those scenarios tonight in his dreams.
At that thought, he was hit with an idea. "Are you sure you want to head home?"
Kate looked up. "What do you mean?"
"We have a guest room," he reminded her. "And you're tired and you've had wine. Stay here tonight."
"Castle..."
"Please, Kate," he pleaded. "You know we're both going to have nightmares and when I wake up, I want to know that you're safe upstairs."
"Castle..."
"Please."
She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Okay. But you better not come into my room to check on me during the night."
He sighed dramatically. "Oh-kay."
He pulled her back into his embrace and Kate went easily, hugging him tightly and relaxing against him.
"Thank you," he whispered against her hair. "For staying."
She breathed him in one last time and then pulled away. "Good night, Castle."
"Night, Kate."
And when Kate woke at three in the morning, heart racing and tears in her eyes, it was she who snuck into his room and climbed into bed with him. Without opening his eyes, Castle sleepily reached out and covered her hand with his, and with that grounding connection, they drifted back to sleep. Together.
THE END
Thoughts?