I've been thinking of our political leaders' garbled excuse of English and then I wondered what America would think upon hearing it. So, it's like 3 am and I just grabbed the idea and ran with it. This is the result and probably horibly lacking on the actual facts part as I didn't look for any.

I'm just gonna post this before I remember what an awful idea it probably is. Hetalia's not mine.

This is an important political meeting, America repeated to himself for the twelfth time with a wince. Important.

That meant he couldn't just up and declare a break loudly to get away from that broken cacophony of- of sounds, no matter how much he wanted to. What he should do, instead, is focus immensely and try to decipher what broken nonsense the country across from him was spewing.

"Toudey we- uhh, listen to - er, the national ishús uf…*" the voice continued and America stifled a groan. He should have insisted on that translator for the old man. So this is what all the fuss had been about, when all other nations but England and Bulgaria suddenly showed up with translators at their feet. He should've known something was up.

The few other nations involved in the political meeting (a handful of EU nations, Ukraine, and Russia) sat calmly hiding small grins as they waited for their tortured translators pick up the gibberish and turn it into sensible language, despite the fact that most of them already knew English. And yes, on a level that could actually be called knowing the language. They all stole glances at England and America periodically during the… speech, of the Balkan nation. They both probably looked a riot, with their anguished expressions.

Bulgaria, however, didn't seem to be picking up on the vibes as he stumbled through a rendition that left America gasping as if somebody had punched him in the gut with his own fist. From held in laughter or from horror, though, he couldn't tell.

Man, is this what he sounded like to England when he spoke? He should endeavor to speak better. Maybe play a grammar game or something, to make it easier.

At the end of the speech (and there was a collective sigh of relief from more than half of the room at that), Bulgaria hesitated, then opened his notebook and scribbled a note, showing it to the room with a scarlet face.

"I'm sorry for the bad spoken English, my bosses are morons," it said.

Heh. He got that right. Up until recently Bulgaria was capable of speaking the language very well. Britain had, after all, dozens of organizations in many countries specifically there to teach their citizens English, and by extension, the nations themselves. Unfortunately, many of Bulgaria's prominent figures suddenly got it into their minds that they knew English when in reality they most definitely did not. And that directly correlated with the Balkan country's ability to speak the language as well.

England had his head in his hands. France was snickering behind his hand while looking at England. Russia was snickering maliciously while looking at America. Germany looked steely but sympathetic. He didn't bother to check all the other nations after that, because he knew he had to get away before he either punched Russia or the table, and he couldn't do either without fucking up the whole purpose of the meeting. Important, he repeated in his mind.

"Maybe we should take our lunch break now," America said, despite the fact that there was another hour until lunch break. His head hurt and he needed some burgers, damn it. And he couldn't stand being in the same room with the creepy commie bastard, too.

Everyone agreed quickly, some hightailing it to the drugstore for ibuprofen. Bulgaria, face scarlet and expression uncomfortable, promptly disappeared from the meeting room.

America strode towards the old island nation who still had his head in his hands slowly.

"Hey, England, do you want to go get some lunch?" He asked, more properly than he normally would have.

England looked up at him gratefully – he knew they both needed some normal communication right about now and not some nation's garbled excuse for one.

"I've been dying for a strong cuppa for the past half an hour – God, yes."

America grinned. Maybe this day wasn't so bad after all.

*Toudey = today (horribly misspelt to underline the horrible mispronunciation)

Ishús uf = issues of (ishús here is pronounced 'e-SHUZ')

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