Road Trip: A Pippin and Gandalf Adventure!
"We there yet?"
"No."
"We there yet?"
"No."
"We ther-"
"SHUT UP!" Deep the land of Middle-Earth, a small desolate figure made it's way across the darkened land. An important message traveled with this figure, words of great importance, words that could change the world, words that could shatter the heavens if need be.
"Gandalf are we there yet!"
"Does it look like we're there Pip, does it look like we're there?"
"I can't seeeeeeeee, your cloak is real big and this horse is too fast and I'm hungry!"
"Can you just stop complaining for five seconds?" Gandalf tightened the grips on the horse.
"Gandalf this sucks, I want to go back!"
"Too bad Pippers!"
"I MISS MERRY!" Pippin began to cry, great big tears rolling down his cheek. Gandalf stopped Shadowfax and tried to calm the poor hobbit down.
"Didn't I say we wouldn't see the others for a while?"
"WAAAAAAAAAH!" Gandalf shook his head.
"Boy you are giving me a headache! I'm warning you now, you cut this out I'm going to hurt you, and hurt you good!"
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
"Dammit!"
Of course Gandalf didn't have the heart to hurt Pippin, yet. He really wasn't that mean of an old man. The two rode onward, Pip still crying about Merry, and being hungry, and Gandalf smelling funny, and how much he wanted some cheese, and-
"Gandalf I have to pee!"
"Excuse me?"
"Pee! I have to pee!"
"You have to be kidding me!"
"Gandalf please! Really, really, really hafta go!" The old wizard groaned as he halted the horse.
"Go off now, find some place and do your business."
"What about you," Pippin asked, falling of the saddle," don't you have to pee."
"No, use wizards don't need to do such ridiculous things."
"Wizards don't wiz?"
"Shut up Pip and take a piss." Gandalf waited, and waited, and waited. The sun had gone down, and Pip had yet to return. The wizard hated to admit it, but he was a tad worried about the boy. Finally, the hobbit emerged from the underbrush laughing foolishly to himself.
"Why are you so damn happy? We're going to be days late now arriving in Gondor."
"There was a squirrel!" Pippin giggled.
"A what?"
"With little hands…."
"You made us waste all that time, all that time for small hands?"
"Small hands….." Pippin whispered, starring at his own eerily.
Later on, the two were off again. Riding and riding and riding.
"Well Peregrin," Gandalf said at last, "what say I tell you story?"
"OH! Can I tell one too?"
"As long as you don't tell me about that damn squirrel again."
"You're no fun Gandalf."
"This is a story about Gondor," Gandalf said proudly, "a story of it's creation and existence."
"Snooze fest…"
"Shut up you! This is important."
"I doubt it." Pippin rolled his eyes at the old man. And indeed it was a snooze fest, five minutes into the story Pippin had fallen asleep.
"And then there was Samsonite, and then Sansomite, then Samsolight, and then Steve the worthless. After him came….." Gandalf was disturbed from his story by loud snoring. He looked down to see Pippin drooling all over his cloak.
"Nasty little creatures these hobbits," he mumbled.
"Okay," Pippin smiled, now awaken from his nap, "my turn for a story."
"No, you slept through mine. You fail! No story for you!"
"Ah, just one? Please?"
"Fine, tell a story. Most likely you'll get lost half way and give up and I'll be rid of your stupidity long enough to focus on where the hell we're going."
"Are we lost?"
"No."
"Then what's the point?" The wizard looked down at his companion.
"What do you mean what's the point Took?"
"This story, it's going nowhere. It's really really boring, and really unfunny come to think of it. It's an okay idea, I mean, what's funny than the crazy antics of Pippin and Gandalf?"
"Probably you and that reject Brandybuck."
"Heh, yeah. Me and Merry, we're pretty crazy. One time, we were eating, and.." Pippin started to laugh madly.
"Shut up Took."
"Wanna hear my story?"
"As long as it doesn't involve squirrels and Brandybuck."
"Dammit."
"Pip, do you have a life other than being stupid, painfully stupid?"
"I like cheese, and squirrels!"
Okay, this is going nowhere, for anyone who read this I feel sorry for you. I've lost it, I'm done.
"We there yet?"
"No."
"We there yet?"
"No."
"We ther-"
"SHUT UP!" Deep the land of Middle-Earth, a small desolate figure made it's way across the darkened land. An important message traveled with this figure, words of great importance, words that could change the world, words that could shatter the heavens if need be.
"Gandalf are we there yet!"
"Does it look like we're there Pip, does it look like we're there?"
"I can't seeeeeeeee, your cloak is real big and this horse is too fast and I'm hungry!"
"Can you just stop complaining for five seconds?" Gandalf tightened the grips on the horse.
"Gandalf this sucks, I want to go back!"
"Too bad Pippers!"
"I MISS MERRY!" Pippin began to cry, great big tears rolling down his cheek. Gandalf stopped Shadowfax and tried to calm the poor hobbit down.
"Didn't I say we wouldn't see the others for a while?"
"WAAAAAAAAAH!" Gandalf shook his head.
"Boy you are giving me a headache! I'm warning you now, you cut this out I'm going to hurt you, and hurt you good!"
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
"Dammit!"
Of course Gandalf didn't have the heart to hurt Pippin, yet. He really wasn't that mean of an old man. The two rode onward, Pip still crying about Merry, and being hungry, and Gandalf smelling funny, and how much he wanted some cheese, and-
"Gandalf I have to pee!"
"Excuse me?"
"Pee! I have to pee!"
"You have to be kidding me!"
"Gandalf please! Really, really, really hafta go!" The old wizard groaned as he halted the horse.
"Go off now, find some place and do your business."
"What about you," Pippin asked, falling of the saddle," don't you have to pee."
"No, use wizards don't need to do such ridiculous things."
"Wizards don't wiz?"
"Shut up Pip and take a piss." Gandalf waited, and waited, and waited. The sun had gone down, and Pip had yet to return. The wizard hated to admit it, but he was a tad worried about the boy. Finally, the hobbit emerged from the underbrush laughing foolishly to himself.
"Why are you so damn happy? We're going to be days late now arriving in Gondor."
"There was a squirrel!" Pippin giggled.
"A what?"
"With little hands…."
"You made us waste all that time, all that time for small hands?"
"Small hands….." Pippin whispered, starring at his own eerily.
Later on, the two were off again. Riding and riding and riding.
"Well Peregrin," Gandalf said at last, "what say I tell you story?"
"OH! Can I tell one too?"
"As long as you don't tell me about that damn squirrel again."
"You're no fun Gandalf."
"This is a story about Gondor," Gandalf said proudly, "a story of it's creation and existence."
"Snooze fest…"
"Shut up you! This is important."
"I doubt it." Pippin rolled his eyes at the old man. And indeed it was a snooze fest, five minutes into the story Pippin had fallen asleep.
"And then there was Samsonite, and then Sansomite, then Samsolight, and then Steve the worthless. After him came….." Gandalf was disturbed from his story by loud snoring. He looked down to see Pippin drooling all over his cloak.
"Nasty little creatures these hobbits," he mumbled.
"Okay," Pippin smiled, now awaken from his nap, "my turn for a story."
"No, you slept through mine. You fail! No story for you!"
"Ah, just one? Please?"
"Fine, tell a story. Most likely you'll get lost half way and give up and I'll be rid of your stupidity long enough to focus on where the hell we're going."
"Are we lost?"
"No."
"Then what's the point?" The wizard looked down at his companion.
"What do you mean what's the point Took?"
"This story, it's going nowhere. It's really really boring, and really unfunny come to think of it. It's an okay idea, I mean, what's funny than the crazy antics of Pippin and Gandalf?"
"Probably you and that reject Brandybuck."
"Heh, yeah. Me and Merry, we're pretty crazy. One time, we were eating, and.." Pippin started to laugh madly.
"Shut up Took."
"Wanna hear my story?"
"As long as it doesn't involve squirrels and Brandybuck."
"Dammit."
"Pip, do you have a life other than being stupid, painfully stupid?"
"I like cheese, and squirrels!"
Okay, this is going nowhere, for anyone who read this I feel sorry for you. I've lost it, I'm done.