Established Barson. Noah is five.
"Mommy?" The tiny voice carried through the quiet of the apartment.
Olivia sighed, squeezed her fiancé's thigh gently, and headed back to her son's bedroom to see what it was this time.
At five years old, Noah was a pretty good kid, and generally went to sleep without much fuss, then slept through until 7am like clockwork. She routinely thanked God for that aspect of his personality.
Tonight however, was different. It was a week before Christmas. Noah was so excited for Santa's impending arrival, he couldn't fall asleep. Every time he called for her he'd had a different question to ask about Santa, the reindeer, or if the elves were going to know how to make a proper lightsaber. The only thing he wanted for Christmas.
After she rounded the corner into the little boy's bedroom, she had to stifle her reaction. Noah was sitting on his bed, fully dressed in his outfit they had picked out earlier for him to wear to the mall to see Santa. The next day. Fifteen hours later.
Olivia sighed. "Noah. My heart. Why did you get dressed? It's time to go to sleep."
"But I wanna be ready to go to the mall! I need to tell Santa about the lightsaber I want. It's a special one, and probably tricky to make, and-"
"Noah."
The little boy stopped at his mother's tone. "Yes?"
"I know you're excited. But going to see Santa is only going to happen if you go to sleep. It's time to put your pajamas on, get into bed, and close your eyes. Now, mister."
Noah huffed but started to remove his tie without any further protest. Under close supervision, it only took a couple of minutes until his pajamas were back on, he was tucked in clutching his Rudolph stuffy, and goodnights were said. Again.
Olivia left the door slightly ajar, wanting to be able to hear any hint of Noah getting out of bed again.
She crossed the apartment, stopping to grab the open wine bottle that was sitting on the counter.
"I'll go next time, Liv."
She sighed. "There better not be a next time."
"He's just excited- especially now that he's done school and you're off work until the new year."
"He's going to drive us crazy before Christmas if he keeps this up. If I have to hear about the intricacies of lightsaber construction one more time-" She was suddenly unable to speak. Rafael had pulled her down onto his lap and kissed her, intending to distract her.
"Mmm. Are you going to do that every time I start complaining about lightsabers? 'Cause I gotta tell you, it's not going to be a good deterrent." She smirked at him, and played with the collar on his shirt.
"Leave the lightsabers alone. I already promised I would take him to the movie- you'll get a whole afternoon to yourself."
"You just want me to finish wrapping all the presents while you're out so we can wrap up a different...package."
He barked out a surprised laugh, pulling her closer. "I don't have any complaints about the treatment of my package, cariño."
"Well, then- now that it seems Noah is actually asleep, let's get some wrapping done so we can get some sleep Christmas Eve."
She peeked in on Noah, happy to see him still under the covers and breathing evenly. Closing the door gently, she continued down to hall to get the bundle of wrapping supplies and presents from the closet in her room.
When she returned to the living room, Rafael had topped up her wine, and poured himself another drink.
"No eggnog?" She smirked, eyeing his scotch.
Rafael shuddered. "Never. Eggs are not to be drunk."
"Well, you need to be a little festive; here." Liv reached into the bag of gifts and pulled out a Santa hat- complete with fluffy white beard attached.
He shook his head, but didn't protest as she put it on him.
She smirked, then reached for her phone.
"No. I draw the line at pictures," he said, snagging her wrist.
She turned to him, and put on her best pouty face. "Please, Santa. Just one picture. Then I can prove to Noah you're real."
He sighed. "One picture. But no sharing with the squad."
Smiling, she quickly opened the camera app and snapped a few, making a mental note to send one to his mother.
"Enough," he said, pulling her closer.
She clicked her phone off, and tossed it onto the coffee table. "Thank you Santa. You're going to make that little boy very happy this year. And that makes his mother very happy. How can I show you what that means to me?"
Santa smirked at her. "Well, there is some mistletoe...right..." he held out a plastic sprig of the holiday decoration into the space above their heads. "Here."
She smiled, and leaned in to give him a peck on the cheek. "Thank you, Santa," she said.
"Anything for you, Lieutenant Benson."
They leaned in again, deepening the kiss this time. Rafael wrapped his arms around her back, pulling her flush against him. Olivia automatically put her arms around his neck, stroking underneath the white fur lining his hat. She slid her hands around to his chin, and gently tickled him. He pulled back, moaned softly, and warned, "If we keep this up much longer we aren't going to get any presents wrapped tonight."
They separated after one final kiss; Liv pulled out the wrapping paper and Rafael settled on the floor across from her.
He removed the Santa hat, and tossed it onto the couch. He thought he heard Noah's door click shut, but when he stuck his head in the door, the little boy was in bed, buried under the blankets.
He shook his head, and returned to the living room. The floor already cluttered with paper scraps and ribbon.
Liv gave him a warm smile, which he returned happily. They spent the evening wrapping presents, laughing, and just enjoying being together.
The next morning, Rafael made it through his morning routine in record time. He decided to head into the office early to get a head start and hopefully be able to leave early as well.
Olivia and Noah were both sound asleep as he left the apartment just after 6, not even making coffee as to avoid waking Liv with the smell.
When she woke up around 8, Olivia had a brief moment of panic before she remembered she and Noah were on vacation. She rolled over onto Rafael's pillow, inhaling his unique scent. Then she wondered why Noah wasn't up yet- he rarely slept late.
She pulled on her robe, and went to see if he was awake and just playing quietly in his room.
When she opened the door, she found him sitting quietly on the floor, still in his pajamas, looking at an old photo book.
Olivia didn't have a lot of the information for a traditional 'baby book' for Noah, but every few months she ordered online photo books to document his growth. She kept up the habit once he was out of toddlerhood, and Noah loved flipping through the albums.
"Good morning, my love," she said quietly, joining her son on the floor and dropping a kiss on the top of his head.
"Hi," Noah answered shortly, much more subdued than he normally was, even first thing in the morning. He was staring at a picture of himself in Rafael's arms, from when Noah was about three. They were wearing matching smiles and Mets hats- it was taken at Noah's first baseball game.
"Aw, you were so cute, baby. Look at you with your Raf," she said.
Noah looked at her for the first time that morning, and she noticed the anger in his eyes.
"What's wrong, Noah?" At her question, Noah burst into tears. "Shh, Noah. It's going to be alright. I love you baby. Take a deep breath and tell me what's wrong, okay?" She tried to pull him into a hug, but he pushed her away angrily.
"I want Raf! Why did you make him go away?" Noah shouted at her angrily, still crying.
Utterly confused, Olivia tried to explain that Rafael was just at work, but Noah didn't understand, he was too upset to process her words.
He stood up and threw himself down on his bed, sobbing into the pillow. Liv tried to follow, to see if she could figure out what caused his outburst, but he kept shrugging her off and asking for Raf. He yelled at her that he hated her and she couldn't stand any more, retreating to her room for her phone, on the verge of tears now herself.
When Rafael answered her call, she lost it at the sound of his voice, asking him to come home while tears streamed down her face.
"Liv, mi amor, what happened?" he asked, already grabbing his overcoat and telling Carmen to reschedule his meetings as he rushed out of the office.
She took a shaky breath and said, "I don't know! I went in to see if Noah was awake and he was looking at that picture of you two at his first Mets game and then he got mad at me because I made you go away but he wouldn't listen and he's crying and he won't let me talk to him-"
"Okay, Liv. I'm on my way. Tell Noah I'll be there soon. We'll figure it out, love. Don't worry," he soothed.
She sniffled. "He said he hates me," she said in a tiny voice.
"Oh, Liv. He's just upset. You know he worships the ground you walk on."
She didn't reply.
"I gotta go, I'm almost at the subway. It's going to be alright, Liv. We'll figure it out," he said. When she still didn't say anything, he repeated her name. "Liv?"
"Okay. See you soon," his heart ached at the sound of hurt in her voice, and he pushed through the crowd, trying to get home faster.
The next twenty seven minutes seemed to drag on for all three of them. Rafael was cursing every stop on the train, Olivia tried to tell Noah that Raf was on his way but every time she opened his door he'd start crying again. Eventually she just sat against his closed door, tears silently sliding down her cheeks.
She didn't realize Rafael was there until he dropped to his knees beside her and wiped away her tears with his thumbs.
"Come on, Liv." He gestured for her to take his hand and go into Noah's room.
She shook her head. "He doesn't want to see me," she said, face crumbling.
"Well, I'll go see what's wrong. Why don't you give us a few minutes, go start a pot of coffee." He pulled her to her feet and into a warm hug, then took a deep breath before entering Noah's bedroom.
"Noah?" he called gently, not wanting to startle the boy, unsure if he had cried himself to sleep.
"Raf! You're back!" Noah sprang up at the sound of his voice and literally jumped into his arms.
Noah's tears started again, so Rafael held him close, rubbed his back and murmured reassurances into his ear that he wasn't going anywhere and that he loved him.
After a minute the tears had settled down to sniffles, and Rafael sat down on the bed, still holding Noah in his arms.
"What happened, amigo? Why are you so upset?"
Noah didn't answer, just buried his nose further into Rafael's chest and hung onto his suspenders like a lifeline.
Wishing Olivia were in here to help him get Noah to open up, he noticed the photo books on the floor and decided to try a different line of questioning.
"Noah, were you looking at your picture books?"
His only response was a tiny nod that he was able to feel more than see.
"Did you see the one of you and me at the baseball game?"
Another nod.
"Is that why you're upset?"
"Uh huh." Well, it wasn't quite words, but he'd take what he could get.
"Why did it make you so upset?"
"I wanna go 'gain."
"You want to go to a baseball game?"
Noah nodded again, adding, "But I wanna go with you."
"Okay, we can go when baseball starts again- but that's not until the summer."
Noah frowned and replied, "But you won't take me if you go away."
"Noah. I'm not going anywhere. Where do you think I'm going to go?"
"To your old house to live forever." Noah's words started quiet but by the end of his sentence had dissolved into tears again.
"Shh, Noah. Shhh, buddy. I'm not going back to my old house. I live here with you and Mamì. I don't want to live anywhere but here," he repeated the words, and rubbed his back until Noah stopped crying and seemed to understand.
"Really? You're not going away like Ben's dad did?" Alarm bells started ringing inside Rafael's head.
"I'm not going anywhere, Noah. I promise. Why did Ben's dad go away?"
"Ben saw his mom kiss someone that's not Ben's dad and Ben's dad got mad and moved away and Ben can never go visit him. Ben's mom says he's gonna get a new dad but I don't want a new dad I want you to be my dad."
Rafael was speechless. While he had been a part of Noah's life as long as the boy could remember, and had plans to formally adopt him once he and Olivia were married, hearing Noah say he wanted him to be his dad gave Rafael a warm feeling in his chest.
He was so distracted by Noah's comment about being his dad, he almost missed the first part of Noah's sentence.
"So Ben's dad went away because Ben's mom kissed someone else?"
Noah nodded.
"And you thought I was going away like Ben's dad did?"
He nodded again.
"But Noah- Mamì didn't kiss someone else."
Noah dropped his head, avoiding Rafael's gaze.
"Noah? Why do you think Mamì kissed someone that's not me?"
"I saw her." The words were so quiet he had to strain to hear them.
"When?" Rafael was so confused. He had no doubts about Liv's fidelity, but needed to get to the bottom of this to ease Noah's fears.
"Last night."
Rafael was even more confused. The three of them were the only ones in the apartment all night. No one had even rung the doorbell all evening.
"Noah, it was just you, me and Mamì here last night. Who did you see?"
"Santa." Was his whispered reply.
"San-? Oh." Rafael groaned internally. Of course Noah would have to leave his room during the five minutes he was wearing that stupid hat.
Relieved that he now knew the problem, but not sure how to set Noah straight without ruining the whole Santa deal, Rafael decided he needed backup and a little distraction therapy was required.
"Noah. I need you to listen to me and believe what I'm telling you. I always tell you the truth, right?" He waited for Noah to acknowledge him before continuing. "I love you. I'm not going to leave you. You, me, and Mamì are a family and we always will be. No matter what happens, we are a family. Understand?"
"Even if Mamì kisses someone that's not you?" Noah still sounded unsure.
"Yes. Even if that happens. You will always have Mamì and me as your family. We both love you so much we wouldn't be able to leave you, ever. Do you believe me?"
Noah paused, but answered, "Yes."
"Good. Now, can you watch a show on your iPad for a few minutes? I need to talk to Mamì. She is really sad."
Noah looked uncomfortable hearing that. "I said mean words."
"I know, buddy. You can apologize later, alright?"
Noah nodded, and climbed down from his bed to grab his iPad off the shelf.
After he made sure the video was loading properly, Rafael left Noah's room in search of his fiancée.
Smelling the aroma of a pot of coffee, he headed into the kitchen and found her sitting at the breakfast bar, cradling a still full mug in both hands. She didn't speak, just looked at him with red, watery eyes.
"It's just a big misunderstanding, love. But explaining it to him is going to take some finesse I'm afraid."
"Rafi, please. Just spell it out for me."
"He came out of his room last night and saw us kissing. While I had the Santa beard-hat thing on. He literally saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus underneath the mistletoe. Last night. Our life is a goddamn Christmas carol!" Olivia stared at him, mouth hanging open.
"Apparently his friend Ben's parents got divorced- because, and I quote our five year old here, Ben's mommy kissed someone not Ben's daddy and he got mad and moved away."
Her eyes snap to his as her stomach drops. "He thinks I kissed someone else and you're going to move out?"
"Exactly. Now, I told him repeatedly that I wasn't going anywhere, we are a family and nothing will change that, and I think he believes me. But, now we either have to let him think you are a cheater, or crush his belief in Santa and society as a whole," he said, reaching for the coffee pot. This conversation needed more caffeine.
Olivia's mind was racing, trying to figure out a third option. But before she could think of something, there was a quiet shuffling sound coming down the hall.
"Mama?" Noah's timid voice called from the entrance of the kitchen.
Olivia turned, heart breaking all over again at the hesitation in her son's body language.
"Hey, baby. C'mere," she said, holding out her arms which Noah rushed into. She picked him up and held him to her, and whispered reassurances of her unwavering love for him.
"I'm sorry, Mommy."
"Thank you for apologizing, Noah. I got really sad and those words hurt my heart."
Pre-occupied with each other, neither Liv or Noah noticed Rafael leave the kitchen to hunt down the accessory that started all this drama.
He pulled it on, and returned to the kitchen, where he calmly sipped his coffee and waited for mother and son to notice him.
Olivia saw him first, giving him a skeptical look. He tried to give her a reassuring look back, but the beard obscured most of his face.
"Noah," he said, calling for the boy's attention.
Noah raised his head from where he had buried it in his mother's neck, jumping when he saw Santa standing in his kitchen.
Before he could say anything Rafael reached up and removed the hat, revealing his face. Noah's mouth dropped open, and he looked to his mom in disbelief.
"Raf? But- you looked like Santa!"
"I know, buddy. Last night when you saw Mamì kissing someone- it wasn't Santa. It was me. I put on this hat to be silly."
Noah looked relieved. "So Mommy didn't kiss someone else? And you aren't gonna move away? For real?"
Olivia rubbed his back and reiterated what Rafael said to him earlier. "Rafael's not going anywhere, Noah. You, me, and Raf- we're a family. Forever."
Noah smiled, throwing his arms around his mother again. "Love you, Mommy."
"I love you too, Noah."
Noah squirmed to get down, and ran around the breakfast bar to throw his arms around Rafael's legs. Rafael bent down and picked him up, and said, "I love you Noah."
Noah squeezed him as hard as he could, and replied, "I love you too Papì."
Rafael's face radiated happiness at the words, and he shared a big smile with Liv over Noah's shoulder. He'd never forget this- the first time Noah called him Papì.
"Can we go to the mall now? I still need to tell Santa about the triple lightsaber!"