The first time she ever saw her was kindergarten. First day. In the sand pit.
Finn was hovering over her tiny frame. She was shaking. Visibly. It made Brittany sad, to see such a pretty girl sad. Scared, even.
"Stop pick me. Doll back." the girl spoke in broken sentences, but Brittany caught the gist of what she was trying to say. Soon she could see Finn's arm outstretched, a Barbie doll in the air.
"Don't tell me what to do. You're tiny. And you look funny. Hey, Puck! Doesn't she look funny?"
"Stop it." Brittany said, walking over to the sandpit and taking the hand of the girl Finn was bothering.
"Come on Brittany. She does look funny."
"I don't think she looks funny." the other girl smiled and looked sheepishly into Brittany's eyes, "I think she's pretty."
"You always have to ruin the fun stuff, Brittany. I was only playing."
"No you were bullying this girl. And you need to stop it."
"She doesn't even speak English!"
"Neither do you most of the time." Brittany could see Noah laughing from behind Finn. That bothered him more than anything; his best friend laughing at him. He turned around, throwing the doll into the sand, and stepped angrily out of the sandpit.
"I'm Brittany." she said, squeezing the hand of the smaller girl.
"Santana." she smiled before wiping her running nose with her other hand. The next part she said with a struggle, eyebrows knotted together, clearly trying really hard to get it out right, "My name is Santana."
Brittany nodded to say that she was right, that she'd said it right. That made Santana smile.
The rest of the day they played together, Brittany trying to get Santana to say more sentences to her. Santana more than happy to try.
They say their's a relationship made when people teach each other things. Exploitation of weaknesses. Praise for achievement. Maybe, just maybe, the fact they'd grow up to love each other so much lay in the foundation of that fact. Brittany learned more words in Spanish in that first year at school than English. Santana was able to talk to everyone and be understood with very little struggle.
They helped each other because they loved each other; that's just the way things had always been between Brittany and Santana.
Right since she'd saved her from Finn in the sandpit.
Now, Brittany is wondering how long it'll have been since that first day when she met Santana. She looks to a sleeping Santana dozing gracefully, her head resting on her chest. They are twenty now, and they were five when they met. Fifteen years. It was fifteen years ago that Brittany knew she was in love with the Latina beauty who could barely even communicate with her.
It was why she'd helped her talk, she really just wanted to know her. To talk to her. To be her friend.
She moves a strand of hair stuck to her forehead and places a small kiss in its place. She doesn't want to wake her but can't misplace the familiar stir coming from Santana.
"Hmm." Santana murmurs. Brittany lets out a small, silent laugh as she keeps her eyes on her girlfriend, "Baby?"
"Yeah, San, I'm here."
"Hmm." she repeats, not yet opening her eyes, allowing her body to crumble even further into Brittany's, "What time is it?"
"It's, uhm," Brittany turns around to look at her iPod standing on the dock next to them, "half three."
"Why are you still awake?"
"Well I was asleep."
"Was?" Santana's eyes open and meet Brittany's looking at her.
"You were making your noises again." she laughed.
"My noises?" her eyebrows scrunch up again, like they did when she was trying to tell Brittany what her name was. The expression is one Brittany sees a lot but is foreign to most other people. She doesn't like to seem like she doesn't understand something someone says. Those guards had fallen down with Brittany when she allowed her to stick up for her.
"You know, the cat ones."
"I don't believe I meow in my sleep." Santana snickers, making sure to stay in Brittany's arms.
"Well you do. And I recorded you this time. You know, just in case you doubted it." she smiles to her girlfriend while Santana just shakes her head.
"Sorry, babe."
"It's OK, San." Brittany keeps smiling, "It's cute so I really don't mind."
Santana smiles to herself mostly, snuggling her face into Brittany's chest, "Well it's about time I was cute. I think you had the balance too much on your side."
"And I think you're silly but you know."
"Hey." she meant it to sound more aggressive than it did. She just sounded tired.
"You should try to sleep." Brittany kisses her head again.
"Well I can't now can I?" she said, as though it was the most obvious answer in the world.
"Why's that, San?"
"Well now I know you're going to be watching me." she sighs and reaches up to pull Brittany's head down to meet her lips, "I don't like it when you watch me sleep."
"Why not?" she kisses her softly, only speaking in between kisses, "I like watching you sleep."
"Next you'll be asking me to call you Edward."
"No, mi bella dama, acaba de 'bebé' va a hacer." No, my pretty lady, just 'baby' will do.
"OK baby." Santana smiles, her thoughts going back to the years she and Brittany would teach other their native languages. The fact that her best friend, now girlfriend, was the one who taught her the most English, made her happier than anything.
Besides, how many people can say that? She sighs before pulling back and says, "Vamos a ir a dormir, ¿no?" Let's go to sleep, yeah?
"Sí." Brittany rolls the two of them over so Santana's back is pressed against her chest and her head is close enough to smell the familiar scent of Santana's shampoo, "Te amo, Santana."
"Te amo, bebé."
She dreams of a classroom. Its empty, or so she thinks. Instinct tells her to turn around, to go and collect her raincoat from on of the pegs.
"San." she hears. She doesn't need instinct to tell her who it is. That voice is one of her earliest memories.
"Britt." it's all she can say so far. The "ittany" is a lot for her to get her mouth around.
Come on." Brittany smiles and hands Santana her bright yellow coat she can remember from her childhood.
'Yellow like the sunshine,' she remembers her mom saying to her once, 'the sunshine to block out the rain, si?'
'Si, momma'.
Brittany walks towards her and wraps the coat around her shoulders. Instinct tells her to kiss her. Her brain tells her that this dream version of Brittany isn't ready for that. Brittany wouldn't be ready for that for another seven years or so. She herself wouldn't be ready for that in public for another twelve years.
She knows she's dreaming but still takes pleasure in holding pinkies with Brittany.
Walking out of the school, she spots her mom looking young. Of course she's young, she thinks, I'm dreaming.
Hang on. If I'm dreaming, I can kiss Britt in front of my mom and it'll be OK. What's the worst that can happen, I'll wake up?
She leans over and places a kiss on Brittany's cheek. A blush appears on her cheek as she turns to smile at Santana.
"What was that for?" Brittany asks.
"Because I love you." Acting on instinct.
"San, I love you too." This time it's Brittany who leans in, kissing Santana on the lips. Her eyes look to her mom who is in tears. Happy tears. She's clutching the fabric above her heart, well that's going to stretch, smiling at her and Brittany.
She pulls back and, acting on instinct, wraps her arms around Brittany and pulls her closer for a hug.
"Come on." she said, re-linking pinkies and walking towards her mom.
"Girls." she smiled, taking Santana's bag and leading them both to the car.
Why isn't she freaking out about her daughter kissing another girl? Oh yeah, for the same reason she didn't freak when I told her a few months ago. She doesn't care. She's never cared.
Santana can't help but feel stupid. If she'd been open when she was younger, the rest of her life wouldn't have needed to be a lie. She wouldn't have needed to sleep with all the boys. She wouldn't have had to see Brittany go with boys. She would have had her all the time. All along.
So, acting on instinct and, in turn, making dream Santana happy, she asks Brittany to be her girlfriend.
Then she wakes up.
She looks around the room and kicks herself for being so stupid. Sure, it was a dream but she couldn't help but think that it was true, it would have been OK.
She turns around and shakes Brittany awake.
"Santana?"
"Yeah Britt, I want to talk."
"Now?" she turns and laughs, "It's five in the morning, San."
"I know, I'm sorry."
"Don't be." Brittany smiles and sighs into her pillow, keeping her eyes on Santana, "What's on your mind, babe?"
"Us."
"Right."
"I mean us, when we first met."
"Oh." Brittany nods remembering what she was thinking of before Santana woke earlier, "What about us?"
"I'm sorry for not telling you this before now but I've always loved you. Always wanted you to be mine. Even when we were five."
Brittany smiles at the declaration and, thinking again of her flashback, nods in agreement, "Me too, San."
"I was afraid you'd say that," Santana laughs, "I had a dream where I kissed you in the school yard in front of my mom and you were both OK with it. I think you would have been if I'd done it back then in real life too."
"I think we would be too. But don't look at it like that. Don't regret how we got here, just be thankful that we did."
"You're so smart." she smiled, linking their pinkies together under the covers.
"You've said that before, San." grazing Santana's nose with her own, she kisses her lightly before pulling back to look at her.
"Well it's true." laughs Santana before kissing Brittany again, along the jawline and down her neck.
Brittany's taken aback by the kisses and takes a sharp intake of breath before sighing out, "Te amo, bebé."
"You've said that before."
"Well it's true." Brittany winks and pulls Santana's face up to meet her lips in a kiss.
They fall asleep muttering a mixture of Spanish and English messages to one another.
After all the years of teaching each other the languages, it's all a matter of instinct.