She Talks To Angels
Summary: /AU/ Post Island: It's been three months. Three long and lonely months since the six of them came back to rescue those left behind. Three months, but yet Claire is still without her child, and she has regressed into her teenaged self. Still unable to completely morn the death of a man that she had fallen so hard for, and unable to ask the woman who had been raising her child, to give him back. Claire falls deep inside herself, and no one, not even her mother can pull her out. Can anyone fix the broken and battered Claire Littleton or is she doomed to continue down the dark and lonely path she's currently on?
A/N: The idea for this one shot came to me after listening to the song "She Talks To Angels" Some of the lyrics fit the storyline so well, and I could actually visualize this happening to Claire, so I thought what the hell...Oh yeah...before I forget...I own nothing..if i did there would be no one to morn. I also don't own the song She Talks To Angels. Also, I was going to write in Liam Pace too, but decided against it, since she didn't have Aaron...but I might be convinced to write a sequel to this one, and fit in some Liam into it. Anyways, onto the story.
Says, she talks to angels,
They call her out by her name
Oh yeah, she talks to angels,
Says they call her out by her name
Claire Littleton has been known as many things. A daughter, A friend, A lover...even a mother. Right now though, she's known as nothing, as no one. Claire Littleton is alone in this world, no one to hold her hand at night when she cries herself to sleep. At least that how she sees the world. In reality though? She's got a whole support system that will be there for her at the snap of a finger. Claire though, she refuses their help, she refuses to see anyone.
Her mother cries for her at night, unable to reach her depressed and downtrodden daughter. It breaks her heart to see how broken and fragile she is. All that she knows is that Claire had gotten very close to a man on the island. He acted as a father for her young infant son, and that he died a hero, trying to save them all. Carole Littleton thought that she could have grown to like this young man, but she would never get the chance too. Although she knew that her daughter had a son, she had only met him once. Her daughter has been home for three months, and hasn't asked to see her son once. Not even one time, and that...that just didn't seem right.
Carole knocked lightly on her daughter's door, hearing her sniffle. She wasn't sure if she was trying to not cry, or trying to hide the fact that she had been crying, either way it broke her heart even more.
"Come in," Claire said in whisper.
Carole pushed the door open, and gasped at her daughter's appearance. It had been a long time since she had seen this, and it shocked her. When Claire came home, she had long flowing blond hair, it's how Carole pictured her daughter would look...eventually. Claire now stood in front of her, black hair with black mascara under her eyes. Her blue eyes had dulled a lot, no longer holding the passion for life anymore.
"Please talk to me," Carole begged her daughter.
"What am I supposed to say mom? He's gone, he's gone and there isn't anything I can do. What do I have to live for?" Claire asked, only a slight appearance of tears in her eyes.
"You have a son, you have a healthy little boy that needs his mother," Carole sighed.
"There is nothing I can do for him mom. If I take over, if I get him back from Kate, then I'll just drag him down with me. I don't want that, not for him. He deserves much better than that!" Claire screamed the last part, making sure that her mom heard it loud and clear.
With that Carole walked out of her daughter's room, hardly able to hide the tears cascading down her face. She swiped them away, as she grabbed her cell phone. Desperate times calls for desperate measures, she thought as she dialed the number he had left with her.
He barely heard the phone ringing beside him. Yawning loudly, he reached over and snatched it up before it woke his wife. He looked at the caller id, before answering.
"Claire?" he asked.
"Is this Desmond Hume?" Carole asked.
"Yeah, is this Claire's mother?" Desmond asked.
"Yes, yes it is," She said simply.
"Is she alright?" Desmond asked.
"No, I can't talk to her, she won't listen. Is there anyway you can come out here and talk to her? I just, I think she might listen to you," Carole said, her voice sounding slightly desperate.
"Yes of course I can, although I'm not sure I'll be much help, but I'll do what I can," he said, before saying a goodbye and hanging up the phone.
"Is everything okay?" the woman beside him asked sleepily.
"It's Claire, somethings wrong with her," Desmond said, slipping out of bed, and throwing on his pants.
"You want me to come with you?" she asked.
"Of course I do Pen, you know I don't like going anywhere without you," Desmond gave her a smile, as he pulled on one of his button down shirts.
"Good, I don't like you going anywhere without me," Penny said, placing a small kiss on his lips.
"But we'd better get going, I want to make sure that she doesn't do something stupid," Desmond sighed, as he grabbed the small travel sized bag that he used for his clothes.
"Let me grab a few things too," Penny said, turning away from Desmond and not seeing him shaking his head.
"I know what your doing," she called over her shoulder as she dug through her drawer.
Carole sat quietly on the couch in her living room. She wanted to try and talk to Claire again, but knew it was pointless. If she was able to get her daughter to talk again, she'd just yell again. She nearly screamed when she heard a light knock on the front door.
"Yes, who is it?" she called from the other side of the door.
"It's Desmond," she heard.
She unlocked the door and pulled it open, as Desmond gave her a weak smile.
"Please come in, would you like some coffee or tea?" Carole asked.
"I'm fine, but I'm sure Pen would love a tea, wouldn't you darling?" Desmond asked.
"Yes, that would be fantastic," Penny said, as she sat down beside Desmond on the couch.
Carole emerged from the kitchen, two small cups filled with tea.
"Here you are," Carole handed Penny her tea.
"Okay so what happened?" Desmond asked, he knew that Claire hadn't been adjusting very well since they went back and saved the rest of the survivors.
"Well, I went to try and get her talk like I do everyday. When I went into her room, I found that she had dyed her hair back to black. She looked like she walked straight out of a rock concert. Then when I tried to get her to open up, she started screaming that he was gone and there's nothing she can do," Carole explained.
Desmond sighed, he knew he wouldn't be much help. He knew that Claire probably still blamed him for Charlie's death, and he couldn't blame her. His body untensed a bit when Penny grabbed his hand.
"I'm not sure how much help I'll be..." Desmond started, but couldn't bring himself to tell her that it was his fault Charlie Pace wasn't here with Claire right now. That he had robbed his friend of a long and happy life with a woman and child that he loved more than life itself. "But I'll see what I can do."
Penny let go of his hand as he started to rise from his chair. He started down the long hallway, and once he was out of view of the two women left behind he swiped at the tears in his eyes. It was his fault that Claire was such a broken person. That she didn't even want her own son. He had hoped to one day get over the pain that clouded his heart, but knew he never would. He had been the reason for Charlie Pace's death. He was the reason for his friend's death, and he couldn't take it back, he couldn't fix it.
Once he reached Claire's room, he knocked softly, waiting for her to grant him entrance.
"Come in," the voice didn't hold hostility, it didn't hold anger...it didn't even hold sadness. No that was the voice of someone who had given up. Given up on life, and that voice, those two little words broke Desmond's heart all over again.
Desmond pushed the door open, and stood just inside her room, waiting for her to scream at him. Waiting for her to blame him, or at the very least kick him out. Desmond waited, but it never came, instead he walked the rest of the way in, and sat down at the small chair that sat in front of a small computer desk. On the monitor of the computer sat a picture of Charlie, tears were in Claire's eyes.
"I am sorry Claire..."
"No! You don't get to be, you lost the right to be sorry. You knew...You knew he was going to die and you let it happen. You let him die and you didn't even try to save him. How can you live with yourself?" Claire's voice wasn't loud, she wasn't yelling...she didn't even really come off that mad. No, her eyes held a sadness that made Desmond feel worse than her words did.
"I..I...I can't. It hurts everyday Claire. Those first few months home, I cried myself to sleep every damn night. My heart aches everyday because I couldn't save him, because I let him die. I knew what was going to happen, and I told him that if he wanted rescue to come that he needed to do it. Hell I even used you and Aaron against him. Afterwards, I felt horrible, I tried to stop him. I tried to let him go for him, but he wouldn't have it. He knocked me out Claire, I got down there as fast as I could. It all happened so fast, I tried to stop him from closing the door Claire, I really did, but he just...He wanted to die for you, to save you," Desmond let his words sink in, knowing that it wouldn't fix anything, but needing her to know that he did try.
"Well isn't that just really freaking great? He wanted to die for me, to save me. Let me ask you something Desmond, did you see me and Aaron on this rescue? Huh? Did you actually see us, or did you see rescue and wanted to get home to your Penny so badly that you'd let your friend die for it?" Claire asked, this time her voice held a nasty hostile tone.
"I did want to leave Claire, but I realized that leaving that way was wrong. I wanted to save him, I wanted too..." Desmond broke down, tears falling down his face.
"Well wanting too, and doing so, they're not really the same are they?" Claire spat at him. "Just leave, I have no use talking to you. You think what, these half ass explanations are going to just make all the pain go away?"
Desmond didn't say anything as he rose from the chair, as he walked toward the door. He stopped at the door, looked over his shoulder, "I really am sorry Claire."
"I don't want your sorry's Desmond, I really don't. I have no use for them," Claire sighed, the hostile tone had left about as fast as it had came.
Desmond made the long walk down the hallway, feeling worse than he had.
"I'm so sorry, she's not exactly my biggest fan right now, and I don't blame her," Desmond sighed before excusing himself from room and walked outside.
It had been two days since Desmond's ill fated visit, and Carole still couldn't get through to Claire. She sighed, knowing she'd regret this decision, even as she picked up the phone and dialed the number. It rang, once, twice, three times before a voice came over on the other side.
Juliet tossed and turned a few times before the phone ringing on the other nightstand started to ring. She knew that he wasn't going to grab it, so she reached over him and answered the phone.
"Hello," her voice was less than chipper.
"Is Jack Shepard there?" Carole asked.
"Yeah, let me see if I can wake him," Juliet answered.
Juliet turned to Jack's lifeless body beside her, shaking him into a conscious state.
"Phone," she held out, shaking it front of him.
"Who is it?" he voice was low and rough.
"Don't know, some woman. If I was a jealous woman I'd be jealous," she smiled at him, as he wiped the sleep from his eyes and snatched the phone from her.
"Yeah, this is Jack," he said into the phone.
"Mr. Shepard...this is Carole...Carole Littleton..."
"Look, I don't know what you want, I really don't, but I don't have the time or energy to deal with this," he said into the phone, and he stiffened at the silence on the other end.
"This is about your sister. This is about Claire," Carole said, her voice was beyond desperate.
"Is she okay?" Jack asked, a hint of worry in his voice.
"No Jack, she's not. She ran off Desmond Hume just two nights ago, she won't hardly talk to me. When she does, it's all completely hostile. Mr. Shepard, I wouldn't have called if it weren't important, but after what Desmond told me just yesterday about their talk...I'm afraid she might hurt herself," Carole spoke softly.
Jack sighed on the other end of the phone, "I'll get there as soon as I can."
With that he hung up, and turned toward Juliet.
"I've gotta call Kate," he sighed even louder, letting his head fall against the pillow.
"What's going on?" Juliet asked, curious to why he had to call his ex-fiancée.
"It's Claire, she's...she's in a bad place. She needs to see Aaron, I'm almost certain that will fix her," Jack said, before sitting up and kissing Juliet softly, and grabbing his cell phone.
Kate heard her phone ringing, but tried to ignore it.
"Kate, please answer that damn thing," Sawyer huffed from his pillow.
"I was kind of hoping whoever it was would hang up," she sighed before grabbing her phone and seeing who was calling.
"Jack, is something wrong?" Kate asked.
At that Sawyer sat upright, and looked toward Kate.
"It's Claire, she's not in a good place. She needs to see Aaron Kate," Jack said, knowing this wouldn't be an easy sale.
"No Jack, if she's that bad off, then I don't want her seeing him," Kate was shaking her head furiously back and forth.
"Quite frankly Kate, you don't have much of a choice. Claire was a better person, she knew that she wasn't in the right frame of mind to raise a child. She knew that, so she let you keep him. He is not your child, you did not have him...and too be honest you don't even have custody of him," Jack ranted at her.
"You know Jack, that is no way to get me to do anything," Kate screamed at him before throwing the phone on the bed and storming off.
Sawyer shook his head, that was Kate alright.
"Hey Doc, what's up?" Sawyer asked.
"It's Claire, she really needs to see Aaron," Jack sighed.
"We'll be there, don't worry, we'll catch a flight in the afternoon," Sawyer said before saying a goodbye and hanging up.
This wouldn't be an easy sale, but Sawyer knew that Jack wouldn't ask if Claire didn't really need it.
Claire sat on her bed, fresh tears in her eyes. The same picture of Charlie was on her computer monitor. The caption below it read: "Fresh faced young songwriter Charlie Pace, in a rare picture alone. Usually surrounded by his band mates or brother. Young Charlie Pace is the only songwriter for the band DriveShaft, and their hit You All Everybody hit number one after just a few weeks on the radio."
"Why Charlie? Why did you have to leave me? Leave me and Aaron. We both need you so badly. I guess Aaron doesn't as much as I do. He has Kate and Sawyer, and I'm sure she's taking care of him...at least I like to think so," Claire sobbed into her arms.
"Claire," she heard what sounded to be the wind rustling against the window, but her window wasn't opened. She raised her head to see him standing in front of her.
"There are reasons for everything, and to be honest, it was just my time to go. I want you to know that I miss you everyday, and while Kate might be taking care of him...he needs his mother, he needs you Claire. Take him back Claire, he needs you..."
With that Charlie was gone. There was no proof that he had been standing there as real as day, talking to her. She felt the ache in her heart start to fade only slightly, and knew Charlie was right. It was time for her to claim her son, to take him back. She heard a knock on her bedroom door, not quite sure who it was, but assuming it was her mother again.
"Come in," she called, her voice holding a little more emotion than it had before.
The door pushed open, and Jack stood in front of her.
"Your mom called, she said you weren't doing so good," Jack said, trying to hide the shock on his face at her radical transformation.
"I saw him Jack," she said, knowing he'd think she was crazy.
"Who? Charlie?" he asked.
"Yes," she said simply, waving him in.
Jack came in and sat down on the edge of her bed.
"What did he say to you?" Jack asked.
"He said that Aaron needs me to raise him, that he needs me to take him back," Claire paused. "I do miss him...I'm just afraid he won't want me Jack. I pretty much abandoned him, I was selfish and abandoned him."
"You did what you thought was best. You knew you were in no shape to raise him, so you let Kate take care of him. Your right though, so is Charlie...it is time you get him back. Time that he get to know his mother," Jack gave her a small smile, patted her shoulder.
"Hey Jack, can you call Kate?" she asked.
"It's good you say that, since Sawyer and her are in the living room," Jack smiled, as he stood up to call for the three of them to come.
"Don't leave me alone with her please," Claire asked, but her eyes did the begging for her.
"Of course not," Jack said, as he ushered in Kate, and then Sawyer holding a sleeping Aaron.
Claire's eyes lit up at the sight of her son, and Sawyer eased him onto her lap.
"Kate...I uh...I want my son back," she said, unable to look her in the eye.
"Just like that? Your going to take him away from me just like that?" Kate asked.
"Come on Freckles, it's time," Sawyer said simply, giving Claire a smile.
"Fine," She said before storming out.
"She's not really mad at you, just at the situation. I'm really glad to see your feeling more like yourself,' Sawyer said, before chasing after Kate.
"Need anything else?" Jack asked.
"Well, I don't really have any of his stuff..." Claire trailed off.
"I'll take care of it. Juliet and I will go out and get some stuff to get him settled, we'll be back soon," Jack said, as he shuffled out of her room and down the hall.
Carole woke the next morning to the smell of something cooking in the kitchen. Jack and Juliet had stayed the night, since it had been late by the time they got back from the store. She climbed out of bed, and smiled at the sight of her daughter standing over the stove, cooking a small breakfast, while talking to Aaron.
"Your daddy would have loved to been here. He would have loved to seen you grow up, but he can't be here, because he wanted to save us," Claire said, as she bent down and place a kiss on the top of Aaron's head.
Carole smiled, and felt content that her daughter, while she might still be hurting from Charlie's death, she was starting the moving on process, and that...that made Carole feel like everything just might be alright.