A/N: This is a PARODY. Meaning, not for real. My name is not Jade and I apologize to all the nice folks out there named Jade who would never ever write something as ridiculous as this. XD Also, the reviews are fake, erm, obviously. (Well, not so obviously, I guess, since I've seen reviews like that before.)

Fallin' In Love
By: Jade

Chapter One: The New Surgeon

"We're getting a new surgeon, today." Colonel Potter explained to his unit. "Don't scare her too badly, all right people?"

"What's her name, Colonel?" Hawkeye asked.

"Jade Allanna Raven Crystal. Jade Crystal for short." Colonel Potter replied. "She's from France."

What an exotic name, Hawkeye thought.

Just then, a young woman about the age of 26 walked into the office. She was five foot ten with striking raven colored hair and beautifully tanned skin. Her unusually violet eyes sparkled mischievously. You could tell by looking at her that she was witty, funny, intelligent, and a wonderful surgeon. All the men in the room stopped what they were doing and stared at her with rapt attention. Even Margaret was in awe.

"Hello, do I have the right place?" the woman smiled shyly, showing everyone how demure and innocent she was. "I'm Jade, the new surgeon."

"You're the new... uh, surgeon?" Hawkeye stuttered because her beauty was so over-whelming she rendered him nearly speechless.

"Um...Yes. I am," Jade Crystal added, tripping clumsily over the carpet when she walked over towards Hawkeye. It made everyone in the room aww and coo and comment on how cute she was. Because clearly she couldn't be a klutz; she was far too beautiful! Beautiful as a rose, its blood red petals wet with dew and nectar, that was. Did I mention she had really awesome violet eyes?

"Wel - welcome to the 4077th MASH Unit!" said Charles, in a half gasp. He couldn't believe his eyes - she was his long lost cousin's nephew's uncle's sister's daughter's niece!

"Charles? Is that you?" She shrieked delightedly, her voice a melody. "It's been so long since I've seen you!"

Everyone was smiling happily and cheering as Charles hugged Jade. "Get the champagne!" someone yelled.

Luckily, BJ had been walking by the boardroom at that moment and had heard the request for champagne, which he had with him having just gotten it from his wife through the mail. "Who needs champagne? What are we celebrating?" he asked, walking in. Colonel Potter grabbed the champagne glasses that were in a cabinet in the office. They kept these things there for special occasions, such as this.

"Charles has found his long lost relative!" Hawkeye cheered excitedly. Everyone cheered with him and they toasted the happy reconciliation.

At that moment, Sidney happened to walk in. "Jade?" he said. She was his wife, by the way. And had they 2130921831290 kids. Never mind that he was divorced and only had one kid. She was so heavenly, he desired her all the time.

"Sidney, darling!" Jade smiled and kissed him deeply. All the men (and even Margaret) groaned at the news that she was taken.

Suddenly, from nowhere, lovely music started playing and the happy couple danced showing everyone how in love they were.

The rest of the day was spent celebrating Jade and her loveliness.

End of Chapter One

A/N: Read n review but plz b kind, thi5 iz mah 1st fic, n i h0p3 u lYkEd it1!1!one! i wont updtE iF i doNt g3t at laest 5 rveiws!

Reviews for Chapter One:

From OMGSIDNEY1: "AWWWWW, THAT WAS SOOOOOOO SWEET I LIKE IT SO FAR PLZ CONTINUE!"

From sweetgurl90: "dat waz relly gud. r u sur dats ur 1st fnafic? kep up da gr8 wrk!"

From thebestwriterever: "WOW! I'm Impressed! That Was Pretty Good For Your First Try! Keep It Up!"

From asaneperson: "Ugh. First of all, Sidney only has one kid. Second, Jade is so obviously a self-insertion it's laughable. Third, your author's notes are so illegible I can barely read them. You need a lot of work."

From apersonwhoflames: "OMG dont listen 2 asaneperson theyre just jelous dat u rite s0o0o0o0o0o good n they dont! I liek this sotry keep writing!"

From somerandommoron: I bet asaneperson is gay n likes that nasty slash crap! Dont listen to them! This rox!"