Disclaimer: Own not. Profit not. Sue not.
AN: This law is my place for misfit toys - other known as blurbs and one-shots that need a home. Stay tuned for updates.
This fic is in response to the travesty that was last nights Glee episode. I've never been so disappointed in a television show. Ever.
I almost forgot... Shirley's Law - Most people deserve each other.
"So what's the occasion?" Ryan asked with genuine curiosity as he slipped into the booth next to Allison with a cheeky grin and cold beer in hand. He'd gotten a call from Quinn shortly after work all but demanding he meet her and Rachel down at Murphy's. She'd half grumbled into the phone and he'd only really heard 'bar', 'won't stop bouncing', 'her highness commands', and 'celebration'.
He'd charmed Allison into tagging along with him, which for him was the best part. Not that he didn't like seeing his friends, but any excuse to hang out with his sort-of girlfriend was one he didn't waste.
Across from him, Quinn only sighed and squeezed her wedge of orange into her frothy blue moon. She glanced up at him, rolled her eyes and shrugged. "Your guess is as good as mine, Marine. I panicked for a good three minutes because I thought I'd forgotten some anniversary - and before you comment may I remind you who we're talking about? Rachel has a party to celebrate almost everything. I have a horse calendar to prove it."
Allison snickered under his arm and he beamed down at her before raising his glass in a toast. "To Broadway divas and their wacky antics!"
"Hear, hear," Allison agreed along with Quinn. The trio knocked their glasses together and then tilted them up into their respective mouths.
"Oh hello Ryan, Allison," Rachel chirped in greeting as she bounced back to the table. She set down a tray of shots and scooted into the booth beside her girlfriend. "I'm glad you're here!"
"We never miss a party, and certainly never a Rachel Berry party," Allison smiled over at her friend and nudged Ryan who choked on his mouthful of pale ale and nodded.
"Yeah, Tadpole, we love you and your spontaneous parties."
Quinn quirked an eyebrow at him, but Rachel only brightened and clapped her hands together.
"So what are we celebrating anyway?" the blonde agent finally asked, breaking the awkward silence before she lifted her beer for another long swallow.
"I lost my virginity on this day," Rachel said.
Quinn choked, sputtered, coughed, and liberally sprayed herself and the table with her beverage.
"What?" she cried when she could speak again, citrusy beer dripping off her chin as she turned wide eyes on her crazy girlfriend. The brunette nodded slowly at the wide-eyed looks being cast her way, lost off in some whimsical memory. "Rachel, you're joking, right?"
"No, I'm serious. I, Rachel Berry, lost my virginity on this day during our Senior year of High School."
Ryan stared back and forth between Rachel and Quinn, noting the redness tingeing his partner's face and the oblivious look on Rachel's. He spared a glance down at Allison and found the blonde pursing her lips and staring intently at the ceiling. Her body shook a little against his and he knew she was holding back guffaws.
Allison, who spent quite a bit of time with Rachel, appeared the least affected by the diva's Berryisms, no doubt more than used to them by now.
Quinn was not handling it as well.
"Rachel, why would you bring me out here to celebrate you having sex with Finn Hudson!"
He knew that look, that wasn't just embarrassment coloring Quinn's cheeks, it was anger. Jealous anger. He cleared his throat and reached out to tap Quinn's hand, hiding the gesture by continuing past her hand to grab a handful of napkins to blot up the beer on the table. She blinked at the contact and glared at him. Ryan shook his head, barely moving it, but she would see - she always saw.
Rachel seemed to catch on to her girlfriend's mood and frowned. She wrapped her tiny fingers over Quinn's and tried to duck her head to look in her eyes. Quinn was having none of it and dodged the contact, jaw working furiously.
"Quinn, I didn't think it would bother you. It was years ago! Besides, I always have a little remembrance when the date rolls around. You only lose it once you know, it's something important and special - it should be remembered."
"You only lose your wisdom teeth once too, but that's not really something I like to celebrate," Ryan remarked gently. Allison turned her face into his shoulder, still trembling with poorly contained glee.
"So once a year you think about Finn having sex with you?" Quinn growled.
"Not like that, Q," Rachel assured her, and wiped the beer off of the blonde's face with a half-smile. "It was a big thing for me to do then, and I like to think about how awkward and silly it was. It makes me smile, you know, thinking about my High School self and the bumbling boy who was my High School sweetheart."
Quinn drained her beer faster than Ryan had ever seen and then glowered at the empty glass like it was the beer's fault it was gone so soon. "I need another drink."
"Quinn!" Rachel cried as she was nudged out of the booth. She didn't answer, just stalked off towards the bar. "I already bought shots," the brunette finished lamely, pouting at the full glasses on the table before her.
"Rachel?" Allison prompted gently. "Maybe you should try looking at this from Q's perspective? I'm sure you didn't mean anything by it and really do fondly remember this day, but how would you feel if Quinn threw a party in honor of the day she lost her v-card?"
"But Quinn lost her virginity to Noah Puckerman after he got her drunk," Rachel replied, brow furrowing as she fiddled with a shot glass. "It didn't really end well for her, so I could understand why she wouldn't want to celebrate it."
"Yeah, but sweetie," the diva's cast-mate shook her head, blonde hair rippling beautifully in the low lighting. "Would you like to think about Quinn having sex with someone other than you?"
Rachel bristled and then her mouth fell open. "Oh, oh no!"
"Exactly, she gets it." Allison winked up at Ryan and wiggled her way further into his side. "So now how are we going to salvage this party?"
"I have an idea," Rachel declared and jumped from her seat when Quinn stomped back with a full pitcher and bowl of orange slices.
"What are discussing now? Where the blessed event took place?" She filled her glass and drained it with barely a grimace. Ryan smothered the urge to whoop and high-five his partner for her previously hidden frat boy talents.
Seriously, that shit was impressive.
"Quinn, I realize that I've made you uncomfortable and upset you."
"Oh, you noticed that?" The blonde tilted her head and narrowed her eyes at the foaming head on her beer.
"If I may, I think maybe I have a solution."
Allison and Ryan looked at each other, both arching an eyebrow.
"I feel like I'm about to watch a seriously nasty UFC fight," Ryan murmured down at her. Allison nodded, then grinned widely.
"Should we place bets on how this will turn out?"
"Al, you're amazing," Ryan snickered. "What'd you have in mind?"
She leaned up and whispered hotly against his ear and he felt a smarmy grin stretch his cheeks.
"You're on."
"Ahem, if you two are finished with your conspiring," Rachel interrupted primly, then turned back to her still fuming girlfriend. "Quinn, what if we discuss our respective love lives, you know the ones that ended and somehow led us to each other?"
Quinn sighed again, this time more heavily, but she bobbed her head back and forth as she contemplated the offer. There was a good chance that all this talk of exes and sex would work out in her favor by the end of the night. And a high probability that Rachel might feel the slightest bit of what she felt in this moment.
"Fine. Ask me."
The diminutive diva cleared her throat and pulled her hands away from Quinn's arm. She knocked back a shot for courage and then spoke directly to the table. "How many people have you been... intimate with?"
Ryan snuck a shot from the middle of the table and passed it to Allison before snagging his own and tossing it down his throat. This was going to be so good.
"Wait, are you asking how many relationships I've had? Or just how many people I've slept with?"
Rachel's mouth flapped a couple of times while Quinn regarded her coolly, pale fingers clutching tight to her fresh beer.
"You need to make a distinction?" she asked shrilly and threw back the leftover shot when all Quinn did was arch her eyebrow again.
"I'm just saying, in the spirit of full disclosure, I need to know what you're asking specifically. I'd hate to just drop something on you."
"Sorry, but - you guys really didn't discuss this when you first started dating? I mean Rachel didn't make you fill out some sort of survey?" Allison bit her lip at the mirrored expression on both women's face.
"That... is brilliant!" Rachel said. "I can't believe I didn't think about that!"
"Thanks a lot, Al," Quinn groaned and sucked down half her beer. This was so not her night.
Allison shrugged, "It just seems like a very Berry thing to do."
"You're right, that would've been very thorough of me. We didn't even discuss sexual histories before we engaged in intercourse, Quinn, that seems very irresponsible now that I think about it."
The blonde agent groaned again, the sound muffled by the glass pressed to her mouth. "Oh my God, can this night please go away?"
"Quinn, you still haven't answered my question."
"I'm thinking," Quinn hissed. "Counting High School?"
"Of course, though I'm confident I know all of your High School encounters. The McKinley High gossip network is quite vast and very informative."
"If I ever see Jacob Ben-Israel again, I'll tar and feather him," Quinn grumped. "Fine. So I've had three flings and six relationships. Though I'd really only count four of those as lasting, real, relationships. With actual serious feelings involved. And I'm not counting you. So that would make for five serious relationship - relationships. All of those happened out of Ohio. Thank God."
Rachel's jaw fell open again and Quinn giggled at the slack-jawed expression.
"What? You wanted to know! How many have you had?"
"Including you? Serious, feelings-involved relationships? Three!"
Quinn shrugged. "You're the one who was waiting until twenty-five to have sex."
"I - you! I don't - that's not fair! How do you even know about that?"
"'The McKinley High gossip network is quite vast and very informative'."
"Uh-oh," Allison whispered.
Rachel snatched Quinn's half-full beer from her and poured it down her throat. Ignoring Ryan's hoot of approval, and slammed the empty glass back down.
"Rachel?" Quinn bit her lip and turned to face her girlfriend. "You're the one that brought it up."
"I'm, ugh," Rachel responded and flapped her hand. She hadn't thought about it, not really. Allison was right. The idea of someone else touching Quinn was upsetting her - irrational though it was.
"Rach, they don't matter." Quinn shuffled closer and dropped her chin on Rachel's shoulder. She nuzzled against dark hair and the tan ear peeking out of the locks. "Come on. Do you understand why I was so unhappy? I don't sit and reminisce about them. Sometimes something will pop up in my memory, but it's fleeting. You're the only one I want to celebrate being with."
"Oh boo," Ryan teased and tossed some pretzels at the cuddling couple.
"I agree, where's the bloodshed?" Allison joined in, throwing her own handful of munchies at her friends.
"I just, I wanted it to be special, you know? I guess, to be honest, when I really think about it - it wasn't spectacular. Everyone always made such a big deal of losing their virginity! And I wasn't that impressed when it was all said and done with. I wanted it to live up to all the hype, so I try and celebrate it. Does that make sense?" Rachel turned around so her nose bumped against Quinn's and peered up at her now smiling girlfriend through her bangs.
"Of course it does. I have a better idea though, how about tonight we celebrate you and me and Ryan and Al? How about we celebrate something that really matters? Friends and family."
"Oh my God," Ryan heckled. "You two are mushier than a tuna sandwich with too much mayo!"
"Again, I agree with Ryan, and I have a counter offer," Allison snapped her fingers to draw the lovebirds out of their eye-sex fest. "Can we celebrate with some barbaric gladiator-esque entertainment? There will be cheering, jeering, beer and frivolity."
"I could use a distraction," Quinn said. She tenderly kissed Rachel's warm cheek and then the bridge of her nose before she gave the other couple her attention. Rachel wrapped her arms around the blonde's middle and dropped her forehead to Quinn's collarbone - now feeling shy and silly, but ultimately right with Quinn holding onto her.
"There's a Rangers game tonight I bet a couple of Fibbies could get us into. How about that?"
"Hockey?" Ryan yelped and all but fell out of the booth in his excitement. "You are seriously the most perfect creature in existence! Qball, please? Pretty please? Can we go?"
"I've never seen a hockey game," Rachel said, speaking directly to Quinn's throat.
"Hockey it is! Let's go celebrate romance and the bonds of friendship with violence and sweaty men on ice skates!"
END
(If you guys have prompts you want to send, I'm not opposed to that. My PM inbox is open)