Take the blame off your back
It's a burden you don't own
Lay your head in my arms
And I will be your home
You can't carry this alone
She didn't understand why it had happened to her. She had big hopes and dreams that included straight A's, being in the marching band, getting a scholarship and traveling the world. Everyone called her the perfect child, not only because she was the oldest. Her younger sister called her a goody-two-shoe all the time too. It didn't feel like that to her though. Once high school came, she was eager to learn more about herself and the world around her. She even looked forward to band camp, where it was music non-stop. But that was the needle in the haystack; the decision that had flipped her life upside down permanently. After she knew what had happened, she told herself it wasn't her fault. It was his fault for being irresistible, sweet, and having this power over her. She had sensed it the moment he walked up to her. As time went on though, she knew she was responsible for letting him get that far in the first place. This made her feel guilty and angry with herself, so she took out these feelings on him. Now, she didn't blame either one of them because no matter what, this decision had changed her life for the better.
And I just wanna love you
I don't wanna change you or judge you
I just wanna love you
But darling, you have to learn to love you too
Amy Juergens jumped when her son John started whining. She picked him up and rocked him back and forth. She looked at him everyday and saw a bit of herself, but mostly Ricky Underwood. He was the guy who had gotten her pregnant during band camp. She didn't know that Ricky was a player until after she knew about the pregnancy. She knew he wouldn't help her with the baby, let alone care about it. Ricky became an amazing father however, despite his father abusing him as a child. Amy wasn't all that surprised though; she believed in Ricky. John started asking for his father and Amy checked the clock. Ricky usually stopped by after dinner to play with him and let Amy take a well deserved nap. She really couldn't express her thanks to him properly, especially after all those times she had taken her anger out on him. They had both grown up since John had been born and she found herself caring for Ricky. He seemed to care for her too, not just John. Ricky was Ricky though, so Amy never admitted this out loud.
I can count every line
This life has carved in you
Your beauty lies in these eyes
Cause I can see the truth
I see the strength in you
And I just wanna love you
I don't wanna change you or judge you
I just wanna love you
But darling, you have to learn to love you too
"Daddy will be here soon" Amy assured John and herself.
She figured she'd give him a few minutes before calling him. She didn't want it to seem like she needed him. When she had met him, he could've jumped off a cliff and she would've followed. It was the reason why she had been so attracted to him. She remembered the day that John was born and how she reminisced about band camp. There didn't seem to be any flashing sign to warn her of what would happen. They had innocent conversation and she even practiced her French horn before he kissed her. That was when she really knew she couldn't stay away from him. Ricky got annoyed with Amy sometimes and even John, but she felt some sort of claim to him. He did have Adrian as a girlfriend, who had recently become Amy's friend, but she knew they had problems to work out.
"Why is my nephew crying?" Ashley demanded, walking into the nursery.
Amy chuckled and handed John to her sister. It still amazed Amy at how her family had taken to John. Ashley was so overprotective of him, more than Amy at times. Her dad would always tell him about all you needed to know to be a guy like he totally understood. Her mother would tickle him so much that he could not stop giggling. They were the ones who had convinced Amy to keep John, especially her mother. Amy had been born when her mother was around the same age as Amy, so she knew all about being a teenage mom. She watched Ashley rock her son back and forth, his eyes drooping more by the minute. She curled up into a ball and wrapped her arms around herself. Everyone who had met John was under his spell. She counted herself extremely lucky to have such an amazing son. She couldn't help but brag; it was part of being a mother. He was smart and knew the names of all the people he cared about. He asked for Daddy,
Momma, Ash, and Ben the most.
Amy's ex-boyfriend Ben Boykewich was just the person Amy needed when she was pregnant. He was sweet, funny and in love with her all while she carried someone else's child. They had even tried to get married so Ben could officially take care of John with her. But after awhile, things turned sour. Ricky was deciding to take responsibility for his child and that made Ben jealous. They would constantly argue, and then talk things out a day later. It went on like this for awhile until after she had the baby. Amy had been expecting Ben to dump her for months, so one day she told him to break up with her. She still looked back at the moment with regret. He had given so much to protect her and then she was a total jerk. She also realized though that the relationship had been broken up for awhile; it's just that no one wanted to say it out loud. So now the two of them were friends apparently. Although Amy's friends Madison and Lauren told her that Ben had gone over to Grace's house for a date. It bugged her at first, but then talking to Ricky had made her feel better.
And I just wanna love
You hide behind a mask of stone
But you dont have to be alone
A thousand lives you could of lived
You're the only one you still need to forgive
Amy walked into the kitchen and got a bottle ready for John. She could hear Robby crying in the other room, while her mother tried to calm him down. It was still hard to believe that her mother had another child. Amy loved him, but was worried if it was Dad's baby or not. Amy's mom had just come back from Mimsy's and wasn't even sure she was going to stay permanently. Amy used to cry herself to sleep, trying to will her life to going back to normal. She knew that it was hopeless at this point. Her parents were divorced and possibly have a child together, Ashley was in high school now and Amy had a baby to take care of. The word normal was barely spoken in the Juergens household anymore. Once the bottle was ready, Amy walked back into her room to find John whining and squirming in Ashley's arms. Ashley gave Amy a look before handing John back to his mother. The bottle silenced John immediately, causing both girls to let out sighs of relief. Peace and quiet was very rare in this household anymore. There were babies crying, phones ringing and Amy practicing her French horn. John loved to watch her play especially and always had a big smile on his face. Ashley went to answer the doorbell while Amy smiled down at her son.
Ricky Underwood was standing on the other side of the door when Ashley opened it. He gave a small wave and walked towards Amy's room. Ashley just shrugged and shut the door. His presence had become an important part of this house. He had been resented by most of Amy's family before John was born, but not any more. Ricky had become a great father and was becoming a better person. He was glad that he had been given this responsibility. He never would've been given all the opportunities he had been shown. The biggest part was knowing that he was being a better father than his was to him. He loved his son and was proud of himself for living on his own. The best part of the responsibility for Ricky was to be with Amy. The truth was, he saw something special in her. It was the reason why he told himself to be there for her. She used to be so vulnerable and angry, especially at him. There was nothing he could do but talk with her about the decisions to be made. He had been in other relationships and lots of them. This was different because he had a claim to Amy and saw her for who she really was. He found himself caring for her more as the days passed, but he was supposed to be with Adrian. They had worked to hard to have a relationship, but she wanted too much of Ricky. As much as Ricky wanted Amy to be his girlfriend, he knew she would never see him the same. The guilt ate him up.
I just wanna love you
I dont wanna change you or judge you
I just wanna love you
I just wanna love you
Amy chuckled as John drank his bottle at lightning speed. The kid had an appetite like you wouldn't believe. Amy looked out the window where the moon was bright. It cast a pretty shadow on the floor of her room. She bit her lip and hoped that Ricky would come soon or else John would be asleep. Then again, she liked to talking to him sometimes. He made her look at things from a different perspective and sympathized with Amy more than anyone else she knew. She found it pretty embarrassing that she still had feelings for Ricky. Who knew after all that time with Ben, she had bottled up her true feelings? It was hard to avoid now that John was born. Ricky came over every day and took John every once in awhile to stay at his apartment. Amy realized now that all those times she had been angry at Ricky didn't mean she hated him necessarily. Just because you loved someone doesn't mean you didn't have the ability to hate them too. Suddenly, Amy heard a very familiar voice behind her. Even when she knew who it was, her heart skipped a beat.
"So he's not asleep yet?" Ricky teased, looking down at his son
Amy faked a smile and handed John to Ricky so he could finish feeding him. She sat down on her bed to pick up her homework she had finished. It was harder to stay organized now that she had another human being to take care of. She felt sympathy for the women who had many children, a job and kept their house spotless. She read the papers over again to remind herself of when her homework was due. Amy could also feel Ricky watching her intently. It was beginning to give her goose bumps and she wished he'd stop. He glanced at John, who was asleep in his arms. Amy smiled and put her papers away in her bag. She watched Ricky put John into his crib and tuck him in. If you had told Amy that Ricky would care for their son this much, she would've laughed. It was crazy to think about how much things had changed in the past year. Amy couldn't blink without all the memories passing her by. Once John was settled, Ricky looked back at Amy as if he expected her to say something. She suddenly had nothing to say and stood up awkwardly, so she could look him in the eyes. But when she did that, she just got lost in them. She rubbed her forehead while Ricky watched her with the same concern that he looked at John sometimes.
"Thanks for putting him down. He was asking for you earlier" Amy murmured, not meeting his gaze
"Amy, you don't have to say thank you. I want to be here" He insisted
"What if that changes tomorrow? What if you want to leave this all behind you tomorrow?"
Amy froze, unsure why she had blurted that out. It was what she had worried about ever since he came to take care of John. It would kill John if his father just stopped showing up one day. It would be like growing up only half the way. Amy's heart ached just at the thought of it. She snuck a peek at Ricky, whose face was somewhere between shock and determination. She would've given a lot of money to know what he was thinking. He couldn't believe she would ask him that. Sure, leaving Amy and the baby had been an idea in the beginning. Now that the strings were attached between him and his son and Amy, there was no turning back. He needed her to believe that, but wasn't sure how to show her. So he took her face into his hands and kissed her. They stayed like that for minutes, holding onto each other like their life depended on it.
"I love you and John too much to leave" Ricky whispered
"I love you and John too"
And i just wanna love you
I dont wanna change you or judge you
I just wanna love you but darlin you have to learn to love you, too Love you too