A Deep But Dazzling Darkness
Chapter 1
DIS: I of course do not own Harry potter, but I am well aware that you are all well aware of that, that is true? Am I correct? Of course I am! Also the title "a deep but dazzling darkness isn't exactly mine. I found it in the book "an endless ring of light" (which also isn't mine L) and in it they speak of a poem written in the seventeenth century by someone called Henry Vaughan. Which I'm not sure is a real person. But Madeleine L'engle wrote the book and I am borrowing a line in one of her (or that guys) poems. So in other words…I OWN NUTHIN'! :: Sniff sniff:: o'well lets get on with it…
A/n also, this is my first fic. So go easy on me! I mean, useful comments will do. But don't review to tell me I suck! Tell me what I need improvement on! Okay. ~Thank you.
(The beginning.)
I sprung upward in the bed w\ a start, and stupidly throwing out my wand arm. Hoping to curse someone who was certainly not in my room. It dawned on me when I started to scream the first syllable of the killing curse that You Know who was not in front of me. It took the few moment of peace for my breath to calm and my head to stop its rhythmic pounding. Ah, alas! That was most certainly not my head! It was footsteps coming up the stairs. Oh how much I love midnight visitors. Is it a knight? Or the villainous uncle Vernon?
My assumptions were assured as I heard him throw his lungs at the door. "WHY IN GOD'S NAME ARE YOU SCREAMING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT?" So, I stood up and with as much courage as possible opened the door and stared at him. Well I meant to tell him to go some place special but he did look quite scary with his hair on ends and his beard all disheveled. It would have been funny without the beet red anger in his face. But as I had grown a few inches the past year and a few over the summer. I stood about three even inches above him, which I was very proud of but did me no good in this situation to try and intimidate him. Which I tried my best to play through all summer. But then I thought of something.
"For your information, it was the killing curse! I learned it at Hogwarts last year. We had a murderer show us how." I said my voice dripping with as much venom as Malfoy manage. That was all it took to drain the color from his face. I watched it go from red to pink to white to green and then to a sickly yellow color. He looked as if he would pass out, but I couldn't help myself. "We also learned the imperious curse, which is kind of a body control thing, and the crucio curse which is dark magic used to torture people. We watched our professor demonstrate them with live hosts." I liked the words coming out of my mouth and even more the look on his face. "Y-you sick little boy! That school gets worse and worse! I sure hope it was one of your own!" and with that he ran back down the stairs. And I went back to my bed.
I had been having 'that' dream again. Except this year it had Cedric's death in it. Also of course, it had the sadly living and even sadder breathing, Voldemort. And if it wasn't bad enough, my parents, now were again victims in my dreams. Every night, I, the so-called 'boy who lived' relive every terrorizing moment of my life. As of today, 14 years, 15 tomorrow.
I sat there thinking. **I'll go insane! I can't take it! ** I jump at even the slightest things. Every shadow I see is Voldemort.The Dursleys don't know about the third task, heck I didn't even tell them about the tournament. Of course, they don't know anything about my life. But Voldemort is a threat to them too. I haven't even told my best friends Ron and Hermione about the 'incident'. But they know what they need to know. They heard Dumbledore. But still, I can't manage to tell them. Its as if sharing the experience with my friends would be admitting it to myself. I tried, but the memory was to vivid and clear o think about. I would tell them sooner or later. Besides I will convince the Dursleys to let me go to Ron's house for the end of the summer. I might tell them then, when it won't be so hard. And then I'll tell the Dursleys
But for right now, I have worse and definitely bigger problems then little old Voldie. I don't live with Voldemort, so that puts Dudley at number one of my worst nightmare list. Voldemort at two.
My new watch read 11:56. **What timing** I pondered. Four minutes till my birthday. Not that it matters the Dursleys never celebrate it. But still, it was my only 15 birthday. And I would probably get presents from my friends. That's definitely something I've been looking forward to the past few weeks. Not to mention Hogwarts.
I am getting closer and closer to my 5th year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardy. My real home.
I slowly pulled my self out of bed and walked over to the window, I really needed some fresh air. I brushed the bits of cement around my window and remembered the problems Ron and me had making them. There were once bars here that kept me prisoner, pretty much. My aunt and uncle tried to stop me from going to Hogwarts in my second year. As if, Ron and his brothers came to rescue me, in a flying car might I add?
Which has convinced the Dursleys that I'm crazy. Well, crazier.
I searched the midnight sky looking for Hedwig, my owl. My favorite being in this house, well, beside myself. But finding her would be a little complicated, there was no moon out. And contrary to the popular belief, having the stars to see by was not very helpful. I would hate to be someone like Loki in a time like this.
Ah, but Remius would be happy. He was one of my father's best friends. Well, Remius and Sirius black, my godfather. Remius is a werewolf, and Sirius is an animagus. My father was too. (Ok, most authors repeat the basics at the beginning of every story, but I wont go into the whole 'Harry is a wizard that saved the world with a scar and his parents are dead and he is very sad…' thing k??) I a guessing that Sirius is staying with Remius; because they got their whole mission thing to do. I think Dumbledore wants them to find their friends from way back when, I'm not sure, and I was a little distracted at the time...
But for now, I am here, waiting, scared, and full of, as the imposter moody would say "CONTANT VIGILANCE!" I think that he was trying to turn me into a petrified ferret too. Except of a period of time. More permanent in my case.
I would hate to think of how my friends would look at me now. It's only now that I can completely understand why everyone was afraid to say his name. Only now that I can see how the mere thought of him chills them to the bone. Now I know how they feel. Every time something mysterious comes on the news, some 'unsolved mystery', it could be You-know-who behind it. I myself can barely mention the name anymore. I feel as cowardly as the next person now. Heck what would Dumbledore say? He'd either lie and say its ok, or openly tell me to be stronger. He'd be really disappointed. Or is he just as afraid of you-know-who as the rest of us? I wonder if this is how Ron feels, maybe this is how Hermione feels. Why didn't I listen to people talk about him before and fell like I do know? I should have known! All of the warnings should have been enough. But like a twerp I assumed that I would always be safe with Dumbledore. But that was just a stupid child assumption, nobodies that lucky.
I trace my eyes across the lamp lit road. Not a trace of magic anywhere. I remembered all of the times I ran around this lot, mainly running from Dudley or his numerous dogs. Peeking at the magic I had within me that brought me way more danger that simple, fat, fists.
Man, I really want to get back to Hogwarts. No matter how safe I am out of site. Even more, I want to see my friends. Ron and Hermione. Not to mention all of Ron's brothers. And duh, sister. Heck any wizard kind would do, even Draco Malfoy would be nice. Better than the Dursleys. Times like these make me wish I had gnomes in the yard.
What are the Weasleys doing? Bill, at Gringots and Charlie taking care of y dear, dear Hungarian Horntail thing, and of course her adorable babies. Percy even, he's probably got Crouches job now, he can't still be too beaten up about loosing him if he has his job. (A/N- that's a little cold of me but remember crouch was a bad guy… right?) Oh yeah, Fred and George probably have tons of candies and knickknacks with that money I gave them. Ron, he's probably complaining. Yeah, that sounds about right. I wonder if he ever got over Hermione going out with Krum. As a matter of fact she's probably at Krum's house right now, hmmm what would she be doing there? Nah, Herms more mature than that! …..I think. Oh, yea, Ginny, forgot about her. Probably constantly owling her friends, and bugging her parents 24/7. Poor Mrs. Weasley, she has a lot to deal with. Damn, seven kids! But I envy them, all the same. I don't have any siblings, and Dudley is NOT a brotherly companion!
I dared a glance at my watch (12:02) I am now officially 15! As if on cue, Hedwig came soaring through a mass of trees. Fluttering almost silently onto my bed.
I grabbed the smallest one, this being from Herm. It was tiny, round, and about the size of a baseball. I took it out of its cushioned wrappings, revealing a lightweight, jet black orb, and in golden letters on what I assumed to be the top it said: Firebolt. But directly in the middle of the word there was a shift, it was where apparently it came open. I twisted it slowly and it slid open smoothly, glistening on the inside was a treasure I had seen only a hundred times before. A snitch. Hermione ha bought me my very own snitch! I hastily grabbed the letter she sent me with it.
Dear Harry,
Hey! How do you like your brand new snitch! Top quality too! Now you can o more than sit around and watch fat, fat, and more fat bounce! But Harry, listen, you MUST be careful! If a muggle sees you you'll be in big trouble with the ministry. Don't go anywhere that people can see you! So happy birthday! And beware! I think Hagrid has sent you toffee! He owled me some and told me he has a new recipe; it looks like he added troll boogers!
With love,
Hermione
Granger
Ps. I am planning to go to Ron's the last weeks of vacation. Try to convince the Dursleys to let you go. If they don't just fly here with your cloak or something!
Hermione hasn't changed much. Still glued to the rule board. But not too glued, at least she's lightened up. Just then, a big black barn owl flew threw my window dropping a note in my lap. It was from Ron.
Dear Scar face,
How are you? Like my owl? Fred and George gave it to me for my birthday, where they got the money is beyond me. But anyway, his name is Whetherby! Everyone but Percy thought it was funny. Ginny thinks he's the sweetest thing. It was her that suggested the name. It's better than Pigwidgeon, which now she uses for owling her boyfriend. He's still mine; he is a gift so I can't give him away.
Have you heard from snuffles? Also, I was hoping you could come visit for the last two weeks of vacation, Herm's coming too.
Your friend,
Ron
PS. Have you heard about herm and Krum? Like, are they still going out?
Maybe he hasn't gotten over it. They probably won't work out anyway, she's only 15 and he's 19 by now. Guys that age are only thinking about one thing, but so are most boys my age…. Speaking of! Ginnys got a BOYFRIEND!! Maybe she's more mature than I thought she was! Oh heck! It's probably Colin Creevey or someone. The little, dork. No. She couldn't like him! Maybe its Neville, he went to the Yule Ball with her. Maybe Ron's just making fun of her for owling her friends so often. Oh well, good for her, I guess.
The Dursleys might let me leave, if not I will ask directions from Ron and fly, unless I can get a bed on the night bus. But for the moment, I still have two more presents! I grabbed the one from Sirius, which was rectangular, but a little lumpy. Much to my surprise, it was a tremendously large, thick, wool cloak. It was emerald green, matching my eyes perfectly. I walked over to the full-length mirror in the corner of the room. One of the few untouched things in the past once belonging to Dudley. It was exactly my size, except for a few extra inches at the bottom for growth. The sleeves were the traditional, Merlin style, hanging down and tapering from the elbows. It was quite warm and had a huge hood that pulled up. The front magically clasped together. It was actually something similar to the muggle fashion these days. I see all kinds of people wearing these long robes like coats, mainly in the winter.
Next, is Hagrid. Oh boy. I hope its not toffee, actually I wouldn't mind toffee to class utensils. I grabbed the package, prepared for the worst. Nothing happened as I started tugging on the string, but then it started wriggling violently, and I noticed the air holes on the side. "Oh goody" I muttered. Live presents. I know Hagrid's idea of cute animals. 'Harmless' he says. And this is not likely an exception. I decided it would be smarter to read the letter first. There might be an explanation.
Harry,
I hope you like your present! All 5th years are required to have them for care of magical creatures this year. Yours has a personality like a kitten. Its called a Knoozar. It tends to act and think like its master, for instance yours would take a disliking to Malfoy. Ok then, happy birthday, see you.
Rubeus Hagrid
This could only mean trouble. Hagrid for one, thought it was cute. And it was needed for class. And you can't forget the biting books he assigned for class. But I gotta check anyhow. I slowly lifted the lid until a little bit of light reached the inside. Quickly, I grabbed a mass of fluffy animal and pulled it out.
Honestly, it was cute; it was sort of a mix between a gremlin (a muggle movie pet) and a rabbit. It was jet black with a tad bit of white on its tail, which was extremely long. All of the sudden it let out a high-pitched squeak, although not loud enough to wake the Dursleys.
"Hey" I cooed. What could I call him? He just looked at me wide eyed, with his long ears wiggling. His jet-black hair untidy, and going in every direction, then it hit me. "James!" Perfect. I have my own- er Knoozar.
Chapter 1
DIS: I of course do not own Harry potter, but I am well aware that you are all well aware of that, that is true? Am I correct? Of course I am! Also the title "a deep but dazzling darkness isn't exactly mine. I found it in the book "an endless ring of light" (which also isn't mine L) and in it they speak of a poem written in the seventeenth century by someone called Henry Vaughan. Which I'm not sure is a real person. But Madeleine L'engle wrote the book and I am borrowing a line in one of her (or that guys) poems. So in other words…I OWN NUTHIN'! :: Sniff sniff:: o'well lets get on with it…
A/n also, this is my first fic. So go easy on me! I mean, useful comments will do. But don't review to tell me I suck! Tell me what I need improvement on! Okay. ~Thank you.
(The beginning.)
I sprung upward in the bed w\ a start, and stupidly throwing out my wand arm. Hoping to curse someone who was certainly not in my room. It dawned on me when I started to scream the first syllable of the killing curse that You Know who was not in front of me. It took the few moment of peace for my breath to calm and my head to stop its rhythmic pounding. Ah, alas! That was most certainly not my head! It was footsteps coming up the stairs. Oh how much I love midnight visitors. Is it a knight? Or the villainous uncle Vernon?
My assumptions were assured as I heard him throw his lungs at the door. "WHY IN GOD'S NAME ARE YOU SCREAMING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT?" So, I stood up and with as much courage as possible opened the door and stared at him. Well I meant to tell him to go some place special but he did look quite scary with his hair on ends and his beard all disheveled. It would have been funny without the beet red anger in his face. But as I had grown a few inches the past year and a few over the summer. I stood about three even inches above him, which I was very proud of but did me no good in this situation to try and intimidate him. Which I tried my best to play through all summer. But then I thought of something.
"For your information, it was the killing curse! I learned it at Hogwarts last year. We had a murderer show us how." I said my voice dripping with as much venom as Malfoy manage. That was all it took to drain the color from his face. I watched it go from red to pink to white to green and then to a sickly yellow color. He looked as if he would pass out, but I couldn't help myself. "We also learned the imperious curse, which is kind of a body control thing, and the crucio curse which is dark magic used to torture people. We watched our professor demonstrate them with live hosts." I liked the words coming out of my mouth and even more the look on his face. "Y-you sick little boy! That school gets worse and worse! I sure hope it was one of your own!" and with that he ran back down the stairs. And I went back to my bed.
I had been having 'that' dream again. Except this year it had Cedric's death in it. Also of course, it had the sadly living and even sadder breathing, Voldemort. And if it wasn't bad enough, my parents, now were again victims in my dreams. Every night, I, the so-called 'boy who lived' relive every terrorizing moment of my life. As of today, 14 years, 15 tomorrow.
I sat there thinking. **I'll go insane! I can't take it! ** I jump at even the slightest things. Every shadow I see is Voldemort.The Dursleys don't know about the third task, heck I didn't even tell them about the tournament. Of course, they don't know anything about my life. But Voldemort is a threat to them too. I haven't even told my best friends Ron and Hermione about the 'incident'. But they know what they need to know. They heard Dumbledore. But still, I can't manage to tell them. Its as if sharing the experience with my friends would be admitting it to myself. I tried, but the memory was to vivid and clear o think about. I would tell them sooner or later. Besides I will convince the Dursleys to let me go to Ron's house for the end of the summer. I might tell them then, when it won't be so hard. And then I'll tell the Dursleys
But for right now, I have worse and definitely bigger problems then little old Voldie. I don't live with Voldemort, so that puts Dudley at number one of my worst nightmare list. Voldemort at two.
My new watch read 11:56. **What timing** I pondered. Four minutes till my birthday. Not that it matters the Dursleys never celebrate it. But still, it was my only 15 birthday. And I would probably get presents from my friends. That's definitely something I've been looking forward to the past few weeks. Not to mention Hogwarts.
I am getting closer and closer to my 5th year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardy. My real home.
I slowly pulled my self out of bed and walked over to the window, I really needed some fresh air. I brushed the bits of cement around my window and remembered the problems Ron and me had making them. There were once bars here that kept me prisoner, pretty much. My aunt and uncle tried to stop me from going to Hogwarts in my second year. As if, Ron and his brothers came to rescue me, in a flying car might I add?
Which has convinced the Dursleys that I'm crazy. Well, crazier.
I searched the midnight sky looking for Hedwig, my owl. My favorite being in this house, well, beside myself. But finding her would be a little complicated, there was no moon out. And contrary to the popular belief, having the stars to see by was not very helpful. I would hate to be someone like Loki in a time like this.
Ah, but Remius would be happy. He was one of my father's best friends. Well, Remius and Sirius black, my godfather. Remius is a werewolf, and Sirius is an animagus. My father was too. (Ok, most authors repeat the basics at the beginning of every story, but I wont go into the whole 'Harry is a wizard that saved the world with a scar and his parents are dead and he is very sad…' thing k??) I a guessing that Sirius is staying with Remius; because they got their whole mission thing to do. I think Dumbledore wants them to find their friends from way back when, I'm not sure, and I was a little distracted at the time...
But for now, I am here, waiting, scared, and full of, as the imposter moody would say "CONTANT VIGILANCE!" I think that he was trying to turn me into a petrified ferret too. Except of a period of time. More permanent in my case.
I would hate to think of how my friends would look at me now. It's only now that I can completely understand why everyone was afraid to say his name. Only now that I can see how the mere thought of him chills them to the bone. Now I know how they feel. Every time something mysterious comes on the news, some 'unsolved mystery', it could be You-know-who behind it. I myself can barely mention the name anymore. I feel as cowardly as the next person now. Heck what would Dumbledore say? He'd either lie and say its ok, or openly tell me to be stronger. He'd be really disappointed. Or is he just as afraid of you-know-who as the rest of us? I wonder if this is how Ron feels, maybe this is how Hermione feels. Why didn't I listen to people talk about him before and fell like I do know? I should have known! All of the warnings should have been enough. But like a twerp I assumed that I would always be safe with Dumbledore. But that was just a stupid child assumption, nobodies that lucky.
I trace my eyes across the lamp lit road. Not a trace of magic anywhere. I remembered all of the times I ran around this lot, mainly running from Dudley or his numerous dogs. Peeking at the magic I had within me that brought me way more danger that simple, fat, fists.
Man, I really want to get back to Hogwarts. No matter how safe I am out of site. Even more, I want to see my friends. Ron and Hermione. Not to mention all of Ron's brothers. And duh, sister. Heck any wizard kind would do, even Draco Malfoy would be nice. Better than the Dursleys. Times like these make me wish I had gnomes in the yard.
What are the Weasleys doing? Bill, at Gringots and Charlie taking care of y dear, dear Hungarian Horntail thing, and of course her adorable babies. Percy even, he's probably got Crouches job now, he can't still be too beaten up about loosing him if he has his job. (A/N- that's a little cold of me but remember crouch was a bad guy… right?) Oh yeah, Fred and George probably have tons of candies and knickknacks with that money I gave them. Ron, he's probably complaining. Yeah, that sounds about right. I wonder if he ever got over Hermione going out with Krum. As a matter of fact she's probably at Krum's house right now, hmmm what would she be doing there? Nah, Herms more mature than that! …..I think. Oh, yea, Ginny, forgot about her. Probably constantly owling her friends, and bugging her parents 24/7. Poor Mrs. Weasley, she has a lot to deal with. Damn, seven kids! But I envy them, all the same. I don't have any siblings, and Dudley is NOT a brotherly companion!
I dared a glance at my watch (12:02) I am now officially 15! As if on cue, Hedwig came soaring through a mass of trees. Fluttering almost silently onto my bed.
I grabbed the smallest one, this being from Herm. It was tiny, round, and about the size of a baseball. I took it out of its cushioned wrappings, revealing a lightweight, jet black orb, and in golden letters on what I assumed to be the top it said: Firebolt. But directly in the middle of the word there was a shift, it was where apparently it came open. I twisted it slowly and it slid open smoothly, glistening on the inside was a treasure I had seen only a hundred times before. A snitch. Hermione ha bought me my very own snitch! I hastily grabbed the letter she sent me with it.
Dear Harry,
Hey! How do you like your brand new snitch! Top quality too! Now you can o more than sit around and watch fat, fat, and more fat bounce! But Harry, listen, you MUST be careful! If a muggle sees you you'll be in big trouble with the ministry. Don't go anywhere that people can see you! So happy birthday! And beware! I think Hagrid has sent you toffee! He owled me some and told me he has a new recipe; it looks like he added troll boogers!
With love,
Hermione
Granger
Ps. I am planning to go to Ron's the last weeks of vacation. Try to convince the Dursleys to let you go. If they don't just fly here with your cloak or something!
Hermione hasn't changed much. Still glued to the rule board. But not too glued, at least she's lightened up. Just then, a big black barn owl flew threw my window dropping a note in my lap. It was from Ron.
Dear Scar face,
How are you? Like my owl? Fred and George gave it to me for my birthday, where they got the money is beyond me. But anyway, his name is Whetherby! Everyone but Percy thought it was funny. Ginny thinks he's the sweetest thing. It was her that suggested the name. It's better than Pigwidgeon, which now she uses for owling her boyfriend. He's still mine; he is a gift so I can't give him away.
Have you heard from snuffles? Also, I was hoping you could come visit for the last two weeks of vacation, Herm's coming too.
Your friend,
Ron
PS. Have you heard about herm and Krum? Like, are they still going out?
Maybe he hasn't gotten over it. They probably won't work out anyway, she's only 15 and he's 19 by now. Guys that age are only thinking about one thing, but so are most boys my age…. Speaking of! Ginnys got a BOYFRIEND!! Maybe she's more mature than I thought she was! Oh heck! It's probably Colin Creevey or someone. The little, dork. No. She couldn't like him! Maybe its Neville, he went to the Yule Ball with her. Maybe Ron's just making fun of her for owling her friends so often. Oh well, good for her, I guess.
The Dursleys might let me leave, if not I will ask directions from Ron and fly, unless I can get a bed on the night bus. But for the moment, I still have two more presents! I grabbed the one from Sirius, which was rectangular, but a little lumpy. Much to my surprise, it was a tremendously large, thick, wool cloak. It was emerald green, matching my eyes perfectly. I walked over to the full-length mirror in the corner of the room. One of the few untouched things in the past once belonging to Dudley. It was exactly my size, except for a few extra inches at the bottom for growth. The sleeves were the traditional, Merlin style, hanging down and tapering from the elbows. It was quite warm and had a huge hood that pulled up. The front magically clasped together. It was actually something similar to the muggle fashion these days. I see all kinds of people wearing these long robes like coats, mainly in the winter.
Next, is Hagrid. Oh boy. I hope its not toffee, actually I wouldn't mind toffee to class utensils. I grabbed the package, prepared for the worst. Nothing happened as I started tugging on the string, but then it started wriggling violently, and I noticed the air holes on the side. "Oh goody" I muttered. Live presents. I know Hagrid's idea of cute animals. 'Harmless' he says. And this is not likely an exception. I decided it would be smarter to read the letter first. There might be an explanation.
Harry,
I hope you like your present! All 5th years are required to have them for care of magical creatures this year. Yours has a personality like a kitten. Its called a Knoozar. It tends to act and think like its master, for instance yours would take a disliking to Malfoy. Ok then, happy birthday, see you.
Rubeus Hagrid
This could only mean trouble. Hagrid for one, thought it was cute. And it was needed for class. And you can't forget the biting books he assigned for class. But I gotta check anyhow. I slowly lifted the lid until a little bit of light reached the inside. Quickly, I grabbed a mass of fluffy animal and pulled it out.
Honestly, it was cute; it was sort of a mix between a gremlin (a muggle movie pet) and a rabbit. It was jet black with a tad bit of white on its tail, which was extremely long. All of the sudden it let out a high-pitched squeak, although not loud enough to wake the Dursleys.
"Hey" I cooed. What could I call him? He just looked at me wide eyed, with his long ears wiggling. His jet-black hair untidy, and going in every direction, then it hit me. "James!" Perfect. I have my own- er Knoozar.