Love the Way You Lie
Something to know, Derek and Edwin belong to Nora in this story and Casey and Lizzie belong to George.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
I don't remember a time when he wasn't there. As far as I can remember, my life always had him in it. Maybe that's why our story ended the way it did, it was comfortable and familiar. We were a different kind of good, but also a different kind of pain. Anyways, I'm getting ahead of myself. To every story there is a beginning and an end, and this is ours.
1994
Well, this is where everything started. The summer of 1994 my father, who had recently divorced my mother two years prior, was getting remarried. Nora was ok, I mean she was sweet and all but she wasn't my mother. Of course it's not like I can remember a lot, seriously I was four. Moving on, I don't even the wedding that much. But in all the pictures, I'm screaming. I guess I got my payback for my dad marrying someone else!
Anyways, Edwin and I became close. We were what you would call frenemies. He'd annoy the crap out of me and I would scream 'Daddy!' Yeah, I would always win. I swear, after he threw a leggo at my head we were sworn enemies. Life was pretty simple for us. We were instant pals, I being four and him being five. We fought like no tomorrow though. We would get in trouble constantly.
I remember this one time when my dad bought me this pink jeep and I cried because I wanted it red. So the next morning I woke up to my dad yelling at Edwin in the kitchen. I slowly padded out of my room to see all the commotion. Edwin was sitting at the table in a huff and pouting.
"But Dad! She wanted it red!" He whined.
I immediately ran outside and sure enough, there was my jeep with a really bad red paint job. It looked like he dumped the whole container of pain on it, probably did. I laughed so hard. I ran back into the kitchen and launched myself at him. My bone crushing hug was probably nearly suffocating him. I kept my arms latched around his neck and began to giggle.
"I love it love it LOVE IT!" I squealed enthusiastically.
He smiled a toothy grin back smirked at daddy and stuck his tongue out at him.
"See Dad, I told you she wanted it red." He chastised.
Daddy just rolled his eyes and mumbled something like 'damn jeep.' Edwin and I simply ran outside hand in hand to drive in the badly painted jeep. Dust flew in the air as we zoomed through the yard squealing and laughing. That day was branded into my memory like yesterday. Most of our younger days were like that. We would argue, fight and make up later. It was like our personal routine.
Well here's the thing, I didn't live with my dad. My mom had main custody over me and she lived a good few hours away. So I only saw my other family once a month. As a child it was easy, mainly because I didn't have a busy life. Visiting with my dad and Nora was nice. My older sister, Casey decided that she wanted to live with dad. She and Derek, Nora's oldest, got along pretty well. Of course they were both quite a bit older than Edwin and I, so they just usually did their own thing.
Life was going pretty good, as a four year old I couldn't have been happier. Dad and Nora were really beginning to wear off on me. They were good parents and Edwin was my best frenemy.
1996
The year I turned six, something pretty big happened with dad and Nora. They sat us all down and told us that Nora was pregnant. At the time, I thought it was the coolest thing ever. I didn't understand how that would be an issue until later. Edwin jumped and exclaimed how happy he was that he finally got to be the older brother. Derek was sometimes a jerk and a bully. Of course my sister wouldn't let him boss her around.
Everyone was happy and nine months later a beautiful baby girl was born, Marty. Naturally, Edwin and I fought who could hold her first. Casey won and what did Edwin and I get? An hour time out for stressing Nora out. We had to sit in the corner and stay absolutely quiet. Yeah, that didn't happen. Someone started kicked someone else, then the other started hitting the latter then wrestling ensued and the classic-
"Daddy! Tell Edwin to stop!"
Daddy got really angry then. He stuck us in the bathroom at the hospital and told us we couldn't come out until we made up. We were in the bathroom for a very long time.
That happened to us a lot. During that year and the few that came after, we were constantly being held in a room until we could make up, or we would write lines. Every time I got spanked he was always spanked with me. One time in particular I remember was when we were jumping on the bed, watching wrestling and screaming F bombs at each other. Yeah, daddy wore out poor little backsides out that day.
We were close friends mainly because we didn't have anyone else. Derek and Casey were four and five years older and Marty was six years younger than the two of us. When I came up for visitation, we were stuck together like glue. It didn't matter whether WWIII happened every time we were stuck together, we were inseparable.
Of course, it didn't stay that way. As the years wore on, we got older and grew apart. I think it started when I was around ten. My mother and I were on icy ground. She had a severe anger problem and when she was mad, her mouth did the damage. It was borderline verbal abuse. She would diminish me, belittle me and make me feel worthless when she was angry. Of course I didn't tell anyone partly because I was afraid that she would find out.
I was afraid of her, but at the same time she was my bestest friend. I don't remember a time when she acted like my mother though; it was always about being friends. I emotionally grew myself up. On top of it, she married a man who believed appearances meant everything. We had a lot of money, but it was never a happy home. My mother and stepfather fought constantly. I grew up in a war zone. Life was hard, but not impossible.
Eventually I just went inside myself. I turned myself emotionally off, I didn't want to deal with feelings. I was strong and to everyone else, I appeared indestructible but I was fading on the inside. The house I lived in was not healthy and I didn't have a lot of friends. Then when I went to my dad's house, Edwin I had grown apart. He was beginning to have a life and I was quickly put to the side. Marty though latched onto my side pretty quickly.
My relationship with her was good and we became close despite the age gap. Unfortunately though, most people didn't see or didn't care that I wasn't acting the same. I became quiet, hardly spoke a word and I didn't cry about anything. That was the beginning of a very painful transition for me.
2004
When I turned fourteen, my mother and stepfather decided to adopt two other children. Emily and Sam were the funniest, smartest, and most screwed up kids I had ever met. They came out of a house where the parents were drug addicts and the dad being a drug dealer. A lot of physical abuse happened in their home and they had to grow up fast. They were both a year apart and only one year younger than Marty.
Emily and I immediately clicked. We were able to connect on a deeper level and when my mother proved herself unworthy of the task, Emily started calling me mom. As a fourteen year old, it was hard suddenly becoming the emotional mom especially when you didn't know how to connect with feelings. Emily didn't give up on me though; she believed I was her hero.
After a few months I became an adult. I became mom and dad for them. Besides giving them shelter, food, and clothing; I took care of them. I made sure they got up on time, talked to their teachers, helped them with their homework, and a lot of times even made dinner for the three of us. My mother was so consumed on saving her sinking marriage she didn't realize her children at all. When she did notice us, it was usually when she angry.
They became intimidated by her and expected me to protect them. I kept them out of her way for the majority of the time. My whole world was them. It was as if I was a parent and they were my kids. I would intercede for them at school, and even take them to work with me sometimes. When they would misbehave at school, their teachers would call me. I would punish, instruct and offer encouragement.
Before I knew it, I had changed as a person.
When I would go to my dad's, I didn't connect with anyone except Marty. Edwin was fifteen and Derek and Casey were in high school. The relationship between Edwin and I was nonexistent. We hardly spoke a word to each other. It was awkward when we were stuck alone for longer than five minutes. We didn't know to interact with each other anymore. He had a life and friends and I had nothing there. Our fighting didn't stop though. We continued to argue, yell and get in trouble. But what had changed was that we weren't frenemies anymore, we were just two people who couldn't stand the other.
He was cocky and rude, and I was quiet and self reserved. He mistook my quietness for insecurity and tried to stomp on it, I would quickly fight back. We didn't have a lot of boundaries when we fought, it was heated and painful. We would hurt the other, cut down the person without restraint. It was unhealthy fighting and I swore I thought my dad would ship us both off.
Eventually we would just ignore each other. Our silent agreement was to stay out of the other's way. If that happened, no fighting would happen. This was only the beginning though. There were times when I would think back to the times when we were inseparable, and wish things were different. But I knew that life was just life and I had bigger things to deal with besides Edwin.
At the time, Emily and Sam were my main concern. Thoughts of Edwin were at the back of my mind but they were always there, burning and festering screaming all the 'What ifs.'
2006
The year I was sixteen, I was finally out of my awkward stage. I had fully developed and had become quite beautiful and I knew it. It wasn't that I was cocky or anything, but my stepfather would parade me around like a trophy daughter. I was tall, slender with long brown hair and blue eyes. My insecurities had nothing to do with my body; it was just me in general. I was never good enough, except when I was beautiful. My parents took their position and abused it, and always controlled me with money. It was sick really; I had a backbone except when the price was right.
What can I say though? My stepfather was a manipulator and controlling. I knew how to operate in that situation and could manipulate him right back. Life seemed perfect on the outside, but really life just sucked. I was constantly just trying to get through the day. Going to my dad's was a relief in a way, mainly because it was two days that I didn't have to deal with anything. I could just zone out and get away with it. My dad kept saying how I was socially so behind because I didn't connect with people my own age. My reasoning was that while they were concerned about the latest trends, I was just hoping Emily wouldn't get pregnant or my mother completely losing control of herself and DHS calling me. I was even mom for my own mother. I was constantly looking out and worrying about her almost as much as Emily and Sam. So I didn't care about anyone around my age.
By the time I reached my senior year, Edwin and I didn't even speak. All that was every said was hello and goodbye. Most times I didn't even see him; almost every time I was there he wasn't. I would go three to four months without seeing or speaking to him. Our days of trying to be ok were long gone. We didn't even fight anymore, we just didn't speak. Part of me was disappointed; I would rather fight with him than be totally ignored.
But after years of being ignored and pushed to the side, I no longer cared.
When he graduated, I really didn't see him.
2010
The year I turned twenty, I decided I hated the university I was at. I had had a falling out with my own parents and decided to move in with my dad and go the local college there until I had life figured out. The move was pretty easy but I had not changed. I was still just as cold and distant as ever. I just wanted to be left alone. My family there didn't try to get to know me, mainly because they were dealing with Derek and Edwin's ass of a father, Nora's ex husband.
Derek came over frequently with Casey and I knew the moment they walked in the door they were together. Of course, nobody else noticed and I realized they must not have told anyone, I didn't really blame them. George and Nora would probably have a heart attack.
After a few months, I had finally grown accustomed to being there. I had made a few friends and was enjoying that I could start living. My best friend, Sara, and I were constantly hanging out at her house. We really didn't do a whole lot; I mainly just didn't want to go home.
I remember the day where everything changed like yesterday. The memory is basically branded into my brain. I was over at Sara's when my dad texted me. We were in the middle of a Skins, the UK version, marathon and I was practically hooked. My phone buzzed and I looked at the text. I groaned as I tossed my phone back on her bed.
"What's up?" She asked.
"Nothing, just my dad wants me home because my idiotic stepbrother came home." I replied bitterly.
She eyed me for a moment and then smirked slightly.
"Talk about harsh girl. So what's with the 'idiot stepbrother?'?" She asked as she quoted the last bit with her hands.
"Nothing, I just don't know why I have to go over there. I mean Edwin and I haven't spoken since I was fifteen. I don't owe him anything, and certainly not a visit." I said as I got up to get my crap together.
She just smirked at me and it kind of irritated me that she was looking at me as if I missed something. Her eyes practically sparkled with a mischievous glint as she just sat on the bed crossed legged.
"Hey, I know that look!" I said pointing at her.
She just stared at me doe eyed.
"Whatever do you mean?" She asked innocently.
I just glared at her. Innocent my ass.
"Whatever, you know exactly what I'm talking about." I retorted as I walked out her door.
She walked out to my car with me practically prancing outside. She was overly enthusiastic. I got into my and just before I closed it, she grabbed the door.
"Just letting you know; love is sometimes unpredictable and easily mistaken for loathing." She said with a wide grin.
I scoffed at her. The day Edwin declares his love for me would be the day the Devil willingly worships God. I just rolled my eyes at her and mumbled right before shutting the door. The drive back to the house was relatively short. It was already after midnight when I got there. It was the beginning of summer and the humidity was thick in the air. I jumped out of my car wearing denim shorts and a loose tee.
I walked into the house knowing the only people who were awake would be Edwin and me. I had planned to walk straight into my room, after I got food. The little jerk had ignored me for years, wasn't there when I thought I was dying on the inside, threw me to the curb and I wasn't about to become civil now. The very idea that he was sleeping in the same house with me was pissing me off.
As I stomped into the kitchen, I quickly got a bag of chips and a Dr. Pepper out the fridge.
"You know, that's really stupid to drink caffeine at twelve in the morning." A voice stated smugly.
Immediately I tensed. I would know that voice from anywhere. I slowly turned around and saw Edwin sitting at the table eating a sandwich and eyeing me with smirk plastered on his pathetic face. I just gave a disgusted glance.
"Yeah, and when did I ever care what you had to say about anything?" I sneered as I opened my drink.
His smirk widened at my retort.
"Actually I can think back to a time where you were practically begging for my approval." He said with a cocky grin.
God he was infuriating. His attitude made me want to hurl a knife at him. But that probably wasn't a good idea; I didn't want to go to jail. I just tightened my grip on the drink harder as I glared at him. How dare he just come in here and just start throwing insults at me!
"Maybe when I was six," I seethed out, angry that his smirk didn't leave. "But I quickly stopped that when I realized you were to immature to offer anything of use." I finished curtly.
His smirk then faltered. Finally, the ass deserves to be put in his place. He grabbed the table hard, and I then knew I had gotten to him.
"Oh please, don't even start acting like you weren't desperate for me to notice you." He spat.
The silence in the air became thick. He was right and I hated him for it. Actually I hated myself more than him. It was disgusting how much I wish he had cared. But who was I kidding? He didn't care, just like his whole damn family didn't care. I gave up on that dream a long time ago. I didn't have time to waste on him; I was too busy being a parent to even think about myself.
"You know," I started as I took a step forward. "You're right." I confessed and noticed his grin appeared. It was cocky and a victory smile.
"I was nearly dying with desperation to get you to notice that my life was falling apart. But you didn't care." I said looking at him straight in the eyes.
His smile fell quickly and his eyes became wide with shock. He wasn't expecting my honesty and he wasn't sure what to do about it. His expression then turned into one of pity and it infuriated me. I didn't need anyone's pity; I had gotten through all of that by myself.
"Don't worry; I quit feeling for you a long time ago. Mainly when I realized you were pathetic." I finished coldly before turning and briskly walking out the room.
Maybe if the light had been on, I would've seen the fire burning in his eyes. But I didn't. I had forgotten how Edwin never walked away from a fight until he won. So naturally when I walked I should've known I wouldn't have gotten very far. I hadn't even made it to my room before I was being shoved into the wall. I glared coldly into his eyes.
His aggression didn't scare me, nor did the fact his arms trapping me to the wall scare me either. Edwin was just a little boy who threw tantrums when he didn't get his way. His eyes were heated with fury at my insult.
"Don't you even start blaming this on me," He spat out. "You ignored me just as much as I did." He finished.
"Get over yourself Edwin; you talk about how I was desperate for your attention? Well it was you who couldn't leave me alone. Every time I was here you tried to make my life miserable!" I retorted.
His eyes glinted a dangerous shade of red and now I knew he was absolutely livid. My heart accelerated with the feeling. It had been years since we had fought and for some reason I didn't want it to end. For once in my life I wanted him to want to be angry with me, I wanted to affect him.
"You're one to talk; you made it very clear that I wasn't good enough to even sit at the same table with you." He said almost yelling.
"ME! I wasn't good enough!" I practically yelled. "You Ass! It was you that threw me under the bus! You're just pissed because I called you out EXACTLY what you are!" I yelled. "Which is pathetic!" I finished loudly.
He banged the wall beside my head and his other hand grabbed my waist roughly. His head leaned in close to mine and my breathing hitched. Once again, we were having no boundaries again.
"Well at least I'm not a coward," He whispered coldly as he glared at me.
Immediately a slap resounded in the room and my hand tingled from the harsh contact it just made. Skin on skin. My eyes hardened as he slowly turned his head back towards me. We stayed quiet and in the position for what seemed like hours. We were having a stare down contest, a game. After years of unresolved everything, we were settling it all now. After years and years of constantly hurting each other and being hurt we were at our breaking point.
It was in this moment all would be decided. We were either going to make it or die out. A huge part of me screamed out hoping he would make his move. Either kiss me or bang my head against the wall, anything except this silence. His hand then loosened his grip on my waist and the other hand dropped from the wall. Disappointment flashed through my eyes as I realized he'd made his choice. He chose to walk away.
Embarrassed and thoroughly hurt I swiftly got around him and into my room then slammed the door shut. I slowly walked to my closet, not opening it just standing in front of it. Tears were not spilling down my cheeks, anger wasn't there either; just numbness. I couldn't feel anything really just numbness. It could have been hours that I just stood in front of my closet, and I would've never known.
Suddenly my door flew open and Edwin stood in the door breathing heavily and staring at me with a murderous glare. Immediately my anger surfaced and my eyes pierced icily to his almost daring him, challenging him.
"I hate you," I spat out.
Then before I realized, he was stalking towards me. I kept my own pissed glare at him.
"Trust me, the feeling's mutual." He spat right back.
His hands grabbed my waist and roughly pushed me into the closet door. Before I could say anything, his mouth was on mine. At first I didn't register, but as soon as the shock wore off I roughly grabbed at his hair and pulled him to me. He lifted me a little and I wrapped my legs around his waist as he shoved me back into another wall. Our kiss was heated, passionate and not sweet. Years of anger and damaged pride was going into this as our mouths moved in sync.
Suddenly I was on the bed and he had me pinned beneath him. I wrapped my legs around him and pulled him flush against my body. His mouth moved from my own down to chin and then to my neck. As his mouth nipped and sucked the skin there, a moan escaped my lips. My hands tangled up in his hair again as his mouth continued to assault my neck.
Then without warning, my door flew open and Edwin immediately jumped beside me. A figure stood in the doorway and the lights flipped on. I came face to face with my livid father as he glared daggers at us. He was pissed and I was pretty sure my life was over. We had been caught making out on my bed.
"Damn it!" He yelled as he banged his hand on my wall.
Both of us jumped at the noise.
"What the hell is your problem? It is one in the morning! What on earth's name could you two possibly be fighting over this late?" He said angrily.
He just stared at us waiting for an answer and I started to feel my heart rate returning to a normal pace. I had thought he caught us, but he was just pissed because we had been fighting loudly. Edwin just lay beside me not speaking at all.
"Nothing really, just how much of an idiot he's been." I said with a snarky tone.
Immediately a hand grabbed my thigh rather hard.
"Lizzie," Edwin growled.
"What? Took you long enough to figure out." I stated with irritation.
I mean I knew I was bluffing to get my dad, his stepdad, out of the room but my words had partial honesty to them. He was an idiot, and it did take him forever to figure this out. Jerk nearly kept me waiting for almost five years. So yeah, while I was happy I was sort of pissed too.
"Give me a break, it's not like you were much smarter anyways." He spat out heatedly.
My anger flared again. God, this would never end. Would I ever tire of fighting with him? Would we ever get sick of yelling with each other?
"Oh really, well I wouldn't-
"OH MY GOD!" a voice boomed.
We both flinched and turned. My dad stalked right over to my bed and got into both of our faces.
"I've had it with you two! I'm so sick of your constant bickering! Just deal with it and don't make me come in here again!" He yelled as he stalked out the door and slammed it shut.
We sat in silence still in shock and relief. Immediately Edwin broke out into laughter and I soon followed. It was pretty funny. I felt him wrap his arms around my waist and plant a kiss in between my neck and shoulder blade.
"What are we going to tell them?" I spoke quietly.
"That you're my girlfriend and they can just go screw themselves." He replied as we lay back down on the bed.
He held me to himself not bothering to go back to his own room.
"Just to let you know, I was desperate for your attention too." He said quietly before kissing my neck.
Our story wasn't the norm; it was comfortable, familiar and heated as hell. Our bickering never stopped, but we just found other means to deal with our frustration (if you catch my drift). Our family didn't take well to the news, but we didn't care. We were who we were. We were a different kind of good but also a different kind of pain; and I wouldn't change any of it for the world.
So, those who are reading Lucifer, the next chapter will be here by Friday.
Please review!