OKAY 1st chapter redone . . . Shitload more to go!
A/N: So yeah lol a different kind of Nessie in this one. More sarcastic and dark and angry almost. Like I've said my writing style has improved since my honors classes left off. Thanks to my really tough teacher.
NPOV
I hate hospitals. I hate nurses, I hate doctors.
Right now thought, I hate my mother.
"I'm just trying to look out for you," she says.
"Right. Because we can afford a trip to the doctor," I shoot back. "It's not like we don't have health insurance."
"I'm trying to look out for you."
I scoff. "Mom, we can't afford this. You know that, I know that."
"We can make it work, Renesmee."
"Make what work? You're going to pay for the therapist, the meds? On a waitress salary? We can barely afford the car!"
"I can't afford to lose you! I've already lost your father. I can't lose you too."
I'm silent. I just stare at the floor. I just wish this was a dream. She's tearing up over in that chair.
"Alright, Ms. Cullen, you're set for an appointment with Dr. Black on Thursday at 5:30."
Dr. Black? Jacob Black's dad? Jacob the Jackass? No . . . no, no, no, no, no.
I say "Fine, I'll be there." But really, I'm not, after all . . . what's the harm of a few cuts?
"Okay, I just need you to sign these release papers and you're out of here."
It's silent the whole way back. But I know what she's thinking.
How could my sweet baby hurt herself like that? What kind of monster has she become?
She wasn't supposed to be home, and I wasn't about to kill myself.
But I feel like I'll burst out of my skin if I don't cut myself here and there. It's like shedding skin, coming out of a shell, a new start almost.
And it feels good. It makes me feel almost normal. Almost like I can breathe again.
I get out of the car and our neighbor, Phil, waves at me while smoking a cigarette. I never liked him, he make's me feel nervous and uneasy.
(A/N: Yeah Esme and Phil aren't married in this version – thought it would kinda make a little more sense)
We live on the East Side of Forks. Not so great side.
The West Side is full of gated communities and big houses and nice cars. People with perfectly groomed hair, expensive clothes, expensive perfumes. Take all of that, flip it over, and that's the east side of Forks.
Small houses, old cars, Walmart clothes and the closest we have to Chanel No. 5, is soap.
Now back to the whole Jacob the Jackass thing. Yes, he is the most handsome boy in school. Yes he lives on the West Side. Yes, he has about every single woman in this town throwing their panties at him.
I hate him.
You see, East Siders and West Siders don't and will never mix. It's simply not possible. We all hate and steer clear of each other.
But of course, STD prone Bella (Jacob's girlfriend and stupid bitch) decided to well, verbally attack me and I responded as ladylike as I could.
"Hey, Ruh –Nez – Mee," she asked. "I only have 99 cents. Do you think I could borrow a penny?"
I flipped her off.
Now, here's the thing, if you're from the East and hit, yell at, insult or flip off someone from the West . . . teachers, principals and officers will never take your side.
I got suspended for three days.
And here's what happens when someone from the West hits, yells at, insults or flips off someone from the East.
"Way to stand your ground kid," the officer told Paul. They smiled.
While my best friend on the ground with a bloody nose and a black eye.
Nahuel hates West Siders just as much as I do. Paul was the one who instigated the fight calling Nahuel a bastard . . . and then he really struck a nerve when he said, "Well at least I didn't kill my mom."
Nahuel didn't kill his mom; some robber broke in and killed his Mom. Nahuel was just in the wrong place at the wrong time but his dad still blames him. His father was never the same, he just drinks away all of his problems now. When he was younger, Nahuel had to come over my house just to eat something. He has a job at a gas station, now but it doesn't pay that much – but just enough for him to survive. He dropped out before he could graduate (he's a year older than me and kind of like my big brother).
I'm pretty sure his Dad is close to drinking his way to death. No matter how Nahuel hides his paychecks, his Dad is always finding a way to get a beer and refuses to go to get treated.
I miss him now that he's not at school anymore. I'm all alone at school, but I know how to fend for myself.
As for Bella, well, let's just say if she so much as see's her manicure is messed up, then the entire world needs to drop everything they're doing to make sure she has her perfect manicure.
I hate her with every fiber of my being.
Sadly school starts again tomorrow, and then I have to see that skank again.
Just one more year; just one more year.
"Do you have everything?" My mom asks.
"Yes." I take a bite of an apple.
"Okay, but I won't be able to pick you up."
"I know, I'll walk."
"Okay, are you coming right back here or dropping by Nahuel?"
"The second one," I reply. I'd most likely stay here all day.
"Okay, well don't be late."
"I won't, I'll see you!" I head out.
"Wait!"
I stop in my tracks.
"I know you're probably thinking of me as the bad guy right now . . . but sweetie I just want you to be okay. Is that a crime?"
"No," I mumble.
She kisses my head.
"I love you honey."
There's a moment of silence before I rush out the words," . . . Gotta go bye!"
I run out the door and wouldn't you know it. Phil's outside again, smoking and waves. I don't respond I just put my head down and keep walking.
It's not raining for once, but it's a little cold. Forks is rainy about . . . 99.9999999% of the time.
Once I get in the main hallway, I see the walking STDin a low cut top, mini skirt that should really be a belt, 'F*ck Me' heels and a designer bag that doesn't even look like it could hold a breath mint alone.
I snort.
She hears me and turns around.
"Oh, Hi Rennie, finally got that penny for me?"
"Bella, why are you talking?" I shoot at her. "Nobody cares what you think. You know damn well I don't care what you think, so again, why are you talking?"
"Hey! Apologize, to me slut!"
"How about this? I'll try being nicer to you, when you try being smarter. Okay? Bye." I turn and walk away.
"Hey! Get back here!"
"You wanna know something great about you Bells? You're easy to ignore."
I smirk and walk to my Lit Class.
"Alright class, I already have your assigned seats!" Mr. Carter announces.
Everybody groans. We all stand in the back and wait for our seats. Me and about seven other people are going to be in the back of the class.
"Micheal, Andrew, Kaitlyn, Sandra, Alec, Jane . . ."
Oh
God.
NO.
" . . . Jacob and Renesmee."
No, this has to be a joke, right?
"This is a joke right?" I ask. "I'm not partnering up with him, okay?"
"Why Renesmee?"
"Because . . . I don't like him."
"Well, I quite frankly, don't care."
"He's going to bring my grade – !"
"Renesmee, just deal with it, it's only for a year."
I sigh and we take our seats. And for the entire class, this is our conversation:
Him: Hi.
Me: Fuck off.
I think God hates me.
All of my classes, every single one of my God Damn classes, I sit right next to the funny nosed, dumbass that beat up my best friend . . .
What did I do that was so wrong? I mean it's not like I killed anybody!
There are a few that I wish I could but still!
We even have the same lunch together. Hell, I went straight to the library second I saw him.
And Nahuel is just laughing under the hood of the truck.
"You know," I say with a mouthful of chips. "You might be bigger than me but I could still nail you in the balls."
"What?" he asks. "I feel bad that my poor little Nessie has to endure this torture. I mean, Jacob Black isn't exactly the sharpest knife in the kitchen."
"Then how did he get into all of my AP classes?" I question as I continue to stuff my mouth with chips.
He slides down from under the car and wipes his dark oily hands with a dirty towel.
"Well, he's kinda rich Ness. Betcha his dad bought his kid's way in."
"Betcha he has someone do all of his homework."
He chuckles. "Probably, now stop being a pig, give me some chips." He grabs the bag right out of my hand. "You know what? We haven't come up with a nickname for Bella. I mean we have Jackass Black, Embry Call-Girl, Queer Ateara, Paul Lahooker ," we both laugh. I came up with that last three when I was fourteen. These Quileute's are just too easy to make fun of.
"But seriously though, we need something for her . . . Dammit, I wish her name was Brittany. Then we could call her Bitchany. I never get to use that one."
I gasp. "Isa-Whore!" (A/N: I couldn't help it, I don't own PLL either btw)
We both laugh.
"Why didn't I come up with that?"
"I dunno."
He slides back under the car still chuckling.
"What are you doing anyway?" I ask.
"You wouldn't get it. It's man stuff."
"Oh, so because I have a vagina I could possibly understand mechanics."
"Exactly, I'm so glad we had this conversation about genitalia."
I roll my eyes and stick my hand in the bag of chips. "Hey! You ate them all!" I whine.
"Oh don't be a baby. I'm a growing boy, Ness, I need all of the food I can get."
"Could've left some for me," I pout.
"Tell you what, how about I take you to Taco Bell when I get off work? You love that place."
"Fine," I sigh.
" – Nacho supreme, two large drinks, and 2 regular tacos for here." In my defense I'm ordering for both of us.
While its getting ready I hear a familiar laugh behind me.
"Damn you're pretty tiny for a big meal."I turn and see Jackass behind me. I turn back around and pretend to ignore him.
"Okay, yeah ignore me that's cool," he says. "So – "
"You know damn well I don't care."
"Uh, rude."
"Yeah well," I turn back to him, "I'm from the East Side. We don't exactly believe in manners over there okay?" Our foods ready and I pick up the tray.
"I think that's the most you've ever spoken to me."
I ignore him and walk over to the soda fountain and fill up both with orange soda.
"You know," he comes up behind me, "I think the nicest thing you've ever said to me, is fuck off."
I set both drinks down on the tray. "Don't you think there's a reason for that?"
"I think there's a reason you're on my dad's patient list."
My eyes widen and turn and walk as fast as I can, by some miracle not dropping anything.
"Why was he talking to you?"
"He's stupid ignore him."
"I wish I could push him off a cliff."
"Yeah." I frown.
"What's wrong? Did he do something – ?"
"No," reply quickly. "Just leave it alone okay?"
"Are you sure?"
"Positive."
I cry a lot. I'd never admit it. I never let anyone see it. Not Nahuel, not my mom. I cry when my Mom is asleep, so she won't hear it.
What Bella says does get to me. She's pulled my hair before in middle school. I used to ask to go to the bathroom to cry my eyes out because it hurt so much.
I've heard rumors about me being knocked up. About being a prostitute.
Having a crush on Jacob.
Actually for a little while, it was true. Bella and I used to be best friends in elementary school – she was the only one I told. But that was before my Dad died from an overdose.
I never would've thought he was on prescription drugs. I knew he had pills to help with his anxiety disorder. But . . . could you imagine your parents doing that? I remember him sneaking downstairs a few times. I followed him once and asked him what he was doing when I was 7.
"Oh, sweetie. Don't worry, I'm just going to watch some TV."
"But Daddy I thought football was done hours ago?"
"No, no I'm just watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S."
"F.R.I.E.N.D.S? What's that?"
"A show you're too young to watch, not for your age. Now go to bed."
"Okay, Daddy. Can I have a glass of milk first? I can't lift the milk – it's too heavy."
After he died, I cried at school all the time, I still cry every night. And instead of Bella being with me like the friend she should've been, she hung around Jessica and Lauren, because apparently I was too "sad all the time" and "boring" and "not fun anymore".
She's been dating Jacob since middle school. He never looked my way twice. But Bella, she's been hell bent on making my life miserable. But since 4th grade was when I Nahuel, who was in 5th grade at the time, became friends. He was the one who told me that people would just walk all over me if I let them and that I should stand my ground. He's helped me be strong.
And look at me now, crying myself to sleep.
So yeah a little bit darker than Home but I (hopefully) think my writing has improved…I think….im not really sure…
Why don't you review and let me know =)
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