It's A Broken Message
Part One: Knowledge
"Are you quite sure there should be little ears listening in?" The ambassador of Minhjal was not entirely subtle at her gesture at Ben. Leia didn't change her expression but she still had to swallow her irritation. This wasn't new. Even her regular council members got squeamish when Ben was around and they started talking about bloodshed.
"I think that we need to continue our discussion about what's happening on Felur." Leia gave a polite but firm smile.
"But… it's genocide." The ambassador's voice dropped and gave Ben a worried look.
"Yes, and we need to come up with a plan to stop it. Ambassador Jiylaing mentioned that the enemies force is-"
"He's only a child," said the scandalized ambassador, "I'm really not comfortable with him hearing this."
Leia sighed and tried to keep it at that. She had grown up on the knee of Bail Organa during the Empire. She'd turned out ok. She would be a hypocrite to shield her own son from reality. Unfortunately there were many cultures that did not necessarily agree.
Ackbar had advised her to find a child minder. He felt that even if it wasn't Ben's fault that he was a distraction, Leia should just accept that meetings would go smoother without him. She had spent her whole life surrounded by politics and leaders. She knew just how reasonable they all were. So she smiled politely, or not so politely, and kept her son with her. She hadn't asked for a single thing for her life's devotion of taking down the Empire. Leia figured it was more than fair that she took this one thing.
Ben needed to learn how to build.
Leia knew how to destroy. She knew how to rip and tear a regime down. That was her childhood, her table, her strength. She needed better for Ben. Leia didn't know if he'd follow her path or blaze his own, but she wanted him to know how to make things better.
She was familiar with teeth and military. She wanted him to know diplomacy and justice. Sometimes that came with ugliness. That just meant there was something worth protecting.
Leia didn't say any of this of course. She'd give explanations when appropriate but this didn't need it. Instead she put on her best mask and showed her son how to use his words.
…
Ben's first memories were of the Force.
He could sense the light of his mother, always warm and always close. She felt a lot like Uncle Luke, both of them twin suns among the sparks of the others. He'd always felt safe in their presences.
His father was a more like the wiring of a ship. His Force was small enough to forget, almost unnoticeable. That didn't mean that Ben wasn't attuned to it, or that it was useless. There was a reason why he trusted his father's instincts. Although there wasn't a lot of power, his Force was efficient and nothing was wasted.
Uncle Chewie was more like other people. His Force presence was just that of his life, a friendly glowing ember.
He could also feel the Force wrapped around himself. He claimed the light. He held it around himself like a blanket and pictured himself as a star like his mother. It was his. He thought he would never let it go.
Ben's next memories were at his mother's table. He sat quietly on her lap as she debated for the galaxy. To be honest, most of this time was spent napping.
When he wasn't using the council as a lullaby, he'd watch the faces. He'd mimic the polite smiles and irritated grimaces. He noticed how one man would bite his lip before he gave into Ben's mother's demands. He saw the smirk that meant his mother would sigh and her Force would lash out. He learned what his mother would do for the next few days so she'd be in control again.
He saw exactly what his mother would do for what she believed it. It was his most important lesson.
…
"Leia!" Han shouted from clear across the house. He knew his wife could hear him.
"What?" Leia huffed as she hurried over, "Is there anything wrong."
"This is your fault, your worship!" He pointed an accusing finger at her.
Leia scoffed and raised an eyebrow, "My fault?"
Han pointed at their toddler who was sitting peacefully on the floor. Ben grinned.
"He-" Han grumbled.
"Aggressive negotiations!" Their son interrupted with a shriek. Han sighed and tried not to smile. This was serious.
Leia beamed.
"Good job, Ben! Your first words, I'm so proud of you!" She picked him up and bounced him happily. He began to chuckle and giggled when she tickled his toes.
"Very proud!" Han put in because he was a softie. He still felt a little disgruntled. "Those words are even bigger than you."
Leia gave him a sideways glance, "Don't tell me that you're jealous that he knows bigger words than you do. 'Cause he's so smart!" She punctuated it with kissing Ben's forehead.
"Aggressive negotiations…" Han sighed. Ben eagerly repeated it and Han ruffled his son's hair. "You know I was hoping for something like 'Dada' or something."
"Why?" Leia shifted her weight, "Mine was 'retain control of the senate.'"
"No, it wasn't." Han shook his head. With horror, he winced as his wife kept looking at him straight on. "You know what? I just might think you're being serious."
She and Ben chuckled. Han didn't.
…
Leia was being entirely serious. The only problem was that it wasn't quite the truth. Her first words were 'Darth Vader' in the shocked tone that everyone used when he'd just taken out another rebel fleet. It was understandable why Bail Organa had never told her that.
…
As Ben got older he started hearing things from the Force as well. It wasn't much when he was young but sometimes people would just think so loudly. Sitting at his mother's table became even more of an education.
He tried to listen to his mother's thoughts but her sun of Force made them hot and untouchable. Even if she yelled he'd never make out any words.
His father was a different story. It was as if he couldn't stop projecting.
Uncle Luke was like Mother, but gentler. His uncle would sometimes actually send thoughts through the Force to him after Ben mentioned it. Always little things, hardly ever anything Luke couldn't have said out loud. But Ben appreciated his uncle's kindness.
He'd never been able to make any of Uncle Chewie's thoughts either. It didn't matter since Uncle Chewie was fairly straightforward. Ben knew he'd say what he thought. He trusted Uncle Chewie.
He wished that he was better at sensing emotions. His family could do it. His mother would say that she sensed he was troubled, and Uncle Luke could do the same. He tried to explain how his listening was different but the words never came. Most of what he got were words, and words were complex. It wasn't like Uncle Luke who could just tell if someone was angry or sad or happy. Ben tended to get a lot of the why but not the what.
He would always be better at listening to people's minds than understanding them.
…
Leia almost left her brother asleep on the couch. He looked so exhausted she barely had the heart to wake him. Almost. Barely.
Luke groaned as he blinked open his eyes. Leia definitely felt bad now. The shadows under his eyes were darker than her's.
"Huhhh, Leia? Wha?"
"It's ok, Luke. You can go back to sleep."
Luke yawned and stared at her bleary eyed. He stretched his arms in front of him. He looked slightly alive now.
"No, you need to talk to me. I can tell." He meant to give her a look that was supposed to hint at the Force but it was a little too pathetic to really count. Leia pretended he didn't look like a zombie and shrugged.
"I can wait."
"Leia, what is it?" He pulled himself up to a sitting position and Leia had to smile. Her brother was too nice for her. She probably would have beat him with a pillow if he'd woken her up like this. Although, knowing Luke he sensed enough of her problem to take it seriously even this late at night. "And… why am I on your couch?" He looked so befuddled.
"You crashed there after dinner." Leia informed him. "Is there a reason why you've stopped sleeping regularly?"
Luke shrugged and looked down. His eyes swept around the sides of the room. He breathed in and then out.
"I still don't know how to reform the Jedi Order." Luke admitted, "I've been trying for years but I don't know how I'm suppose to do it. I'm not even sure I want to do it…"
Leia gave him a concerned look, "But you've been working on it since we took down the Empire, Luke. Why didn't you tell me?"
"It's not that I don't want to bring the Jedi back, and I like teaching. It's just… You're actually making a difference. I miss us working together. I miss flying. Instead I feel like I've been bungling up the whole Jedi thing for everyone in the future. If I've learned anything, it's that I don't know the first thing about being a Jedi. I've gotten most of my lessons from ghosts!"
"Luke…" Leia looked her twin in his eyes, "You are the most Jedi of Jedi that I know."
"I'm the only Jedi you know."
"I think you're doing as much as you can. You've actually found some Force Sensitives and you're helping them a lot. Sometimes I wish that I had some time for you to train me a little more."
"I wish you could help me." Luke suddenly looked apologetic, "Well, you do help as much as you can. Without your help with the New Republic none of us would be anywhere."
"Luke, it's alright. I understand." Perhaps in another universe they would have both been Jedi together. She would know just as much as he did and they would help each other restore the Order of the past. But in this universe she had different duties, and Luke had to carry it all himself. "You can only do so much."
"Is that enough?" Luke must have been tired because Leia was sensing his anxiety. Her poor brother tried his hardest to keep himself mellow.
"Yes." Leia nodded, "It's all you can do. It's not your fault the Jedi fell in the first place." Luke was going back to looking guilty so she stepped up her game, "I'm counting on you. Ben is counting on you."
Luke blinked, looking more awake then she'd seen him in a while. "Ben?"
"I need you to teach him, Luke. I sense something coming."
"You sense- what?!"
"Whatever it is, it's far, far away. I just want to make sure Ben is prepared." Leia took her brother's hand, "Please."
"Of course," Luke agreed, "But I'm surprised Han would agree to this."
Leia laughed and Luke joined in. Oh, Han was fine with the Force now. He'd been through too much. That didn't stop him from calling it a bunch of mumbo jumbo regardless.
"It's just a few lessons while you're on planet. I'm not sending him away, not yet."
"I'll do as much as I can, Leia." Luke promised, "You know, if you ever need me I'll be there for you- You, Ben, Han, Chewie… We're all a family."
Leia smiled at that heartwarming sentiment. Years ago she would have never imagined finding such a family. Of course, Luke would always be there. He wasn't the type to run off.
…
She turned up the heat after that. The slight chill was otherwise ignored.
…
Ben stood next to his mother as they looked on at the Holo. Leia bit her lip and Ben could feel the Force around her tremble. He looked around the round projector table, searching the familiar faces.
No one spoke but the Force was screaming.
The pain sunk into him. He wanted to curl up in a ball and put his hands over his ears. Too bad that wouldn't help.
Then his mother squared her shoulders and spoke on the radio.
"Squadron Two? Do you copy?"
"Yes ma'am. Do you want us to retreat?" Ben knew that voice. He was a nice pilot. He kept candy in his pockets and shared.
All eyes were on his mother, "No. You need to stay on target."
"Ma'am, with all due respect, Squadron One was obliterated out there. If we continue the mission then we'll join them."
"If we loose this planet then half of our medical supplies are gone. We need to win this one. Try approaching from the left flank. Their formation doesn't cover that area as well. If you take out the-"
Ben watched as everyone sat spellbound at his mother's words. Even the Force stilled at her strategy. By the time she got to the pep talk even Ben felt like he was essential to the survival of the galaxy.
"Affirmative, ma'am!" The pilot had a new fire to his voice.
It was only then when Ben realized that his mother was the only one who wasn't assured that this would work. Oh, she still appeared to be inspirational and determined, but Ben could glimpse the slightest emotion in the Force. She was terrified.
"Good luck!" She smiled and everyone cheered,
"Anything for you sweetheart." Ben's father's voice crackled over the radio. It was then he remembered Dad and Chewie were out with that squadron.
"I know." His mother whispered.
…
"How could you do that?" Ben looked up at her with his curious eyes. Oh, her watchful child.
"I had to."
"How, though?"
"It was the right thing to do."
He grimaced in thought and Leia felt a tingle up her spine.
"Dad could have died."
"The right thing," Leia paused, "It's always harder. There will always be easier paths. It would be easier to forget that this is bigger than us. It would be easier to not have faith in your father's abilities. It would be so much easier if all I needed to protect was our family, but it wouldn't be the right thing. We all make our own choices, and it's important to make sure that they're the right ones."
"But…"
"I will always protect you," Leia promised, giving her son a hug, "But you know that I am responsible for a lot of people in the galaxy. They trust me to do the right thing, and I can't let them down. If that means taking the hard path, so be it."
"The hard path," he repeated gravely.
A/N: So, why does this exist? Welp...This started out as trying to puzzle out why our wonderful emo Kyle would go to the Dark Side- especially with how he was still drawn to the Light Side so much. I mean, Anakin acted like the Dark Side was drugs but all Kyle could do was angst about how the Light Side called to him. So I tried to figure out why he'd be on the Dark Side when it seemed that he believed that what he was doing was right. That connected me to Leia, and her standing up to whatever she felt was the right thing and... Yes. This got written.
That being said, what is this? Um... It's strangely serious at parts, and yet there's a few elements that are... a little cracky I should say? This is basically how Ben is shaped into Kylo Ren, with other stuff butting in.
What's Next: Luke has problems with teaching, Ben questions the family tree, and learns that sometimes you have to fight for peace.