Disclaimer: I don't own One Tree Hill or its characters
Summary: Haley James hated Nathan Scott with every fiber of her being. He ruined her life and she was never going to forgive him for that. Being forced to spend time with him was truly the last thing she would ever want to do.
Chapter 1: Warning
September 23rd, 2010
The sounds of the dark woods outside her room were the only thing that accompanied her most nights. She could hear the faint sounds of birds in the distance and the train that ran through the winding woods. The breeze flowed through her window and danced over her legs. She could feel the goose bumps rising on her legs but she didn't reach for her blanket. The way she thought of it she was lucky to feel anything at all. Since that night she wasn't going to take anything for granted ever again. She reveled in the feeling of goose bumps now.
Haley James looked down at her right leg and grimaced at the ugly scar that now laid on her skin. She stared at it for what seemed like hours but in actuality was probably only a few minutes. Her fingers traced over the raised skin and she let out a sigh. Looking up she glanced over at the wall next to where her bedroom door sat. Her crutches leaned against the wall as a cruel reminder of the night just a few months ago. Lately she'd been trying her best to get around without them, but there were times when she had to accept defeat and use them. She hated times like those. But more than anything she hated what they represented. To her they were weakness.
Crossing her arms over her chest she sat back more into her pillows. Something caught her attention from the corner of her eye and she turned her head towards the window. She saw the light in the upstairs room of the house next door turn on. Nathan's room. Just thinking about him she began to feel unease and discomfort fill her senses. He wasn't home was he? He couldn't have been. Someone had to tell her when he was going to come home. Right?
She sat up again and moved her legs over the side of the bed. She could feel the dull throbbing pain in her right thigh as she tried to stand. She quickly grabbed onto her leg and tried to rub the pain away. Putting the thought of pain out of her head she made her way towards the window, slowly. When she reached it she shoved the glass of the window up more so she could lean out. Squinting her eyes, she tried to get a better look into his bedroom. Now, of course she didn't want to see him. She never wanted to see him again in her life. But she had to know if he was back. It was going to eat at her until she knew for sure.
After staring towards his room for a few minutes she finally saw someone walk into the room. But it wasn't Nathan. It was Brooke.
Brooke used to be her best friend. Brooke used to be the person she talked to about anything. Brooke used to be a lot of things, but since that night, she wasn't anything anymore. Haley figured that Brooke probably blamed her for what happened to Nathan. When really, she should have seen it from Haley's side. It was all Nathan's fault, not Haley's. But Nathan was her brother. Apparently the bonds of family were stronger than the bonds of friendship. Who knew?
Haley backed away from the window and slammed it shut. She hated thinking about that night. She hated thinking about losing Brooke, she hated thinking about losing everything. But most of all, she hated Nathan. This was all his fault. He was drunk that night. He was the one driving the car. He was the one who hit her. He was the one who took her future away. He was the one who ruined everything. How could she ever forgive him for that?
Bat your eyes girl, be otherworldly,
count your blessings, seduce a stranger.
What's so wrong with being happy?
Kudos to those who see through sickness.
When she woke in the morning
she knew that her life had passed her by.
And she called out a warning,
"Don't ever let life pass you by."
It's funny how when you leave a place for a long time and then come back, nothing seems to have changed. The houses in your neighborhood are the same color as they were when you left. The usual cars still parked out front. The stop signs sure are the same. Unfortunately, it's all the same. And unfortunately the same red Ford Focus is parked in the same spot on the driveway next door.
Nathan Scott hated the idea of being back. Juvy sucked, but Tree Hill sucked even more. He rested his head back against the headrest behind him and waited for them to pull into the driveway. When they did he wished more than anything he could get in the drivers seat and drive away. But he wasn't allowed to drive again until he turned 18. Fuck, that was a long time. He groaned and reached towards the handle so he could open the door. When he did he was suddenly hit with the cold air. He got out of the car and pulled a duffel bag out with him. Slamming the door shut, he looked up at the house he'd known since he was little.
It looked the exact same.
Deb Scott walked over to her son and wrapped her arm around him. "I'm so happy you're home sweetie," she said and smiled at him. Nathan smiled back but opted to keep his mouth shut. He really couldn't say that he was happy to be back. That would have been the biggest lie he could ever tell. Things were going to suck now that he was home. He had to work his ass off to get his grades up so he could graduate next year with everyone else in his class. Plus he would have to work his ass off, even more, to get back on the basketball team. Hell, that was if he could get Whitey to even consider letting him back on.
He made his way towards the house and before he walked through the door he looked up at the house next door. Her light was off. He wondered if she was asleep. He wondered if she knew he was coming home. He wondered how much she hated him. He hated himself so he could only imagine how she felt about him. Not that he could blame her. He knew that he fucked everything up with her. He knew that there was no way in hell that she was ever going to forgive him for what he did to her. How could she?
He looked away from her house and walked through the door. The lights were on and again everything looked the same. There was take out on the counter so he knew that his dad and sister hadn't bothered to cook for themselves. Not that it was a surprise. Dan Scott never did anything for himself and Brooke could hardly make toast. It was always him and his mom that would make the meals for the family. He wondered how much take out they'd had while he was away.
"You're home!"
He turned around and saw Brooke standing in the doorway to the kitchen with a big smile on her face. She wore a pair of sweats and a tank top with a pair of pink slippers on her feet. He smiled at her and she quickly made her way towards him before throwing her arms around her brother. Holding her tightly he took in the simple act of hugging his sister. Before he left he would admit that there were times when she pissed him off and times when he swore he wanted to kill her, but when it came down to it, he loved her. She was his sister after all.
"I missed you!" she said and pulled away from him. She took in the fact that his hair was now shorter than it had been when he left. It looked like he'd buzzed it and it was starting grow back. "Are you so excited to be home?" she asked.
"I guess," he said.
"You guess?" she said and scoffed, "well come on it has to be better than jail!"
"Not jail Brooke."
"Ok Juvy, whatever."
Letting out a quiet laugh he walked past his sister nudging her with his shoulder as he went by. He was exhausted and all he wanted was to fall asleep in his own bed for a change. That was something had missed. His bed. He could practically hear it calling his name. "Good night Brooke," he called over his shoulder.
"You're welcome in advance for putting new sheets on your bed," she said, "I feel like the ones that were on there were on way before you even left. Which is disgusting by the way. There's probably essence of Rachel all over them."
Nathan laughed again, "ok thank you," he said before going up stairs. As he walked along through the hallway he passed pictures of him when he was little, and pictures of him from the previous year. His face showed that he was so unaware of what would happen to him in the future. He wished he had a time machine so he could go back and warn himself. Tell himself not to fuck things up completely. Warn himself that he was going to lose Haley and all the good things about his life if he didn't get his shit together.
He walked into his room and shut the door behind him. The dark comforter that had always been on his bed was still there. The trophies still lined the shelf like they had before. His Eminem poster still hung on the wall next to his stereo. He kind of liked that this was the same as it had been before. He didn't want his room to have been changed. He dropped his bag to the ground before going over to his stereo and pressing the play button. He had forgotten what CD's he'd left in there. A few seconds later the sounds of T.I. filled his room. Turning the volume dial down a bit, he then took the opportunity to look for something to change into. He opened the drawers and pulled out a pair of black basketball shorts.
He stripped his t-shirt off and then his jeans and let them fall to the floor with a thud. He slipped the shorts on before walking over to the light switch and shutting off the light. He slowly made his way over to his bed and fell down against it. He could feel the tension running through his body as he tried to relax. It seemed impossible to find a position that was going to be comfortable. He'd only been laying down for a few minutes, but it felt like forever. There was no way that he could lay that was going to be comfortable. He tossed and turned until sitting up again.
He ran his hand over his short hair before standing up and walking back towards the dresser. He looked at himself in the mirror and noticed a few bruises that stood out against his skin on his chest. He touched them lightly and remembered the fight a few days ago that caused them. That was the fight that almost had him staying there longer. But it wasn't his fault. He didn't start it. Luckily, some guards had seen the fight start and had actually vouched for him. Staring at the bruises he couldn't help but think that this was nothing compared to what he'd done to Haley.
He tried to shake the images out of his head. He didn't want to think about that. He wished that he could put the whole thing behind him. But that wasn't something that you could just live down. It didn't just go away no matter how much you wished it would. It was going to be around for the rest of his life. Every day he was going to think about what he'd done to her.
Sighing he opened the drawers again before pulling out a long sleeve white t-shirt. He slipped it on and then grabbed the pair of Nike's he'd been wearing earlier. He put them back on his feet before grabbing the basketball that sat in the corner of his room. He opened the door and walked down the hall and back down the stairs. On his way towards the front door he saw the light was on in his dad's study. He had to know that he was home. Apparently he was just going to ignore him for awhile. His dad was pissed about the whole situation. He hadn't bothered to come see him while he was gone. The last thing he said to him was that he'd just ruined everything they'd worked for. And he was right. He had ruined everything.
I suggest we learn to love ourselves before it's made illegal.
When will we learn? When will we change?
Just in time to see it all fall down.
Those left standing... will make millions...
writing books on the way it should have been.
When she woke in the morning
she knew that her life had passed her by.
And she called out a warning,
"Don't ever let life pass you by."
The jitters were too much for her to take. She couldn't sit still for more than a minute or two. She tried to read but she couldn't concentrate so she tried to sleep. But she couldn't. Was he home? That was the only thing she could think about. She couldn't force herself to think about anything other than him. And she hated herself for that. She didn't want to think about him. She wanted him to disappear from her life. After everything was that too much to ask?
Sitting up she threw the blankets off her legs and slowly stood up. Again pain shot up through her leg but she ignored it as she went to reach for a sweatshirt from her desk chair. She pulled it on over her head and then went to grab the pair of Ugg boots that sat on the ground next to her bed. She slipped them on and then walked towards her door. She paused for a moment looking at the crutches and groaned before grabbing them. Her physical therapy had been going well, but not enough to where she didn't need them completely.
Opening her door she heard the hinges squeak, but she hoped it wasn't too loud. The light was off in her mom's room, she could see that from down the hall. Placing her crutches under her arms she hobbled along down the hall, trying to make as little noise as possible. Her mom would probably freak if she saw that she was trying to leave.
And what was she going to tell her? It wasn't like she even knew where she was going. She couldn't tell her what was going on, because she didn't know.
She got to the stairs and switched one of her crutches to the other hand so she could grab the railing. She used that to steady herself as she walked down the stairs, ever so often checking behind her for any sign that her mom knew she was awake. When she got downstairs she opened the front door with and reached for the key that would unlock the glass door. When it opened she was suddenly hit with the cool night air and she wished that she'd been wearing sweats instead of shorts.
After making it outside she stopped to stare at her car. She sighed and wished that she could drive again. It was going to be awhile until she could. She wondered if she was going to have to re learn how to drive. She hoped not. After a few minutes she continued walking and made her way down the sidewalk. It was hard to get anywhere very quickly with the crutches, but she was better at using them now then when she first got them.
She had been walking for awhile and suddenly she noticed that she was at the river court. She hadn't been there in a long time. She used to go there with Brooke all the time so they could watch the boys who played down there. It was always the same crowd. Lucas and Jake, Nathan, Skills and sometimes other boys from the team. Brooke always loved to come down so she could watch Lucas. Haley didn't mind tagging along, but sometimes it got old.
She hobbled along through the grass until she got to the cement of the court. When she did she could hear the sounds her crutches made as they thudded along the hard ground. She could feel the pain in her leg as from making it this far and she tried to get over to the picnic table as quick as she could. The crutches were holding her back so she dropped them and hopped over to the table. Sitting down on the table top she looked down at her leg. It looked the way it had for a long time, but it hurt a lot at the moment. She should have known that walking all the way here was a bad idea. And now she was going to have to walk all the way back.
She turned herself around on the table and faced the water. She could feel the misty breeze hit her skin and she tried to soak it all in. The distant sound of the tug boat on the water accompanied the sounds of crickets in the grass. She had never realized how peaceful it was here at night. Usually there were always people here with her when she'd been around. But now it was quiet. She really liked it. Sitting there on the table under the stars she almost felt like she was the only person in the world. Like everything that had happened, might have actually never happened.
But looking down at her leg she knew that she was wrong. She couldn't fake that feeling for long. She ran her hand through her long dark blonde hair and swept it over her shoulder. She sat in the silence for a few minutes until she heard a familiar sound getting closer to her. It was the sound of a basketball against the pavement. Maybe it was Lucas. She turned around and was shocked by who she saw walking towards the court. He was staring down at the ground, he hadn't even noticed her yet. Not that he would.
She could tell that his hair was shorter and through his shirt she could see that his arms were a little bigger. But through all of that she could still see the same Nathan Scott that she had known all her life.
Feeling her jaw clench she waited for him to look up and see her sitting on the table. When he finally did she saw the surprise on his face. He must have been as surprised as she was. Why was he here? Didn't he have a court in his driveway? She knew he did because she'd seen it when she left her house. But better yet, why was he even back in Tree Hill? He should have been far away from here. This was too much to handle right now. She was supposed to know in advance when he would be home. She was supposed to have time to think about what she would say when she finally saw him. At the moment it felt like she'd lost all ability to speak.
"Uh," he said, staring at her. "Hey."
Haley was the last person he expected to see at the court right now. It was late. Why wasn't she asleep? Why was she here? It wasn't like her to just come here to hang out by herself. At least it wasn't like her when he'd known her. He had been away a long time. He saw the crutches on the ground and then he looked back up at her and instantly his eyes went to her leg. He could hardly make out the scar in the dark light, but he could still see it. He saw what he'd done to her.
Looking up at her face he saw that her mouth was closed tightly and he could see the anger in her eyes as she stared at him. Not that he blamed her. He would hate anyone who had taken away his future too. "H-How are you?" he stuttered. He could feel the awkward tension filling the cold air around them. She didn't answer him but continued to give him a hard glare. Of course she wasn't going to want to just chat with him. "Right," he said, "never mind then."
In that moment she wished that she could run. She would run so fast just to get away from him. Seeing him in front of her brought her right back to that night in May. She could see it all like it was yesterday. She wanted to scream at the top of her lungs. She wanted to tell him how much she hated him. She wanted him to see what he'd done to her. How he'd ruined her. She was never going to get out Tree Hill now because of him. She hated him so much and she couldn't even form the words to tell him.
"Look Haley," he said, "I know that there's nothing I can say that's gonna change things and my apology probably doesn't mean much to you, but-"
"It doesn't," she said and he could hear the harsh angry tone of her voice.
"I know," he said, "but I am. Sorry I mean. I never really got to tell you how sorry I was. You were in the hospital and I wasn't allowed to see you-"
"I know what happened," she said, "you don't have to remind me. And like you said you're apology doesn't mean anything."
She pushed off the table and stood on shaking legs. She could feel her whole body shaking and it wasn't because of the cold. The anger and nervousness ran through her body like she'd been struck by a lightning bolt. It came on so strong and she just wanted to get away from there. She slowly made her way towards where she'd dropped her crutches and she leaned over trying to pick them up. She could feel herself wobbling as she tried to grab them and suddenly she felt a hand on her arm. "Let me help you." She stood up quickly, almost losing her balance. She flinched away from his touch like he'd burned her.
"Don't touch me!" she yelled.
"I was just trying to help-"
"I don't need anything from you, especially not you're help. All I need is for you to never speak to me again."
She leaned down again and grabbed her crutches before placing them under her arms. She tried to make her way away from him as quickly as she could. She didn't want to look at him and she didn't want to feel his eyes on her. She wished that he would just vanish. She wanted him to leave her alone. Why did he have to be back and why did he have to be there tonight? Of all the places they could have gone, why did they have to be in the same place? She knew that now that he was back she was going to have to see him a lot more. But she wanted to pretend like he didn't exist. If she saw him, it was going to be like seeing someone you'd never met before. As far as she was concerned, he never existed. He was nothing to her anymore.
Floating in this cosmic jacuzzi
we are like frogs oblivious to the water starting to boil.
No one flinches, we all float face down.
When she woke in the morning
she knew that her life had passed her by.
And she called out a warning,
"Don't ever let life pass you by."
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