This is the prequel to Babysitting (which will be up in a bit), and was published separately due to the M rating. This goes AU from 3x18 - The Pants Alternative, so, yeah.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Big Bang Theory or its characters, I am simply borrowing them cause non-canon is so much fun to mess with. Also M for sexual content and excessive swearing. And additional warning for what may be one of the biggest cliches of fanfiction history. But more on that in the actual fic, Babysitting, if you're interested.
"Oh my god, that was fucking hilarious!"
"Not just that, I also got it all on tape!" Howard said in amazement as he played the video on his phone. "That was one hell of a meltdown!"
"Will both of you stop laughing and help us carry Sheldon?" Leonard snapped, a drunk and unconscious Sheldon hanging in between him and Penny. "My arm is getting numb and I think I might drop him. And Raj, where the hell did you get that crate of alcohol?"
Raj looked down at the crate in his arms, shrugging. "The committee gave it to me in exchange of getting Sheldon out of the place. They seemed really desperate."
Leonard groaned as Howard switched places with him. The night had gone all wrong; from Sheldon getting drunk to shaming various professors, to embarrassing himself in public, to literally ruining his credibility. And further proving that he was crazy—but that was just the words of a few very angry dignitaries who may or may not be planning on ruining Sheldon's career. "The geology department is inexplicably mad and someone has to apologize to everyone he offended." Penny chuckled, shifting Sheldon on her shoulder. "That's a lot of people."
"Oh, you bet it's a lot of people." The experimental physicist murmured as he stretched the arm he used to support Sheldon. "We're lucky that Sheldon even got to keep his award, the committee looked pretty unimpressed. Imagine if he didn't get to keep his award, and he realizes that he turned into a laughing stock. He's going to make our lives a living hell—maybe even worse." They all cringed, and Raj put on a thoughtful look. "Imagine the kinds of hell that he'll give Penny once he remembers that it was her who told him to drink."
Penny turned to the astrophysicist, "hey, it's not like I did it to make things worse! I did it to get him to calm down... and it's not like you're going to tell on me, are you?" Raj shook his head, adjusting the crate in his arms and Howard simply chuckled. "None of us are, but don't expect anything when he finds it out by himself." Penny grimaced, glancing over at Sheldon who had passed out. Yeah, she was at fault, but her intentions were good! She just really wanted Sheldon to ease up and be able to give out a speech; she didn't expect him to get all... crazy.
Leonard felt something pop from his arm and sighed, "okay, enough of that. If we don't get Sheldon back home, he'll screw all of us. Maybe even literally." They made it to the entrance, and Leonard gave his keys to the valet as Howard and Penny dropped Sheldon on a nearby bench. "Damn, he's heavy," Penny muttered, twisting her body to get out the kinks, "you'd think that he's light with all those... bones." Howard nodded, cracking his knuckles as he scanned Sheldon's lanky, limp body. "And skin, but I doubt that it weights too much." Raj shifted the crate, putting a foot on top of the bench. "I think Sheldon's diet is actually pretty good, but he could use a bit more meat. With his height, he might need to weigh a bit heavier."
They stayed in silence—ignoring Raj's comment—until the valet arrived with Leonard's car. Leonard took his keys from the man, handing him five dollars before prying the backseat door open as Penny and Howard lifted Sheldon from the bench. "Hey Penny, is it okay if you take my car and get Sheldon home? We still have to stay and fix Sheldon's mess."
Before Penny could respond, Howard dropped Sheldon—forcing her to catch him—and turned to Leonard to protest. "What do you mean we? He's your roommate, and you're the one who got him drunk," he gestured to her, causing Penny to frown as she pulled Sheldon's arm around her shoulders. "You're the ones who should deal with him!" Raj nodded, still bending his leg while holding the crate on his lap, "yeah dude, I was planning on going to the bar and picking up some chicks after this! And I'm feeling particularly lucky tonight." The engineer stepped up to Penny, helping her with Sheldon as they stalked towards Leonard's car. "And I was planning on going over to Bernadette's! Please don't ruin our night like Penny did to Sheldon." The blonde dropped Sheldon in the backseat, fixing his legs then turning to Howard. "You really gotta keep on bringing that up?"
"If Leonard still forces us on doing this, then yes, I might have to."
Leonard waved a hand in front of the two, closing the door and stepping back. "I don't want to do it, too, but someone has too! Sheldon offended a lot of people today, and if we don't do anything, we're going down with him." He shook his head at the memory of Sheldon insulting the geologists, the asians, the biologists and practically half of the people in attendance. Then there was when he flashed everyone, drank more alcohol, then vomited it right back at the table in front—which, seated the university's long time investors. If they lived in the ancient times, Sheldon would have been stoned to death by now. Burned even; and beheaded via guillotine in the middle ages. It was like watching a crazy man speak one last time before getting the chair. Someone from the committee might even send him an actual electric chair based on how much Sheldon offended them.
"Fine," Howard grumbled, crossing his arms. "But only because I've already got a record at HR, and with Sheldon tarnishing our reputations by being his friend, I'm sure that if Bernadette ever comes and asks someone for directions, people will hiss about me. Plus, any girl I talk to will surely complain about me, and I really have to talk to Dr. Klein about getting a new laser, and she's really good friends with HR." Penny stared at the tiny man in disbelief, who only shrugged in response. "What? It's good to be prepared."
Leonard handed Penny his keys, "I'm not sure on how long this will take," he glanced at his watch then back at the blonde, "there are about ten more awards to be given, and six more speeches of appreciation to be said. Then we'll have to apologize to every single person Sheldon offended, and that might last us till early morning. I hope it's not too much to ask for you to stay at our apartment and watch over him while we're out? He's either gonna wake up whining about how much his head hurts, or wake up still drunk. I'm not even sure if he's asleep, he might be faking if for all we know." The blonde glanced at the (probably) sleeping Sheldon over her shoulder, then back at Leonard before nodding. "Yeah, sure. This is partially my fault for telling him to drink." She pursed her lips, thinking for a moment. "And probably for allowing him to finish two bottles all on his own. But I'll take care of him, no worries."
"This might help," Raj stepped forward; opening the door and placing the crate of alcohol on the front seat. "You might find yourself suddenly realizing that you're the one to blame for getting Sheldon to drink and probably ruining his career, but you shouldn't think that way. Alcohol is guilt's best friend, so don't be afraid to drink! It's better to handle Sheldon drunk, while drunk." Penny sent the astrophysicist an unsure smile before getting in the car. "Uh yeah, thanks, Raj, I think those will definitely help."
"Dont mind Raj, Penny. And please don't kill Sheldon, and thanks again for doing this." Leonard reminded as she closed the door and started the engine. Penny rolled the windows down, winking at the three boys. "I won't kill him, I swear. Now go and redeem Sheldon before he realizes what he's done." Raj hummed, happily placing his hands behind his back, "you mean what you've done." Penny hissed, placing an arm on top of the rolled down window. "You better get Raj away from me before I smash these bottles on his head." The three scientists all nodded in fear, sheepishly waving at her as she drove off. Halfway back to the apartment, she heard Sheldon muttering something then went back to sleeping. "All I gotta do is watch over doctor whack-a-doodle. How hard will that be?"
She clearly didn't know what she was getting herself into.
Once she had settled—dropped—Sheldon on his bed, she situated herself on his spot and offered herself a nice bottle of wine that Raj had given her. There was an America's Next Top Model rerun until midnight, and she had been dying to catch up to the newest episodes.
Tonight had been fun, regardless of Sheldon's unbelievable performance. Yeah, she was the one to blame—but at least Sheldon got his award, right? Though it turned into a complete nightmare, it was still memorable as the day that Sheldon didn't faint during a speech—halfway through the speech. He was holding up pretty well up until he started talking about gravity and pants and removed his pants before showing his cute little butt in front of everyone. Uranus had never shined brighter... if it did shine or something. This might even be remembered as the most talked about Chancellor's Award ceremony! Another accomplishment for the great Dr. Sheldon Cooper! He might be proud of that, if it didn't mean that he embarrassed himself in front of everyone, and if he hadn't passed out.
"Well, I guess Miss Corn Queen's Court has a bit more dignity than Mr. Hillbilly Peace Prize," Penny chuckled to herself as she drank another glass of wine. She didn't know which was funnier; the time Sheldon removed his pants to flash everyone, or when he actually jumped down from the stage to show it to one of the other scientists. Or when he sat on one of the dignitary's lap and sang about the stars that were closest to him—that was the haystack on the F150! Oh, how she wished that Howard uploaded the video to youtube sooner so she could relive what may be considered as the funniest and most entertaining moment in her entire life. Although, jokes aside, she did feel bad for Sheldon. This was a big day for him, and he screwed it up because she told him to drink. Sheldon was probably a laughing stock now, maybe even more than when the guys messed up his experiment in the North Pole—all because she coaxed him to drink.
She finished her second bottle of wine because of that thought, and headed for a bottle of brandy.
Okay, so she was feeling really guilty for ruining his night especially when she promised to help him. But she got the suit! ... Which did absolutely nothing in trying to boost Sheldon's confidence. God, why did Sheldon have to lose his arrogance and confidence when he needed it the most? He was so arrogant and condescending and annoying all of the time that you'd think that he'd be able to handle talking in front of thirty adults or seventy children without any hesitation. And he was the Sheldon Cooper! He was great at everything—except driving, he sucked at that—and it was nearly impossible for him to have stage fright! How was he supposed to win the Nobel and talk in front of everyone if he thought that people would trample him?
... She wasn't just feeling bad for what she did, she was guilty of the crime. Or maybe it was just the alcohol talking—whatever the reason was, it made the five bottles sitting on the armchair look too tempting.
Two bottles of wine, half a bottle of brandy, a very drunk Penny and about an hour later, Sheldon emerged from his room. "Okay, I know I left you hanging—but we're scientists! And scientists sometimes take time to formulate ideas!" Penny turned to him, an irritated look on her face as the still-drunk physicist waved his hands in the air. "But whe—but when the time comes, and we will all be able to explore the universe, we hafta be prepared! And the best preparation will be to send your children into space training even harder than military training—to, to—to be able to adjust to space before they're even there and to make our lives easier!" Sheldon paused a hand shooting to his mouth as his eyes blearily darted around the room. "I need alcohol! Wait a minute my dear comrades—'cept you geologists that I have absolutely no respect for—the greatest mind since Einstein needs a booster!" He stalked towards Penny, eyeing the bottle in her hands before grabbing it and chugging it down.
"Hey! That's mine!" The blonde hissed, wobbling a bit as she stood up, "and you're not at the hotel anymore, you dumbass! You're at home!"
Sheldon extended his arm upwards, putting the bottle out of the blonde's reach, glaring down at Penny. "I need more alcohol, Penny. I'm losing my confidence." Penny pursed her lips at the inebriated man in front of her and tried to shake off the odd sensation that was caused by Sheldon whispering her name. "Look, the party's over, and you're going to bed. You already won the award." The physicist narrowed his eyes at her, glancing at the bottle then back at her. "Maybe the party's over and maybe you're just lying cause you want the alcohol to your self!" He brought the bottle back to his lips, emptying its contents before leaning his face towards hers, whispering, "but I'm sorry, Penny, I'm afraid it's all gone."
Penny growled at him, roughly pushing him away from her. His breath was too warm, and she didn't like that. "You're at home, and y-you're drunk, okay? So, we're going to bed!" She swiped the bottle from his hand, causing Sheldon to grumble, placing a hand on each of his arms and pushing him to his room. "Ha! Penny!" Sheldon laughed, shaking his head as they got into his room. "Penny, y-you're going to bed with me? Ha! Who wou-woulda, would of th... tho... thought you'd say that!" With a small huff, Penny twisted Sheldon to face her, then shoved him on the bed. "What the hell are you talking about?" She placed a hand on each hip, watching as Sheldon finished laughing, taking deep even breaths as he sat up on his bed. "Didn't ya' say that I'd n... n-never thu-think that you-da say that!" Sheldon chuckled, wildly hitting his palm on his thigh before grinning up at the slightly irritated, confused, guilty and drunk blonde. "Look, look! It's you who got me into bed!"
"Oh god," she whispered, frowning at the drunk in front of her. "This is really my fault. Damn." Penny shook her head then turned to leave—but was stopped by Sheldon's hand on her arm. "P-penny, wait! Wait, I'm-I'm sorry! I was just kiddin'!" The physicist gave her a small sad frown, gently tugging on her arm. "I have... haven't even thanked you for helpin' me! You got me the es-espensive suit with only one color, and you got me to drink!" Penny bit her lip as Sheldon lowered his hand from her arm to her hand. Sheldon was thanking her when she had practically ruined his reputation by accident—he probably wouldn't be thanking her once he finds out what her "help" has done. Her mind was whizzing and her conscience was eating her—and her body was heating up with the way Sheldon was looking at her and how his hand felt with hers. Hot damn, it was definitely the alcohol thinking because Sheldon—who usually looked like an overgrown kid—looked bold and handsome right now.
Totally the alcohol, and not the way his blue eyes had gotten dark while staring at her.
"You're a really great friend, Penny," he softly said, barely taking his eyes off of her, "and I wouldn't know what to do if it wasn't for Penny." His hand tightened around hers, and she took a small step towards him. Not because his eyes were drawing her in and his lips looked so kissable, but because—you know, Sheldon was going to say something nice. Nope, not because of any of the former, but more on the latter, and especially not because of how his hand was so warm and how his low voice sent shivers down her spine. Cause there was nothing sexy about Dr. Whack-a-doodle! Nothing! It was the alcohol which always made her do stupid, stupid things and made him do even more stupid things. Her traitor friends wine and brandy were the ones pushing her towards him—and she hadn't even noticed that she was now standing right in front of him. Damn.
Sheldon rubbed his thumb against Penny's palm, and she found her skin slightly jumping at the contact. He glanced at her hand for a second, then directed his gaze up to meet her eyes. Penny's body burned from the heat. "Thank you for being more than a wonderful friend, Penny. You don't understand how much you've helped me, and I wouldn't know what to do if you weren't here."
Penny threw all her intoxicated thoughts out of the window and poured a giant can of fuel to the fire when she leaned down to kiss him. He tasted like brandy and cleanliness and absolute pleasure—and he was kissing her back! She didn't even know that Sheldon knew how to kiss someone! Sheldon's lips were still sweeter than she could've ever thought, softer too, and she couldn't help but push harder into the kiss as his hands came up to her jaw, framing it, cradling it so delicately that the touch might not even be there. A thought passed her mind saying that what she was doing was wrong and that she had to stop but was quickly swept away once Sheldon pulled her on the bed; his hands lowering to her sides as she knelt in front of him. It could be the alcohol that was causing Sheldon to do this, but she didn't care and that was mainly because kissing Sheldon was more enjoyable than she would have ever thought. Like a forbidden fruit of some sort; one that literally hated her half of the time, and liked her the other half of the time. It really is true that you want what you can't have.
It almost shocked her when Sheldon ran his tongue along her lips until they opened, and when she gasped that he was actually doing it, he quickly dipped in and flicked it against the roof of her mouth. She didn't even realize that she had let out a moan until Sheldon's fingers twisted around the strands of her hair—and she realized that she might be taking advantage of him and that they're both drunk as hell. Forget about the fact that she was already wet for him, but he might not be ready! With that bleary—and regretful—thought in mind, she broke the kiss unwillingly, panting hard as she opened her eyes to look into Sheldon's, needing to tell him this. "W-wait, Sheldon, w-we're wasted and you're a virgin!" She explained as Sheldon simply stared at her, eyes filled with longing that she never thought was able to do so. "I don't want to take advu... advantage of you! And I don't wanna do that caus—"
Sheldon interrupted her off with a kiss, his hand cupping her jaw and body shifting forward until they're entirely pressed together. Heat spread across her skin, scorching and she found herself metaphorically losing her sanity when he nibbled on her bottom lip. A moan vibrated against her lips and she made one in response, his hands clutching tightly against the fabric of Penny's breasts. He could feel her chest rise and fall against his own, as well as Penny's hips rolling into his as he pushed back, the bulge beneath his (seemingly) tight briefs aching to spring free and gain more friction. His senses were filled with everything Penny, his mind was concentrated solely on Penny and if he wouldn't be able to get what he wanted he would go insane. He always found Penny attractive, and kept the thought to himself in consideration of Leonard's devotion to her. Her annoying traits and habits also helped in him losing the attraction he had to her, but the alcohol Penny told him to drink gave his confidence a boost. Kissing Penny felt better than he had imagined. He concluded that Penny felt the same way when he felt her grinding her hips down on his arousal even further.
His hands made a downward path along Penny's spine until they slide over the curve of her bottom and down to the hem of her dress. The intimacy of the bold movement stole her breath; there were a lot of things that she definitely did not expect that the great Dr. Sheldon Cooper was able to do. They were going to do this—have sex—and she was going to get to do what no one has ever done with the brilliant minded genius guy. Even better than forbidden fruit. She didn't care about whatever consequence this would bring; she had always been curious of Sheldon's sexuality, and here she was, the first one who was going to get a taste of him. Based on what she could feel under her, her favorite neighbor was way more gifted than Leonard—and that thought only excited her more, and made her grind down harder on him.
The fabric of Penny's dress heavily irritated Sheldon, or rather, he didn't like the thought that she still had her dress on and that irritated him. So, he broke the kiss, trailing open-mouthed ones down the blonde's jaw and neck whilst his hands slid around her waist and up, finding the zipper of her dress. Two fingers pinched the top of it, and he poked his tongue out, licking a line up the expanse of Penny's neck as he dragged the zipper down, Penny's breath getting harder and heavier, and her mind completely shutting down as he pulled the zipper down. Once Sheldon reached the end of the zipper, he pulled his lips from her skin and gently lifted Penny up, his eyes taking in the sight of a body he had once seen and partially touched, before yanking the dress off of her and throwing it to the floor.
Penny's barely registered that she was now half naked and gasped as the tips of his fingers immediately traced over her skin, his eyes following wherever his fingers went. He had never found anyone to be as attractive as Penny—though, there were a handful of actresses that were very aesthetically pleasing, but that was not the point. He often disliked Penny, and berated her on all her faults, but he could not deny that he was somewhat attracted to her from the first time they met. He still regretted Leonard ever talking to her, but he had his own reasons. Like if they had never met her, he would still be unbeatable at HALO, and they wouldn't have a moocher constantly barging in and, well, mooching. Maybe it would be wrong to continue what he was doing... he would not because his mind said that it was a good idea.
But then a hand covered his own; stilling the movement and he looked up, suddenly fearing as if he had done something wrong but green eyes were shining back at him, a flash of concern barely visible in them. "Stop worrying, sweetie," the blonde whispered, her chest heaving up and down. "It's just us."
Sheldon held his breath for a moment as he stared at her, then Penny leaned over, bringing him into a deep kiss. Penny's tongue slid into his mouth, taking advantage of the surprised gasp that came from him and sucking all the oxygen from his lungs. He found himself a bit too eager to respond, pressing into the kiss as their hips began rocking against each other, somehow simultaneously managing to pull Penny even harder against him as they gasped into each others mouths. Soft hands slowly dropped from around his neck, reaching behind her to unclasp her bra. Once Penny removed her bra, his mind went to a complete stop and it was almost painful how hard he was now, pressing up against the tight, tight fabric of his underwear. Her hands moved in front of his clothes, loosening his tie and undoing a couple buttons before bringing her lips back to his.
Her kisses moved down from his swollen lips to the smooth, exposed pale skin and bit down on the crook of his neck. It caught him a little off guard seeing as his coordination seemed to have fallen off track, but he quickly snapped back, dropping one hand and curling it beneath Penny's thigh as the rocking of their hips intensified. Heat and arousal spread within him; the rise and fall of his chest quickening as he pushed against Penny, the arms around his neck tightening as moans tumbled from the blonde's mouth. Maybe coitus wasn't so bad, and this would be true, if alcohol hadn't impaired his mind into not caring. At all.
Penny would be lying if she said that she wasn't frustrated that Sheldon wasn't in her already, because damn it, she was ready. She removed her arms from his neck—but not before reconnecting her lips with his—and placed them on the hem of her panties, sliding them down to her ankles and flinging them to the side with her foot. She tore her lips away from his, giving him a small giggle of amusement before naughtily grinning at him. "Get ready, Doctor scientist," she seductively drawled, a finger on his bottom lip and her free hand on his erection, "cause miss community college is going to rock your world." She grabbed the top of his briefs and pulled it down to the top of his knees—Sheldon sharply sucking in a breath at the release of his throbbing erection. The blonde eyed him as he reacted, pushing him gently in to a seated position, and decided against making him remove the remaining parts of his suit. Leaving the suit on made it even more fun. She placed a hand on each of his shoulders, positioning herself as she hovered over his erection. The tip of his length collided gently with her clit, and it caused her to throw her head back, letting out a loud moan at the sensation.
"Penny," Sheldon desperately whispered, his hands gripping on her waist and fighting against her hold to pull her down. Penny smirked, teasingly rubbing her center against him. Mainly because even when drunk—especially when drunk, messing with Sheldon was fun. A breathless hiss made her finally look down to see Sheldon staring back at her through dark, half-lidded eyes, full of lust and longing. "Please."
She gave a small chuckle before lowering herself completely on him, releasing a sharp cry as she enveloped his engorged length like a glove. Something she learned tonight that deserved to be added to the list of things she deemed as true; Sheldon Cooper was definitely an overachiever. She could feel every single inch of him inside her, and that, was a lot. She needed to thank her redeemed friends wine and brandy for allowing her to experience this wonderfully orgasmic occurrence. Maybe they weren't so bad after all. Penny moved forward; pulling her hips up and then slowly sinking back down, a groan escaping his lips as his hands rose and reached for her chest. It was a bit embarrassing to admit, which was why she only admitted it in her mind, but she could feel her orgasm coming. Which was surprising in a number of ways since it was very rare for her to be ready this quickly. A great achievement that she would be awarding Sheldon; the only guy who got her hot and sweaty and ready to climax without even going through foreplay. Damn.
Sheldon squeezed and tugged against the full, soft mounds as Penny grasped the sleeves of his suit and moved up and down, squeezing them as she moved. His hips jerked upwards, encouraging her to move faster. Her thighs rubbed against his as the sound of wet flesh slid and squeezed against each other. With each slam of her body against his, the bed seemed to move. It creaked and she moved her hips forward, rubbing against him frantically as the friction began to set her off. No one was allowed in Sheldon's room, which probably meant that no one was allowed on his bed, too. Well, take that Sheldon and Sheldon's stupid rules! Not only did she get him drunk, and got into his room—she also got to fuck Sheldon Cooper and his rules! Another proud achievement for Miss Corn Queen's Court—slash—community college dropout from Nebraska! Another achievement was that she was the only one who got to feel the massive length that should be used more often, and was definitely on her list of top five. Scratch that, it was number one. Again, forbidden fruit was way better than an apple that dropped from the tree in your backyard. So much fucking better.
Sheldon pinched her nipples and twisted them, earning him a moan as her moist muscles clenched against him. His hands molded her soft flesh against her chest, teasing the tips almost raw as she bounced up and down, grinding into him in frenzy. He could only move his hips upwards, trying to match her quickening pace as his body heated up. His mind couldn't process how great it felt to be inside Penny, and how great coitus was. Alcohol or not, he was starting to regret not having coitus earlier. Though, coitus might only be great because it was Penny, but he was a man of science, and was supposed to experiment. Or it was just Penny. Or the alcohol. Or Penny. He wasn't sure, and the way Penny was moving against him made him unable to care. He could feel his muscles starting to clench as the unfamiliar feeling of orgasm began to fill him. He could hear her gasping his name... over and over, begging for release as she jerked her body forward, rubbing her sensitive flesh against him.
She could feel it coming: the tightening of her abdomen, the burning heat spreading through her body, the tingling in her limbs—she was going to come. She felt his hands grab her ass and he shoved himself into her one last time, keeping her against him as he violently spasmed. His threw his head back, groaning, as his body arched. His neck and face were red as the blood swept through him, finally released. Penny could feel him throbbing inside of her, filling her with hot, thick liquid as she fought against his hold; refusing to stop until she hit her own climax. His fingers dug hard—hard enough to scar—into her flesh as she leaned forward, rubbing her hot, sweat-dripping body against him. She could feel his pulsing member ride against her swollen, pink nub with each ragged, desperate stroke of her body. She wove an arm around his neck, and place a hand his wrist, scratching it hard enough that she knew that her nails had cut his skin. That was for the wound on her hips that his fingers made, and the bitch ass sting it gave her when sweat dripped into the cut. Great, now they had souvenirs for this awesome day.
Her body arched and she shoved her head on his clothed shoulder, biting on the fabric as she shook. She screamed into him as her body convulsed, Sheldon tightening her grip on her hips as he waited her orgasm to end. She collapsed against him, exhausted. Her sweat covered her body as she leaned against his breathless body, both their chests moving heavily in a struggle to catch their breath. Her skin was still hot to the touch, but his hands gently ran up and down her bare back, as if memorizing the curve of her spine and the smooth swell of her hips. She closed her eyes and nuzzled her head against the crook of his neck. After a few minutes, she could still Sheldon's member throbbing inside her, and she didn't need a second thought to decide that she was going to get another round.
Two hours, eight orgasms, and a still fired up libido later, Penny felt something churning in her stomach. Then, as if the world was set to spite her, she felt her friends wine and brandy betraying her yet again. She was going to vomit, and Sheldon would not appreciate her vomiting all over him. Quickly getting off him—and ignoring the groan he made once he was no longer inside her—she pushed him on his bed before picking up her discarded clothes and bolting out of the room and to the bathroom. Thankfully, she reached the toilet in time, and her friends were partially out of her system. Ten minutes of hugging the toilet and puking the bittersweet alcohol out, the exhaustion and intoxication crept up to her, and she decided that it was time to return to her apartment. After cleaning herself up, she went to check on Sheldon and found him passed out. For once, he didn't look like Dracula waiting for dawn to come, and looked like a normal guy, who passed out after a night of wild, kind of unsupervised drinking, and ground breaking sex.
Sex (repeatedly) with Sheldon. Biggest. Achievement. Ever. Hell-fucking-yeah.
That thought made her head throb and she took it as her cue to go home and sleep. Tonight was definitely unforgettable, because who would be able to forget the fact that they got to get sex with the one person who absolutely abhorred sex?
Not this little lady, nope.
Penny woke up the next morning with a raging headache that made her want to kill herself, a strong urge to vomit, and vague confusion on whether or not her dream was real.
She had a dream about Sheldon—sexless—Cooper, where they had sex. Awesome, panty dropping, ground shaking, mind numbing, multi-orgasm, sweat inducing sex that made her wake up sweaty, unnerved and unmistakably horny. But could you blame her when her dream was so lifelike and real and awesome and—goddammit, she could feel everything! And it was just a dream! God, this was why she definitely needed to stop drinking. She didn't need sex dreams with Sheldon adding to the never ending list of things that kind of made her guilty of something she didn't know of. Like telling him to drink and possibly ruining his career.
Aaand, her headache was throbbing again, and that made her run to her bathroom to vomit for the millionth time.
Ruining Sheldon's career made her feel worse than how having sex dreams about him felt. Because, unlike the dream, the consequences of her actions would be unfolding in front of her, once she crosses over to 4A to check on the damage. Then Sheldon will find out about what had transpired at the event, and will take it to himself to kill her first. Cause she's practically at fault, and she knew it. And she knew that her sex dream with Sheldon kind of made her want to see the real thing. Crap, she was screwed. How would she be able to look at the whack-a-doodle without remembering how she got hot and bothered by the him in her dream?
"So, so, so screwed." Penny muttered as she splashed water onto her face. That was when she noticed herself in the mirror; she looked terrible, and she realized that all she had on was her bra... Where the hell was her panties? Oh god... Did she touch herself while being unconscious? With a frustrated groan, she peeked into her bedroom and stared at the hamper that sat at the corner of her room. She couldn't even remember what she wore last night! But, seeing the said undergarment discarded on top of the dress—that she surprisingly recognized as her dress last night—that was now on the floor, she knew that she didn't do anything too stupid. God, maybe she did touch herself unconsciously. Damn that dream.
Changing into a fresh pair of underwear and clothes, she slipped her robe on and headed to 4A. She seriously needed a strong cup of coffee to clear her thoughts about fucking Sheldon in her dream. Plus, she needed to do damage control once Sheldon wakes up.
"Morning, Leonard," Penny grumbled as she entered the apartment. Leonard was at the kitchen, preparing coffee. "Good morning, Penny." She made her way to the counter and took a seat on one of the stools, rubbing a hand on her forehead. "Have a rough night with Sheldon?" The bespectacled man asked, handing her a mug, "I saw the bottles. Sorry for asking you to watch over him, but you never know what he's going to do when drunk." She bit her lip as Leonard passed her some medicine. A thought had dawned to her; what if it really wasn't a dream, and she really had sex with Sheldon? Then that would make her a cheater, and Leonard would kill her once she tells him. But what if it really was a dream? She had never had a dream so... vivid like that in her entire life! The only dreams she had of Sheldon was of him berating her, and her ruthlessly killing him.
And apparently, really awesome sex.
"No, it's okay, he just woke up thinking that he was still up on stage."
Leonard chuckled, "well, he was drunk. Howard uploaded the video already, it's loaded on Sheldon's laptop." Penny nodded—she can watch the video later. She didn't need a reminder of how she screwed up, regardless of how funny it was. "So, how did apologizing to everyone go?" Her boyfriend winced and she knew what that meant. "It was horrible. Most of them didn't even want to listen, and it took hours to get them to at least take in the fact that Sheldon was drunk. Then we had to explain that he drank cause of his stage fright, and that barely did the trick. We got everyone to at least go into neutral a little after three, but we still owe the geology department something for pissing them off. I'm thinking of getting personalized Sheldon dart boards, what do you think?" He stalked to his desk, grabbing a piece of paper and gave it to her before getting the coffee pot. "This looks really cool," Penny remarked, surveying the paper that had a picture of Sheldon in the middle of what looked like a dart board. "And I didn't think that you were serious. Can I have one?"
"Yeah, we can only get them made in number of tens, there might be some extras." Leonard poured her coffee, and they heard soft shuffling coming from the hall.
"Penny, Leonard," they both turned to him, and Penny found herself slightly bothered at how Sheldon looked. His hair was disheveled, his pants were gone, and—what bothered her—his tie was loosened and the first few buttons were undone. Just. Like. What. She. Did. In. Her. Dream. Shit. "Will you be able to answer some questions I'm having from the events of last night?" She glanced at Leonard then back at the disheveled physicist, "sure." Maybe that was exactly how he looked before she returned to her apartment. She didn't know; she was drunk and couldn't remember anything after drinking the second bottle of wine. She remembered driving home with Sheldon, and dropping him on his bed. After that, the next thing she remembered was waking up earlier with a bitch of a headache.
"Question one; where are my pants?"
"You might want to check youtube."
"What do I search?" Sheldon asked as he walked towards his desk. "It's already loaded, just hit play." Penny stood, ignoring her confusing thoughts and stood behind Sheldon as they watched last night happen all over again. Despite how bad she felt at being the cause of this, it was just too funny to not laugh at. And look! Sheldon finally let loose! That was a one time thing, and they should treasure it by saving the video on their phones for eternity. "Oh lord... this couldn't be any more humiliating," he muttered, embarrassment evident in his voice as he watched himself remove his pants.
Leonard shook his head, "uh, give it a minute."
Then—it was one of the best parts of the night—Sheldon pulled his underwear down and flashed everyone in the audience with Uranus. Like she said, Uranus couldn't have shined brighter than it did last night.
"Oh dear god," Sheldon said in horror as the video cut right as he jumped off the stage and sat on one of the dignitaries laps. He knew who that woman was, and his career had now been flushed down the toilet with what he did. "My career is ruined... my credibility, my reputation—" he bolted up from the chair and glared at the two of them, "everything is ruined!"
"Okay, before you react, we already did damage control."
"Damage control?" He shrieked, a hand reaching to the top of his head and pulling at his short hair. "What damage control? I'm ruined, Leonard! Ruined!"
Penny blinked, the joy getting sucked out of her as she watched Sheldon breakdown. Damn, the guilt was back, and so was the sexual curiosity that her dream had caused. She couldn't be guilty and horny at the same time! She took a long sip of her coffee—regardless of how hot and bitter it was—and placed the mug down as Leonard explained what he and the others did after he left with her. "Sweetie, sweetie," she called as she placed a hand on each of Sheldon's arms, and felt an overwhelming case of déjà vu run through her body. An image of Sheldon panting in front of her as she slid up and down on his length flashed before her eyes and caused her to step back. She couldn't even think straight because of that stupid dream! "Relax, okay? The guys already apologized to everyone, and you're good to go."
Sheldon's hardened features slowly softened, and he tiredly sighed. "Leonard, is this true?" He opened his eyes, and Penny found that they weren't dark like they were in his dream—they were clear and as blue as the sky. "Yeah, we stayed back to fix everything and Penny was the one who drove you home." Suddenly, she saw Sheldon's eyes briefly widen, as if a realization struck him, then quickly narrowed in distaste as he shook his head. What was he thinking about? Sheldon turned away from her then reached down to shut his laptop, "very well. I guess I owe you both an apology for the outburst. I am very tired, confused and am currently experiencing a headache. Penny," she glanced at him over her shoulder as she returned to the counter, "please refrain from making me drink alcohol. It impairs my memory, and has caused me to have no recollection of what transpired last night."
What transpired last night... if he was talking about... then that would mean... But it couldn't! Maybe he was just talking about everything after he drank. Yeah.
"Why? Can't you remember anything?" She casually asked, refilling her mug.
Sheldon stopped halfway to where she sat, and pursed his lips at her. Then, he placed a hand on his wrist, and hissed as he rubbed it. "Nothing after getting nervous as Leonard dragged on and on about his never ending woes regarding his mother."
Leonard looked up from the bowl full of batter he was holding, scowling at Sheldon. "Hey, I'm right here, you know!"
"Yes, I can see you. Though the alcohol I consumed impaired my mind, it did not impair my vision enough to not see you." He tugged at his tie and Penny nearly spat the coffee in her mouth, cause somehow, the sight of Sheldon removing it turned her on. Bad Penny. "I'm going to take a bath, please do not bother me." With a nod, he disappeared into the hall and Penny felt herself breathe. When the hell did she even hold her breath? And why the hell was she even holding her breath? Her trail of thought was broken when she felt Leonard slide his arm around his waist, and accidentally hit something painful on her side. "I'm really thankful that you helped out with Sheldon. God knows what would happen if we left him alone." He kissed her cheek, and all she could think about was why she felt something stinging on her hip.
That afternoon, during her bath, she gasped when she saw three painful gashes decorating her left hip.
One week later, her relationship with Leonard dropped into a rocky, jagged pit.
And, she couldn't stop thinking about Sheldon when she had sex with Leonard, and about how she got the cuts on her hip. Which was pretty much the reason why when Leonard said that he loved her, all she saw was Sheldon groaning her name. That stupid fucking dream ruined her life, and her smooth, flawless skin. The cuts already healed, but were now scars. Her hip made her look like she had a cat, and forced that cat to take a bath with her, and had clawed it's way out of the water.
The icing on the cake was when Sheldon visited her with ice cream to try to convince her to focus on bowling. No matter how hard she tried to focus on Sheldon's cons, all she could see was him under her, sweaty and groaning her name. Because who the hell even gets terrorized by a stupid dream? Her, of course. She acted normally around Sheldon, annoyed him, irritated him, but under that, her mind raced with images of the dream and how an encore would totally make her happy. Erase that, she'd be ecstatic, and if that would happen, she'd be a cheater. God, this was why it was so hard to tell Leonard that she, well, loved him back. Cause the words never formed when she tried to say it, even without him in the room.
"—we both know the answer to that."
Penny stared at him, and for a moment, her eyes darted to his left arm. There was a wide, beige colored bandaid covering his wrist. She felt the scar on her hip sting and she couldn't help but ask him why he had a big square shaped bandaid. "Before I go, why do you have a bandaid on your wrist?"
Sheldon's eyes widened, and he blinked, then lifted his arm as his face wrinkled in disapproval. "When I woke up last week, I found four ungodly and painful gashes on my wrist. Although I had done the right procedures to prevent infections, it's taking quite a while to heal. Leonard believes that it will leave an ugly scar, which is a shame as Raj and I both agree that I have wonderful skin." Penny surveyed the bandaid, and found herself recalling that—in her dream—right as she had orgasmed, she had intentionally scarred Sheldon because he had scarred her hi...
Oh. My. Fucking. God. She muttered to herself as the realization hit her harder than a ton of bricks smashing into her face.
"Sheldon, where did you get the scars?" She asked, lifting her gaze to find Sheldon's face reddening as he jerked his arm away. "I'm not sure," he answered, glancing at his arm, "I might have just hit something and didn't notice it. Now, weren't you going to talk to Leonard and fix things?" Penny opened her mouth to speak, then closed it again. Did Sheldon even know what happened? But when she asked him if he remembered anything, he said that he didn't, and she would know if he was lying! But the scars explained that it really wasn't a dream, and that she really did have sex with Sheldon (that he knew nothing about) and that she seriously needed to stop drinking. God, she was screwed. So fucking screwed. But! Since Sheldon didn't remember, that meant that she could take this secret to her grave! Yes! That would do! Until the day that Sheldon confronts her about it, she'll never speak of it. Ever.
"Yeah, I'm going," she snarked as she stood, a small smile appearing on his face as she strode towards the door.
"Break a leg!" Sheldon called as she left the apartment, the smile slowly disappearing from his face. He took a deep breath, rubbing at his wrist. It was impossible to be around Penny when all he could remember was that dream he had of her. Coitus, with Penny? He snorted at that thought, because why would he even have coitus with Penny? It was just a disturbing dream he had, and his reasoning for the scars, was that he had scratched himself while experiencing the phantasm. It was what happened in his dream, and it may have caused him to do it unconsciously. Especially since it was just a dream. A lust filled phantasm that he always pushed to the back of his mind. He didn't need distractions in his life such as that.
So when Penny stormed out of the bowling alley, breaking Leonard's pathetic heart and forcing them to forfeit the competition to his hell sent nemesis Wil Wheaton; he removed the destructive tornado that was Penny from his life.
Well, it was more like Penny broke up with Leonard (and started to avoid all of them altogether), and after a failed audition, decided that it was high time that she returned to Nebraska. Even when she had promised that she would accompany him out to buy a gift for a tenured professor's birthday. Which didn't bother him at all, regardless of the fact that she only sent the text of cancellation once they returned home to discover that Penny was gone. The only items that remained in her apartment were her furniture; other than that, there was nothing. Penny had spent the entire day packing her valuable belongings and left without a single goodbye.
He wasn't bothered, not at all, and it was only Leonard's incessant sobbing that irked him. That, and the sudden stinging pain he felt on his wrist.
Penny was a coward; a giant, cheating, unsuccessful, pathetic coward, and she knew it.
She had allowed Wil Wheaton's words to get into her head, and that added to the weight on her chest for cheating on Leonard—while drunk! With Sheldon! And Sheldon didn't even know about it! That was the lowest thing she could ever do, aside from breaking Leonard's heart, and things just kept piling on and on.
The guilt of cheating with Sheldon; the guilt of not being at the same place in her relationship with Leonard, that crappy day she had at work where a kid vomited all over her and the mom even had the nerve to get mad and the last straw—the audition where she was rejected for having green eyes. It's not like she even wanted to have green eyes! She was born with it, and apparently, the director was looking for someone who looked natural. What the hell did that even mean? That was the final straw, and without a second thought, she packed all of her valuable belongings, shoved all of her things in her car and sent them via cargo to Nebraska and called up her dad to tell him that she was moving back. Then, once she had shipped most of her things—they were just clothes, kitchen crap, shoes, and miscellaneous crap—she sold her car and tv to a coworker who seemed interested, and bought herself a ticket back to Nebraska.
She didn't even say goodbye to any of her friends, and just left. She just really needed to leave, and to get away from the depressing scene that was Pasadena. Not that Nebraska wasn't depressing, it was just good to go home for a while. Maybe she could move to a different state once she had cleared all of her thoughts that kept her awake at night. Her career, her relationship with Leonard... Sheldon. It bothered her that she never even had the courage to tell him that she had sex with him—because there was no easy way of saying it. It was the biggest mistake she ever made, and was something she would literally take to her grave. Even if she was plagued by that dream every night for a month; even if she had to change her number just to ignore the two hundred messages Leonard sent her trying to get her to come back, she wasn't going to tell anyone. She would stay in Nebraska until she had a peace of mind, and was ready to start over. That mistake with Sheldon was the turning point in her life, and was what made her realize that she needed to grow up.
However, she certainly got the biggest shock of her life when she noticed that it had been more than a month since her period. Plus, she vomited every morning and was seriously weepier than she had ever been in her entire life, and that was what forced her older sister to do something very drastic.
She bought her a pregnancy test, and forced her to pee on it.
They bought ten more after that, and she peed on every single one. She was not ecstatic to see positive or blue lines on the stupid plastic stick. Not. At. All.
"Congratulations," her sister had sarcastically said after the tenth stick, "I'm going to be an aunt." That earned her sister a look that translated to I'm-going-to-kill-you and made her choke a sob, because—goddammit—she was fucking pregnant. Unsuccessful, jobless and pregnant; the perfect combination.
"I'm sure that the Leonard guy you're dating will take responsibility, right?" That was what her dad had coldly told her, and when she told him that she had broken up with 'the only seemingly decent guy she ever dated,' all hell broke loose. Her dad was screaming, her mother was crying, her sister fought to hide her 'I-knew-this-was-going-to-happen' look and simply placed a hand on her shoulder for comfort. "Well, call that Leonard guy and tell him that you're pregnant with his kid!" It was a demand, an angry order, and the entire farm shook when she revealed that Leonard wasn't the father. "What do you mean he isn't the father? He's your boyfriend, right? How are you so sure that he isn't—unless you screwed around with a different guy!"
Thinking about it now, she had sex with Leonard the week before, and after the week she had drunkenly stumbled onto Sheldon's penis. So, there was also a chance that Leonard was the father; and that would make Leonard happier than the day she agreed to have sex with him.
The problem was that, Leonard always used a condom. Always. There was never a time that he didn't. Ever. And, the only time she didn't use a condom, was that one night (two hours and thirty four minutes) that she thought—wished—was a dream. Because damn, life was punching her right in the face with the what was happening. A sick, cruel joke played just to make sure that her life was living hell. It was like she was in the middle of some long time running soap opera, or a badly written cliché story by some sad kid that had nothing interesting to do. Pregnant, at first drunken, accidental try. Or maybe she got pregnant somewhere before the eight try. Oh how women everywhere desperate to get pregnant would get so jealous of her accomplishment.
Sadly, the fact still remained that she was pregnant, and that Leonard was not the father, because life's cruel like that.
She suddenly felt the now disappearing scars on her hip sting, and she no longer denied the fact that her life was so screwed.
If you want to see what happens next, go see Babysitting.