From One to Seven
"He's a scum bag," Duo muttered, wiping back his sweaty bangs. He heaved a huge sigh and leaned forward, slumping on the bar, dark shadows under his eyes.
"Yes," Quatre agreed, sipping at his tea, his back straight. Unbeknowst to most, Quatre's tea was heavily spiked with vodka. Quatre had been a boy scout and knew that it was best to be prepared.
"The guy can't even keep his dick in his trousers. Geez, sure the woman was hot but she was also transporting nuclear arms," Duo grumbled. "I'm getting sick and tired of the guy always getting the credit when we're the ones cleaning up his messes."
"Trowa and Heero aren't pleased either," Quatre added.
"What about Wufei?" Duo said, and then ordered another drink.
"Wufei is in Siberia," Quatre murmured. "It makes me almost glad that I had a flesh wound."
"Siberia? What luck, I'm glad I wasn't chosen for that mission," Duo said, taking a gulp of his beer.
"Mission? We have another mission?" Trowa asked, Heero walking up beside him.
If Quatre and Duo weren't the highly trained special agents they would have jumped. Instead, Quatre merely nodded his head at Trowa and Heero's way and Duo grunted his welcome.
"No, just Wufei. Another Bond mess up in icy Siberia," Quatre said disgruntled. "It really makes you wonder, why they would give a license to kill to that lunatic."
"And have you heard how he takes his drinks?" Trowa questioned.
"How could I not? Martini, shaken not stirred," Duo answered, huffing over his drink. "The man is almost an alcoholic! Off the job maybe, on the job no," Do shook his head. "Sure, we have to blend into the crowd, but the guy takes it to the edge. He think he can hold it, but he really can't. That's what started the problem in Bermuda."
"That and a pretty skirt," Heero added. "Bond just couldn't keep his eyes off her thighs. He slept with her, she had poison lipstick, the usual you know," they nodded and Heero continued, "Bond was kidnapped. Duo and I had to rescue him from a shark infested island."
"Apparently it's a publicity stunt, to get people to join us in our quest against international crime," Trowa mused. "They're writing a book series to properly exploit him and make the job seem glamourous."
There was a brief pause before they all burst into laughter.
"You know, if I wasn't so completely buzzed from the pain killers I might actually feel more offended that they choose that arsehole instead of someone who deserves it," Quatre muttered, rubbing at his arm wound gingerly.
"007," Duo said slowly, "It just doesn't ring to me, 002, well that does!"
"It'll never sell," Heero predicted, "Bond is so unlikable."
They all nodded in assent.