ANGSTCAKES.
http : / www. youtube. com / watch?v=Zp5e05NhcpI - My inspiration.
Just take the spaces out of the link.
Disclaimer: I don't own them. Wolfman owns them. Booooo.
Full of regrets.
That's what he is. Not a day goes by that Elliot doesn't wish he'd gone to Olivia that night instead of Kathy.
When Olivia tells him she's engaged he drinks himself to sleep. Kathy asks him what's wrong, he tells her. She doesn't say a thing. She knows. She knows her husband is in love with another woman. She's so past caring. But she can't help but take joy in his misery.
Olivia shows off her engagement ring and fiancé at the precinct. Everyone is happy for her. Except Elliot. He's devastated. He can't be happy for her, not when she's happy without him.
On a Monday he asks Olivia if she's gonna leave him, if he's gonna lose her. "You can't lose something you never had, Elliot," she says. He thinks she must be heartless. Because maybe he's never had her, but she's always had him.
The wedding invitation arrives and Kathy hands it to him after work with a "Look what came in the mail" and a smile.
The day before Olivia's wedding he finds himself following her. To the beach. She's at Sandy Hook, and he wonders why the hell she's here. He watches her sit in the sand, in an oversized sweatshirt, head bent forward. And he may not be marrying her, but he knows her well enough to know she's crying.
Before he can think, he's walking towards her. He can hear her silent tears. He's the only one who can. He sits next to her, looks out at the water. He draws his knees up to his chest, rests his arms. "Tell me, Liv."
She takes a deep breath. It's shaky. Tied in with her tears. "I love Erik. I do, but…I always thought I'd marry you," she smiles and his heart is beating so damn fast he can't hear himself think.
He grabs her hand, intertwines their fingers. His own tears flow down his face. "I'm sorry," he whispers. "I'm sorry," he repeats.
Olivia looks at him, closes her eyes. He leans. Their lips meet. He kisses her with fervor. His hands are in her hair, hers on his back. She pulls away. "You're married, and I...I'm getting married tomorrow," she stands up, backs away from him, "and we can't do this."
"Liv," he tries but she just stares at him, walking backwards, leaving. "Please." But she's gone.
The next day, at the church, he can't breathe. He's willing himself not to cry, especially with his goddamn wife sitting next to him. He hates this.
"I do." He closes his eyes and he imagines Olivia saying this about him, across from him. Erik kisses her and Elliot's eyes mist over. He watches as they walk past him. Move on.
He lets her go.
Full of regrets.