Choices

by FandofMany

Sansa Stark is at a lost in her life, the choices she's made has turned her life upside down and she seeks clarity on what to do next...

Chapter 1

"What do you think you're doing? What are you thinking? Why on Earth are you here? Really?"
"Well…"
"Do you honestly think he can help you? How are you going to explain this mess to him?"
"Well…"
"No. He'll probably just think you're completely insane; then what you gonna do?"
"He might not? He might be able to help?"
"Well maybe you don't need him? Maybe you can handle all this on your own."
"I can't do that."
"You can, you don't need any help with this; or maybe just don't deal with the problem at all? Why not simply put this up on a shelf buried in the back of your mind and forget the whole thing even happened? Yeah? Just ignore the problem and hope it goes away; works all the time."
"Well actually…"
"Just forget, ignore and move on. Sound good?"
"No, this has to get dealt with, I can't just forget, ignore and move on; not an option. A person cannot simply store away their problems and hope they go away; it does not work that way."
"Well if you hadn't been an idiot in the beginning you would not be here now; because you never would have gotten into this mess."

The argument continued inside the young Miss. Sansa Stark' mind. She was trying to figure out what she had gotten herself into; and how to change her path, or if she even wanted to change it. Sansa had so many chances to choose a different path, maybe even a better one, but she chose the one with the most twists and turns in it. 'One day,' she thought, 'one day you'll get this right, one day you'll stop screwing up everything in your life.' Sansa could not help but get annoyed with herself; anyone could tell she was carrying on a heated conversation in her head. To see her, one would believe her insane.

The waiting room Sansa sat in was very small, narrow and plain, with bleak grey walls and old cracked tiles made the floor. One side of the room stood two wooden chairs and a small side table that matched followed by three more wooden chairs leading to the outside door. On the side Sansa sat on was identical except the door on her side lead to an office. The wall across Sansa had three photographs all evenly spaced out much like the rest of the room.

While arguing with herself Sansa took a moment to examine the three photographs. The first that hung on the left side was mountain scenery; she could see the snow on top, blue skies and a small stream running between the two mountains, it was beautiful, peaceful.

The second photo-hanging dead centre was a waterfall, falling into a deep pool of water with the river flowing from it. In the heart of the waterfall, there was the face of a man. The face was very light, faint and could hardly be seen. Sansa had to tilt her head slightly to see him better. The photo puzzled her; she was trying to understand why there was a face hidden in the waterfall.

The third photo was of the river, fast rushing water, never stopping, never ending, rocks surrounding the rushing water with the trees blowing in the wind.

Sansa liked the photographs yet she found the centre more interesting than the other two. The strange face in the waterfall intrigued her, the face constantly staring directly out. It reminded her of one of those paintings that seemed like their eyes are constantly following your every move. Sansa decided to get a closer look; rising from the hard wooden chair she had been perched on, she crossed the small awaiting room and stood putting her knee on one of the chairs directly in front of the photo examining it while trying to forget her own problems.

Sansa was nervous; she had never really done this before and unsure if she wanted to go through with it. She'd tried in the past once or twice, she would meet the therapist, sit down with them for two or three minutes saying nothing then walk out not looking back. Sansa found it unnatural, talking to a complete stranger about ones problems, paying someone to listen; it felt wrong but Sansa knew she had to; she was out of options. Sansa's life was completely upside down and she was only falling farther and farther down into that deep dark hole she dug herself, and if she was not careful, she might never get out of it. This had to get dealt with, everything needed to get sorted out before it completely consumed her; Sansa needed this to be finished; no more running and hiding, it was time to come and face the music.
Sansa focused more and more on the photograph, she had hoped that by putting all her energy into the photo she just might forget her troubles; even if only for a moment; everything would be all right.
Sansa tried to see the man in the waterfall, she kept shifting to find his face better, and Sansa found it oddly comforting and soothing, almost putting her at ease with her troubled soul in some inexplicable way. She dug deeper in her thoughts before finally giving up the argument she was clearly losing with herself, letting her mind get lost in the photograph.

The door to Sansa's side opened so quietly she never heard it. She was so involved with the photo that she had completely forgotten where she was and why. The man Sansa was waiting for stood quietly in front of his office door, arms across his chest with a smile on his face. He stood there watching her enthralled by the photograph.

He saw this young women, under twenty, tall, thin young woman. She was beautiful. He could see light scars on the left side of her face just below her cheek going down her neck; this made him very curious about her. Her long red hair that fell down her back and wide ocean blue eyes that looked as though she had seen a lifetime of pain yet at the same time there was something so peaceful, so innocent about them, soft and loving. He could see that she had had a lot of pain and horrors in her past and that she was very troubled and yet there was just something about her; something he could not figure out. The man watching Sansa had always found enjoyment in watching his new patients before actually talking to them, he could learn a lot just from watching. He liked to see which photograph they were drawn towards; it gave him an idea of the type of person they were and what type of help they were seeking.

Over the years he had noticed that more than half of his patients would chose the third photo, some the first however he found that very few would actually chose the second photograph.
Each photograph had a different meaning. The first, the mountains, told him that for the most part they were at peace with themselves and could find joy in the little things; they usually only needed a bit of guidance with a problem they could not solve themselves.

The second photograph, the waterfall, told him that they were missing something huge in their life; they would have an emptiness, a pain in them and never know or understand why.
The third photograph, the river, told him that they were normally overwhelmed and had trouble slowing down the things in their life. They purely needed someone to help them slow down and gain order in their life.

He always liked it when he got a patient who would choose the second photograph; he noticed that those patients in particular had a greater story to tell. He decided to wait a second longer before making his presents known. He very gently cleared his throat just loud enough that he could not be misheard.

Sansa jumped at the sound of him; she had not been expecting to be startled. She turned to the man she had been waiting for and stared at him; he was not what Sansa had imagined.
He was a stoutly bald middle-aged man. He wore very fine cloths and looked like a man who never had a thing out of place. The thing Sansa noticed the most about him though was his eye. They looked kind.
'One less thing to worry about,' she thought to herself; now she only hoped his personality and mannerisms were just as appealing.

He did not say anything; he merely turned and walked into his office leaving Sansa to follow. Sansa slowly followed him into his office; she stood in the doorway peering into the room.

The man had already taken a seat in a large beige padded chair, across from the chair stood a large old couch matching in colour.

Sansa looked around as she slowly headed toward the couch; he had high bookshelves overflowing with books. She could not make out any with just a glance. She also noticed a small area in the corner for coffee and tea; he had more photographs and a couple of paintings similar to the ones in his waiting room hanging on his lightly blue coloured walls. His office was much more cheerful and light than his waiting room.

Just before taking a seat Sansa noticed a cross hanging above his desk. It was a beautiful Celtic cross; however, it raised some curious questions in Sansa's mind about what kind of man she was meeting with.
Once Sansa finally sat down on his old cushy couch the two of them just sat quietly and stared at each other, after a few small moments the man finally spoke.
"So I take it you are Miss. Sansa Stark?" he said then sat waiting for her reply but all he received was a confirming head nod. "Well it's nice to meet you, to put a face to the voice as it were."
He was smiling as he spoke to her hoping to get anything out of her.

"Um, as you probably guessed I'm Dr. Varys, but everyone just calls me Varys."

He continued to smile at Sansa hoping she would relax a bit more and say something but she continued to remain silent and stare into his bright sapphire eyes.
Sansa was trying to figure out the man across from her to make sure he was the person to tell her story to; she had not told a soul yet and she believed that it could not be told to just anyone; she trusted she would know the right person when the time came. Sansa had already gone to three other therapists but each time she waited, she would get this feeling in the pit of her stomach that would make her walk away. Varys continued to sit and wait for Sansa to say something, anything.

Sansa was beginning to confuse Varys; in all his years of being a therapist he had never had someone come in and not talk, he wondered if she was simply collecting her thoughts or if she was truly afraid of talking to someone, which made him worry what kind of story this girl had to tell. Sansa took a deep breath then spoke to him.
"You can call me Sans… that's what everyone calls me." Sansa paused for a second then.
"I'm sorry I... I'm trying to make sure of something," she paused again. "I'm sure you can understand, a person cannot just go around and talk to anyone." Sansa watched Varys' facial expression go from concerning to impressed as she continued.
"When I meet someone new I can normally figure out what type of person they are, let's call it Intuition, if I get a bad feeling about someone, I bolt for the door and don't look back. Make sense?"

Sansa took her eyes off Varys and looked down to the grey carpet covering his floor.

"You feel safe," Sansa's voice was soft and quiet as she said it, looking back up to Varys; she gave him a soft smile while pulling her arms across her chest. Believing that would protect her, and hoped he did not hear her last statement.

Varys did not remark on Sansa's statement, he was even more impressed with the young woman before him now. He nodded as he started to respond to Sansa's first statement.

"You're a very cautious person; I can understand that and respect it. I've been informed about the other three therapists you have seen and they all say the same thing. You come in, sit down, wait a minute or two then walk out. I'd like you to know, you're more than welcome to leave at any time but to be honest I don't think you will; you look like a person who truly needs to talk and I think that if you let me I can help you." Varys could see the relief in Sansa's eyes as he spoke.

"Do you mind if I ask you something that might seem a bit personal?" Varys nodded his head allowing Sansa to continue.
"Are you one of those religious type of person who pretends to understand and show them compassion for someone only to smite them for any wrong doings in their life? Or are you the other kind who accepts that even though somebody's made some terrible mistakes in their life, you still listen and try to help while leaving your personal thoughts and feelings out of the situation?"

Sansa needed to take a breath before carrying on. "Because here's the thing, if you're the first type, the 'fake' type then I'm going to leave and not waste anymore of our time, but if by chance that you're the other type, and I'm pretty sure you are then I think that ... that maybe you can help me. Now I realize just how blunt and most likely offensive that was ... but I really need to know and there's really no agreeable way to ask such a thing." As Varys took in everything, she saw this huge sigh of relief lift from Sansa.

Varys was not only shocked but puzzled by Sansa's question, she was quite an impressive girl and he was trying to figure out how she concluded that he was 'religious' at all; and how she was able to sum up into two categories for how 'religious' people behave. Varys could tell Sansa was a highly intuitive person, he did not realize just how intuitive she seemed to be. He needed to respond correctly as not to scare her away; he needed to be careful; before agreeing to answer her, he felt the need to ask a question or two of his own.

"Okay, now before I answer you tell me what makes you think I'm religious? What makes you believe religious people are those two types and why does it matter whether I am religious or what type at all?" Varys crossed his arms and sat further back into his chair feeling slightly smug and pleased with himself for being clever.

Sansa was impressed that Varys was wise enough to question her; she was convinced that he was going to take everything she had to say very seriously, which was exactly what she needed.
"Well," she started, "the cross above your desk, most people would have a clock there, especially when you sit there, you have a perfect view. The fact that it's Celtic is highly specific; now I can only assume it's from your childhood, so I take it you were raised in the church or at least one of your parents." Sansa took a breath then continued. "There's also the photograph in your waiting room, the one I was looking at, it has a hidden face in the waterfall. It is supposed to be an image of God, right? Then there's you in particular, you just seem the type all at ease and steady; very together and people like that normally get that way after learning or dealing with some issue or problem; lots do this through finding or re-finding God… Why I believe religious people are either hypocrites or decent is because of the house I grew up in and it doesn't actually matter if you're religious or not Varys I simply don't like dealing with liars and hypocrites."

Sansa smiled as she took a breath. Once again, Varys was impressed by how intuitive Sansa seemed to be; how quickly she was able to accurately sum him up; and he was curious to hear about the house she grew up in. He smiled back to her as he responded.

"Hum okay… well you've certainly peaked my curiosity. I am religious but I like to call it Christianity. I was raised Catholic but walked away for a while and when I found my way back to God, the catholic faith didn't seem fitting anymore; that's when I became a born again Christian and that cross belonged to my mother. However, to your question I try very hard not to judge people no matter what they have done. It said 'Do not judge or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and measure you use it will be measured to you.' Matthew 7 I believe, if I'm correct; now that being said I am human which means I'm not perfect; however no matter how badly you believe your actions to be I will gladly listen and try to guide you in the best direction, see if I can't help you in anyway, help bring you to a solution." Varys took a breath now. "Sansa I will do my best to keep all judgment if I have any at all to myself. Anything you say to me, here in this room is safe; and know that I will not betray your confidence."

Sansa could do nothing but sit there, her mouth slightly open in complete awe of what she had just heard. The man had quoted the Bible, never in her life had that ever happened before; she could hardly believe that he could have simply pulled a Bible verse out of thin air like it was nothing.

Varys could see Sansa trying to comprehend what he told her and took the opportunity to ask another question.

"Do you believe in God, Sansa?"
Varys was curious to know, and his question brought Sansa's focus back.
"No, I don't actually. I've read books where God or a religion was referenced over the years but ah no I don't believe in God. Never saw the point." Sansa gave a slight smile then dropped her eyes once more to the grey carpet under her feet.

Varys simply nodded his head he was a bit surprised by her answer, how she could come to such conclusions of him, his photograph and people in general with knowing next to nothing of God. He was compelled to ask more but before he could Sansa without taking her eyes off the floor said, "Had a feeling." As if, she was reading his mind.
Varys was completely amazed by the young woman before him; 'what a gift,' he thought, 'show her, teach her, lead her to me, I am waiting.' The thought had brought shivered down Varys' spine as it passed his mind, 'Yes,' he thought, 'Yes I can save her, bring her to God.'

He was full of joy, excited for his task. Varys would not wait to start, however as much as he was excited to help her he had a great amount of fear for Sansa. 'Just how close is she to being lost forever? How deep were the devils claws in her back? It might be a hard task to do? Perhaps one truly worth doing though?' the thought kept spinning around in the good doctor's mind.

"So Sansa," he began the conversation again getting them back on track. "Would you like to tell me your story now?" Varys was smiling on the inside, excited yet fearful at the same time, eager to hear her story. 'It can't be as bad as she thinks, can it?' he thought, greatly hoping it was not. Sansa took one last long gaze at Varys, took a deep breath and nodded her head. She was finally ready to tell her story.

Chapter 2

"I was about fifteen years old, that's when my life changed. I lived with my parents and my siblings; four brothers and a sister. My mum was great, she used to tell me stories and sing to me all the time. She was big with the church thing; made us go every Sunday. Everyone loved her, and she was beautiful. She had a similar build to me, same blue coloured eyes like me smooth soft skin and wavy auburn hair. Everyone always said I looked just like her. My father was just as great as my mum; He loved us more than anything and always wanted what was best for us.

One day when I was away on a school trip there was a terrible accident. My family home caught fire and everything was destroyed. My family trapped inside. There were no survivors.
Varys sat still and silent trying to take everything Sansa was telling him in not wanting to miss a single detail as his heart broke for the fifteen-year-old girl in her story. Not realizing that was just the start of her torment.

"When I came back from the school trip and was told the news I was distort. I had no one left in the world; I had lost my entire family in one day and all that I had left was my mother's photo album that had survived the fire; a few of the pages were burned but I clung to it with all my heart. After a few days I got placed in a foster family and that`s when my life went from bad to worse.

"The family I was placed with were the Lannisters. Cersei was a spiteful woman who was always drinking. Her brother Jamie was always around her, you never saw one without the other. Cersei`s husband Robert was never around but her children were. Cersei had three children; Joffrey, Myrcella and Tommen. I got along well with Myrcella and Tommen. Joffrey, Joffrey was my problem. Joffrey was a cruel, spoiled child who did whatever he wanted to whomever he wanted.

When I was first introduced to Joffrey he was nice and kind, he even seemed sympathetic to my situation but after a couple of weeks of him being kind, he changed. He would beat me; verbally abuse me. And Cersei let him do it. Late one night he came into my room and…and…put a gun to my head, telling me to stay quiet, and as tears silently ran down my face he raped me. Bruised every part of my body and left me beaten and near dead.

Cersei found me the next morning, she sent me to the hospital and that was the last time I ever saw any of them. I have no idea what happened to Joffrey or if Cersei even cared what her son had done.
Sansa paused, took a deep breath; talking about Joffrey was more difficult than she thought it would be and she required a quick second. Telling that part of her story was reminding her of every drunken night she had to endure; but that night was the worst by far, she honestly believed she was going to die.

Varys could see tears forming in Sansa 's blue eyes; he couldn't help but feel deeply for he, to have to experience all those horrors alone, to be treated so cruelly.
"Are you alright, Sansa?"

"Oh yeah… sorry just… it's the first time saying it all out loud so…" Sansa quickly wiped away the tears that were forming before they could fall. "I told you all that because… I thought maybe… it would help you maybe understand me a bit… to understand where I come from sort to speak, perhaps to help explain my current actions."`

Sansa paused for a moment, lost in her thoughts.

"Or maybe it has nothing to do with what's happening now, just a huge coincidence? I might not be able to tell the difference anymore." Sansa fell silent again; she kept losing track of her thoughts. Varys just sat back and allowed her to find her place, but after a short moment, he interrupted her thoughts with a question.

"What happened after you left the Lannisters?"

Sansa pulled her focus back and continued with her story.

"The courts were able to find an aunt that I had after a few weeks of digging so I was placed in her and her husband's custody.

Lysa and John Arryn. Lysa is my mother's sister and John is her husband. I had never met these people, had no idea who they were what kind of people they were and I was being shipped off to live with them. I quickly came to understand my aunt and uncle.
My Aunt Lysa well she's this pretty little house wife. She shares many similarities in her appearance with her sister. She's early forties, slim figure with dark auburn hair and blue eyes; she always wears a long dress that showed off way too much bust and flat black shoes. Aunt Lysa always drives me crazy, more so when I first came to live with them but every so often, she still gets me going. She's just this little woman who craves the gossip of the town. It's her personality that drives me up the wall, always talking, always needing to be in other people's business.

My Uncle John… well, we get along quite well actually. He's a quiet, simple sort of man; the complete opposite to his wife. I like him. He's tall and lanky, around fifty-two and always looks exhausted. I figured that was due to Aunt Lysa never shutting up. Uncle John used to be a navy man before retiring, very hard worker but at home, he doesn't do much. At first, I thought he was very boring but he grew on me. The thing I like the most about Uncle John is his ability to tune out whatever he doesn't want to listen to. I envy him for that.

That's how I ended up here in Kingslanding. Moving here was the first time ever being in a small town; it took me a bit to get used to living here; I found everything a little too quiet for what I was used to. The sound of cars and the busy outside world used to put me to sleep but Kingslanding was too silent for me at first. I quite like the quiet now. Anyway, I was just glad I didn't have any friends at the time. I didn't mind picking up everything and moving because there was really nothing left where I was and I was excited to start new.

Wanting to start over, however, did not make me any better at meeting people though. I showed up at the beginning of the summer and Aunt Lysa decided to take me everywhere with her. I hated all her friends, all annoying and talked way too much; all at the same time too. I always sat to the side keeping to myself for the most part. Lucky for me though another kid that got dragged around by his mother. This is how I met Harrold Hardying, Harry for short. His mother who I found out was actually his adopted mother; did not like the fact that Harry didn't like to do anything but read mechanic magazines so she would drag him out of the house with her.

Harry's a good guy, same age as me. We became friends pretty much because we ended up spending almost every day of the summer together. His mother and my aunt kept pushing us together. I ended up liking Harry and once he got more comfortable hanging out with me I could tell he liked having me as a friend too. Once we were friends though, Harry wouldn't stop talking and asking questions. It was as if he had never talked to anyone in years and he was trying to make up for lost time. He told me he was an orphan, doesn't remember his birth parents, they died but he was never told how or why; anyway he got adopted when he was four. His parents are nice, you never see them fight, non-drinkers and fully active in their church. They used to invite me but I never felt comfortable going, even though my aunt continually tried to make me. Harry has this theory about God and that he believes in him but if God wanted him, he would know where to find him; so when Harry turned thirteen he stopped going to church with his parents.
Harry is a curious type of guy; after he told me everything about himself, he started to ask questions that were all about me; about my past. I never did tell him; I still haven't. I didn't want people to know so every time he brought up the subject of me I quickly changed the topic to a type of car or what new mechanic book he got and he'd soon forget he had asked me anything at all.

Harry became my first friend since my family's death and it was nice to have someone again. With Harry, I finally started to feel like a normal kid again. I had people who cared and worried about me; for the first time in years I was able to have a normal summer; I even got to have a birthday that didn't entail hiding away; I got to celebrate turning sixteen with someone I could call a friend. Near the end of the summer, Aunt Lysa told me she had enrolled me in Kingslanding High and that she had already gotten everything I needed. Harry was happy, he'd have a friend going in and I was glad I would know at least one person.
Kingslanding High is where I came into my current predicament. My three years of confusion and conflict." Sansa paused there for a second to gather her thoughts again.

"Just so you know Varys I'm in my final three weeks of school." Varys nodded but stayed quiet; he wanted her to continue with her story. Sansa was quickly trying to organize her thoughts; she had a lot to tell Varys and didn't want to leave anything out.

Varys decided to take advantage of Sansa 's pause.

"High school, that's where your situation arose?" he didn't say it so much as question but more of a statement. Sansa simply nodded and continued with her story.

"I found that the only difference between Kingslanding High and other schools I've attended was the classroom. There were still cliques and popular kids, unpopular, cool trends and un-cool. Kingslanding High has all the same types of clubs any other school has. Going to Kingslanding I had simply hoped I would be invisible like I was in my previous schools. Harry wasn't popular so I hoped that would make things easier; if I hung out with an unpopular student, I thought it would make me the same as him.

First year of high school would be considered a horrifying experience for most people; for me I really couldn't categorize it as horrifying. I saw high school as one-step closer to my freedom; the freedom to no longer need guardians and I could go back to taking care of myself.

As Harry predicted we ended up in all the same classes. I remember my first day; everyone kept staring at me as if they knew what my life had been. Course they were really staring because I was the new girl. Harry found it excited everyone curious about me; I found it annoying so much for being invisible.

The day went by smoothly at first, math, science, gym then after lunch Harry and I had history followed by English. I had no problems with my day until we reached English. I always like to sit at the very back of the class, easier to hide but unfortunately, there was no back. The farthest I could go was right in front of the teachers' desk, which took up a considerable amount of the back and the rest was full of bookshelves and art projects, models. The two seats in front of the teachers desk were free cause everyone else had avoided them so because Harry and I got lost trying to find the class they were the only seats left.
Even though the bell had rung and were all in our seats waiting, our teacher was nowhere to be seen so we all actually had to sit and wait for him to show up. When he finally walked in, I could hardly believe my eyes; I recognized him, yet I knew I'd never met him before; it drove me insane trying to figure out why I recognized him.

In walked this lean handsome man who could not have looked to be about thirty-six, thirty-seven years old. With his chiseled appearance, smooth creamy skin, deep dark grey-green eyes and his unshaved stubble look surrounding his well formed lips; beautiful dark luxurious ash-black hair with grey starting to come through at his temples. He wore a very casual attire; denim dark blue jeans, with a white button-down shirt with his top three buttons undone, and a grey blazer over top with a mockingbird pin on his blazer. He had every female student's undying attention when he walked in; one look from him and you'd melt in your seat from his inviting 'trust me' smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. He had this awe about him, this mysterious appeal; you could tell he was an old soul and that he had a story you'd want to know yet at the same time you weren't so sure. Then I recognized him; he was the man from the photo.

Every night when my mother would tuck me in, she would always tell me a story about when she was younger. She really liked telling me about her high school days; she was popular so her experience was good. She'd tell me about all the fun she had, the parties, the trouble and drama her and her friends would get into, what her girlfriends were like back then. Anyway, she had this one friend; my new English teacher, from her stories and how she talked about him; they seemed to be like Harry and I. They met because their science teacher made them lab partners; he was the new kid, unpopular but my mother never abode by the rules of cliques so they became friends and she made everyone else except him into their group. They shortly realized they had most classes together which was good for my mother cause he would always help her out when she needed it; which was most of the time; she wasn't unintelligent just not quite as smart as him. She used to joke that you'd never see one of them without the other; mum told me he was one of the most loyal friend she ever had. I loved hearing her stories, about her school days, summer vacations; she had this gift for making everything sound like some great adventure. I used to ask her about her friend, I was curious to know what happened to him? Where he ended up? The most she would tell me is that they went to college together but drifted apart and had no idea where he was or what he was up to. I guess I figured out where he ended up, teaching high school English."

Varys found the need to stop Sansa for a moment.

"So your mother's high school friends ended up being your high school English teacher?" he looked over concerned; while Sansa sat with a small smile on her face understanding his concern.
"Oh yeah, it gets better though." She replied. Varys nodded his head and allowed her to continue curious on how it could get better.
"So the teacher's late, he starts off by apologizing then introduced himself.

"Right my name is Mr. Baelish and well this is English ten which of course you all already know. So let's just go over a few things and then get started shall we." He glanced around the room casually as he spoke with his beautiful Irish accent. Not really looking at anyone in particular, he was too distracted trying to organize the mess of papers he was carrying. Mr. Baelish continued to speak about everything the class was going to cover over the semester, and then started to do attendance. It was alphabetical so I tuned out until he reached my name. Harry nudged me so I looked up to Mr. Baelish; he had finally looked up from all his papers and was peering around the room as he called out my name. He seemed to be searching for the face that went with the name; when I made myself known to him, his dark grey-green shaded eyes set on me and his look was unforgettable. It looked as though he was staring at a ghost. I got the feeling he was seeing my mother through me; everyone had always said just how much I looked like her. Mr. Baelish's eyes never left mine and I knew he thought I was my mother; our eyes alone were almost identical. He seemed to be in shock and apparently paralyzed; so surprised to see me sitting before him. The class began to whisper amongst themselves as Mr. Baelish continued to stare at me. I could hear everyone's whispers going around the room but my eyes never left his. "Does he know her? Why is he just staring at her? Standing there like an oaf? She's not that pretty. Who is she? What makes her so important?" and so on. Even Harry leaned into me asking if I knew what was happening. I shook my head no, for some reason I didn't want Harry to know why Mr. Baelish was staring. Mr. Baelish finally composed himself and continued with attendance dropping his gaze back to his stack of papers so I was out of his line of vision. Mr. Baelish and I avoided eye contact for the majority of the class and when the bell rang, I grabbed my things and left as fast as I could. Poor Harry was so confused by the whole ordeal but I figured I'd explain everything later, later when I knew more."

Sansa stopped to see if Varys wanted her to continue and to see how much time was left. He told her they had a little more time and to please continue.

Chapter 3

"I wasted no time getting home that day from school, ran into the house and straight up to my room; threw my bag to the side and headed straight for my bookshelf. I grabbed my mother's photo album, sat down on my bed, and started flipping through looking for pictures of Mr. Baelish. He was in almost every picture with my mother; I always had the feeling from her stories that they were more than friends, but never did get the proof. I could hardly sleep that night, my mother's stories of Mr. Baelish and my imagination kept me up that night wondering of all the possibilities, curious of how he ended up an English teacher. My mother's stories had shown him to be heading into politics, not someone who would enjoy spending their days locked up in a classroom. That was the only part of their story I didn't know.

The next day Harry kept asking me about what happened in English. I could hear the buzz around the school; most of the students were talking about it. I didn't tell Harry that Mr. Baelish was an old friend of my mothers, I hardly knew what happened in class so I was not about to say something and have it all wrong. I told Harry that maybe I simply reminded Mr. Baelish of someone, which wasn't a complete lie and for all I knew that's what really happened, I couldn't know what was going through his mind; I never talked to him, how could I know what was really going on. I hoped I only reminded him of someone from his past and that he simply couldn't put his finger on who.

I was not that lucky.

"My morning was weird, I had mostly the same classmates in all my classes and apparently no one had anything better to talk about than what had happened the day before in English. Everyone stared at me while they talked, coming up with ideas about Mr. Baelish and myself. I found it really quite annoying; second day of school and I already had rumors going around about me; I really am like my mother. English was after lunch so when Harry and I headed for it I was not looking forward to an hour of more whispers. To my surprised, the class went all right; no one wanted to talk about yesterday in front of the teacher; and Mr. Baelish barely looked at me, he scarcely looked at anyone. I thought that maybe I had gotten off the hook, that the whole thing was just a freak accident and didn't mean a thing. That I had gotten lucky this time but just before the end of class as Mr. Baelish walked past my desk to his he dropped a small envelope on my book while making sure no one had seen before taking his seat. I stared at the envelope in horror trying to figure out why and what it could possibly hold. The bell rang and Harry and I gathered our books and headed out, I quickly tucked Mr. Baelish's envelope into my book out of sight from everyone, even me. I wasn't sure what to do with it; I gathered it was a letter but questions kept swarming in my mind. 'What could it say?' 'What could he want?' 'Do I really want to know what it says at all?' The thought of his letter consumed me for the rest of the day as I tried to figure out what to do with it. Harry could tell I had something on my mind, something distracting me; he was still asking me about the day before and I still didn't know what to tell him. Tell Harry, I hardly knew what to tell myself. Secret letter? I had no idea what was going on and until I did, I was keeping Harry out of it. All I knew was that my mother's old friend? Lover? Someone? Our teacher was dropping me mysterious letter on my desk when no one was looking. How could I explain that to Harry? I couldn't even explain it to myself. I decided to wait and not risk it.

"When I got home Mr. Baelish's letter was burning a hole in my pocket. I still wasn't sure I wanted to read it but as usual, my curiosity was getting the best of me. I ran into the house, up the stairs ignoring my Aunt's voice and went right to my room locking the door behind me; I didn't want anyone to interrupt me. In my room I have this secret little spot where I can hid away when my aunt is looking for me; it's just above my bedroom ceiling. It is part of the attic that got sealed off from the rest so I turned it into my own little haven. It's small and tight; I covered the floor in large multi-coloured pillows and blankets while the walls were covered with pages of poems, articles, art, anything I found interesting. Just off to the side it has a two shelved bookcase overflowing with my very favorites. Dickens, Shakespeare, Edger Allen Poe, Austen, Bukowski, Keats; etc. I had always enjoyed the latter period. I feel safe there, it's the only place in the house that makes me feel at home. So I climbed up, pulled out Mr. Baelish's envelope from my bag, opened it and pulled out a short letter. I settled down in my nook and read:

Miss. Stark,

I realize that this is all very unorthodox; however, I could not contain myself in writing you. I believe my eyes are playing tricks on me and I am hoping you can clarify a few things for me. I expect nothing from you, not even a reply if you wish; please remember that. Yesterday in class when I saw your name on my attendance I had recognized it and then when I saw you, well you truly are the spitting image of a woman I once knew. Her name was Catelyn Tully, we went to school together, and she later married a man named Eddard Stark who if I am correct is your father. Please are you really Catelyn's daughter? I believe you are, you'd have to be with your eyes, I thought I was seeing Catelyn when I saw you at first. Her soul, essence; you probably have her spirit too, or something close, but definitely her eyes. I would like to believe I would be able to recognize Catelyn's daughter; Catelyn sent me a picture of her daughter once, she would have been four or five in the picture. I dug out that old photo last night and she looks just like you, it must be you.
I want to apologize for what happened to your family, I had received news of their deaths and it truly pained me to hear of it. That must have been a horrifying and painful time for you. Then of course having to move away from the only home you've ever known, I had no idea that you came to Kingslanding though.
My only wish in sending you this letter is to confirm my suspicions that you are the daughter of Catelyn Stark. I cannot be sure of how much you know of your mother's school days or if you know anything at all. We were close once your mother and I and I only wish to pay my respects to you for what happened. Take from this what you may; I know you don't owe me anything but if you are inclined I'd appreciate it if you put my mind at ease and grant me the knowledge I've inquired about.

P. Baelish

I put the letter down on a pillow next to me and was in awe, all my suspicions were right; Mr. Baelish and I were on the same wavelength. Scary thought. How to proceed? I could use this to my advantage, get him to tell me the things my mother never would, get his side of all her stories. My thoughts curled in my mind, all the missing pieces of my mother's life that I longed for. I could find out how my mother ended up with my father, what happened between her and Mr. Baelish? He could tell me everything I wanted to know and perhaps he had similar questions for me? What happened to my mother after they parted? What her life was like with my father? The possibility of exchanging information was tempting, very tempting."

Chapter 4

Varys just sat and stared at Sansa. Varys was running everything in his mind when he glanced at his watch realized their hour was almost up. He brought his focus back to finish their session.

"Well, Miss. Stark I think we have made a very good start and you've certainly given me quite a lot to think about. I assume you are the daughter Mr. Baelish was referring to and that you told him so."

"Yes. I wouldn't have much of a story to tell otherwise would I…" Sansa chuckled slightly, "and I certainly would not be in my current situation."

"Right," Varys needed to take in Sansa's last words. "You certainly have been through quite a lot for one so young."

"It's all in the hand you're dealt, I guess," Sansa smiled at Varys and rose from his couch, "So when would you like me to come back?"

Varys did not want to wait a whole week to hear more of Sansa's story, so he told her Thursday at four would be great. That would give him a couple days to process the first part of her tale. Sansa agreed, shook Varys's hand and left his office leaving him with his thoughts.

On Sansa's way out she stopped in front of the second photograph to admire it, and to give herself a chance to organize her thoughts. Luckily, for her Varys's waiting room was empty.

"Well that went well… I think?" she said to herself, "I didn't bolt this time, he seems alright, he listened, even seemed concerned at some points." Sansa had to take a deep breath to settle herself.

"I did the right thing," she said to the photograph, "I'm doing the right thing." After she seemed to settle herself down a bit she left Varys's waiting room checking her watch ensuring she had enough time to get to her favorite little coffee shop. It was just after eleven when Sansa finally got home. Her Aunt Lysa and Uncle John had already retired to their room so she didn't have to sneak past them; once they went to bed, they were dead to the world. Sansa went to the kitchen to make a quick peanut butter and jam sandwich and headed up to her room.

Sansa's room was very eclectic, she liked too many different things; she couldn't choose which way to style her room so she put a little of everything on her walls. Sansa's walls were white because her aunt wouldn't let her paint them so she had posters, flags, and art all over her walls. A Bond poster, Marilyn Monroe, Singing in the Rain, South Pacific, The Full Monty and Doctor Who; posters of The Beatles and Sting; on the wall above her bed she had half a dozen flags from different countries. Sansa was determined to get a flag of every country. Around the room, Sansa had a couple of large bookshelves overflowing with books, from Shakespeare's plays all the way to the Harry Potter books. Sansa enjoyed reading everything, every genre, topic, from history to mythology, fantasy to mystery; she even had a spot for some old comic books she still owned.

Sansa didn't have a lot of clutter in her room; everything was organized and kept in its place. Her guitar in the far corner, her bed always made, clothes folded away in her armoire, her desk was never messy, she had a cup that held her pens and pencils, and she usually had a book lying open on top as well as another book on her bedside table, for when she couldn't sleep.

Sansa set her bag down next to her desk as she entered her room, sat on her bed and ate her peanut butter and jam sandwich while deep in thought about all she had done throughout the day. She was thinking of the one-step forward, two steps back scenario. Sansa had certainly taken a step forward but then took two huge steps back.

When Sansa had finished eating, she turned her radio on for some background music then opened her closet to gain access to her haven. Sansa kept her most precious things hidden up there; she pulled the small ladder down and climbed up. Sansa felt like she could breathe again, now she was home. Sansa spent most of her nights hidden away in her haven; she had enough pillows and blankets up there that she was always comfortable. She had everything she needed. Sansa reached for Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream and pulled out a stack of letters tucked away in it. She nestled in and read every letter from the first to the last slowly absorbing all they held. She fell asleep reading her letters.

At six in the morning, Sansa's alarm clock next to her bed went off. She woke, quickly put her letters back in A Midsummer's Night's Dream and climbed down to shut off her alarm. Sansa started her day off the same as always, shower, dressed and gathered all her schoolbooks. By seven, she was together and ready to go meet Harry for breakfast at the local diner; they had breakfast there every Tuesday. It only takes Sansa fifteen minutes to walk to the diner and only a ten-minute walk from there to the high school. Sansa did the routine saying good morning to her aunt and uncle who were in the kitchen. Uncle John sitting at the table reading the morning paper while Aunt Lysa was busy making his eggs. Sansa headed for the front door when Aunt Lysa stopped her.

"I didn't hear you come home last night… when did you get in?" Aunt Lysa didn't believe in private matters; but she did believe that everything was her business.

"Oh yeah I was a bit late sorry, Harry and I were working on a project for science," Sansa gave her aunt her 'stay out of my business' smile then quickly left before her aunt could say anything more.

Harry was already waiting for Sansa when she got to the diner, and he had already ordered their breakfast.

"Hey… our food will be right out," he said smiling as Sansa sat next to him.
"Great," she replied.
"So what happened to you yesterday after school… I thought we were going to hang out?" Their food arrived as Harry finished asking his question.

"Yeah sorry I forgot to mention I had a doctor's appointment after school. I meant to tell you I couldn't come over, must have slipped my mind. I'm sorry," Sansa gave Harry a small smile then started to eat her breakfast.

"Oh… that's OK… is everything alright?" Harry could always worry.
"Yeah everything's fine; just a checkup, nothing to worry about." With another reassuring smile to Harry, they carried on with their breakfast.

The rest of the day went along the same as always. Classes, lunch, more classes then school was done for the day. Sansa and Harry hung out in his garage for a bit, Harry was rebuilding an old mini; he always liked talking to Sansa as he fixed it, trying to explain everything to her, she never could understand how cars worked, she only knew how to drive one.

At six Sansa was back home having dinner with her aunt and uncle trying it ignore all her aunt's annoying questions on how her day was. Then she was back up in her room, alone and happy. Around eight when Sansa could hear the television on in the den downstairs she opened her bedroom window, climbed down and out of the house off to her favorite coffee shop.

Sansa had created a routine life for herself; she didn't enjoy change very often and always tried to keep to her routine without too many interruptions; so Wednesday went along very similar to the day before. School, Harry, dinner and her favorite coffee shop; and Thursday morning followed her same routine, but when school was done instead of going to Harry's she headed to Varys's office, giving Harry some excuse why she couldn't come over.

Chapter 5

Sansa made it to Varys's office with ten minutes to spare. She didn't mind so much. It gave her time to admire his photograph again. She was trying to figure out why she liked that middle photo so much, why it intrigued her more than the others. The extra ten minutes also gave Sansa a chance to remember where she stopped on Monday and where to pickup her story.

A couple minutes to four a man, thin and lanky stepped out of Varys's office. He looked like a businessman to Sansa. He wore a nice suit and shiny black shoes and carried a briefcase. He didn't look at Sansa as he walked quickly by, he kept his head down and it sounded like he was muttering to himself but Sansa couldn't make any of it out. He walked out the door just as Varys got to his office door and said hello to Sansa motioning for her to come in. Varys took his place in his chair as Sansa sat down on his cushy couch then Varys started off their session.

"So how are you? How were the last couple of days?"

"I'm good, everything was routine as always. You know school, friends, that sort of thing, and you? How are you?"

"Oh, I'm good." Varys smiled, "so routine? Do you have a lot of routines?" he was curious to know more of her lifestyle. He could sense that Sansa did not have a very spontaneous nature.

"Ah… yes I have a very set routine for just about everything really; after everything I… I don't like change very much." Sansa looked down to his grey carpet instead of looking at Varys.

"Yes, well that's perfectly normal," Varys, replied in hopes of encouragement toward Sansa.

Sansa looked back up from the carpet as Varys continued to talk.
"So shall we pick back up from where we left off on Monday?"

Sansa gave a small nod then continued with her story.

"So Mr. Baelish had given me a letter asking about whom I was, my parents. I didn't know what to do, what I wanted and I had no one to talk to about it either. This was not something I could tell Harry because I never told him my past.

It had been two weeks now since Mr. Baelish had given me the letter; and I still hadn't made my mind up about it, I had decided to keep my distance from Mr. Baelish until I could really make a decision. I felt for Harry though, the whole time he could tell there was something bothering me and occupying my mind but I couldn't bring myself to tell him there would be too many questions on top of the many questions I already had. I didn't need or want more. Harry never stopped asking though, always wanting to know why Mr. Baelish and I would never look eye to eye and when we did actually speak to each other it was always very short and awkward. Finally, Harry had had enough of all my clandestine behaviour and he showed up in my room, cornered me and tried to get me to tell him what was going on.

"Sans come on now, what's going on with you? What's going on inside that head of yours? And what is going on between you and Mr. Baelish? The two of you never look at each other; I mean the first day of class he couldn't take his eyes off you and what; now he can't stand the sight of you? So tell me." He was angry, angry that I was keeping things from him. He also had a proud aloof surrounding him for doing what he felt was necessary; how could I deny him what he wanted to know? How? I hated keeping things from Harry; after all, he was my only friend. I knew he wasn't going to believe anything but the truth so I told Harry to wait a minute, I went up to my haven, grabbed Mr. Baelish's letter, climbed back down and handed it to Harry. He took his time reading it as I had; taking everything in.

"Wow… wow!" was all Harry could get out after reading the letter; he dropped it on my bed.

"Really? So you told him… you told him and that's why everything is so awkward?" He wanted to know what Mr. Baelish wanted to know. It was all over his face; after all, I never told Harry about my parents, about what happened. I just told him they had died and my aunt and uncle took me in. I could see that he was not going to drop this. He left me no choice; I had to tell him.

"Harry, I haven't replied to him," I had to take a breath, "because, well he's right; about everything. Catelyn Stark was my mother and… and I… I just don't know if I want to or if I'm even ready to face everything yet."

I went silent to let Harry take everything in before continuing.

Harry stared at me in shock. I sat down on my bed to wait for Harry to take in everything. After a minute, he sat down next to me and said, "Start from the beginning."

I shook my head, I couldn't tell him. Talk about my past, my parents, and I didn't believe he needed to know. Harry knowing wouldn't change anything and I was afraid he'd see me differently. I simply said he knew the important things already, that my whole family had died and I came here to my aunt and uncle. Harry finally let it go and after he left I grabbed a piece of paper, sat back down on my bed, and started to write. I knew I would never be able to actually talk to Mr. Baelish about his letter so I decided to write him his own.

Mr. Baelish,

I know you wrote me a couple weeks ago inquiring to who I am. I am in fact the daughter of Catelyn Stark; your intuition was correct. Please forgive me for taking so long in replying to you, it's just I needed time to process your letter. I'm convinced that once reading this you too will need time to process.

Thank-you for your condolences regarding the death of my mother; and my family.
I have to admit that I recognize you that first day in English too, it took me a minute to figure out how I knew you but once I did you couldn't have been anyone else. I recognized you from my mother's photo album, and once you said your name I knew was right. My mother used to tell me all about the two of you, while we flipped through the photo album. I had no idea that she sent you a photo of me, but then my mother did have many secrets. She never would tell me what happened between the two of you, why she stopped seeing you. I suppose it shouldn't really surprise me that even though she didn't see you anymore that it didn't mean she didn't stay in touch from time to time.

I moved to Kingslanding just after my stay with the Lannisters and the courts finally found my aunt Lysa. My aunt and uncle got full custody of me and Kingslanding is where they live. It wasn't actually that hard moving here, I didn't have much of a life back home, no friends, no parents; moving was the least of my pains. As to my pains you really have no idea just how horrifying they have been and how hard my life has been but I do believe that over time my wounds will heal. I hope.

Sincerely,
Sansa Stark

I folded up my letter to Mr. Baelish and sealed it into an envelope then tucked it away in my book bag. I couldn't sleep that night, thinking about the letter. I knew that giving Mr. Baelish the letter was the right thing to do; he deserved the truth as Harry did. My fear of knowing the truth is what kept holding me back, once Mr. Baelish knew then he'd ask questions and we'd have to talk about my mother, my life, we'd talk about the things I'd been trying to block out of my mind, and that scared me, scared me to my very core. I was not looking forward to school the next morning; arguing repeatedly in my mind on whether or not to give Mr. Baelish the letter; I had until the last class of the day to decide. Harry didn't help much, he kept telling me to tell Mr. Baelish, saying he had a right to know. Harry was right of course but that didn't stop me from fighting it and by the end of English, I had finally made up my mind on what to do. I stayed glued to my seat while my classmates left the room, Harry gave me this 'it's going to be okay' look before fully leaving the room; he understood that this was something I needed to do myself. It took me a minute to gather up the courage to pull out my letter to give Mr. Baelish, but before I could stand and give it to him, he spoke.

"Miss Stark, you're still here?" he sounded surprised to see me still sitting at my desk; "Is there something I can do for you?" he tried to sound very nonchalant as he spoke to me.

I stood from my seat and held out my hand with the letter for him, I didn't say anything I just waited for him to take it; then I grabbed my bag and headed for the door. He said, "Wait" and I just stopped at the edge of the door and turned back to look at him. I still didn't speak but neither did he. We stood there for a couple of seconds staring at each other before I finally spoke.

"Please… just read it… you'll understand after you read it… I hope."

"Stay," he started, "stay, talk I'll… I'll read your letter just stay so we can talk about it… that is if it says what I think it does." He looked so hopeful, that feeling after all this time he'd finally find what he'd been looking for. He looked at me as if I was an answer he had been searching for; I didn't want to stay; I wanted to run, run far away from him. I didn't know why though, I had the strangest feeling about Mr. Baelish, something I'd never felt before. I was always flushed around him; I knew he was off limits, after all, he was my mother's old friend, lover, or something; he was married, older than myself, and above everything my teacher. I did not want to be that girl; the girl that had a thing for her teacher, I didn't want to be the cliché. I certainly found him attractive though, his accent. I needed to get out of that room but he had such a hopeful look on his face. I had no idea what was going on inside his head.

"I… I… I can't. Sorry. Just read it. Please." I didn't give him a chance to speak; I left his classroom as quickly as I could. I figured he'd try to talk to me about my letter tomorrow and I was fine with that but right in that moment I couldn't stay there and talk about everything, answering his questions that I knew he'd have. I realize that just because I was able to tell Mr. Baelish the truth about who I was, it did not mean I was ready to actually talk about it. I didn't know how long Mr. Baelish stood there holding my letter. But I do know he was happy with what it said."

Sansa stopped talking and looked up at Varys; she got up off his couch and started to wander his office. She studied all the books overflowing on his bookshelves; most of them were psychology books from when he was in school Sansa imagined. Some art books, he seemed to have a book for just about every subject. Sansa took notice of his second bookshelf, which only had one genre of books on it. They were all his religious books, different types of bibles and reference books, some novels but not by any authors Sansa had ever heard of. On the very bottom shelf, there were a few children's books. Varys followed Sansa with his eyes, watching where she chose to look and what caught her attention the most. He was pleased that his religious section caught her.

"Are you alright, Miss. Stark?" he thought he would ask for the sake of saying something, trying to understand her state of mind.

"Yes, I'm fine; nothing to worry about," Sansa didn't look at him, she kept her gaze on all the books he had; she liked that he was a reader, had a large collection like herself. Once she was finished reading some of the titles of his books she returned to his cushy couch ready to continue.

"I was wrong, Mr. Baelish didn't talk to me about my letter the next day, and in fact he hardly talked to me at all. I did catch him looking at me a bit more but I figure he was now trying to figure me out. The next few days were hard, more awkward then I would have expected Mr. Baelish clearly found it to be the same way. He wasn't sure how to see me anymore student or daughter of an old friend? I mean the man had a picture of me from when I was five; it had to make him think. I felt for Harry, he was the only other person who knew what was going on so he kind of got caught in the middle. I did tell Harry about informing Mr. Baelish through a letter instead of an actual conversation, and that we still hadn't actually talked about everything. I could tell Harry wanted to protect me and be there every step of the way; but he also knew that I needed space with this.

It was about a week before Mr. Baelish responded to my letter; he didn't keep me after class as I thought but instead he wrote to me again. He tucked it in with the assignment he was handing back. He still didn't talk to me but he was definitely watching me more closely and I noticed that he was smiling a lot more. I again kept his letter tucked out of sight even from Harry, I figured I'd tell Harry; I just wanted to know what it said first. So when I got home that day I locked myself in my room, climbed up into my haven and read Mr. Baelish's second letter.

Miss. Stark,

Thank you for telling me who you are. You were right in leaving last week when I asked you to stay. I needed time to read your letter a few times before actually believing it. I mean I believed it but it took a couple of times before it truly sunk in. You have to understand that I've been thinking of you since I found out about you. Catelyn's daughter; I imagined her to be just like Catelyn and for the most part, you are. I see so much of her in you, the way you write, how you are with people. It's almost like Catelyn's soul is with you.

I have to say I'm glad you knew who I was that first day in class. I'm surprised that Catelyn told you about me at all but I can't say I wasn't happy about that. Catelyn and I used to be very close; only ever friends if you were thinking we were anything more. I did love her though, your mother; it was hard not to love her. I know your mother didn't tell you how or why we parted but if you'd like to know, I don't see why I couldn't tell you at this point. The past is the past nothing will change that. I suppose you know that better than anyone. I am sorry that you've had such a hard life and from what you said in your letter, it's been quite a lonely one. If you ever wanted to talk, I'm here. I'm more than happy to see you and discuss your mother or anything really. I'd love to get to know you, find out just how much like Catelyn you are. I'm sure you have questions about her; I know I have some questions for you. What was she like as a mother? How things were between her and your father? Nevertheless, these are just some of my curiosities; I really just want to make sure she was loved. You don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to and you don't need to indulge me either. If you want to keep everything in the past I will respect that; I simply thought it would be nice for both of us to get a little clarity about the women we both knew and loved.

Sincerely,

I read the letter again a couple of times before hiding it with the other one, inside Shakespeare's A Midsummer's Night's Dream. I stayed locked up in my haven for the rest of the night thinking about Mr. Baelish's newest letter to me. I was right in what he would want after he found out. He was clearly more in love with my mother than she seemed to be with him. He was willing to tell me the end of their story. I now had to decide if I was ready for this, if I really wanted to know. I could just put Mr. Baelish's mind at ease, tell him about my mother being a mother, how my parents were together, but talking about my parents wasn't something I did and what would happen if I did tell Mr. Baelish all about my childhood? My parents? I already had a 'school crush' on him and spending all that time alone with him wouldn't help with that. So I spent all this time with Mr. Baelish, let him get to know me, maybe get to know him a bit and then what never see him again after we run out of stories about my mother? That's really what he wants, my mother.

I fell asleep in my haven that night thinking everything through; the alarm next to my bed woke me the next morning telling me it was time to get up. My night of thinking did nothing for me; and I was just as confused in the morning than I had been the night before. I had breakfast and headed for school meeting Harry halfway as usual. I didn't tell him about Mr. Baelish's newest letter and I acted as though I never received it. Harry did ask me about Mr. Baelish, he couldn't help himself but I lied to him. Harry decided Mr. Baelish needed time to process my letter and he'd talk to me when he was ready. We got to school and I tried to act like there was nothing on my mine. It was even harder to do once we got to English class.

Mr. Baelish had this hopeless look on his face again whenever he looked in my direction and all I could do was sink down into my seat. I needed to get him out of my mind; and I definitely need to get over my crush on him. I mean what was I thinking? He'd never go for me, he's married and he was completely in love with my mother. I tried to ignore him as he taught the class. The bell finally rang but as I went to leave, Mr. Baelish called my name asking me to wait a minute. I told Harry to go on ahead as I walked over to Mr. Baelish ignoring the looks from my classmates as they moved passed me. I already knew what he wanted; he wanted an answer to his letter; problem was I still didn't have an answer for him, I hadn't decided what I wanted yet.

"So," he started as he watched his last student leave his classroom. "So…. have you…" but I cut him off.

"Look, sorry but I...I need to think about all this. I don't know if I'm ready for the rest of my mother's story." I found it difficult standing before him saying no. "I know that there's stuff you want to know but talking about my family is not something I've ever been comfortable with so I'm gonna need some time."

I didn't give Mr. Baelish a chance to respond, I high-tailed it out of his classroom and caught up with Harry; he was waiting just down the hall for me.

"So, what did he want?" Harry wasted no time in interrogating me. Since I hadn't told Harry about Mr. Baelish's second letter I told him that Mr. Baelish wanted to talk about my letter but I wasn't ready to, Harry looked disappointed after that but stopped questioning me.

Mr. Baelish's letter, what I said to him was stuck in my head for the next few days. I kept trying to distract myself with my homework but I couldn't. Mr. Baelish had completely taken over my mind and that's when I made my decision, it was time. So late one night curled up in my haven I wrote to Mr. Baelish.

Mr. Baelish,

I know that I said I needed time with everything; your offer to share the rest of my mother's story and I do, need time; however I can't seem to think about anything else. I am curious to know how my mother ended up with my father, how they met? I suppose you know. What happened between the two of you? Why she stopped seeing you? I know there are things you'd like to know as well so if you'd like we could find a way to swap stories as it is. I'm not sure how to proceed here? Not wanting to give people the wrong impression. I'll let you decide on how we should go about this.

Sincerely,
Sansa Stark

I tucked my note to Mr. Baelish in my English assignment; then continued on with the rest of my homework. I felt a bit more at ease, finally making my mind up. I went to bed that night ready to finally know the end of my mother's story."

Chapter 6

Varys sat listening intensely to Sansa's story; he knew some parts would be more important than other would but he didn't want to miss anything just in case. Sansa continued.

"Harry could tell I was in a better mood that morning, which of course made him happy. I noticed with Harry how if I was down or if there was something going on with me, he would always shadow my mood. The sign of a true friend I imagine. He asked me what was up, why my spirits were good so I told him I was ready to talk to Mr. Baelish about my mother. We got to school and went about our normal routine. Math, history, gym, then lunch followed by science and English. Normally I didn't look forward to English, my fear of seeing Mr. Baelish but with my mind clear and made up I didn't mind so much.

After Mr. Baelish collected our homework and my note was securely with him I stopped stressing and decided to enjoy class. Everyone went to independent reading, while I and most of the female class discreetly eyed Mr. Baelish as he flipped through everyone's homework until coming across mine; see the note and start to read it. I was a bit shocked, I figured he'd be a bit more discrete about it, but there he was standing at the front of the classroom reading my note. You could just see the loose note poking out the top of my assignment; I found that slightly risky seeing how the majority of the girls were staring at him as I was. He looked up from my note and smiled; I thought he'd be happy with what it said. Some of the other female students followed Mr. Baelish's gaze over to me and I could see their annoyed expressions from the corner of my eye. It worried me slightly, I didn't want people to start talking about Mr. Baelish and myself again but at the same time seeing him smile at me made me not care what everyone else thought.

Mr. Baelish returned to his desk and remained there until the bell went. I could feel his eyes on me throughout the rest of the class. At the sound of the bell, Mr. Baelish came up to my desk asking me quietly if I could stay a minute. Harry noticed and I could see him go uneasy; Harry knew I had to talk to Mr. Baelish and he definitely wanted me to tell him my mother's story once I learnt the rest of it but he hated the idea of me being alone with Mr. Baelish. I nodded to Mr. Baelish agreeing to stay when Mr. Baelish sat back down at his desk, I turned to Harry telling him to go ahead and that I'd see him tomorrow. Harry protested saying he'd wait but I didn't know how long Mr. Baelish and I would be and I really didn't want him to. I knew if Harry waited that as soon as Mr. Baelish and I were done he would bombard me with questions and I didn't want that, I'd want to go over our conversation and take time to process everything, not relay it moments after. I told Harry not to worry and that I'd see him later. So Harry sulked out of the classroom with everyone else leaving Mr. Baelish and I alone.

I shifted in my seat to face Mr. Baelish; we locked eyes for a minute or two before he got up from his desk to go shut the classroom door. I shifted again following him with my eyes, from his desk to the door, from the door to the seat next to me. It was a few seconds before either of us spoke; we were just kind of staring at each other as if we were in awe of each other. His stare went right through me. We knew about one another but now we were actually going to have that long overdue conversation regarding our pasts.

"Sorry," he broke the silence. "I've waited a long time for this." His accent always made me melt, I had to resist the urge to lean in and kiss him. I tried to focus again. "Like I told you I've wanted to know you since Cat told me about you." He went to his desk and grabbed a photo out of the drawer then sat back down next to me, handing me the picture. I recognized it immediately; it was me, sitting on my mother's lap. He was right I looked just like my mother and I looked to be around four or five years old, smiling, happy. I didn't see many pictures of myself, even before my mother died; my father wasn't big on 'family photos'. As I looked at the picture, I remembered how pretty my mum was. I was happy in that picture sitting on my mother's lap, her arms wrapped around me. We were happy.

Mr. Baelish watched as I examined the photo he handed me. "I love that picture; you and your mum, you both look so happy, so beautiful." He fell silent again, I looked up to him expecting to see him looking at me but he wasn't, his gaze was on my mother's face. "So beautiful," he said it quietly, I think he meant to say it in his head but it came out aloud.

"Yes. She was very beautiful," I said while placing the photo on my desk, "Very beautiful." I looked at him for another moment; he was still staring at my mother's face when I asked him a question.

"You were in love with her, weren't you?" It's all I asked but it was enough; Mr. Baelish took his eyes of my mother and placed them back on me.
"She never loved me the way I loved her," he was sad as he said it, you could hear it in his voice.

"I… I wanted to marry Cat but she turned me down. That's well, that's the real reason we fell apart. I proposed during our second year of college but she had already met your father Ned at that point and I knew they were seeing each other but I figured it was now or never so, I took my chance. Cat told me that she had never seen me that way; she didn't want our friendship to change. Cat told me just how serious it was with Ned, and she wanted us to stay the same but I couldn't, I couldn't stay and watch her be with another man. I did try, I tried to like Ned and stay friends with them but in the end I had to walk away." Mr. Baelish stopped to make sure I was keeping up which I was so I asked him a question, just to figure out the time line and all.

"So is that when you met your wife? When you walked away from my mother?" He nodded his head as he spoke.

"Yes, that's when I met Ros, my wife..." I watched Mr. Baelish roll his wedding ring around his finger a few times, as he continued.

"Your mum made her choice and I had to move on. I did get a wedding invitation about a year later, I went with Ros, we were just dating at that point but I didn't want to watch your mum marry Ned alone. In the invitation, Catelyn wrote me a short note telling me how sorry she was for how we parted, and why. She said how much she would love to see me and what it would mean if I came to her wedding so I did and we were better after; we still didn't really see each other but we kept in touch from time to time. She told me about you, sent me the picture; but that was the last I heard from your mum. I was already married to Ros at this point, about three years. I married Ros even though I loved your mum; but I couldn't be alone forever just because Cat didn't want me…"

I listened intensely as Mr. Baelish told me about my parents, even about himself and his wife, Ros. He never fully loved Ros, but he married her anyway from what Mr. Baelish told me. Ros loved him but at this point in their marriage, they were more like friends. The love and passion, the little there was, was gone and now their relationship was mostly out of convenience and fear of change. It was around five o'clock when the janitor came in to start cleaning when we realized just how long we had been sitting there talking. Well Mr. Baelish was doing most of the talking which I really didn't mind."

Sansa stopped again and looked up to Varys for a moment before continuing.

"You know that was the first honest conversation I ever had with Mr. Baelish, the second one happened a few days later. Mr. Baelish and I arranged to meet up one Saturday afternoon across town at this little coffee shop; it's normally pretty quiet, not a lot of people and no one from the school ever went there. It quickly became our place.

In our second conversation, I did most of the talking; how all my parents we happy and my siblings. I told him how my mum was with me her stories, made up or real. Mr. Baelish said she was always good at telling tales. And I told him about my time with the Lannisters; about Joffrey. Mr. Baelish sat in complete silence as I told him how Joffrey treated me, the beatings and abuse; the night he came into my room and how Cersei had at least brought me to the hospital. He looked so hurt by what I told him, as though he was taking my pain personally. Mr. Baelish gently took my hand and I felt a surge go through my whole body and that erge to kiss him came back. His grey-green eyes bore into me and I had to remind myself to breath. Being so close to him was not helping my crush but I couldn't bring myself to stop.

So this became my new routine, coffee with Mr. Baelish once a week across town. I told Harry and at first, he was okay with it but when he noticed we were doing this right to the end of the school year he started to get annoyed. He'd ask me what we even talked about at this point, we could only have so many conversations about my mother. I was very short with Harry, telling him it wasn't any of his business and left it at that. Even after school was out for summer Mr. Baelish and I continued to meet, a bit more regularly during the summer but he wanted us to be careful so I still kept our coffees discreet. Harry knew of course but I could trust him not to say anything so I didn't talk about coffee with Mr. Baelish with Harry and he pretended he didn't know about them.

It amazed me on how much Mr. Baelish and I had to talk about, how many interests we shared. Philosophy, history, literature, we could actually choose an author and discuss them until we had nothing more to say, then go on to another one and start all over. We'd talk film and music, we even ventured on politics a little. I liked talking to Mr. Baelish, he got me in ways Harry never did, or couldn't. Of course spending all that time with Mr. Baelish did not help with my crush on him. I wondered how much longer I could go on, but at the same time, I liked to think we had become friends. I couldn't see how my mother couldn't have loved him. With all the time I was spending with Mr. Baelish I kept getting this odd feeling, I knew us spending so much time together wasn't the best thing to do and it was obvious that he was seeing my mother in me, which is why I think he kept coming back. I assumed Mr. Baelish was trying to relive his time with my mother through me; and I would try to ignore that particular fact because I was enjoying my time with him so much, we were having the conversations I had longed for with Harry. When Harry talks it's always cars, or his parents, Harry never was into English or History like I was. So I was finally getting the conversations I had been longing for, and I wasn't quick in wanting to give them up."

Chapter 7

Sansa stopped there, she had thought of a question for Varys but she wanted to word it right. She glanced out the window trying to find the right words.

"Varys, what makes you believe in God? What makes you think God actually exists?" her one question was really two and it was the best she could come up with while trying not to sound too abrupt or rude about the subject. Sansa thought this would be a delicate subject so she wanted to be careful while Varys couldn't help but smile as he watched her wait anxiously for his answer; as if everything she was waiting for lied behind it. Varys got up from his chair and headed over to his bookshelf and grabbed a book off the shelf then headed back to where he had left Sansa sitting. In his hands, he held a Bible and placed it in her lap saying:

"Read this and you'll get your answer." Varys took his seat, smiled and then continued

"Now you do not have to read it in any particular order, just open and read. Miss Stark there is no good way to answer your questions; God is different to and for everyone, there is no wrong way to believe in God; it's mostly having faith, faith that God will take care of you, he will always love and care and protect you, never forsake you in your time of need. This book, everything that has happened in my own life, the gifts he has given me, Sansa I could tell you my testimony but we're here for you, not me. All I can say is God saved my life and I can only hope that one day you will allow him to save yours. You keep that, take it home and think about what I said." Varys sat deeper in his chair and took a breath overjoyed by Sansa's interest.

Sansa shuffled in her seat clutching the Bible in her hands considering what she heard, the thought that Varys could be right sent chills down her spine, and Sansa didn't know what to think anymore. Could God really be what she needed? Could he be everything Sansa had been searching for? Sansa's mind continued to go round and round trying to understand it all. She thought that by coming to see Varys she would tell him her story, get a quick 'awe well that's too bad but if you do this and this you'll be fine.' She had never expected to encounter God in her sessions and definitely did not expect to walk out with a Bible in her hands. Sansa found little possibility of a book saving her life. Varys watched Sansa's mind turn, this was new for him, to watch someone trying to decide if God was right for them. The silence in the room grew larger and larger, Sansa didn't want to be the first to break it, still grasping the Bible in one hand and brushing the cover with the other; she finally stopped glancing down at the Bible and placed it on his coffee table that sat between them, Sansa smiled slightly asking:

"So should I continue or is that all the time we have today?"

"No, you're good, keep going," Varys checked his watch as he said it then looking back to her; Sansa went back to her story.

"So, with the tenth grade behind Harry and I and the eleventh almost done, nothing really changed. Harry and I were back in a good place despite the fact Mr. Baelish and I we're still enjoying each other's company outside of school, we had become quite good friends. I could tell Harry was jealous of Mr. Baelish and he made his disapproval of our friendship quite clear.

At the end of grade eleven Harry and his parents decided to travel for the summer holidays and Harry decided that I was going with them; he was not about to leave me for a whole summer alone with our English teacher. Harry had told me that Mr. Baelish had this look in his eye that tweaked him the wrong way when it came to me. It was very clear that he did not trust Mr. Baelish as far as he could throw him.

In the end, Harry won and I agreed to go; an entire summer traveling with Harry which did mean no Mr. Baelish and I wasn't sure how I was going to handle it. I had gotten so used to talking and seeing Mr. Baelish so much, he gave me my intellectual conversation and I was going to miss that; and him. I went through all the pros and cons of my decision to go with Harry, but I felt it for the best in the end. I needed to show Harry that I hadn't replaced him.

The last day of school, just before summer I went and told Mr. Baelish that Harry and I were going to Europe all summer, so we wouldn't see each other until I returned. The look on his face told me everything I needed to know, he felt the same way as Harry, jealous. Mr. Baelish gave me a hug telling me to stay safe and have fun, to stay in touch with a friendly postcard from time to time. I agreed. Said goodbye and walked away from Mr. Baelish for a while summer. I think it was a bit heart breaking, Mr. Baelish had become this huge factor in my life and I wasn't sure how to survive without him yet at the same time I was excited to spend the whole summer bashing around Europe with my best friend.

So Harry and I were off and at the last minute Harry told me that his parents suddenly changed their summer plans and were sending us on our own. I had the feeling Harry had set the whole thing up but I couldn't back out at that point.

Europe was spectacular, Rome, Italy, Paris, London, Amsterdam, every city, every place was beautiful. I kept my word to Mr. Baelish and sent him a postcard from every city we visited. I found that Harry and I grew closer over our summer travels; Europe had given us more things to talk about. The two of us alone all summer seeing the beauties of the world, the museums and art, the sceneries; it was perfect. I could tell Harry never wanted it to end. We had so much fun, we saw everything we could, did every club and party we found in every town we visited. I loved being abroad, seeing the world with my best friend by my side, but I had to admit that I was happy when the summer ended and it was time to go home. I had missed Mr. Baelish more than I thought I would have, but more importantly, I was excited for my final year of high school. I was one year away from my freedom and I couldn't wait.

Harry and I were back in London waiting for our flight to Kingslanding. I had sent Mr. Baelish a last postcard the day before telling him of our return. Harry was getting tense again as we headed home. He had enjoyed the summer more than I had; it had only taken Harry two days into our trip to relax and forget about Mr. Baelish; so I was discreet with all my postcards to him.

Harry's parents were waiting for us when our plane landed. They took us for dinner meeting up with my aunt and uncle so everyone could hear our travel stories. I found that as I sat with them all at dinner that Harry's mother and my aunt seemed to be waiting for news, waiting for me to make some big statement that I never made.

Everything seemed to be going back into place once Harry and I returned. School was starting soon so we were getting ready for our final year as we fell back into our regular routines. I was glad that Harry hadn't turned completely sour since our return, the only thing that was worrying me was the fact that I hadn't heard from Mr. Baelish yet. He had been so adamant about me keeping in touch over the summer and now, nothing. It had been a whole week since my return; I knew I would seem him once school started but I was anxious to see him again and I didn't really want to wait for school.

Harry had reviewed our timetables, we had the same classes together as usual and Mr. Baelish was once again our English teacher but when we showed up to class he was nowhere to be seen. A woman named Ms. Godarsh was sitting at his desk prepping for the class. That had done it for my day, I was sour for the rest of it while Harry's spirits seemed to have lifted immensely. I hardly cared how happy Harry was, I hadn't seen or heard from Mr. Baelish and now he wasn't even at school. I was worried and there was nothing I could do about it.

English class had become unbearable for me. I despised Ms. Godarsh, she had absolutely no interest in English, and there was no passion or heart when she taught. She was certainly no Mr. Baelish, when Mr. Baelish taught you could feel the words, the poetry, and the love and suffering of a character; Mr. Baelish had the ability to completely captivate his entire class and really pull them into the depths of the work. Ten minutes listening to Ms. Godarsh and everyone was asleep. She was horrid, no true respect for what she was teaching, she was boring and spoke in the dullest monotone voice I had ever had the misfortune of hearing; and we were stuck with her until the Christmas break. Mr. Baelish was supposed to return after the holiday. That was all I was able to find out about Mr. Baelish's absence.

So I silently suffered as my life went back the way it was before Mr. Baelish came into it. On the other side of things, Harry was absolutely ecstatic with having me all to himself again.

The first couple of weeks were hard, I hadn't quite realized how much I had come to depend on Mr. Baelish, how our conversations got me through my week. To go back to the same old same old with Harry I found it lacking, knowing that there was more; other people who could hold my conversational interests more than Harry ever could. It wasn't that Harry wasn't intelligent enough he simply had few interests.
My spirits began to rise on our last day of school before the Christmas break. It was Ms. Godarsh's last day and that meant Mr. Baelish would be back before I knew it. I had asked around about where Mr. Baelish was but all anyone would say was that he took a sabbatical.

My anticipation for the return of school made me feel like everyday had been set on slow. Harry was of course by my side everyday of the break. He had started on a new project in his garage so our days were spent in there listening to music as I watched Harry work. I figured watching Harry work on another car was as good as anything to keep my mind off Mr. Baelish and I had noticed watching Harry work how much he'd changed, he wasn't the scrawny, pale boy I had first met; he had started to fill out and buff up from working on car after car.

When school came back in and I saw Mr. Baelish wandering the school halls I knew that everything had finally gone back to normal. I was excited to renew my friendship with Mr. Baelish, to graduate, and to let life take me where it may. When English class started I had the oddest feeling there was something off with Mr. Baelish; I just didn't know what. I could tell there was something amiss with him; not that he had been ill but there was something, something had happened and that something was not a good something. Mr. Baelish seemed out of sorts, his spirit was not what it had been before I left for the summer. He completely avoided me I didn't get it. I mean yes we kept our friendship 'hushed up' at school but he would still acknowledge me. Before I left he was jealous and making sure I would stay in touch with him but now, he was completely different. What had happened? Now it was as if he couldn't even stand the sight of me. It bothered me greatly that I couldn't figure it out, what was Mr. Baelish's problem.

Harry on the other hand was overjoyed by how Mr. Baelish was behaving, not giving me any attention unlike before. It was as if Mr. Baelish had become a completely different person; it saddened me but what could I do, really? My heart broke that day. I stayed late after class to talk to Mr. Baelish, find out what was going on all he said was that we couldn't see each other anymore, that we needed to strictly have a student teacher relationship; not be friends outside of school anymore. He did not wait for me to respond, he walked out of his classroom leaving me shocked and confused. What could have happened?

I told Harry what Mr. Baelish had said, I was more upset about losing Mr. Baelish than I should have been but I didn't care; to be honest I never thought I'd actually ever lose him. Harry tried to be a friend about the whole thing but I could see the happiness in his eyes and that made it harder. Yes, I knew Harry never liked Mr. Baelish but we had bonded in a way that I didn't actually understand at the time but I certainly felt that emptiness Mr. Baelish's absence now left.

Another month passed and Mr. Baelish and I were hardly speaking. I rarely needed help with the assignments he gave out so I had no reason to speak to him, we'd do the pleasant 'Hi, how are you today' thing but it was hardly the same. I think he felt it too; sometimes I'd catch him staring at me. When that happened I would always feel a bit better about the whole thing because it told me it was something that was keeping us apart. Something had happened over the summer that kept him from returning to school right away, that was keeping us from the friendship we had formed over the last two years. My curiosity kept eating away at me. Harry would tell me to move on, forget him but he never did understand that I couldn't. Mr. Baelish and I had connected, we understood each other better than anyone else would or could ever understand us; Harry couldn't see that. It pained me to realize that Mr. Baelish understood me far better than Harry ever could. I decided that I wanted, that I deserved an explanation from Mr. Baelish. After the month of not speaking to him, I simply could not take it anymore. I did the one thing I could. The one thing I knew he could not ignore. So as I sat in my history class I wrote Mr. Baelish a letter.

Mr. Baelish,

For the most part, I can respect your choice to terminate our friendship; however, I do believe that I have the right, that I deserve an explanation for your decision. I'm sorry if this makes you uncomfortable but I would like to know. If I have done something or if something has happened then please just tell me, we can talk about this. Forgive me for asking but, what did keep you from returning to school after the summer? I'm curious to know if the reason for your absence is the same for your ending our friendship. I understand that may sound very self-centered making it sound like any reason you have will relate to myself in some way but I can assure you that I do not intend it that way. If you simply no longer have interest in keeping company with me then fine. I can accept that and your absence is none of my business; and well I can accept that too. I do not mean to sound self-centered in any way I'm simply very confused, before summer you seemed upset of my going to Europe with Harry, asking me to stay in touch, not wanting me to forget you; and I did. When I came home, you wanted nothing to do with me so I think I have the right to be confused along with the right to a few answers. I do believe you owe me at least that much. I will take the chance of upsetting you and I promise that I will never bother you again once I know. I will be at our coffee shop today after school around four thirty, please meet me there and talk to me. Help me understand what is going on, I know that I shouldn't but I miss you. I miss our conversations, spending time with you; I miss my friend. So please I am asking not only as my friend but also as my mother's old friend, please talk to me.

Sincerely,
Sans

I folded my letter up and tucked it into my book bag. When the bell went I grabbed my thing impatient to get to English, I was only a couple minutes before the second bell; Mr. Baelish was sitting at his desk. Other students started to fill in so I took my seat, anxious to give Mr. Baelish the letter. I was agitated the whole class, wanting to give him the letter. Harry tried to talk to me but I didn't want to hear anything he had to say. I tried to pay attention to the lesson but my mind wouldn't let me. The hour went by so slowly but when it was over, I discretely put the letter on Mr. Baelish's desk and left ignoring Harry's looks as I walked away. Harry caught up to me in the hallway and pulled me aside.

"Hey, what was that you put on Mr. Baelish's desk? I thought you two weren't talking anymore?" Harry had noticed the letter, of course he had, he'd been watching me closely these days, keeping an eye on me. He believed he was doing it for my own good but I wasn't buying it.

"It's nothing Harry, honest. I… I just want an explanation from him, that's all." I walked away leaving Harry looking unimpressed in the hallway. I needed to get across town and wait for Mr. Baelish. I'd imagine him reading my letter and agreeing with my request, calling his wife and telling her he'd be home late, then head out to meet me.

I sat and waited for Mr. Baelish until the shop closed but he never came. He clearly wanted nothing to do with me, but the fact that he wouldn't even give me and explanation hurt me more than him not wanting me in his life anymore. I was too upset to go home so when the waitress told me I had to leave I just wandered the streets thinking everything over. Whenever I had something on my mind that I couldn't process easily, I would go and find a swing set.

The sun had set and I found myself at the old abandoned elementary school. The school has a playground that's not entirely safe to play on anymore so no one ever really goes there. I found that the swing set was still in moderately good condition so that's where I went to think about my pains. Ever since I was a little girl I have loved to swing, it makes me feel free. I found that no matter what was going on inside my head or what was happening in my life; none of it mattered while I was swinging high above the world. I love it because nothing can touch me while I'm swinging.

I had lost track of time and before I knew it, it was about two in the morning. I decided it was time to go home, my aunt would be freaking out but I hardly cared about that. Swinging helped a little but not enough to ease my anger. Once I got home I decided it would be safer if I didn't use the front door; I climbed into the house through my bedroom window avoiding my aunt, but I didn't hear her in the house so I figured I had gotten lucky and she was in bed. I tried to sleep but I was still far too angry even though I had little right to be. Mr. Baelish owed me nothing, not really; he was my teacher, an old friend of my mothers and a married man. I should have known that our friendship couldn't last very long. Something would have eventually happened causing us to end our friendship, telling myself that helped ease my anger."
"Miss. Stark, Miss. Stark, Sansa, Sans, you still with me here?" Sansa could hear Varys's voice echoing in the back of her mind, she had drifted off in her head again, remembering her childish act of demanding answers from Mr. Baelish put a smile on Sansa's face. Her youthful fantasy of herself and Mr. Baelish made her laugh at herself. She could still hear Varys trying to get her attention, clearing his throat.
"Where did you go?" Varys had finally gotten Sansa's attention but he was curious to know what made her smile.

"Sorry, Varys, I, um, thinking about my reaction to Mr. Baelish ending our friendship like that made me go off track; I guess." Sansa fell back into her mind. So Sansa and Varys just sat for a few seconds. Varys was trying to put himself in her shoes, she clearly had feelings for Mr. Baelish but to have him suddenly end a two year friendship out of the blue, he would want answers too.

"Well Miss. Stark," Varys started, "I think that's a good place to leave it today." He hated to stop Sansa's story, he wanted to hear the rest of it but he had other patients so Sansa would have to wait.

"Monday? Same time?"

Sansa agreed, shook Varys's hand and left not even bothering to admire her favourite photograph in his waiting room.

Chapter 8

Sansa had gotten good at keeping secrets. When she first came to live with her aunt and uncle, Sansa had little reason to lie or keep them; but since having Mr. Baelish in her life she's learnt to lie, to sneak around and keep quiet. At first, she was only doing such things to her aunt and uncle, but then she started to lie and keep things from Harry. That was harder for Sansa, she had never had a true friend before but she was sure that she was not treating Harry properly and Sansa feared that her current actions might drive him away.

Harry knew a lot about Sansa's relationship with Mr. Baelish but there were things, important things, she wasn't telling him. Sansa told herself she was withholding information for Harry's own good, she knew how much he despised Mr. Baelish, and yes the things she kept from Harry he really didn't need to know but that left Sansa with no one to share it with.

Sansa put on a good facade with her everyday life, at home, at school; she started to feel that there were only two situations where she wasn't pretending anymore. When she was with Mr. Baelish and when she saw Varys. They were the two people she didn't feel the need to be anything but herself with. The time spent away from either was tiring to her; keeping up her appearance of happiness. Sansa still wasn't fooling Harry and she knew it, yet she still didn't have the strength to be honest with him.

Sansa found herself spending less and less time with Harry, questioning their friendship, what was left of it. Sansa no longer spent her weekends with Harry in his garage watching him fix cars anymore. Sansa found that once again her life was turned upside down and that everything was well out of control.

To Sansa the weekend seemed to drag, she just wanted to be back sitting on Varys's couch telling him her story. So she occupied her time the best she could. Reread her favourite Shakespeare play Othello, finished all her homework and even wrote a new song on her guitar; desperately trying to keep busy and out of trouble. So when four o'clock on Monday came around Sansa was glad to be sitting in Varys's waiting room.

Sansa watched the same lanky, suit wearing, briefcase carrying man with his shiny black shoes coming out of Varys's office muttering to himself. She couldn't help but wonder about him; what his life was life? Why he was seeing Varys? Sansa was daydreaming when Varys called her into his office. They took their regular seats and Varys started their session.

"Sansa," he smiled as he started them off, "Did you have a good weekend?"

"I kept busy, you?" giving him a small smile in return.

"Good, it was good thank you. So we left off with you being stood up as it were. Mr. Baelish never came to meet you?"

"Yes, that's right."

"Alright why don't you tell me what happened next," Varys sat back a little more in his chair and allowed Sansa to carry on in her tale.

"Well I didn't see anyone for a few days after that. I told my aunt that I wasn't feeling well and so I stayed home, away from the world. I was mad for a good couple of days; I was confused and hurt, didn't understand what had happened, why Mr. Baelish chose not to meet me. My anger did lessen over the next few days. I couldn't look at Mr. Baelish though; he didn't want me in his life so that's what I gave him. Every once in a while Harry would lean over to tell me Mr. Baelish was staring at me but I told him I didn't care; even though I did. I finally convinced Harry that I didn't care about Mr. Baelish in any way and it seemed to settle him a bit. I hated lying to Harry but I couldn't take his 'I'm so worried about you' looks anymore. It was about a week after I had given Mr. Baelish the letter and me ignoring him that he finally tried to talk to me. I acted like a child and walked away from him but before I could fully walk away from him though he handed me what looked like a letter.

My dearest Sansa,

I am so sorry for the discomfort I've caused you and I will explain my actions to you of course. About half way through the summer when you were sending me the postcards, my wife found them. She confronted me about them, why a student was sending postcards to me from a summer vacation. She asked who you were and why you seemed to be so important to me. See, when you left for your trip, Ros and I well, we were trying to rekindle our marriage you could say. I was doing it for all the wrong reasons, but I'll get to that. I told Ros who you were, whose daughter you were. Finding out just who you were did not go over well with Ros.

Ros was always jealous of your mum, Catelyn, and now I was giving my time to her daughter. No matter what Ros did, she would never come first for me. As I told you before I married her, not truly loving her. Why do you think we have no children? I never wanted them with her. So after our very awkward conversation about you, Ros threatened me. I could agree never to see you again or she would report me to the school board telling them we were having an affair. I know that all we have is a friendship but even an accusation of an affair with a student would not only hurt my job but more importantly it would ruin your reputation and mark you as a student who sleeps around with the staff. I did not want that for you. I do ask your forgiveness, I want you in my life, more than you know but I will not destroy your reputation. You have been through so much grief and I didn't want to cause you anymore. It would appear that I have failed you in that anyway.

As to my absence at the beginning of the year, well Ros and I took an extended summer vacation. It was supposed to help us rekindle our marriage and get me away from you. I did hope that by rekindling my marriage it would get you out of my mind a bit. I won't say anymore on the matter. I wish things could be different but I don't want you getting hurt and my wife might just do what she threatens if I don't keep my distance. Please forgive me. I will forever keep you in my mind and consider you a very dear friend. Perhaps one day we can pick up where we left off but for now, I think this is best.

Your friend,

P. Baelish

I was kicking myself after reading that. Knowing that I was right did nothing for me. He was protecting me; he didn't want me to be tainted. I read his letter a few more times through, reading his words knowing that he cared. I didn't like his wife very much, threatening that lie to the school board just because she was jealous; a lie that I couldn't help but wish was true. I could see her side in all this though. I thought that the most I could do was respect his position.

A couple of days went by and as hard as I tried I just couldn't let go of Mr. Baelish's words so I decided we needed to talk in person, just before the end of class I scribbled down a quick

'Meet me at the abandoned park,

Eleven o'clock tonight. Need to talk.

Sans'

After jotting down my note, I walked up to Mr. Baelish sitting at his desk and dropped it right in front of him giving him no time to react; and before he had time to say anything I turned and walked right out of the classroom before the bell even went. I could feel Harry's eyes on me as I walked away; but I didn't care.

It was twenty to eleven so I decided it was time to slip out my bedroom window and head toward the park. I had no idea if Mr. Baelish was going to show up or if he'd be able to slip out of the house without his wife catching him. My head was spinning; I couldn't keep anything in check. I thought if we could come to some happy medium, come to some conclusion. Maybe if we talk to Ros, explain how Mr. Baelish and I were just friends, nothing more. I got to the park a few minutes early and with no sign of Mr. Baelish, I went over to the swing-set and started to swing. I started singing while I let myself go on the swing-set.

'Oh I don't know what's reality?

Oh and I don't know what's fantasy?

I chose to believe that I live my dreams

And you, oh you're my reality

Oh my reality…'

I must have been singing too loudly because I never did hear Mr. Baelish walk up to the swing-set. Once I saw him standing there I immediately stopped singing; no one had ever really head me sing, not because I had a bad voice but because I'm more of the shy type when it comes to a public display of oneself. I wondered what I must have looked like to him; this eighteen-year-old girl in the middle of the night singing her heart out while swinging on a swing-set like a five year old. The look on Mr. Baelish's face told me everything. He looked like a man in complete awe, but more importantly, he looked like a man who was hooked. One more thing I got from my mother, her voice. I'm not sure how he did it but he actually looked happy and sad all at the same time. I could tell that he was kicking himself for coming but he was also glad that he had.

I slowed down my swing as Mr. Baelish walked closer to where I was. I could see him shaking his head and when he came into earshot, I heard him ask.

"How am I ever supposed to walk away from you now?"

My swing had completely stopped at this point and he grabbed the one next to me. I didn't answer him, I just shrugged my shoulders; I wasn't sure how I was supposed to take his question so I took it more of a statement; or a question for himself he didn't mean to say out loud. We just sat in silence for a moment, gently swaying back and forth on the swing-set.

"This isn't going to work is it?" he was asking though we both knew he was right, as much as we wanted to be friends there would always be something standing between us.

"If we could just explain to your wife…" I started but he cut me off; he was shaking his head again. I was confused, his wife was what had been keeping our friendship on the shelf; I thought if we explained things but that wasn't what Mr. Baelish wanted. He could see my confusion so he explained.

"Sans, love, Ros is right in asking me to walk away from you; and she's right it suspect us of having more than friendship. You have to understand I married Ros while I was still in love with your mum and now… and now you," Mr. Baelish fell silent and just stared at me. I finally clued in. He didn't want his wife. He wanted me.

I was infatuated with Mr. Baelish; I wanted him just as much if not more than he wanted me. We worked, us together, the things we'd do, see and learn. I also thought of all the things I could learn from him; that was less important though. I liked him before I ever really knew him and now he only meant that much more to me. He started to lean closer to me and I could see where he was going. I reminded him of Ros his wife; all Mr. Baelish could do was nod and say 'I know' he never took his deep dark grey-green eyes off me. I don't think he could. As much as I was the daughter of the woman he had once loved so deeply; I believe he had fallen in love with me too, not just for the parts of me that were my mother; but for all of me. He had gotten to know the young woman in front of him and he couldn't walk away anymore. We sat in silence staring at each other for a while, that seemed to be the way with us, no words, not anymore, just silence. I don't know if it was the silence or the damp mist of the park but he turned back toward me and said, "Bugger it." Grabbing my swing and pulling me in close and his mouth found mine.

I wasn't entirely sure what to do. What was he to me at this point? Teacher? Friend? Could he now become my lover? So many things were going through my mind in that moment. I could feel his lips leave mine, and I knew he was disappointed. I looked up and caught his gaze, I could tell that he was about to say something but I didn't want him to. I made my mind up in that moment and just as he went to form his words, I leaned in further grabbing the collar of his blazer pulling him into me as I pressed my lips to his with more force than I meant. My forcefulness only seemed to urge him on as he pushed his tongue through my lips, exploring my mouth fighting me for dominance. And I let him. Just like that, nothing left to say; I believed we had already said everything in the first two years of our relationship. I decided to stop thinking and simply embrace my surrounding. Our kiss seemed to last forever; time was irreverent in his arms. Nothing could touch us anymore, not his marriage; not the fact I was his student or the daughter of his first love. I was happy and safe in his arms and I never wanted to let go.

Mr. Baelish grabbed my waist pulling me off the swing and lifting me up as he walked us over to the damp grass. I straddled him as he trailed hot kisses down my neck finding the pulse point and I could feel the bulge in his jeans grow larger, straining against the fabric. Spite the chill of the open air his body felt warm against mine. Mr. Baelish reached up with one hand cupping my chin as we both attempted to catch our breaths. His grey-green eyes were dark with lust, admiration.

"Mr. Baelish…." I breathed out before he cut me off with another kiss.

"Call me Petyr" he breathed against my lips before plugging his tongue back into my mouth claiming me once more.

My mind went completely blank as all I could feel was him. He moved his hands to the rim of my shirt lifting it up over my head and throwing it to the side exposing my black lacy bra to the air. I followed his lead having no idea what to do, I pulled at his grey blazer pushing it off of him and throwing it onto my shirt then started on the buttons of his mint-green collared shirt. Petyr's shirt landed in the ever growing pile of discarded clothing next to us as Petyr lifted me off of him laying me down on the cold grass. Once on my back Petyr trailed hot kisses down my neck and collarbone moving the fabric of my bra as his lips found my hardening nibbles and I couldn't help the deep moan that escaped my lips. I bit down on my bottom lip failing to silence my moans. He reached around unclasping my bra as I moved to remove my jeans and shoes leaving me in nothing more than my black cotton panties. Petyr's lips found mine again as my hands reached for his jean button undoing them and tugging them down as his hand trickled down my flat stomach finding the rim of my panties. Once Petyr's hands found my panties he slipped one under the fabric and gently rubs the folds of my sex and another loud moan fell from my lips. He was making my whole body feel like it was on fire and my hips automatically moved to meet his hand as he dipped a finger inside rubbing my nub. Petyr kissed me and I moaned again against his lips; I could feel him chuckle against me as my body was slowly starting to lose control.

Petyr shifted again hovering over me as he slipped another finger between the folds of my now dripping sex as I moaned his name. He gazed down at me as his fingers picked up speed, watching me bit my bottom lip as I found myself coming closer to my climax. Petyr leaned down finding my nibble again with his mouth, biting down causing me to call out in sweet pain.

"God Petyr I'm close" I breathed out as he moved to my other nibble and I run my hands threw his hair. Before I knew what was happening Petyr's fingers left me as he went to fully remove his jeans and briefs as I removed my soaked panties leaving us both completely naked in the chilling grass.

My hands explored his lean body as Petyr rubbed his full erect member against my now swollen sex. He moved to line himself up to my entrance and slowly pushed himself into me. We both moaned loudly at the contact.

"Fuck your tight" was all Petyr breathed as he slowly pulled himself out a bit before plunging even deeper and harder into me. We found our rhythm quickly as our bodies heated up against each other. I dug my nails into his back causing him to yell out in pain; grabbing my wrist pinning them above my head and ferociously kissed me. Our tongues explored each others mouths again as he drove himself deeper and deeper inside of me. I could feel my body tightening around him and I knew I couldn't last much longer.

"Oh God Petyr, harder, harder" I urged him on even more and he was more than willing to oblige. I found my release as Petyr roughly plunged himself into me as my muscled tightened around his think member. Petyr continued to move inside me as I rode the high of my climax as he followed spilling his warm seed inside me. We both stilled, panting, catching our breaths as our muscles started to relax and Petyr showered me in gentle kisses before pulling himself out of me and laying down beside me. I felt the loss of him inside me, already wanting him again but tiredness was quickly over taking both of us.

It was nearly dawn, I could smell the morning dew on the cold grass; Mr. Baelish's eyes were closed, he looked so peaceful and beautiful lying in the tall green grass; no clothes, no cares, just us together. It was perfection. I gently pulled myself off his chest and started gathering and putting my clothes back on. By the time he had noticed I was almost fully clothed; I threw him his old faded jeans and told him we had to get going. The sun would be up soon and we both had to sneak back into our houses. He sat up but that was it, he didn't want to move yet so he stayed in the grass and watched me collect myself. I finished clasping my bra on and throwing my shirt on then I knelt down to give him a kiss, he tried to get me back on the ground with him but I knew once would be enough for tonight and I walked away leaving him naked in the cold grass.

I felt like I was on air, I would never forget that night. I wanted to remember everything; every touch, every kiss, the way he felt, tasted, the way his lips felt on my skin.

Once out of Mr. Baelish's line of vision I started to run, I didn't want my rush to end. It was almost four in the morning by the time I snuck back into the house. I didn't go to bed, couldn't sleep; instead I went up to my haven and replayed the night over and over again in my mind until sleep finally took me. The alarm woke me after what felt like twenty minutes but was actually four hours later and I could feel it. My high was gone which was disappointing; I was excited and fearful to go to school; excited to see Mr. Baelish but afraid to see him at the same time. How would he treat me now? And Harry, what about Harry? Would he know? Figure it out? He was always good at reading me. Could I hide this from him?"

Chapter 9

Sansa stopped for a moment to see if Varys was going to react to all she had said. She could see he was processing it and after a quick second, Sansa realized he wasn't going to say anything yet so she carried on with her story.

"As I got ready for school and to meet Harry I couldn't get the night before out of my mind; I wanted it to be night again so I could be with Mr. Baelish, feel his touch. I made it through breakfast at the diner with Harry without him noticing my changed state, so I was glad.

We had a double class of English and I was eager; when I got there, Mr. Baelish and Harry were already there; Harry sitting in his seat while Mr. Baelish was at his desk marking someone's homework. When I came in they both looked up and smiled, Harry stood up and hugged me and I could feel Mr. Baelish's eyes on us. I wanted to speak to him but I had to be careful in front of Harry so when I turned to speak to Mr. Baelish, I simply said hi and asked what we were doing in class today. Mr. Baelish smiled; I could tell he was being careful too with Harry sitting there. "Actually I have a really cool assignment for today." he looked so cute trying to contain his excitement.

"Cool" that's all I could say to him and I felt so lame saying it; Mr. Baelish was still smiling and gazing at me. I found it hard to concentrate on anything else. After a moment or two, Harry turned to Mr. Baelish and said, "What's wrong with you? You get some really good news or something?"

"Yeah, I got really good news last night; guess I'm still taking it in."
Harry could see the small grin on my face and Mr. Baelish's as Mr. Baelish gazed back my way.

"Right" was all he said before turning back in his seat choosing to ignore the unsubtle looks between Mr. Baelish and myself. The rest of the class filed in as the bell went.

"Right" Mr. Baelish started off the class, moving to the front of the room; I had never seen him so happy to give us an assignment but then I doubted it was really the assignment that was making him so happy.

"Today we're going to do something that well, I think is fun. As you all know we've been studying poetry, different styles, different poets, well today I want you to be the poet. I want you to write a poem." He looked around the classroom watching most of his students look less than enthused with his assignment.

"So since we have a double block today I'm giving you the entire class to research the type of poem you wish to write and then of course to write it. Now for those of you who might be a bit more artistic" Mr. Baelish looked right at me as he said this, "and seeing how once they're done I'm going to make you all present your poems in front of everyone anyway, you may come up with a more entertaining way to present your poem." That seemed to get everyone more on board with his assignment. "So go, I want you all to head down to the library and work, create something meaningful to you and come up with a unique way of presenting it to everyone. I will be down in a few minutes." He watched the whole class start to gather there things as they filed out of the class room down to the library. I kept my eyes on Mr. Baelish as he silently told me to stay. Harry nudged me to get my attention. I told him I had to speak with Mr. Baelish about another assignment and that I would follow in a minute. Harry huffed a bit but picked up his books and followed the rest of our classmates leaving Mr. Baelish and I alone.

I moved to sit on top of my desk as Mr. Baelish closed and locked the classroom door before moving to stand in front of me. Leaning into me placing his hands at my side on the desk I could almost taste the mint on his breath; my heart started to beat faster. He quickly glanced over to the door before fully embracing me and kissing me deeply. I let his tongue explore my mouth again and moaned as that burning feeling started to rise in the pit of my stomach came back. Memory's of the night before flooded my mind and I wanted him to take me right there on my desk. I wrapped my arms around him as our kiss deepened and I could feel is arousal through his jeans. We broke apart simply for the need of air.

"God I want you" he breathed as he gently nibbled my earlobe. I had to bit my lip in order to stay quiet. He was being reckless; we were in the middle of school where anyone could see us. I could feel him hard against his jeans and without a second though my hand slowly undid his top button and zipper slipping my hand into his briefs taking him in hand and slowly massaging him. Petyr moaned into my neck trying to stay quiet as my hand worked him over at a teasingly slow pace. It wasn't long till he tensed and came in my hand; I could feel his whole body relax as I pulled my hand away. He leaned over to his desk grabbing a Kleenex handing one to me as he cleaned himself up. I cleaned my hand tausing the kleenex into the bin by his desk as he took me in his arms again, hungrily kissing me. As he kissed me he lifted me up and moved me over to his desk so I was sitting just on the edge. His fingers trailed their way up my skirt pushing it up around my waist as he shifted my panties down around my ankles. His eyes grew dark with desire as he sunk to his knees spreading my legs further apart. I leaned back on my hands as he licked the slit of my wonted sex and a rush of inane babbles fall from my lips. His stubble scratched lightly against my thighs as he pushes his tongue through my folds ravishing every part of me. Pushing and pulling and sucking, eagerly bringing me to blistering pleasure; he's not gentle but it made me even crazier and wanting of him. I closed my eyes as I leaned onto my elbows desperately trying to stay still as he moved my body closer and closer to bliss. My incoherent mumbles urge him on until it's too much and he continues; pulling me into my orgasm. I ride out my climax as he slows and finally pulls away. He stands between my thighs and kisses me deeply tasting myself on his lips. Petyr pulls my panties back up letting me right myself as he continues to kiss me.

"Tonight?" I asked him between kisses.

"Yes" Petyr said with a slight chuckle "if you can last that long" he smiled and I had to fight the urge to smack him. I leaned in close to his ear and whispered:
"can you?" placing a kiss on his cheek I moved off his desk and away from him taking another short moment to fix my skirt. I moved back to my desk grabbing my books and headed for the door to join my classmates in the library. I looked back to him giving him my best smirk then headed out the door.

Mr. Baelish came into the library a few minutes after I had. I was already sitting next to Harry when he came up to us and quietly said
"you should sing" he said it just loud enough for Harry to hear, smirked then walked away leaving me to my work.

"How does he know you sing?" I ignored Harry's question and asked him what kind of poem he was going to write.

Mr. Baelish had given us until the next day to write our poems. I had given a lot of thought to his suggestion of singing. During our double block and for the rest of the day really I thought about Mr. Baelish and myself, Harry and myself, what I had done. What I was doing.

Chapter 10

That night when I had left Petyr in the hotel room he had booked I tried to work through everything that was happening in my life but my thoughts continually came back to Petyr. With everything swarming in my mind, I meant to write a poem but it turned into a song. It wasn't until class the next day when I really made up my mind; I had bought my guitar in case I chose to play. Everyone was excited to see what their classmates had come up with, I was more curious to see what Harry had written.

Mr. Baelish started the class same as always then he started choosing people to come up and share their poems. No one had gotten all that creative with their poems; and for the most part they weren't all bad. Most wrote about graduation, parties, their boyfriend or girlfriend. I could tell Mr. Baelish was saving me for last; I didn't mind so much but when he called Harry up, I got excited. I could tell Harry was nervous, he wasn't much of a public speaker but he pulled himself through it. "I've um... done a free verse poem so... here it goes...

I was never one for words, but you were,
I learnt to love them as you did,
My life was empty till you came around
My heart was lonely till you heard my cry
You never changed me, but took me as I was
We've laughed, we've cried,
We've held each other close
I don't think you know
How important you are
You've been through hell
So we take things slow
But let me tell you now
How you're the world to me
And how I love you so."

Harry's poem was beautiful and I found myself looking back and forth between him and Mr. Baelish. As Harry sat back down I leaned over to him telling him how much I enjoyed his poem but I could see the discomfort on Mr. Baelish's face. He figured the poem was meant for me and I had the same thought, something else I'd have to deal with down the line. Mr. Baelish called me up next, with a hopeful look on his face. I could tell he hoped my poem would relate to him in some way. I stood and grabbed my guitar, I figured why not; I took my place at the front and started.

"My poem turned into a song while I was writing it… so yeah…" after my eight bar intro I started to sing.

"I don't know, where I stand
I don't know, where I am
And I don't know, what to do
I don't know, I don't know oh

Can I run, from this place?
Can I flee, from despair?
Will I forever feel this empty?
This cold

I don't know, how to shed my shame
I don't know, how to rid my burdens
And I don't know, how to be on my own
I don't know, I don't know oh

Can I run, from this place?
Can I flee, from despair?
Will I forever feel this empty?
This cold

And if I surrender all my pains
Will they all just wash away?
Can I be free, in you?
Or will I forever be?

I don't know, where I stand
I don't know, where I am
And I don't know, what to do
I don't know, I don't know."

I played my four bar outro to finish the slow past melody then let my audience react.

I saw the looks of all my classmates, some had tears in their eyes, and some were just astonished. I was the quiet girl who didn't say much, they didn't expect anything like that from me, something so deep, meaningful and surreal all at the same time. I looked at Mr. Baelish, he looked sad, my song had shown him another side of me, showed him just how much pain I was in. He almost looked ashamed, he knew my life, my past and he felt so deeply for me. I took my seat next to Harry, I could tell he wanted to say something, but couldn't find the words. The bell went and school was over. Mr. Baelish grabbed me on the way out holding me back and waiting for everyone to leave before speaking.

"I… I had no idea," that's all he could say, I had caused him pain, he was changed by my song but I saw no other way of telling both him and Harry what I felt. Harry and I had become so distant and I wanted to try to tell him why, and with Mr. Baelish and I getting closer; I just needed everyone to be on the same page and that song was the best way to do it. I let Mr. Baelish continue to speak.

"Oh love, that was beautiful, and painful. I'm glad you chose to sing, I truly am," he paused for a second, "I had no idea just how much life had hurt you." I kissed him, I didn't care that we were in public, the classroom was empty; I kissed him."

Sansa stopped talking again and stared at Varys, she had shared slightly more than she had intended to. He had been the very first person she told about sleeping with her teacher; Sansa figured Varys must have processed that piece of information by now. As Sansa thought about it, again she found herself wanting to laugh. Sleeping with your teacher, who actually does that? You see it in the movies, and read it in books but in reality you don't do it, you don't sleep with the very off-limits man. Sansa never believed herself to be that type of person. Sansa had always believed that she would be better off on her own.

"Miss Stark, Sansa, Sans, Sans, Are you alright?" as Varys called her name, you could hear the worry in his voice, "Sansa." Trying to grab her attention she puzzled him and he began to wonder if maybe he had taken on too large a challenge. 'No' was the next through in his head, 'no, you can help her. She's lost so help her. Save her.' The thoughts kept turning in his mind as he called Sansa's name again trying to get her attention.

"Sorry, Varys lost in thought I guess."

"That's alright, what was the thought?"

"Just you're the first person I've told. You're the only one who knows, and well, the first time I've said it aloud actually. So I guess I just had to take all that in," Sansa had this realized look on her face, almost like relief, she had finally told someone her secret and for the first time she wasn't afraid and that's what Varys saw in her expression. 'He's got her, Sansa can see that what has happened is wrong on more than one level, perhaps if he could just get Sansa away from Mr. Baelish then maybe he could help her get her life back on track.'

"Varys I think it's important for you to know that it wasn't just a onetime thing with Mr. Baelish. We are still seeing each other actually... I sneak out of the house at night and meet him at the local inn, we've become quite good at sneaking around actually; hiding from everyone. I don't mean to say I enjoy lying to Harry and sneaking around him but at the same time I don't exactly want everyone to know that I'm seeing a married man... seeing my teacher…"

"So," Varys took advantage of Sansa's pause, "what do you plan to do then?"

"Well… um… I'm just a couple of weeks away from graduating and my aunt and uncle want me to go to college and study history, English language, you see I love history and literature, of course, I read everything I can get my hands on. I was accepted into Winterfell College; you know that's actually the same college my parents and Mr. Baelish attended, oddly enough. However, I don't know if that's what I want to do. I mean it's not far but I would only come home maybe once a month or less and with Harry and I on rocky terms these days. Mr. Baelish and myself… I… well… I just don't know what to do. Mr. Baelish told me he's been searching for me for a long time. I'm not sure if I can believe such a line but he told me that after he heard about me, he wanted to know me, find me; but was never able to. I truly believe that… I mean after everything we've endured… I just; how do you walk away from someone when you've been through so much with them?" Varys could see Sansa's distrust. The decision she's trying to make was anything but simple, stay with the man she believes to be in love with or go away and live the life she deserves. Love or life? The hard questions and decisions at such a young age, in Varys's eye this was cruel and unfair; but he was curious about one thing involving Mr. Baelish.

"Sansa what are Mr. Baelish's plans?" Sansa just sat there with a blank look on her face.

"Plans, what do you mean by plans?" she asked after a minute.

"Well," Varys started to explain what he meant, "well, he is married, has a good job at the school and at the moment he also has you, so, I guess what I'm wondering is what he's planning to do about any of this? Is he going to leave his wife? Rearrange his life; for what you want or need? Or is he expecting you to simply stay here forever, stay with his wife and keep you on the side? Because let me tell you Sans, you do not deserve that, you deserve to go to college, be happy, not be stuck in a relationship with a man who's done moving forward with his life. Have the two of you even talked about any of this?" Varys was waiting for Sansa's reaction to everything, he wondered if she had even thought about any of it herself, or perhaps she was living the fantasy hoping never wake up. Sansa just sat there and by the look on her face, Varys could see she had absolutely no idea.

"Well," Sansa finally spoke but her voice was a bit shaky, "um… well… every time I try to bring up Winterfell he always seems to get me off the subject and we never actually talk about it."

Varys had his answer; Mr. Baelish was not planning on having Sansa's best interest at heart. How could he help Sansa with this? How could he help her understand that even though he may be the love of her life; she might not be the love of his? As Varys watched Sansa work this problem out in her head, he could see the light slowly turning on and it pained him to watch.

"Sansa I really believe that you and Mr. Baelish need to have an actual conversation and not allow him to dictate where it goes. Now tell me, what do you want to do? Stay here, or go off to college? Do you even know what you want?"

Sansa was dumbstruck, what did she want? She had never actually thought about it. Before Mr. Baelish Sansa had wanted to leave Kingslanding, she became so swept away by the intensity of him and since there meeting nothing else had really seemed to matter. Sansa had rewritten her life to fit into his; she had stopped thinking past him; forgot to figure out what she wanted in life. After all wasn't that the reason she came to Varys in the first place, so she could hear the things that she had done out loud, see the mistakes she had made and to find a solution? Sansa actually started to think about it. Her entire story now seemed so ridiculous; she had placed so much energy in her relationship with Mr. Baelish and yes her relationship with him was completely wrong, he's her teacher, he's married, twice her age and for the most part given her heartache and lies. Sansa never lied or kept secrets until Mr. Baelish came into her life; and Harry, oh poor Harry, her closest friend who had been nothing but loving and devoted to her through their entire friendship. How could she be so cruel to her closest and only friend? Yes, she loved Mr. Baelish that had not changed; she fell in love with him and she would always love him; however, she could not keep lying to everyone, to Harry or to herself. Varys sat in silence watching Sansa try to figure out what she was going to do, to decide on what she truly wanted as he watched her he noticed that Sansa's eyes were venturing on and off the bible, he had handed to her in their last session. Sansa had left it there but Varys decided to leave it believing she would come back to it at some point. He thought that perhaps a slight nudge would do the trick. "Sansa, like I said in our last session, that book can be a great deal of help to you. God can help you but it will take a bit of trust and willingness to change. Now I'm not saying it's easy because believe me it's not; it's hard and challenging and in fact choosing the path of God is more likely to be a harder way of living than if you continue down the path you're on. That being said the path of God is a much better choice, yes hard and challenging but so much more rewarding than anything else you could choose…" as Varys tried to explain the benefits of God to Sansa she picked up the bible and started to flip through it.

"…So Sansa, do you know what you want to do yet?" Varys asked after a few minutes; he was very hopeful at this moment, hoping Sansa would end her affair with Mr. Baelish, come clean to Harry, but above everything she would give God the chance he deserved. Sansa was nodding her head up and down slowly.

"Tell me something, Varys, what do you think of my story?" Varys had foreseen this question. He had been thinking about how to answer it throughout this last session. "Miss. Stark your life has not been an easy one that's for sure. You have faced horrors in your life and had to deal with some very hard things in a short period of time. I do believe that Harry is a great part of your life and I would come clean to him about everything. Now I am not telling you what to do, this is just what I would do personally. If I had someone as loyal and devoted to me, I would try to be very open and honest with that person. Now regarding Mr. Baelish," he paused for a moment, "Mr. Baelish has seduced you and chased you even when he knew better. Mr. Baelish is the adult here and what he's done with you is anything but right. That being said you also need to take responsibility for your role in all of this. Now yes, Mr. Baelish seduced you but you still made the choice to engage and encourage him. Even though your relationship with this man started as a friendship, which was unacceptable enough, and Mr. Baelish knew that. It's quite like my profession, I cannot be friends and have an emotional bond with one of my patients, now yes there needs to be a level of trust as we had established at the beginning. However, our relationship could never go farther than what we have established. That being said I do care what happens to you and I want to help you make decisions that will cause you the least amount of pain. Do you understand? Our relationship is much like the one you and Mr. Baelish were supposed to have; you two crossed the line when you both decided to move past the student/teacher creed, and a relationship like the one you are in is very unhealthy; especially for someone of your age," he finished.

Sansa took a small moment before responding to Varys.

"So according to you I have to end my relationship with Mr. Baelish; tell Harry everything that I've been keeping from him? That's basically what you're telling me here, Varys." Sansa couldn't hide the tint of attitude in her voice as she spoke to him.

"Sansa, please, let me make it clear that I'm not here to tell you what to do, what I'm telling you is, is that you need to decide what's best for you," Varys could see that Sansa understood that. She was going to have to make some hard decisions but those decisions had to be hers. Sansa will need to block out everything and listen to herself but more importantly, she needed to listen to her heart.

"I can't change how I feel about Mr. Baelish, that I love him," Sansa wanted to make that very clear.

"I know, Sans, but that does not change the issue. Do you know how he feels about you? That's my question. Does he love you enough to put your best interest at heart, above his own wants and needs because if he doesn't and only wants you for his own selfish reasons then how is that good for you? How does that give you what you need?" He paused to let Sansa take everything in for a moment then continued, "Unfortunately, Sansa, our time is up, how this time next week? And I would like you to really think about everything we've talked about today. Secrets and lies is no way to live and I do believe that you are worth so much more than what you've gotten in life." Varys was unsettled by the way he was leaving their session, but his six o'clock patient was waiting for him.

"Ok," Sansa replied in agreement. She gave Varys a half smile as she grabbed the bible off the table and stood up from his couch.

"Thanks for listening, for the advice. I'll see you next week." And with that Sansa walked out of Varys's office leaving him sitting in his chair to ponder everything Sansa had told him; then he carried on with his next appointment.

Chapter 11

Sansa was more confused now then when she had first entered Varys's office; she replayed all her session with him repeatedly in her mind on her walk home. Varys's office was only a few blocks away from where Sansa lived but she wasn't ready to go home quite yet, so she decided to go to the abandoned park and think a while, with the bible still in her hands she set off for the park.

Once Sansa was at the park, she sat down on the swing-set and started to sway a bit while skimming through the bible.

'God, really? How is God supposed to help?' Sansa couldn't see how an invisible entity was going to solve all her problems. She dropped the bible on the ground and started to swing herself a bit harder. As Sansa looked around the abandoned park she remembered the first night she found the park; empty and quiet it had become her second favourite place to go outside of her haven. Sansa hadn't told anyone that she loved to go swing at the old park; no one until Mr. Baelish. As Sansa started to swing higher and higher she remember the night she had Mr. Baelish meet her in the park; it was one of the best nights of her life; the most unexpected. Sansa remembered everything about that night; every touch, every kiss, it was magic to Sansa a moment she would relive in her mind well into her old age.

As Sansa swung higher, she kept trying to find her peace. That quiet place in her mind where she could make sense of the world around her, but she couldn't get there.

"Tell Harry? Leave Mr. Baelish? College? Stay in Kingslanding? God?" The thoughts swarmed her mind like a parasite, never ending, completely consuming. Sansa thought of everything that had happened between herself and Mr. Baelish; every night spent together, every hidden kiss, it was passionate; they were passionate and exhilarating. Sansa thought of the start of their acquaintance; they did nothing but talk about Catelyn her mother; Mr. Baelish's days with her. That's how everything started, but their acquaintance turned into friendship, which turned to being lovers. Sansa had begun to notice once they became lovers everything changed, the conversations started to dwindle while the passion they shared only increased. Every time Sansa and Mr. Baelish would start a conversation their lust would consume them and take over.

'Was this it?' Sansa thought, 'was this the best of our relationship? Could we never go back to the long intriguing talks? Spending time together, which didn't extend past sex? Do I want it too? I always loved our long intellectual conversations but was that finished now? Would it only ever be about sex at this point? Is a relationship of pure sex and passion a bad thing? There are worse relationships to be in.' Sansa started to lose track of each individual thought and it started to hurt. She decided that perhaps it was time to call it a night and head home; she jumped off the swing, grabbed the bible and set off home.

Sansa was determined to solve at least some of her problems; her aunt had taken to leaving little non-subtle hints about Winterfell every time they spoke. The next morning Sansa's mind still hadn't settled down but she had decided to, at least sort out the whole Mr. Baelish relationship thing before even considering college or anything else. She was nervous, not sure if she could even face Mr. Baelish or Harry; she thought about what Varys told her about lies and secrets, how unhealthy of a life she was living. Sansa knew that she couldn't think about these things forever. She glanced over to the Bible sitting on top of her dresser, as she got ready for school. 'Maybe' Sansa thought as she stared over at the Bible, 'maybe he's right? Maybe God?' Another thing Sansa couldn't take forever to think about. She left ready and heading for school but she found the closer she got the greater feeling of dread grew stronger in the pit of her stomach. 'No,' she thought, 'not today.' Therefore, instead of turning down Drover Street, which would take, her to school Sansa kept walking straight down Elk Street until she got to the bust stop; then she waited.

Sansa wasn't entirely sure what she was going to do but she thought that perhaps spending the day away from everything would help clear her head.

Sansa found the bus exhilarating, the idea that she could simply get on and go anywhere was freeing. She had imagined leaving the little town of Kingslanding so often but never actually had the courage to go. Sansa thought of her trip to Europe with Harry and how she felt; she thought of going back to Rome or Paris, maybe even seeing something new. Sansa dreamt of being anywhere but Kingslanding, far away from her problems; but for the day she decided to go just one town over: The Vale.

When the bus arrived in The Vale, Sansa departed and just set off in the first direction she came too. No idea as to where she was heading and she didn't care. She just wanted to see something different, to see what was in the town. The Vale was small like Kingslanding but they had so much more. As Sansa walked up and down every little street she could find, she noticed that her mind was actually starting to settle down. She watched everyone around her, the people sitting outside cafe's having coffee, kids coming out of the sweet shop with their parents holding small bags of candy. Sansa felt like she walked into a scene from one of her books. The Vale seemed to have everything from malls and coffee shops to an amusement park. This was exactly what Sansa wanted and needed an entire town to distract her.

The day seemed to go by far too quickly, before Sansa knew it she was waiting for the bus back to Kingslanding. Sansa loved every minute of her day of rebellion; she did everything; rode the rides and played the park games, had coffee that cost way too much and wandered the The Vale Mall; watched the people around her live their lives the way normal healthy everyday people do. The day out of Kingslanding, away from everything and everyone did Sansa a world of good, just as she had hoped it would. Sansa finally has a quiet mind for the first time in months; and she finally knew what she wanted.

It was around nine at night when Sansa finally walked in the front door of her house. Aunt Lysa, as Sansa predicted, was pacing up and down the kitchen going out of her mind while Uncle John just sat at the table reading the evening paper. Once Lysa saw Sansa leaning against the kitchen door she started to go off on her.

"Where the HELL have you been? The school called, you never showed up, your teacher Mr. Baelish kept calling and he showed up here; Harry too. What were you thinking just going off like that? Not telling anyone. Where have you been all day then?" John finally looked up from his paper to his wife's last question waiting to hear Sansa's answer while his wife continued to pace and pant from all her yelling. Sansa ignored her aunt directing her response to John.

"I went up to The Vale today. It was great and I had fun." Sansa and her uncle shared a smile then John went back to his paper; Sansa knew that despite her aunt going off the handle that it was fine.

"The Vale? What? Why? What the hell has gotten into that head of yours? This is not okay…" Lysa went on and on while Sansa sat down across from her uncle and started reading the parts of the paper he was done with. Once Sansa finished reading the paper and Lysa ran out of things to yell about, she left her aunt and uncle in the kitchen and headed up to her room.

Harry was sitting on Sansa's bed when she walked in and turned the light on.

"Sans," she jumped at the sound of his voice; not anticipating it.

"What... how did you get in here?" she asked while regaining her senses.

"Your bedroom window, Sans where the hell have you been all day?" Sansa could see Harry's anger and knew she had to explain herself.

"Harry, look… I'm sorry I disappeared today but I… I just needed some space. Time to think, I've had a lot on my mind lately," Sansa knew that line wouldn't work on him but she couldn't think of anything else to say.

"You're sorry, you've had a lot on your mind lately? Really? What do you think has been going through my mind lately? What's going on between you and Mr. Baelish?" Harry was wasting no time, "I've seen the looks between you two so you tell me, you tell me right now Sansa, what's been going on?"

Sansa had never seen Harry so angry before, she had really hurt him and she never meant for that. He was standing in front of her now waiting for her to answer him.

"Okay, okay Harry, but you have to stay calm, and hear me out." Sansa paused while Harry sat back down on the bed agreeing to stay calm and hear her out. "Mr. Baelish and I… we've...we've been seeing each other for the past few months… we're lovers Harry and I didn't want to tell you... you could barely handle things when Mr. Baelish and I were just friends…"

Harry started to laugh; he was in shock. Not because he was surprised by what Sansa was telling him, because all his suspicions about her and Mr. Baelish were right. He was shaking his head as he began to speak.

"I knew it, I just… I knew it and since when have the two of you ever been 'just friends'? Since that very first day in class when we met him, there's been this… this connection between you and it was not just because of your mother. No, oh no Sans, you and Mr. Baelish have never been 'just friends'."

Sansa stood in front of Harry, completely frozen. He was right and she knew it. She and Mr. Baelish had never been 'just friends'; Harry had said it, that first day in class there was that immediate connection between them. Sansa really didn't know what to say at this point.

"Why do you even care so much, Harry? It's not like it's any of your business." The moment the words came out of her mouth Sansa regretted it and by the look on Harry's face, he couldn't believe what she had said. He was even angrier now and was ready to walk away. He had had enough. Harry shook his head, stood up off the bed and headed for the door; just before walking out he turned to Sansa and said, "You are so blind, Sansa Stark, so fucking blind."

Then he was gone.

Chapter 12

The next couple of days were bad; Harry still wasn't talking to Sansa and she had yet to resolve anything with Mr. Baelish. Sansa wasn't sure how much longer she could avoid the conversation she knew needed to happen. She could only hope that Harry would forgive her one day and would understand. Sansa decided to sort everything out with Mr. Baelish before anything else, and then she'd try to smooth things out with Harry again. When Sansa got a free moment from her aunt and uncle, she headed to her room to call Mr. Baelish. Sansa was not thrilled when his wife, Ros, picked up the phone but luckily, she and Mr. Baelish had created a system for when this happened. Once Ros said hello, Sansa would ask for someone else, Ros would say 'sorry wrong number' and Mr. Baelish would know to call Sansa back.

Mr. Baelish was glad to hear from Sansa, it had been a few days and he hated that. "Sans, love where have you been? I've been worried," Mr. Baelish, asked the same question everyone was and now she'd have to answer them for a third time. Instead of giving him, the answers he wanted Sansa told Mr. Baelish that she needed to see him as soon as possible. Mr. Baelish was always more than happy to meet her so by the end of their phone call they had agreed to meet at the local hotel a little after ten. At ten when Sansa heard her aunt and uncle go to bed, she snuck out her bedroom window and headed off to the local Kingslanding Hotel.

The hotel was only a twenty minute walk; Mr. Baelish was already there waiting outside the office door. Sansa felt herself beginning to melt. She could feel herself fall farther with every step toward him. She loved him, how could she not? Sansa had given Mr. Baelish every part of her; she had never hidden a single thing from him, never lied or withheld anything. He was her first love, first lover; Sansa felt closer to him than anyone else; and she didn't want any of it to end. The closer she got to Mr. Baelish the more handsome he became, she had forgotten over the last few days just how alluring she found him to be. Sansa was convinced that what Mr. Baelish and herself shared was love and not simply lust as Varys had implied. 'He must love me too' was the only thought running through Sansa's mind. When Sansa reached Mr. Baelish, she went to speak but before she could say anything, he grabbed her roughly and kissed her passionately. No waiting, no hiding, it was an out in the open everything goes kiss. Sansa couldn't help herself, as much as she knew she should resist him she couldn't. She stopped caring and decided to let go of everything else and fall into his grasp. Sansa embraced Mr. Baelish just as vigorously as he had her. They were hopeless, too much passion, too much lust, love, trust. Sansa was convinced he was it, the one, no one else would do. Sansa needed to focus, there was a reason for their meeting and it was not this, but it was beginning to be a very close second in Sansa's mind and a definite first in Mr. Baelish's.

Finding the will Sansa gently pushed herself from his firm grasp breaking away from Mr. Baelish.

"Did you get a room?" Sansa wanted to talk but she asked so soft and sweetly she couldn't resist. Mr. Baelish simply held up the room key and smiled; he took Sansa by the hand and led her up the stairs to their room. Sansa knew what Mr. Baelish was thinking; she only hoped she would have the courage to say what needed to be said before they got any farther.

Mr. Baelish opened the door and headed in while Sansa stood frozen in the doorway. Mr. Baelish noticed as he loosened his tie.

"Sans, love, what is it? What's the matter? Come on love I guarantee it's much better in here than standing in the doorway! Sans… love…?" he was becoming concerned as he watched Sansa stand frozen in the doorway. Mr. Baelish walked over to her, placed one hand around her waist and took her hand with his other gently pulling her into the room and closing the door behind them.

The room had a very pleasant feel to it, light beige painted walls with dark hardwood floors with a cute circled red carpet in the centre of the room, queen size bed covered in blood red sheets, a tall cabinet across from the bed containing a TV and a mini fridge next to it. Mr. Baelish wrapped his other hand around Sansa's waist holding her close to his body; they stood swaying in each other's arms back and forth, noses almost touching. Mr. Baelish started to kiss Sansa beginning at her forehead and slowly working his way down just shy of her shoulders, then moving back up her neck up to her cheek.

"We… we really need to talk," Sansa had finally managed to squeeze the words out in between each kiss. Mr. Baelish stopped kissing her and backed a couple of steps away from her nodding in agreement.

"I know, love, I know," he replied.

"Okay, good," Sansa went and sat down on the bed, she was finally getting what she needed, while Mr. Baelish stood right where he was but turned to face Sansa on the bed.

"Look…" Sansa started but Mr. Baelish interrupted her before she could get any farther.

"Sans, love, I can't do this anymore." You could see the relief explode from his face after he managed to get the words out in the open. Sansa was surprised and went to speak again but Mr. Baelish still wouldn't let her.

"Love I can't do this, all this sneaking around, lying to Ros, I've decided that I'm done," Mr. Baelish took a breath before finishing the rest of his spiel, "Love, I'm leaving Ros." There was a pause in the room. Neither could speak. Mr. Baelish was waiting for Sansa's reaction but she couldn't give him one, she was in shock. He had said the words she never believed him capable of saying yet always secretly wished he would. After another few awkward silent second Mr. Baelish continued.

"I cannot be with her when all I think about is you. I want you love, no one else. I love you Sansa Stark and I don't want to love anybody else." Mr. Baelish moved to sit next to her on the bed, he had shocked her, but he had also said the one thing she so desperately needed him to say. Sansa was dumbstruck and Mr. Baelish could see it; it was definitely not what she was expecting from him. He shuffled closer and closer to Sansa taking both her hands in his as he stared into her wide blue eyes. He was waiting for her to say something, anything, but she couldn't find the words. "Sans, Sansa, my love, please, say something here, anything?" Mr. Baelish was desperate not to be hanging out there with an 'I love you' caught in the middle. He had a firm yet gentle grip on Sansa's hands waiting for her to say or do anything that showed him that she heard him and after a moment or two Sansa had managed to find her voice.

"You… um… sorry but… you love me? And… And you're leaving your wife… and… And…" Sansa fell silent again.

"Yes," was all Mr. Baelish said but it seemed to be enough. Sansa without saying another word leaned in wrapping her arms around his neck and kissed him. They went slow and gentle, wanting to savour every moment; cause this was different; sad yet embracing. They both knew that after tonight everything was going to be different. They could sense the change in each other; they simply weren't sure if that change was for the better or worse. Their passion once again had consumed them. Mr. Baelish must have kissed Sansa a thousand times before starting to unbutton her blouse and even still he never stopped kissing her, her cheek, her neck, moving slowly down while his hands were working on each button. He shifted her onto her back as he pulled her blouse off and tossing it onto the floor; Sansa worked at Petyr's shirt. Once enough of his buttons were undone Petyr released Sansa momentarily to lift his shirt over his head and threw it to the floor next to her blouse. Petyr's hands went directly to the button of her light faded jeans and made quick work of removing them followed by his own slacks. Petyr's mouth quickly dominated Sansa's as he moved to remove her beige coloured bra and panties leaving her completely naked before him. Petyr couldn't help but admire the young beauty beneath him as his lips found her left breast nipping at her already hard nipple. His right hand pinned Sansa's wrists above her head as his left trailed down her flat stomach and dipped between the folds of her wet sex. Sansa released a loud moan as Petyr's fingers began to work her over; she struggled against his grip on her wrists desperately wanting to touch him as Petyr moved his lips to her right nipple pulling yet another moan from her. Sansa could feel Petyr's member growing harder against his briefs and she wanted nothing more than to feel him completely inside of her. As Petyr found her mouth again with his, his grip on her wrists lessons slightly giving Sansa the chance to wiggle free; she braced her hands on his shoulders and using all her weight flipped Petyr over onto his back. She quickly felt the loss of his fingers but recovered as she went to pull his briefs off of him leaving him as bare as she was.

Sansa's quick movements shocked Petyr momentarily; surprised by her sudden want of dominance but was curious to see what she would do next. He let Sansa take charge and released a loud groan as she straddled him, rocking her hips against him feeling her wet folds against his fully erect member. Petyr fought the urge to simply plunge into her as she moved against him. Sansa was lost in the pleasure of rubbing her sex against him but was quickly missing the pressure his member provided. Petyr sensing Sansa's growing need along with his own; shot up straight wrapping his arms around her as he lined his member to her entrance and slowly eased himself into her. Sansa couldn't help but grip Petyr's back tightly as they began to move within each other. They moved slowly, savouring each movement but eventually the pressure was too much and Petyr picked up the pace, driving himself deeper and deeper into her bringing Sansa even closer to her climax. Sansa dug her nails into Petyr's back as he pressed himself even harder into her as he roughly gripped her hips forcing each and every moan from her lips. Sansa threw her head back in pleasure as Petyr's lips found the nape of her neck. He was growing desperate for release; he could feel how close Sansa was as he quickly flipped them back over laying her on her back. Petyr's index finger found her clit as he re-positioned himself as he continued to plunge himself deeply into her. It didn't take long until Petyr felt her finally come, clenching herself around him and crying out in pleasure. Petyr continued to drive himself into her as he found his own release spilling his seed deep within her.

It was perfect, everything was perfect and right, every moment, every hand placement, it really was the best either had had together. Neither of them wanted it to end; they just wanted to lay there forever consumed by each other; but they knew that even though their love was great they couldn't go on forever. Sansa realized that in spite of everything she still hadn't told Petyr she loved him. Petyr shifted off and was lying next to Sansa gazing at her, running his fingers up and down her arm. Sansa was staring up at the ceiling holding back the tears that were swelling in her eyes. Without a moment's hesitation Sansa turned her head toward him and said, "I love you."

But Petyr already knew that, he leaned in to kiss her again before she could say anything else, "I know you do, love, I know you do."

Petyr didn't understand Sansa's desire to say the words; she needed to make him understand so she turned on her side to face him and tried again, "No, I love you, I love you so much and because of how much I love you, it just makes this all the more harder to say."

Sansa paused for a second to collect her thoughts while examining the confused expression on Petyr's face, "I… I got into Winterfell College and… well… well I've decided to go which means… well… um… which means…" Sansa could see all the happiness fall from Petyr's perfect face.

"You're leaving," he closed his eyes as the words fell from his lips.

"Yes, it's a four year program… not sure how often I'd come home, come back to Kingslanding…" Petyr stopped her again.

"So what does this mean for us then? I can't go back to Ros, I won't go back and I don't want to be without you," he had such a look of desperation on his face. "I don't know." the tears in Sansa's eyes started to fall now and Petyr caught them with his fingers.

"We can work this out, can't we love?" he was not only trying to comfort Sansa but himself. He didn't want Sansa to leave but he knew he could not stand in the way of her experiencing something as great as college. He kissed her again because this time he knew they were limited.

"Look, this doesn't necessarily mean goodbye, graduation is next week and then it's summer and we could have the beginning together before I have to prepare for Winterfell; not sure just how much time we'd have but I'm sure there will be a moment or two, a night or so we can steal away." As soon as Sansa said it, she realized that she was heartbroken. 'This must be what a broken heart feels like,' she thought; from the look on Petyr's face, Sansa's heart wasn't the only one breaking. He had just lost the second woman he ever truly loved. First Sansa's mother, Catelyn, and now her; it was clear to him how this would end, she needed to go off to college and he could not hold her back from experiencing all the things life had to offer.

"So," Petyr started to speak as he pulled Sansa closer to himself again, "this could very well be our last night together."

"There is a good chance of that, yes," Sansa couldn't contain her tears anymore, the thought that she would never be with him again, especially now, now that he chose to leave his wife, confess his love, willing to throw everything away for her. It hurt. "Look, I… I don't think you should leave Ros. I mean she is your wife and there's no reason…" but Sansa couldn't finish her sentence.

"No, no," Petyr was shaking his head, "no, it's over between Ros and I; I'm leaving her; so go off to college, live, enjoy and just maybe, God willing, you'll find your way back to me someday. I really do love you, Sansa, and I want the world for you."
Tears were really falling down Sansa's cheeks as Petyr's words touched her. Then out of nowhere, Sansa found herself wanting to ask Petyr a very personal question.

"Do you believe in God?" the question just sort of slipped out of her and as she asked it Sansa realized that oddly enough God and their beliefs were the one subject they had never actually talked about. Petyr kissed Sansa gently and whispered, "Yes, I believe he sent me you." And that was it; there was nothing left to say. Everything had already been said and they were left with nothing but each other and the rest of the night.

Chapter 13

Sansa left Mr. Baelish at the hotel; she wandered the streets in the early morning remembering every moment she had ever spent with him. Sansa snuck back through her bedroom window and crawled into bed; she only had forty-five minutes until she needed to get up for school. She was excited and sad at the same time. All the exams were done and all the last minute assignments had been handed in so going to school at this point was really just a formality. It was only a half day so Sansa really didn't mind going, then she had her session with Varys.

At school Sansa tried to get Harry alone to talk to him, tell him what she had done, but of course, the only time she got with him was in English class. It wasn't as awkward seeing Mr. Baelish as she thought it would be, but Harry, Harry was anything but happy to be in the same room with either of them.

"Harry, Harry please will you just listen to me for a moment then I promise you won't ever have to speak to me again if that's what you want," Sansa pleaded, trusting Harry would at least hear her out. He nodded his head telling her that she was free to speak.

"Look, Harry, I'm sorry for what happened, for lying to you. It was never my intention to hurt you... "Sansa paused for a moment, "Harry… I'm not blind… I know how you feel about me… and I love you… I do love you just… I just can't love you the way you want me to, the way you love me." Sansa stopped to let Harry take everything in and from the look on his face; he knew she was right.

Harry was in love with Sansa and wanted her, the way Petyr had her. It was the reason they never got along; they were both jealous of each other, wanting the same woman; it was worse for Harry because unlike Petyr he never got what he wanted, he never got Sansa; her heart, her love. Harry's eyes closed as a tear dropped from one; the realization of never having Sansa as more than a friend hurt him.

"Harry, you need to know that I've been accepted into Winterfell College and well… I'm going. It's all been settled so... I'm going and that's it, that's everything," Sansa had said everything she wanted to and she waited for Harry response. After a few seconds Harry finally spoke.

"You're leaving. You're just going to leave, just like that?" Harry was not taking the news well.

"Harry it's time, I can't stay here anymore. I need to move on and find something new. I need to start living my life. You know you could try it yourself; change isn't all bad." Sansa tried to smile as she said this; she really wanted Harry to understand where she was coming from.

"Yeah, right, well, have a good life then Sansa Stark." Harry had this 'I'm sorry for being jerk, hope you'll be happy' look on his face. He was happy for her, he was just too hurt to play the 'yay you' role. He gave her a small smile telling her to stay safe, then he stood from his seat and headed for the classroom door. Just before leaving, Harry turned to face Petyr who had taken notice of his departure. Harry gave him a slight head nod then walked away. Sansa understood that Harry needed time and hoped that one day they could be as they were again.

Sansa glanced over to Petyr and he knew, she had told Harry everything; that everything would be all right in time. The bell rang and school was finished; the classroom emptied leaving Sansa and Petyr alone. Sansa walked up to Petyr, took his hands in hers and as if she was creating a final memory she whispered, "I love you; I'll miss you." And that was all she said. Sansa gave him a gently kissed him. Petyr not wanting to break from her pressed himself into her deepening their kiss and Sansa let him. After a moment Petyr broke the kiss and taking Sansa's hands in his and asked her what he had been thinking about since she told him of her decision to go to Winterfell.

"Love, I know you're going to Winterfell and I couldn't be happier but what would you say to me coming too? I can teach anywhere. The only place I want to be is by your side."

"You'd move your whole life just to be with me?"

"Sansa I'd do anything necessary to be with you. I love you" with that he pulled a small black box from his blazer and opened it. Inside sat a white gold band mockingbird with diamond eyes ring. "Marry me Sansa. Let me spend the rest of my life giving you everything you deserve." Petyr didn't wait for Sansa's answer as he slipped the ring on her finger then brushing his hand gently against her cheek.

Sansa was shocked. Petyr purposing was not what she was expecting. In that moment she couldn't help but wonder what Varys would think and it made her smile slightly. The whole time she's been seeing Varys he's been telling her all the reasons why she should leave Petyr, she couldn't help but wonder if Varys every thought that just maybe Petyr truly loved her. Sansa leaned back into Petyr to kiss him again. Of course she'd marry him, he's all she's ever wanted since meeting him and if he was willing to change his whole life to be with her then he was definitely a man she wanted to give herself to. Completely.

Sansa pulled away from Petyr slightly with tears in her eyes, overjoyed with happiness. "I love you Petyr Baelish. And I can't wait to spend my life with you. But that will have to wait. I have something to do first." with that she gave him one last kiss before turning away and heading out the door.

Sansa sat once again in Varys's small dull waiting room but this time seemed different for her. There were no more arguments going on inside her head, she wasn't distracted by anything; for the first time for as long as Sansa could remember there was nothing wrong, nothing to worry about. For he first time she felt calm and content, Sansa was unbelievably happy, it was a feeling she wasn't sure how to process, but she never wanted that feeling to end. As Sansa sat in the small waiting room admiring her favourite photograph, of the waterfall with its hidden face, she was no longer confused by it but felt she almost understood it, understood who the face was. Sansa was still admiring the photo when Varys opened his office door inviting her in.

Varys was happy to see Sansa again; he had been worrying and praying, thinking about her all week. Sansa stood up out from his hard wooden chair in his waiting room and walked straight into his office taking her seat on his cushy couch. Once Varys settled in his chair and started their session.

"So, how are you? Was your week all right? Any thought about what we talked about last week?" he wanted to know what Sansa had decided, hoping his words to her during their last session had had some impact on her; even if only a little.

"Um, my week was good, hard and a bit hectic but good. I did a lot of thinking and made what I think to be the right decision." Varys smiled, truly hoping she had in fact made as she said, the right decision.

"Alright, tell me about it then. Tell me what you did this week, Sansa." Varys was excited now.

"Well, I came clean to Harry, and well, he's not happy and needs time but I think he'll be alright after a while; I just don't know how long that while will be. So for now we've gone our separate ways, which as hard as that is it's good for now, we're just in two very different places right now." Varys stopped her there for a minute and asked, "What does Harry want?"

"He wants to stay right where he is, open a garage, he's always wanted to be a mechanic; and I think that's great, however he wanted me to stay here, with him; he wanted us to be together.' Varys smiled as this piece of information.

"I thought so," He said.

Sansa looked puzzled by his comment so he explained it to her.

"Sansa from what you've told me about Harry I got the impression he might have been in love with you, but I think that deep down inside somewhere you already knew that, and that's why you had such a hard time telling him about you and Mr. Baelish. Am I right?" he could see that he was, "Tell me what else happened this week." Varys wanted to move on and not let her get lost in thoughts of Harry. "Well, I had that well needed conversation with Mr. Baelish. He told me that he loves me and that well… that he's leaving his wife." Sansa paused to await Varys's expression and if he was going to say anything, a simple "and" was all she got as he eyed her left hand noticing the mockingbird ring on her finger.

"Well, as happy I was to hear all that... I told him I was leaving Kingslanding and going to Winterfell. And today he purposed. I'm marrying him. So lot's of change this week but I think everything's turning out for the best." Sansa was smiling; Varys could see a great difference in her. He realized that all she needed was to tell someone her secrets too. Varys smiled a little waverer and said, "Well, it seems you and Mr. Baelish had quite the conversation if it ended in an engagement? Do you really think its wise to marry him Sansa?"

"I love him, he loves me. He knows me, my past, my shortcomings and I know him, I know the type of man he is."

"Do you really know him though? Completely?"

"What are you trying to get at here Varys?" Sansa was starting to get frustrated with how Varys was taking her news. She knew he wouldn't be jumping with joy or anything but she wasn't expecting this.

"Sansa all I'm saying is that you can never really know a person, not fully. I'm not here to talk you out of your choice, you've made it and will have to live with whatever comes next, I just want you to fully think this through. Your only eighteen years old, your just starting out your life and there is still so much for you to learn and experience where Mr. Baelish has already live his, he's twice your age and from what I can tell full of secrets. Just be careful. Please." All Varys could do was give Sansa one last bit of advice as she had clearly chosen her path.

Sansa took a breath before responding to Varys.

"You know, I was going to leave him Varys and it's thanks to you really, you gave me that Bible and well, I read it. I think I understand the appeal of God. I asked Petyr his beliefs, if he believed in God and you know what?" Varys shook his head no as Sansa continued, "he believes God sent him me; I found that sweet, not sure if I believe it but I'm willing to take my chances. I think God just might be a road I'm willing to go down, but my road has Petyr in it. He surprised me when he offered to move to Winterfell with me, willing to uproot his whole life just to me with me. To me any that's enough, I have found a man who wants to give me the world and you know what, that doesn't sound too bad to me." Sansa was happy; she felt as though her life was finally going in the right direction regardless of what Varys though. Varys couldn't believe what he was hearing; he had to admit he was amazed by how quickly this train wreck of a young woman had completely turned her life around. Sansa had been this young confused woman having an affair, lying to everyone, to herself, now she had stopped lying to Harry and herself, chosen to attend college and found the Lord, she even managed to sort out her relationship with Mr. Baelish. Not the way Varys was hoping for but still a resolution. Varys knew that Sansa had a very long way to go but at least she was now heading down a clearer path.

"Varys?" Sansa had just one more thing to say to him before the end of their session. "Yes, Sansa?"

"I just wanted to thank you. You've helped me see my options, the choices I needed to make. So thank you for listening to my crazy story."

Sansa stood up from Varys's couch; she had said everything she had wanted to. Sansa had gotten far more than she had ever expected or imagined by coming to see Varys, and she was happy she had finally let her guard down enough and let someone help her. Sansa stretched out her hand and waited for Varys to take it. He rose from his chair shaking her hand.

"You are more than welcome Miss. Stark, and I hope you know that my door is always open to you, anytime." They dropped hands and headed toward the door. When they reached the door it looked as if Sansa had something else to say but decided against it, she smiled as she turned away from Varys leaving his office.

When Sansa got home she found that her aunt and uncle had gotten her a cheap little car, they told her it was so no matter what she could always come home again.

The summer went by quickly and before Sansa knew it she was days away from starting at Winterfell College. Petyr had gone ahead of her to find a place for them to live. Sansa was leaving happy. Grateful almost. When she had first told her aunt and uncle about her engagement to Petyr they didn't take it well, aunt Lysa had completely forbidden it and was appalled to find out everything that had been happening behind her back. Even John spoke his mind on the matter, not approving but after a few long conversations with both Sansa and Petyr he came around to everything, knowing he would never separate them.

The car was fully loaded; Sansa had a long drive ahead of her. Sansa kissed her aunt and uncle goodbye, told them she'd be home for Christmas and not to worry, she thanked them for everything, taking her in, putting up with all her madness through the years but more importantly raising her, loving her as their own. Her uncle told her taking her in was the best decision they ever made. He told her how proud they were of her. Once the goodbyes were all said Sansa climbed into her fully packed car, gave her aunt and uncle, the house and her bedroom window a final glance then drove off. Sansa was scared and excited all at the same time. She was getting what she wanted.

Sansa felt like she was breathing for the first time. Even though she was terrified, she was exhilarated. Finally, after everything, she had gone through; she was free. Sansa had no idea what the road ahead had for her but she didn't mind, she wasn't sure if she'd ever really return to Kingslanding. If she'd ever see the ones she loves again, but none of that really seemed to matter anymore. Sansa's fears no longer controlled her and she couldn't wait to see what was going to get thrown her way next.