Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter
Author's note: The lyrics are from A Perfect Circle, the phrase is from Jean Paul Sartre's La nausée
Chapter One: The beginning, or the end?
"Muy pronto en mi vida fue demasiado tarde"- Marguerite Duras
"… Y Allí va, parte del aire, y allí va, en libertad…" Fito Páez
I would have hoped this enterprise would take a little less time; given that I've nothing left to loose.
I lay on my bed with a piece of parchment in front of me and my ball pen, which is perfect; I never was really comfortable with the ink and the quills…. I happen to think even now that I'm writing this letter , that what I'm doing is the best way out of this life…I know I'm being selfish, but really, there's nothing neither selfless nor poetic about death. Death… that really is the question, or the matter, in this case. I write a short note apologizing to all the wizarding world about my departure, and I really hope for their understanding…not that really I care, after all, the place where I'm going doesn't really matter, but I care in a death wish kind of way. I finish my not-so-well-written apology and I leave my common room to my final destination.
It's ideal for me, I think, to off myself these way. I happen to be in the astronomy tower, looking outside to the forbidden forest, admiring this full moon night. I have everything I need, my real plan and my contingency plan, just in case someone happens to be in the castle on these ungodly hours. A potion vial lies on my hand, holding the poison that will kill me, and it amazes me how calm I am about all of this. On the other hand, the sky awaits me and I'm really dying to do this thing right know…. But I'm taking it slow, I need a little bit of time for the draught that I've brewed to kick in, so there's no misunderstanding. I laugh a little thinking the reaction this may cause. After all, everyone really thought I was a terrible brewer, even Hermione, who never took notice of the Slytherin's sneaky hands, or my self induced failure at potions. Who would even dare to think that I was competent at something? No one, that's who. But I think I'm wasting my time… after tonight nothing will…
Well, no time like the present, so I think it's time. I grab the vial and as I'm thinking about good times to come, or well, no times at all, I down it. I know I have the great luxury of time, so I think I'll watch the night as it unfolds.
I think thirty minutes have passed at least, and I'm singing that muggle song that goes something like "…if you choose to pull the trigger, show your drama prove sincere… Do it somewhere far away from here!!"…
Well, this should please the writer's wishes….not that I have any drama ongoing, I only have a death wish…
I need to…escape…this…silence, this… ignorance….this… solitude…
This…everything….
Either way everyone think's I'm of no use. And it's my solution. Deal With IT
As I grab the final courage –not that I need much- I climb through the window and I repeat one final time the verse that helped me pull this through "…I live alone, completely alone. I never TALK to anyone; I never GIVE something, I NEVER get anything…"
And …I …just…jump…
"…" I don't scream. Screaming is for people who don't want to die…
…I'm free-falling… I'm free in an about-to-die kind of way.
I'm sorry I let you all down
I'm sorry mother, father, I'm too weak for this shit…
And then…. Nothing I think…
I'm dead
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"Too soon in my life, it was too late"- Marguerite Duras
"there he goes, part of the air, there he goes, free…" Fito Páez. Parte del Aire
Author's note: Well, this is the first piece of fanfiction I've ever written, so don't be too harsh on me. If you liked it, or even if you didn't please review. It's a story I think, If someone its there to read it. Also, this has not been beta'ed so if you are willing please let me know. I'm not a native English speaker, so I apologize for the grammar and spell mistakes