Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who.
Amy
The Silence. It's impossible to know, I mean really, truly know, whether or not they are real unless you are looking straight at them. At the time it didn't freak me out so much. But now? Now that the adrenaline's gone and all that's left are memories of being told of them but no memories of them? It scares me. I could have looked at one a second ago and I wouldn't know. I could see one, glance away and poof, the memory's gone. My mind has been wiped clean and there's no way to get my memory back. Just think about it… They could be behind you right now, watching you, just watching. You could have turned away (out of fear, to get help, for any reason) and you could have forgotten, just forgotten them. That doesn't get rid of them though. They would still be there, just behind you, out of mind but creating that prickling sensation on the back of your neck when you know something's watching you…
In some ways they remind me of the Weeping Angels. You can't hear them coming and you can't look away once you see them. Some of the other things I've faced have been scary, yes, but I can hear them coming and it's ok to glance away, to look around for help or an exit. Maybe it would be easier not to look away if I was allowed to but being forbidden to do something…well, it just makes me want to do it. The newest thing with the Silence is that not only can I not hear them coming but when they're gone I don't even realise and the scariest thought about the angels is that I can't even…blink.
I find myself always glancing behind me, always looking around. I can't turn my back on anything and I find myself feeling safest with my back pressed up against the wall. And even then I don't feel completely safe. Even then I still feel that something is going to come up behind me, straight through the wall, and catch me off guard.
Rory has two big misconceptions and I haven't managed to make him see clearly yet. One is that it takes a lot to scare me. It doesn't take much to scare me, it just takes a lot for me to admit to being scared and even more for me to act on it. Another is that if you are scared then you are not brave. That is not true in the slightest. Part of being brave is being scared but seeing past it and overcoming it. You need strength to battle with you fear and succeeding in that makes you brave for sure.
I don't blame the Doctor for anything. He helped me with the crack in my wall. And even if I didn't know about monsters and aliens then I'm sure that the feeling of something watching me would never leave. I've had it all my life. Anyway, the safest place in the world is with the Doctor and if I had never met him that would not eliminate the danger in this world, it would just make me ignorant of it. I prefer to be on guard, on the edge of paranoia, and with the Doctor than to be without him, ignorant of everything around and still unsafe.
One thing I've noticed from my time with the Doctor is that the scariest sound is not shouts of fear or screams of panic. No, the scariest sound is no sound at all. The scariest moment is when everything is silent. It's that split second before the terror hits and the adrenaline kicks in. It's that moment when the only thing you are sure of is your fear. Nothing is worse. Not the sounds of people crying, not even the sounds of people dying. No, it's the moment when you feel like your whole life is hanging by a thread which can be easily snipped any second. It's the moment before you can think clearly and the only thing that registers is complete panic. It's the moment before the silence is broken; it's the moment when you are sure you are going to die.
Another thing about silence is that it's mysterious. You can work things out from noises. You can distinguish different sounds from each other. You can work out how close a sound is to you. You can tell a lot of things from a sound. But silence tells you nothing. Silence keeps you unsure. When it's silent, that's when you've got to start running.
But I can't stop and think about any of this when I'm faced with danger. I can't afford to be afraid or to panic. Bravery and clear thoughts will get you through alive. Panic and fear could just kill you. So take this from me: no matter how tough things get or how sure you are of your death in that silence, don't give up and don't ever, ever give in to your fears. That could lead to the end of you.
And if you ever meet the Doctor, be sure to do exactly what he says. The Doctor knows best, no matter how crazy he may seem at the time. I suppose that's how you turn out when you have lived for so long: really, really clever and more than a bit insane…
Thanks for reading and please review. :)